AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 29 · 1 year ago

Russell S at Alive Again - "From Blind to Sight-John 3 Saving Faith and Gratitude"

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S at the Alive Again scripture friendly online meeting "From Blind to Sight-John 3 Saving Faith and Gratitude" recorded July 3, 2020

E everybody myey was Russell Spas andI'm an alcoholic. I love Jesus and I appreciate being here onigt witheverybody, and especially I accreciate getting to give a little testimonyelittle my personal testimony as if I chaine to John Chapter Three wh n, whenWooy told me today that he was going to sleep on John Chapter Three,as I told them, which I rich really is my usually I go Bot tens. I rarely I'm not saying this is good, O tat,it's just the way I am. I rarely prepare. I N. I rarely prepare for the thing I'mNTO talk about. Lest I put my too much of myself intoit, I get too too much into trying to impresssomebody. I've always felt. Like doctor Bob saidthe heavenly father, my heavenly father will never let me down. I really want the Holy Spirit to guideme and to be as sincere as I possibly can so. Usually, what I do is about five or ten minutes before the eatingI'll read the UH, verse and then I'll just think about it and prey on it andsee what the spirit tells me, and in this case after I read on D, Iprayed on it and quite often what I, what I, what I come upon when I thinkof my personal testimony is something really unusual in the sense that most peoplewouldn't think of the verse in that way, but I' Nou'r just to shear my story. You know they say that we have alot of heopen recovery, a lot of people when theyhere they say, and the people in N A and differentcover groups. They say you know ag you know W wh when you'RListeng to a speaker. You know they say different speakersare, like you know, they're, like tool boxes, there's a register for every nutthat walks toh the door, and I don't know what I have to say- will help youout or be arenchd. But I knowi Gointo be honest and itscin be from a art. What I did was after I started thinking about this verse andmy friend Nicodemus. I see myself a lot in inegdenus. I I I put in three m three or fourverses. If you don't Wan, I like to reach you they they may not seem to have a lot todo with this particular verse or chapter, but Ican assure you within my test. They have a lot to do with it, and so I'mgoing to read 'em to Yo the first one comes from a Genana, DN NGE and says:True Fate is caught rather than hotsome. You know that or me you maynot know that nicademis was a Pharisee. He was glaying, he was highly regarded.He was one of the most regarded people in in the San Hidran at that time, andapparently he also represent a lot of other people, have swayed ver a lot ofother people in e Sand Edran and he went to see Jesus at night because Iguess Hedidn't want anybody to see him going in the day to try to see whether juice couldexplain to him or teach him or somehow. Let him understand exactly what was going onhere and if you read what would he just read, you can't help ut come away withthe conclusion that Nicotimis may not have actually fullycopien what jhe was talking about. Yo K W, I don't know bout you, but I'm oneof these believers. I hope I pray to God that Nicotimas made it and that hebelieved in that he's down salvation and that I'll I'll seehem in heaven when I with Jesus cries,...

...but I really hope so, okay, because he was a man who was searching and hadthe curiosity andcourage an desire to go straight to Jesus, to try to get Jesus, to explain thingsto Hem. So to me that says something the next clog is this, and this is fromwhen the eight points of the Oster Gruw Aqot from that wod, and this has a lot to do with my life-quit Franklik. It says truly a man. They look at athing: Nine hundred and ninety nine times and Noxiin ose and then lookat. IT Fir t e thousandtime and see it for the first time from thet points of the ostard group,which of course was the group that started out where a came from KS Elliott in the poor patrans has apotas. We will not ceize our exploration and,in the end, we wil when we're dumb with all our exploring. We will come to theplace where we began, having known the place for the first time and then the last. I think the last onethat I put in there is from my first Jawn, and it says thisit says: Do not love the world or anything in the world or if anyone loves the world telong the fathers not ine for all that is in the world. Thedesires of the flesh, the desires of the eye and the pride of life is not from the father left from Te Ol. The world is passing away along with his desires, but whoeverdoes the will of God remains forever. So what ore? Those three merces have todo with what I'm Goin to talk about. As far as as far as John Three before I go intothat I do want to mention 'cause I I want to mention you know I come fromthe school ut. You know how Christians is suppose to mony, see somebody toShae astray you're supposed toel gently. You Eve, knowwhat they'resupposed to ber supposed to gently rebuke them gentlly rebe Um. I was UNQITON E grought up my mantersthat never really nough yey. They stretch the meaning of theword gently and they weren't very gentle with me and H- and I don't know, I guess gentleis a word of art and I would never be allowed to teach in any seminary, that's actually in the in this world.But if I was going to teach, I think I would teach. I think I would start, ofcourse saying the sarcasm of Jesus Christ. You know we like to think that h. Youknow one of the things I've noticed about Christians is they're easy. YouKnow Er, easy, they're, easy and sometimes alcohois need somebody t tobe a little bit sarcastic and a little bit tough and there are various placesin scripture and I coald go through Hem with you, but this is one of thoseplaces where one of the top guys in Israel, the biggest brain they had. You knowthe heag of Sanddrhedron, goes to Jesus Christ sincerely to try to figure out. What'sgoing on and Jesus jus talking to 'em and of course we can't hear thewaresinflehion, we only get the words for the words come through an Jesussays you, you call yourself a teacher andyou don't understand this stuff. This is like batting this guy he's likewlacking em in. I can't imagine that...

...anybody in Israel has ever talked downto Nicademus like a child like Jesus talked down to Nicodenas, but appaentlyJesus felt that it was necessary and she's a little smarter than I am so I I guess that's the case, so I'm seventyone years old it's over. For me. You know it's over I'm in the last part of myide. You know I know, there's probably people bet he's a little bit older thanme and I go to groups now where the guys Hav forty and fifty years soberand they're in their eighties, and you know that kind of thing and I'vebeen sober ever since I was tred, I've been solber. This is my fortieth yearin sobriety, and I I accept Ed Lord Jesus Christ, on December twenty, mylife on December, twenty Nth nineteen eighty, so I've been sort of like grobgling around andsearching for Hem and try and get closer to hem for almost forty years.Now H, you know- and you know it's it's a timein my life and I don't know how many people, probably most people, won'teven understand this. Maybe Eve will we have the same amount of sobriety justabout in same age, where, when I hear somebodydying ninety five percent of time, they'reyounger than me, ninety five percent of the time when Ihear people dying of cancer of a heart attack or whatever they're younger thante? And so and I don't WANC N- I'm nottrying to be morbid here. I'm really not because you know the truth is h,weirdly enough, I'm not scared of death. Now I look onthe run in front of the car, but it doesn't reoccupy me. I don't Reoccupi me really. Doesn't I'MNOT SCARED OF IT? It doesn't I you know, I mean I'm like everybody else. Iprefer not to suffer, but I now I'm not worried about it. But what happens is when you get olderand you get closer to a point in your life, where you really don't care. Whatcar you're driving you're not trying to impress some woman- and you know a lot of things you know slipout of the way and not necessarily because you'reolder thay have, I believe it has lot do with Jesus but in the Holy Spiritworking on Yo. You know when you get to that point inyour life you become really focused on. You become really focussed on things.That are that you don't focus on when you're,when you're out there run in the streets. I can assure you that when I was Um out there up until the age of thirty one and eveninto my first fifteen or twenty years in a, I can assure you that this line yo the line in FirstJonweit, says for all that is in the world the desires of the flesh, thedesires of the eyes the pride of Liht is not. I can assure you that Iworshipped those things up until the age of thirty one andprobably ite was a battle between Jesus Christ, the World God and Mannin.Regarding those things for a good fifteenth to twenty yearsinto Mysabrie, I know there was a battle, because whywould I be so anxious and scared and worried indepressed in mostly ill, because F ofthe possibility of not having those things or wanting those things orlosing those things? So I know for a good twenty years of mycoriety that I was still focused on the thingsof this world. Andi think what I see happening. What Isee happening with alcoholics is not so...

...much the alcohol. I see the struggle between the the the sins of a diction to theworldly clamors and the things this werll versus becoming focused and addicted onthe Lord Jesus Christ. You know, that's that's Hi say I know I know that'swhere the battle is. I know it has nothing to do with alcohol. I know it has nothing to do with thatpe.I I know when People Start Drinking Getis, because they've lost the battlebetween focusing on Jesus and fovseen on the things of this world and they condemnd them so Ang O.because that's my battle and I used to think nobody would understand me andthen I found out I joined Aa and that everybody understood me because theyall suffered from the same darn thing and you mon, no something. I don't eventhink it's different with regular people. I think O cals SD, just Lo. Ithink auools are just luckier thanw last more the regular people, becausewe have to do these things that we die Regularpeo to just litte lives of quiet.You know a quiet sort of desperation withoutdrinking, but I know that's where my battlegroundis between the thing, the desires of the flesh. I know that's when that'sthe apostle balls not of gock ground when he talks about in the book ofRomans. He talks about how he wants to love the Lord. He wants to be close tothe Lord, but he notices something in his flesh, a desire to Sind we, theworseless man, am I who's saveme from this body of that WHO's. Going to saveme from these worldly desires, I don't ask wher EPOSSI PALL's battle was so I was thinking of myself in terms of u what we read John Tra, I was thinking what is it in the lastthirty one years as I'v worked this program of recovering, as I studied theBible as I've hung out with mentors and try to get closer and closer to JesusChrist? What is it that what has happened to me?If there's, if there was one thing I can talk about? That's happened to me that I can really put my finger on that has changed has changed and what I would say wouldbe without question. Is this immense immense gratitude, the Jesus Christ BIMO and an alcohol SAAMAS number threeand the n Billdochon's testimony after he got sober? He talks about how,even though he was not drinking, he knew there was something moresomething you hadn't got something a person wought to have some sort offreedom, some sort of happiness, and he couldn't quite grasp it and if you'reanything like me, maybe Youl have three years coriety, maybe up five yearssoprite, maybe up ten or fifteen years Sowriti you may have. You may findyourself with a sense that you're grateful for being sober, but you feel like you're missing Somigyou may was tholt. I was like missing something I would see mhen older thanme Wen thirty. Forty years they seemed to have a sort of release. You know just A. I always had the sense of a Iwithat anxiety t for my first ten years in a I'll.Tell you what it was. I would call that my my desert time, my anxiety time Iwas Soertell. I was teaching the steps I was motching peol. I was doingeverything and I would say that, although I I love being sober, I alsohad anxiety, n visit upon me all the...

...time I was affected B and that went oneven into fifteen years. Wonger Anxi that kind of thing, and he wastrying to find the answer, how egain Selit city- and he was listening toJill Wilson. That was at his house in bilwolls and said this. He sait hislife was one line which e an his N Amwa called O Golden Tat, and this is whatTheolson said he said the Lord. We all know that bill wastalking at that. Rang e saw that Jen Billwas, a Christian hesays. The Lordhas been so wonderful to me, Suringa of his terrible disease,thediease of Alpoholism isease of Happin to drink and not beable to jme of this terribl dsease that I got to keep talking about hem andtelling other people. What Bldoton said is the one thing hesaw bill wolsa his bill. Wilson was incredibly grateful, everything that happened to him aegame, he all CIMIS A got. So what does that have to do with Jotre, a Joisho from Gretnalong island andmost of my life? I worshippe my feelings, my emotion, everything if theworld women money car no particular reason why Neer, I I havedone nothing in my life, absolutely nothing in my life owas. Anyone ever I did well in school.I wantted become a lawyer because I wanted to get some yallows pants. Ithink I know He. I wanted to marry some person or I wanted to Doi. I wanted money. An Wen people. Look upto me here was nothing in my life. Absolutely nothing in my life. I would deserve to have the life I havenow ebeprepared to have alife. I had nowone nobody would even ever predect or promesize, I would have the life. Ihave now yeah the seven twenty fifth in December,Twenty Seth Nineteen. Eighty I got down to my nems after losingeverything and heard a preachure talk about Jesus nd talk about theGospel and I got down on my knees at three o'clock in the morning and saidthe senders, prayer and asked Jesus to come into my life and after thathappened after that happened. I have won out of the quotin here and it's from second corenthias afterthat happened. I I continued to drink and about three weeks later I got intoa bad carcand, almost killd myself and somebody else, and while I was lying in a hospitaljourney, I looked up at the sky or the ceiling,and I said God help me and something happens, andI can tell you I rarely if ever I can count on my fingers the Times I I wouldshare this experience the experience I have a spiritualexperience with Jesus Cris. I would share this experience. I could count of my fingers number oftimes. I would share this with other people and the reason I've been shared withother people, and I don't share it at any meanings. Ir's, not one, although Iam absolutely sure- and I know 'cause I'e met the people. I know Johnny Harris had thisexperience. I know allf the people that have experiences like this. I know tbeampossible Adin experience the reason I...

...don't share. It is too full because Idon't actually need to share it to talk about my faith in Jesus Christ. I can't explain it and I also know that many people don'tnecessarily have spiritual experiences. I understand at Andi'm, looking at the statement of theApostle Paul Second Corinthians and I haven't posted,I'm just o read a part of it, and this is what he says. It's an interesting Tang. It says it isdoubtless not probable for me to boast. I will come to visions and revelationsof the Lor. I know a man in Christ who, fourteen years ago, whether in the body,I do not know olwhether out of the body. I do not know. God knows such a one wascaught up to the third Havit and I know such a man, whether in the body or outof the body I do not know. God knows how he was caught up into paradise andUHEARD inexpressible words, which is not lawful for a man to utter of such aone. I will boast, and the impossible, of course, istalking about. I believe, he's talke bout, his own personal experience withJesus- and I understand I anciously enough- II sort of understand what he's talking about, because that pretty muchdescribes what happened to me on a hospital gir he thirty one years ago, and I think one of the reasons why Idon't share it that much as I'm not sure it's bet to be shared, but I'm notsure it's Bettto be shared with anybody else else. The Lord would have given mewords Er, given an impossible call all words that would make sense think that what epospole es sane isexactly the way I feel I cannot. I cannot explain it any better than theAposse Paul says right here. The only thing that this tells me, I dn't eventhink the a possible pall can explain it any better than this. It only tellstmee that I'm not the only one that had this experience. So I look at Nicotdenus who was anessential lawyer. That was the theocrisin. He was a. He was a man of the law. He was a believer. He he goes to see Jesus to get Jesus toasplay and he goes sincerely in aneffort to try to find out WHO Jesusism Wat. Is this all about and he's Aknowledgable man he's a man.WHO's beent through school has got hi, CGH D and Jesus is explaining to him and atleast in what we just read he's not getting he's just not getting, and this is what I say to myself. I sayyou know Russl. If you were back there and you would have been one of thelawyers and you went to see Jesus, you would be in the same position. JewishCA, trying to get Jesus to explain to on what's going on here. Jesus is talking about being born againof the spirit you know, and all this sort of stufk I says Russell, would youdot? Would you ev we we would you have got in it? Would you evr figured it outo when you have walked away like Nicotima scratch in your head, and the truth of the matter is, I thinkI probably would have walked away like nicademas scratch in my air, and so I go back to the two verses I spoke of Efor...

Fain, his cau, rather than taught and truly a man, may look at a thing:Nine hundred and nine nine times, avanex habit explained to him. Ninehundred and ninety nine times see the miracles, nine hundred andninety nine tops c Jesus with the march in his hands nine of the nine ninetimes and not seeat once and then look for the sout thousandtime and see it for the first time you see here's the rob out of mine. There is no way. I can explain to you why I was born again. I could not explain to you, I didn'tdeserve it, there's nothing. I ever did that would qualify me for this to BEAablaver the way I am right now. I cannot explain to you why I clearlycan see and love the Lord and I'm drateful like Jesus from war and howgrateful I am from my life, because I'm a believer and not explain and at thesame time not understand why something just as smart as me, you know maybe lotmarter than me. H, just can just cannot get it. We all know people in our lives,they just don't get it and the reason is is because apparently-and I believe this its a God- it's not a rain thing, it's not anintellectual thing, it's it not! You figure it out on your own Ting in Soso.No Man comes to them to to the father, you know, and no man comes ge unless hefather call and that's why I am so grateful when Isee this thing, I hope Y God. I hope that Nicobie wasmadit. I pray Tha tiniabeas made. I you wanted to find out, but I know onething. I know that I elieve in Jesus I've gone closer and close to Jesus. My life is focused on Jesus. More nowthan it Av ben focused on a something you want Ta hand. Well, you want tohand. Well, you know what I mean you want to end. Well, I want to hand.Well I I am foncused. I don't walk around holding my head saying. Oh, myGod, this Gron a virus thing, and you know I I don't get all bent out ofshape over things that are happening in this world. I mean it's not that Idon't care it's just that I lookin a lot. I justsort of see Jesus. You know I look at this Thi Zoo thing where I can travelall over the world all over the world and go to anings and talk about Jesusand talk about my fate and see people get interested in I same Anne. Nobodycould have orcestrated this, except for Jesus Christ, an Sept for God. This islike amazing, I'm een train for a revival. For Twenty years you Noyou Owlass the problem with Christians. They want everything to go their way an theydon't want to Ho money suffering. You know everybody wants to be likeJesus, but nobody wants to go to the cross. Everybody wants a revival, but nobodywants a Pangon. You know and and sometimes that's the way, thesethings work. Sometimes horrible things happen inthis world and es al the horrible things. Incredibly, great things happen, the Lord. What does what he does so so,when I read this crazy this this John threething, I don't know what it is.All I coal think about is like. Thank God. You know that somehow I looked ata'd somehow somewhere along the way, Ondecember twenty fifth nineteen. Eighty at three o'clock inthe morning. I looked at the thing for the thousand time and I saw it and I'm gong to tell you something. If you feel that you tell o you thatyou've Goten a glimpse of salvation a...

Glinpse of Jesus Christ, even if it'sjust a slight glimpse where you're styring to Leav, you got to be great,you have no idea how granful you got to be now when I first started believing toJesus- and I first you know came and I didn't feel I could tell you. I didn'tfeel the way I wasn't convinced itwas, like the luster seat. It grows.I was not conmissed, but he will finish his good working.Okay, it will happen and you've got and you need to understand somethingbelieve I don't like talk. I don't mean to talk to. Like you, don't know this,I'm sure you all know this, that you are one and a million y. now, don't evenyou know if you've been to meetings to the medians where people are puttingdown the Lord, putting down God anone, say God forgive out y, the only onewhose hire power good oidling direction, the lad you are in man or call, but few are chosen. It's a narrow road. If you find it ifyou're in this meeting, let me tell you something you Mak, you may feel thatthere's a lot of believers in the world and there are Oky, but you are, you arethe remnant you ane to chose you as you are. You are the fortunae one you areblessed, you know to be in meetings like this, and so what I see in this is theblessings of Jesus. The gratitude for being able to sit here and read theBible and feel like he's talked aout. My Life Wand he's talk about me and andhe's here with me, and he is here with me cause whenever we gather he's in ourmits sa I'm just gratefully here when guys grapewil beon Te Shar, my destponeunjust, like bill wallsaid, it's terrible! It's a terrible addiction.I'm addicted to telling this story as my favorite O Ham. Is I love to tellthe story of Jesusjesus and his love, so God lessyou all and that's all. I have to say and hope I see somethine tomorrow atthe work shop tomorrow morning and I'm going to turn it back over to Witty.

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