AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 8 · 1 year ago

Paul E - God Shots @ South Dixie Group Jan 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

O Remember this group, I'm also programchairman for this year, so I chose the first speaker Jim came up to. I wantyou to know this, isn't the usual format he said from now on, where Ou'dlike to maybe change the format o you introduce the speaker, so don't attackme at the business meeting afterwards, it's was in my call I'll throw Jimunder the bus. It's his fault. I know one of the Carne rules I wastold many years ago and Alcoholsanamhas is never say anything bad about a an aspeaker. If he's going to speak after you, which obviously finds mespeechless at this point, and but luckily the speaker who I'veknown for many many years, I've done many meetings with them joined meetingssent me a script as to what to say about him and I'll just sort of followthat script. Let me explain somebody. There are some alcohol sanomas speakersthat are so highly spiritually developed. So incredibly spariuslydeveloped that, no matter how much you deprecate them, no matter how much youmake fun of them, no matter what what you say about them. That may hurt theirfeelings. There had such a spiritual level that they would never reciprocateor retaliate in any way whatsoever because they never take anythingpersonally and theyre. Just and all they do is exud love. Unfortunately,our speakers, not one of those people, so I'm going to He'd be disappointed. If I didn't dothat, he's going to tell you that he has more time than me because he callsme we happen to be we at the place now where we have the same amount of timeanother week every year. He calls me up to say I just want you t congratulateyou, because for a Brie period of time you have this amount of time as me, buthe reminds me that he has like nine months or eleven months more than me,and and but of course I don't know what he'll share this, but he initially cameto Na. So you got to do the conversion, so he really has maybe five years, but in any event I want to welcome he's awonderful, wonderful, I'll. Tell you one thing: he'll help it drunk whateverhe has to do to go. Where we have to go to helping alcohol, so I don't want totake up any more of his time. Help me welcome Paul E, a little cold we're going to get waihtpass. Then I'm a greatfol recovering alcoholic, my name is pauly. GRUS levs aren't Oll notes about you.These are just little things that I happen to copy out today, because I wasthinking about as I was leading the house and we say away from politics anhis proke, but I got sober and is what what's going onnow made me think of this during the Iranian hostage Chresh and my sobrietyday, I would chronicle by if you remember they used to ne and the newsevery night day, seventy six of the Iranian hostage Chrisis. Well, I gotsober somewhere right in that time frame and, quite frankly, Adam howselfish I am. I was a little pissed when they were released, because Ididn't get anyone counting my sobriety anyway, if you have a Heri problem, I'mfrom New York City and my life's been blessed and all of ourlives have been blessed just that we don't always feel that. I happen to befeeling it today in tell you a little bit about my experience, my streigthand my enormous amount of hope as a real good feeling in this room, forwhatever reason, just probablyly a lot of sobriety of people that really giveaway stuff. So the one thing you know we I've neverbeen to this place e, and I was telling Michael One of my one of the new peoplein our lives. ATD that's coming around and getting the deal. The way I got it,and this Guy Kenny can was one of my mentors an for Lauderdi, never mysponsor, but one of my mentoors and he died within the last year and we spenta lot of time together going to meetings. He worked for me for a whileand, and he used to say Paul if you...

...want to get to some place on time, youget up early and you leave early and you get thet early, which is why I veryrarely have been late for a commitment in alcoholis anonymous. Today we had atime that Michael was going to meet me at the Onde I wanted. I was going toleave my car. I was ten minutes late. Then we came down here and we got alittle lost and we were ten minutes furtherly, but obviously we left inoughbuff time that we wuld soinly have ten minutes early. So it's a little segret.That's worked for me and is Takeng a lot of the stress out of my life as faras when you come up, ageins it into coastal bridge or a railroad trade, andyou see people looking. Oh, my God, you don't e Ol Hat, you don't have to bethere. You don't have to let that happen. I'm a product of the SIIES tune in turnon and drop out and man. I played the hand out it's amazing to me. I got totell it and it's only that I'm so belong enough to realize the power ofthe power and that by the grace of this unconditionally, loving God, he chosenot to let me Ti, even when I tried to kill myself. So I don't know wherethose cards or hands are stacked up. I Gan, I probably never will but peoplethat were much nicer than me. That did a lot less than me and Iden, whichsimply tells me that my mission on Earth Isn'nfinished- you know it wasthis all book. I read bige author of Jonathan Libyso, Seagel name Richard Boch, and it's called theillusions: It's just a bunch of little snippetsand little quotes and one of the snippets it says how do you know ifyour mission on Earth is finished and the answer is if you're alive, it isn't,and I never forgot that probably read that thirty five years ago anyway, Igot in a lot of trouble in New York doesn't matter, I did a lot of alcoholat a lot of drugs and that doesn't matter. What really does matter is. Iwas blessed and graced to be delivered. However, I got here to the doors ofAlcoholic anonymer and to find the group of Loving People Ewe're going togo so far above and beyond, and out of their way to rescue me from the dumbheap of wife and to give me a life like I have today and by the way I hadcoming out of a semimeajor depression in the wast year or two just like ourcofounds er head. Okay, I still did what I did. I had to go to men. I stilldid have smart feet. I know what works you know. If you don't go to meetings,you got to have a tough time being loved back to life, and so I keep goingto meetings, but it was tough at it. Ju passed within the last month, butwhat's happened is I'm more on fired today because of it having Beas and my blessings are returne and I'mrealizing it. You know if you knew whar you're coming back, welcome home you'reoff the hook and that's what was told to me a long long time ago in the S and S, I'm just going to givea bullet point in capsulation, and I love people o say: I'm not Goingno getinto a drunkalog and forty five minutes later is still in high school. That'snot that'sn, not gonna, be what's going to happen. EA. I Promise Im, but I'mgonto share in a general way what used to be like at what happened and whatit's like today. So I'm from Queens in New York City and Iwas born in one thousand nine hundred and forty eight, which means like thesong by Jackson. Brown goes in sixty...

...five. I was seventeen and at sixty nineI was twenty one. It's always running on empty and that's just by age. Byseventeen I was already a major set up for this disease. I was at some pointin the beginning of middle of be Etti of it, and my boundaries were non. I'ma very smart guy member. I saw something online today, as I wasleaving the house about our presidents. I kill or something I didn't read thereally it's a leade story and I had a very high Iq and somehow it carried methrough to keep me in school a little longer than I probably should have, butthen my actions went way over any amount of IQO o protection level and back in in New York. I don't know ifthey had it down here. They had this thing when I went to school called theSPS, and I think that was a word just a personal opinion, the worst thing thatthey ever did for the smart people- You skippe from seventh to ninth grade now.That's it a very, very emotionally sensitive event and- and I believetoday that was a big contributory factor to my progression of nyhtdisease. All I had to do was look at the pictures. In my yearbook. I wasalready a year because of my birthday in April a year behind that old,younger than most of the people. Now I skip from seven to ninth grade sawbasically two years behond. Now let me tell you something: You can look at thepictures in my embook, I'm still this short fat kid, but I'm now wearingweather gloves at a Musshal shirt, because I'm scared, I petrifiedeverybody's towering over me. I have going to school, I'm petrified, but Igot to let you know that I'm not on make believe to let you on the. So I think that was, I don't know ifthey still do it. But if I thought of it I would probably have them. Stop it or TRIEDTO. So after five wos six Arrus, if the fiveor six mental hospitals for which my friend gas, Ro God love used to like tosay, houses for the very, very nervous and really today, they're calledtreaping centers, but back in the SIES. They were mental hospitals and the onlydifferenge, Os thirty or forty osand dolars a month so and it's a progressive disease. So Iprogressed from the high end, one hillside general hospital, where theyused to say the advertisers advatising the Neyork Times magazine section andJus say let your parents and your families stroll our luscious groundsand watch you make your leather belts. I it was jus real, enormous acrage. Imean helside general. You know it. Okif You'e, been there wer you my roommate, let on now I and then due to the progressive natureof the disease. Just as my felony arrests came after my misdemeanorarrest, the state met the hospital came after Hillside General Hospital. With afew in between my last residence in New York in nineteen. Seventy seven wascreed, more State Hospital, NATF, you've never been to New York. Let mejust share with you. This is a place when you're a kid and you're on the wayto the beach. Your parents point I's his real imposing structure off thegrand central Parklif and they say you don't straigh now you're going to endup hit, I'm the only one that did and I in there I had my own rockingchair and I was drooling because that's...

...what you did there and I was watching a television thatdidn't work, and I had this glassy eyed, what we call forgin stale, I'm right there right now. Okay,doesn't take that long for me to go back into Costul, onethousandnine hundred and seventy sixfro in the IYS. I was a functional and yer only sat his functional alcoholicaddict. I was a national sales manager of a home improvming company. I wasmaking a lot of money and somewhere in the mid ses, I began having a littlebit of a detachment from reality. A little bit was. I got married in seventy two forthe first time not to be confused with the second time, certainly not to missthe third time, but that's a whole other. So we only have an hour. So wedon't Maneadt get to those stories, but I feel sorry for everyone. On mywife, so I get married in seventy two and I'mworking smak you a lot of money and somewhere in around seventy four orseventy five. I took another step away from reality. I don't know how I'm justlooking back on it and I began to go to a psychiatrist or therapist, and I kept progressing even further, andthen I ended up on February, first nineeen seny to certain dates that willnever leave my mind. Okay, this is one of them February. First Ne Thosand,nine hndred and seventy six anybody ever been to a Broadway show onBroadway, okay. Well, this is my Broadway experience. You may have notham goten Ya start on Broadway. I did here we go February, first N, tod, Ninethueren andseventy six I had decided. I was my life was getting in order. I was makingmoney. I was married. My I had a two year old daughter and everything. WHASgot s really at a beautiful place of dayside Queens driving a luxury lookingcontinental, so my whole family, most of them had moved to PikesvilleMaryland and I didn't have a big family, but I was certainly the black sheep ofit and when I decided that I wanted to doat this moment to show the family how well I was doing as I called my firstcousin mark who lived in Pikesville two hundred and ten miles from New YorkCity, and I said you know what we want toinvite you up for the weekend. You'll come youll, say at our house. Well, Igot tickets to what at that time was the number one show on Broadway and itwas called equis. I don't know if anyone's ever seen it. If you havedon't tell me the ending, because I haven't seen it yet, but it was a very deep show and that'sall I know about it a and I'm in the I got the best seats inthe House e Second Rowl Center, the Helen Hays Theater on Saturday nightFebruary, first Ne Thousand Nine hundred and seventy six. So they comeup, they come to our apartment and Queens, see the baby and we get in mylink, Ang continental and we drive to Rosof Stak coush in Metamanha rightaround the corner from the theater I parked the car they told meretrospectively. I wasn't acting quite right that night. Well, let me show youwhat quite night, not white crat right quite right looks like so we go there. We parked the car andwe wa. We have a beautiful sumtoas didit and we walk around the corner to the Allanastude. Second ROA senten. Please try to...

...with vision this. If you can, I wouldtell you to close your eyes, but with me in the front, I wouldn't do iteither. It'seighteen hundred people inte itoweve. Many people are in a Broadway show and we're right here in the front.From what I remember and from what I read. Equiz is a very solemn show andit's about a it's. A one. Man Show a psychiatrist who was Anthony, ParkinsGod rest his soul, and I never got a chance to make a mense. Why would I ownAmens ill shar that with the othe minute so and he's the psychiatrist and you had theaudience and there's a horse on the stage? And that's really all I remember,I don't remember anything else except what the end of the show- and this iswhat happened somewhere in the middle of the First Act at a very quiet pointof this very depressing most of the people, not knowing what was happening.Show Anthony Perkins asked a question of the audience. It was long timethereafter. I found out it's what was known as a rhetorical question. The problem was, I hadn't gotten thatmemor I come from a good family. They tell mesomeone ask you a question. You answerit, so at this very quiet, solemn sombre,point of this very quiet, solemn somber show everybody in the ordence is quiet. Istood up second ROAs center Saturday night Helenis ne. Now my boys projects and I went that's because my name is Paul Afron.Well his what happened, sort of insequential order, Anthony Parkhas, dropped his pipe. That was number one number two. They told me thirsafterwards. My wife sitting here and my cousin mark on the other side of melooked behind me what just happened. They knew I wasn't an untherstudy inthis show so theyare by very confuse, and so theydrag me down and I'm also convinced honestly got. Nobody will ever tell medifferently that fifty percent of that theater thought I was in the show, because it would have made as muchsense some more on jumps up fom the second rope screaming, because the showmade no sense to begin with so, but I wasn't so they grabb me backdown x amount of time later, but still in the first act. I did it again, so we were asked to leave the theater.That's why I never saw the show anytime to this day that it's showing on TV.Somehow I miss it. I don't think God's ready for me to see it. They opend this development and Bolkacalled equis. People keep me away from it because I m o n o have like some sortof a psychic break. It we get home, so e drive, itg hom andthey told me happowards, just imagineos the ride home thet. Wouldn't let me drive which Ifinally let them take the keys. It's obviously a very scary ride for theother three people. What's going to happen now, we're in TA call with thisguy. You Know Bybem, so we get back to my beautiful apartment, Bas, side, thebabysittof leaves Babies Asleep and I go intho bedroom and mark and Arleenwas sleeping on this big sectional couch that I had in my living room andat some point two three four in the morning I was sitting up in my bed thatSharon told me afterwards, my wife, I was reading Exedus, the big book,exoters biblically oriented and I...

...jumped out of bed and I went into the Livirg room and Iturned on the lights and I said, get out your spies. I threw my cousins thathad driven two hundred ten miles to see a show that they got thrown out of, andI threw them out of my house in the middle of the night in New York Citythat I care where they were going. No did I get a chance to make the amensageow the family, how good I was doing no and what happened as they left and wentto one of our relatives in Brooklyn because anyway, so what happened? WELFE MU, hot,a rough time? No, I'M SUR! Sometimes people walk outwhich what was it you had me Ad Winecoos the next morning they callt my parents.They called her parents. You know obviously they're very concerned whatthe hell just happened. They take me or send me to this placecalled elmhurst General Hospital which was in Queens, and I was for the nexttwelve months of my life from February, first thousand nine hundren and seventysix not getting through all of them to February n thousand nine hundred andseventy seven. I spent going from Mental Hospital to Mental Hospald, thegreated metropolitan area, Almhurst, hillside creed, more state, long, island, Jewish.I mean top bottom in between didn't matter by the time I was in Kreedmor,which was the last mental hospital to this Dat. Thank you, God. I had alreadygotten shock treatments. I was didn't look like I was coming back anytimesoon and but they kept visiting me and two years pride O that and I sort ofbreazhed over. I didn't get to it in seventy six down at yeah somewhere inseventy sixty in the middle of the Yep I couldn't handle living anymore, I'm ahappy guy. I was always a happy guy. I became dramatically suicidal, notsocially suicidal but dramatically suicidal and I went to a doctor and Igot a mass of. I got a prescription for back in the S or s. It was this drugcalled tuinols and it was a heavy sleep medication and I got a prescription forthirty of them. I didn't want to live. I couldn't handle another day of life, stop the merry go round. Let me get offto sea and one time ine thand, nine hundred and seventy six in the middleof all these mental hospitals. I came home for an outpatient thing orwhatever, and I took twenty six of the thirty turnals now twenty six toals-and this is not talking about because I had tha big tolerance. Twenty six ofthese pills would kill any table here. It's not humanly possible that I'm evenstanding here and that's true. My wife came in and saw me. It didn't, have thenumber of the pills written on the prescription and then I passed out- andshe told me after the fact she called the parmacy how many pills were in theprescription. He told at thirty she called the ambulance. The ambuans came.They tried to pump my stomach. They took me Tho Long Island, GowishHospital. I was in a coma of a six and a half day coma on the third day of thecoma they took my parents and my wife into the consultation room and theysaid. Look I get to is Wen. I think of this. Don't waste your time. The ten minutes.Every two hours that you're allowed to visit because it be happens to live,he's going to be a vegetable, so just except right now that he's gone it'llmake it easier for you, three days after they made that rocket scientistannouncement or decision. I came out of...

...the comb. Thank you, God and I was said to another mentalhospital, and this was a even more exclusive than any of the others. Itwas called a long island, Jewish sixt south. Somehow my dad throm someconnections or whatever got me, and it was a celebrity place, but veryintimate in Long Island and God stepped in back then, but I certainly didn'tacknowledge it because by the way growing up I didn't know if I was inatheist or nagnostic and I found out. I was an ignoramus because I didn't accept any powergreater than me at any point in my upbradig, and so I come out of this colmum. Oh I'm,prior to that, I had been diagnosed as a paranoid Skitzoprenni, which I'm sureI am on some level I'm this doctor when I come out of the comers than withSammy an Egyptian guy s a Mi, and he said, as he looks at me, and he says:You're, not a Paranoi Kitza Frenni, your amatic depressor and I don't knowhow he came up with this as I'm lying down with no clothes on, but this washis determination from all his degrees and he changed my medication from forseand elabill and that stuff to live them and that new crew and somehow I cameout of it. I wanted to live again. You know like that, Burt reds movie, I wantto live, I want to you know I metal, I done bout mette last for Mor and six days later I was the presidentof the war I mean I was like doing. Te Deal had a girlfriend, you know and wegot busted but SHEAS cude. So that should have been the end of myprogression. I mean I'm almost dead. I'm declared tead. I've been arrested abunch of times. I was at wood stock, I mean I didn't, go itto all of that, andhere it is non on Housand, nine hundred and seventy seven. I get out of thisone year in mental hospitals and one month later in June, one thousand ninehundred and seventy seven I'm on the low reage side of Manhattan, doing thenasty whatever you're not supposed to be doing. So he can't scare somebodyAnto, stop it and I've tried it over the years. So if you have somebody afamily member or someone coming into the rooms and they're going down thetubes- and you tell them not- you know, what's going to happen- doesn't matterthat they know it don't know. What's going to happen, you either have hitthat point of desperation. Ol You haven't and if you haven't I'm sorry tohear it and if you have, I hope you keep. It was my sponsor God. Rest isSol used to always speak of and tell me be grateful. You had the gift ofdesperation and it was many years after he was gone that I realized the gift ofdesperation was gold. I don't even know if he knows that or knew that when hewas telimen to me, but I will tell you I know I've had four sponsors since I'msober Russell's right, my first meaning ever was norconics anonymous. I believeI was directed there because the way I got to you, people AFETO, my wife,threw me out of New York and I came down in with my parents. Had A condo,an sunrise leges, and I read an article in the Miami Herald. I don't know why Ibought the Miami herold, but I know that in Retrospectir was God I wasliving in Forwood that wasn't like. I was check you on my investments inHarold. My investors were like. I was on social security disability. By thistime the government had declared me an official mental patient. You will neverwork again: Tis INE thousand nine hundred and seventy nine, I'm thirtyyears old. Thirty one years old, I thumming through the sections of thisof the Miami Herald, I'm out at the pool and the headline of one of thesections says Norcottich here I am I'm a long way from home, but I'm going toread about our cottage and what it was.

It was a story. It was an interviewwith two sober members of alcoholics anonimous and it was anonymously theirstories and the reason they were being interviewned. There was a brand newprogram that was just coming to south Florida. Called narcotics anonymouswere barred from alcohols anonymous. It started in California in fifty three,but it wasn't on the east coast of the country. Yet so I read this article, ithad a phone number, I call the pone number. Some guide comes and picks meup at takes it to the first beating, which was in downtown forlor, the firstMehe ever and Browad County, and there was one indate called the bridge group. I mean no,that was it. Miami the New Freedom Group was in Fort Wauterdel. I cut outthe article couple days later I made the call I had been to some very low places inNew York, the desperadoes that were in thismeeting made the places I came from. Look like Mary Poppinsville sitting here. It's a dark, freakingroom, they gat the steps on the wall and I look around and I didn't belongthat KEP in mind. I was not at a bottom. I was at a top I'm now on disabilityinsurance in one thoand, nine hundred and seventy nine I'm getting fourteenhundred and seven dollars a month tax free! That's like that BAD LIVING SADA!I mean you know, because how much money I had made and they factor it in so youknow, as you get into your forties, your peak Turnin Years Aboub, I got gotthat for a quite a couple years in a sobriety so anyways. So I get up- andif anybody can explain to me after this next story, which I've had alot of stories since I'm sober a lot of God instances since I'm sober a lot ofexperiences which cannot be described since I'm sober, and yet this onn thatI'm about to tell you still is the most dramatic for me, andI can't explain it away. So if anybody here after we finish, which will bevery soon, can tell me how this was anything other than God. Please do hisI'm going to recreate you what happened on this particular day February,Twelfth Tuesday, night ninetuneen, eighty curdish, wowas sober three and ahalf years took me to this meeting at the Saint Francis Mission right next tothe Browd County Qourthouse on Southeast Sixt Street, I'm sitting down,I said to dark, Dank Room. I wasn't at a bottom. My bottom was in the es ofthe s early Settons, I'm ad at o mental hospitals, I'm not addicted to anythingparticularly and so it's about eight twenty eight pm onTuesday night February, Twele, one thousand nine hundred and eighty and Iget up- I'm not gointo say this is stupid. So I get up and I go to cartisbefore the meeting started it startet eightthirty, as in Credis. You knowwhat I'm sorry. I bothered you. If I ever need you, I will call you againand I'll get home on my own. Who's downtown has some cash and I was goingto go out and continue self Distructli. Here's the part that I can't quite wrapmy arms around. Maybe someone can help me Af to the Meeti Patter about eighttwenty eight pm on Tuesday night February, Twele e Thousad, nine Tuneen,eighty I'm walking out of the same friend suspision in Fort WaterdaleFlorida at the exact minute, not a minute before and not a minute later inMorks, a guy from my block in Queens New York City. His arrest were in thepaper just like mine. We ran the streets together in New York. City werefrom the same, neighborhood were from the same school and he's walking in asI'm leaving. I mean I didn't say, wow what a coincence thank you got, but Itell you what I did do is we hugged in...

...the bestibule and somehow I ended upback in the meeting. A mark has passed sober three or four years ago frompancreatic cancer, but he was the direct vehicle for me to get this on,because I sat down on one of these silly tables. I got a cup of coffee andI looked up to the front of the room. Mark was the speaker that night? How doyou do that? How do you do that, and I listened to his story and I didn't haveto listen to what I lived it with him. His arrest were in the paper just likemine. He did s sick of stuff, as I did, but I'm going to tell you when I paidattention. He sat in the front of that room and he said I haven't found itnecessary to pick up a drink or a drug for six months now. Mark like myselfcouldn't go six weeks, not possible, couldn't go six days, the only timethat I ever refused a drink or drug. As if I misunderstood the question I mean I wasn't the kind of guy thatever said. No thanks. I've had enough bout enough when you stepyou over meand I'm on the other than that, bring it on and that's the way I play. So. I picked up a white ship that night bythe grace of Gud the mercy of this power. I haven't found it necessary topick up another one and the reason I joked with Russell his sobriety day,which I brote down this morning. I have a book with everybody, so Briy Dadon isJanuary, twenty fifth one thousand nine hundred and eighty one so russell fromJanuary twenty fifth until February. Twelfth has the same time as I dothirty nine years. However, at February twelfth God willing- I will have fortyyears and he will have to spend the next almost one year in the bleachers,realizing that he has all this time to catch em and I love Russell Sam Mi. We havetotally opposing views on a million different things, but the one thing wehave the exact same views on is the second SEFOR ALP. That's why Wai here,if you're not giving this thing away, you're a thief, I laugh when I seeRussell sends out his like. He thinks he's Elt, an John En sends out te thedates. You know the russels fats, appearance dates and he drives an hour four or fivetimes a week, because he loves hearing himself Toak, I mean why else would youdo it, and yet he helps thousands andthousands and thousands of people and that's what we have in common and, ifyou're not doing that or you're not doing it on some level. Well that youdon't have the save kind of sobriety that I would want. I'e been given thisgift to give it away not to go and live on theintocostal and and count my moneyor travel whatever. I do all that stuff, but anyway, now not to talk aboutsponsorship would be a diservice to the sponsors that that Wuld preceded me and I've had four. My first sponsor Joehe's still alive. It was in na I mean hes in Aa now, but he got loaded aftera period of time. He got the reason I asked tit Hav been my sponsor is insharing Hehad squaws on his face and, and he shared that I got soberedTreaton state prison and he says, and and they offered me a methodon programfor an early release- that's a heroine substitute to those you that don't knowwhat that is, and he says I told them to take the method on and give it totheir mothers and their wives. I will not take anything I'll do my time sowhen he said that I said to myself: Wow hiis, a guy I'm going to listen to. Ifhe tells me some, and so I asked Hem to be my sponsor. The reason he didn'tstay, my sponsor for very long is after...

...ninety days, by the way back, then theysaid don't get involved in a relationship. They probably still sayit to. I don't think it says it anywhere in the literature, but theysay it whoevher. They are and I'm one of the day today, so I got involved in a relationship earlyOni Obri and here's nother wrong with it y get inbovein the relationship,it's going to get you into the steps or yet youtloaded and so get into it. Youmight as well get the steps early. You know so I had ninety days this girl, Christine God, rest USSOL.She die. So she says you know why? Don't you move in with me, I'm inmy boyfriend's cond house on the intercoastal he's out on a drug run and when he's coming back you'll getout sounds like a great idea to me. Let's do it so now we is were so the same amount ofTine. She was Februa Ne Thouand, nine hundred and eighty February third onFebruary twelft. So we're going around to meetings Mr Mirs Ahey it it wasstarting and Amean. It was very cool one Sunday Joe Calls Me Up, he saysPaul. Could you come up? He lived by to one along. Could you go Bou beble?Let's talk for Min Tue, I think he's going to congratuate me in at what goodAa stuff I'm doing. Ninety days, man I'm in this deal, I'm speaking Te'. So I go up to the house and knock onthe door. I was in the Electrician Business Becktan and his truck is inthe drivewlay says, come on out for a minute and he walks through his truck,reaches under the seat and pulls out o thre Hud and fifty seven Magnam, and heputs it to my head and he says if you're not out of that house by themorning, I'm going to blow your reth and brains out and he puts the gun back.Unde ther now, listen to me, two or three things happened at that minutenumber one I did move out of the house number one. I number two. I realizedthe importance of jetting another sponsor because I was not Goinna have a piecepull on it every time I get something wrong and number three. I have read allof the literature written in alcohol of surrons. Nowhere does it say: SponsorPost Peace on Ticon doesn't say so I moved out. What was that? No, no, I don't know it wasn't amutsabout. He knew that me and Christine were a powderkag that was going toexplode ninety days, Sobo, it's like looking for a relationship with theDenti cadnil of Public Imean. What are you going? Ta Do really and she was as burnt thout as Iwas so so now I went, and there was this otherguy at Tho, hundre ad, one really spiritual guy, and he was by sponsoredfor most of my sobriety- Fred Tea. God rest his Sol and he's gone twelve orfourteen years, but he was my guy h. We did the steps together. We played God.We did everything together now, keep in mind when I first came into a Eigh, Iwas living in the hood in in a one bedroom, place or fifth avenue, but notthe fift avun Fifty Avenue, ine sunrise, Boebay Andam was the hood. So now I'msober a year and a half and I'm getting I'm becoming a part of life. I mean I'minvolved in the program. I sponsoring people I even might had a job and I'mliving on the inte coastal to Bay, Collinand Club and Fort Wauterdale, andmy life is getting better. What happens in a hey if you do the stuff you'regoing to get the stuff tit's, not why you do it, but it's guaranteed and well. I just had a moodalteringchemical I'd, see that can do that. I'M gonna have to finish this quick wy. No,I don't want it now, but I'm I'm at Tho finish. He Tok, but I have all of hisself discipline...

...by the way. Along those lines I gotinto Aa. I was a hundred and forty five pounds, six foot one. I wore a side.Thirty three waist after one year I picked up my one Yummadai at the unreon one club. I was two hundred and fifteen pounds and I was saying thatfrom the podium because I was always going to meet Jesburg beat, is a kee bewhat else do you do so so I said that from NA podium and some old timer inthe back stood up and said, Ey Schmumk, no one ever got a rest of a drivingwhile fat now sit down and the I'm going to close up with two littlequick things, one of which I forgot, one of which I didn't get to the importance of that February: Tweleoe thousand nine hundred and eighty niht with Mark Freedon. Please putthese pieces of the puzzle together for me, two Jewish alcoholic heroine, adesfrom Queen's New York City in a Lutheran Ministry in Fort WaterdaleFlorida. One of them is going out to continue the destruction of his life atthe exact minute. With God's perfect timing that the other one is walking inand tell if you don't have to, how does that happen? It can't be anything otherthan this power with the enormous divine everything at his time, and thatwas by time and now to get to the Frend ta part of thesponsorship. So Joe was out, I'm not doing this with juns. To my head, Imean I did that in New York. I don't need to dote I'm trying to get better. So I go to friend, I said pred. I needa sponsor sure, okay, hers. What I want you to do. Call me every day at five.Thirty just tell me where you've been and where you're going and by the waywe did't have cell phones, it was pay phones, I didn't even have a housephone,they had households. I didn't have one of those I had a payphone outside of myapartment and I would call him up by. I went to the ten am at wo Hundre and oneI'm going to the eighthirty or was starting to meetn whatever a year and ahalf sober, I'm at the I'm walking into Tho hone on one andI'm becoming a part of society. People are getting to know me like you know.He movie cheers everybody likes to go to a place. Wer. Everyone knows theirname well. That was starting to happen in a good way, not in a bedway, and Iwent up to Fredti with a hope. GROOF was the Sunday morning eleven am meeting at the Hondre and oneclub, and I go over to him one morning we always got to meies very early andItas ten Oten, thirty and room was pretty empty. As at Fred, I have aresentment. That's a word. We learne in here by the way- and he says really-and he was like this real. You know he had a bad story. Buddy somehow was nowsobere has sober and seventy five and and he's looking and he turns round andsays o. what's that he had these little horn rim glasses. You know like that,and I say Fred You told me to call you every day at fiethirty and I done it. Ihaven't missed one day and you know what the resentment is. It was it. Youhaven't called me once this is what Fredti said without thinking automaticresponse he turned around and he looked at me and said you know what Paul assoon as you have something I want I'll be sure to give you a call and itwalked out now, if you do that, tor someone today, they call GeneralService on you. You know my sponsor dit to me with my inner child at my aochild and my feeling of my emotion, thank God for the tough love of goodsponsorshin. My next sponsor after I crashed to burn, was Ray Allen whosponsored by the way not te pole rank, was Bill Wilson in New York City and inhonoring Ray. I didn't bring my big book because I'm not driving to it's inmy trunk that signed by Bill to Ray,...

...raise tobriety day was march. Twentythird nineteen, fifty six and the book is dated Somethin, one thousand ninehundred and sixty one, because at five years ray was the Cham person of Bill'sgratitude dinner in New York City and what I did do to Aunaray was when rayhad forty years in. On thousand nine hundred and ninety six, I took up acollection of all of his pigeons to buy him a watch now had I known that I wasgoing to end up with the watch. I would have gotten a gold one butbecause. INever Wen its because it's silver and I don't like Silven. So on the back ofthis watch, it says what Ray said at every meeting play the daily double:Don't drake and go to drunk, don't drug and go to meetings and Rad died afterhaving fuorty years, and I'm going to tell you something. You also said to mea grateful alcoholic won't drink and I promise you. I promise you if you detgrateful and stay grateful or act, grateful and write a gratitudelest andgive this thing away. You're coin t have a life that' second to none in thelast Dhay, I'm going to say ray would always say we give to get and the morewe give the more we get and when we try to keep to ourselves, we lose for it'to the giving that it reproduces and when we die we take with us only thatwhich we have given away reds raised deat almost fifteen years. I say thatevery day, at a minute, thanks fors.

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