AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 5 months ago

Russell S. Talk 3 with intro from James at the Life Is Good Group 11/11/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Talk 3 with intro from James at the Life is Good Group, Boca Raton, FL 11/11/2021

... very nervous. I'm very nervous. I have something on my heart I don't want to talk about. Also been my sponsor, I meant our souls. Fourteen years ago, maybe thirteen years I met him totally by accid some girl asks me to go to meeting market. Have to go to meeting all the way down and Hollywood. So you know, maybe an alcohol it times. I was right. Why you left? You know you don't work about right. So that was on my mind. was of a gentleman. I was cool on the way there. So I walked into this room. He was this guy speaking who profoundly change on the way back to then the back season coach gets sense. He changed my life. He showed me, I'm telling you, is worried. He's showing me how to have a relation with God, not by preaching. He told me how God worked in his life and transformed his life. I appreciate it. I appreciate it that because never tell am not coholic. He has some we be done. That's the worst of you tell me how it working, your like and I follow around like a puppy. Dog, who I mean everywhere. Then I got it. When I got some time on the mind, I got to be a more alcoholic. I say I'm tired of running after all these guys, him, Peter Gary, all these guys that say, you know what, I'm gonna put up my own me. So I open this media like we did this me like nine years ago. We were you needed to, you need to church and pop them. And the reasons for me telling you all this is that I learned to be around him. So if you here for the first time or you just listening to him, you have no idea how lucky you are. You're so lucky to be able to listen to this guy. And the reason why I say that is because I got into some serious trouble. Some of you guys going my story a January there, like prisoner five years, and people ask me all the time Jane is so cool about how are you so cool about? I learned it from him. I learned from him and I still and I this is the most part. So gonna rebs place he's got in front, but I want you, I want people. I just feel in my heart. You know, we hear about stories, but I think it's important that we have some people here in real time that I still believe in God. He didn't. I'm not, I'm not not going to kill you. It's you know, I'm saying I'm not going to jail. I'm going to jail. I still have faith in God. I still feel like I'm graces by God and I I never want that fake time I spend jail. I was a house lest the last two years. It just got off and they let me run ALO. You know, I'm free men. It's crazy. I'm a free I went to New York one minute your number one murderer and south Florida next minute. You can go to New York. But my point thing is that I learned it all by hanging out with the right people. If you hang out with the right people, and and most of the people here that want to put it off because we what we call we do. We do the deal, like I was doing to deal. So I wasn't doing we do the deal, and I just I just feel like I have to tell people that are here who were younger, just starting out, hang out with the right if you hang out the right people. I'm sitting in jail or I'm sitting alone. I'm in a room, whatever it is. I don't speak to him as much as I you speak to him, but I don't need to because I've been I've been around so many years I know what the answers. So I love you, Russell. I thank you for everything you've done for me. You still going to do it for me. I'll still think about you and I'm going to carry this message...

...in jail. That's exactly what I'm sure a lot of people here, I might assume there's a few people here beds where I've been with some, maybe half, but had I'm sixty two years old. I never I've never been in trouble. I made it all these years without get in trouble. With that, sixty two, but that was all my heart. I just wanted you guys to know that always don't matter. Why it's easy to have fake when things are going good. What is your faith like? You're not going to get what you want. What are your faith like when you guys, when you get the hammer came not it could have been worse, an worse. So I'm so thankful. I still feel blessed by God. I'm so grateful to be here. I missed this place and all these people who said along to me, and I haven't seen any. Have seen me and news and I said, you know what change chair to me, Thomas was. So I just had to say that's what was on my mine and without I give you, Russe. This is just another part of the journey. That's it. It's just another part of the journey. Paul the Apostle, Paul did his best stuff in jail. He wrote his best stuff from jail and his jail was not as Nice as place you're going to. So he did his best, his best work under the gun. So I know you're going to be wonderful. I know you could be kept safe. I'm be praying for you and I'm still your sponsor. So that's the deal there. So my name is Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic. Remember the South Taxia Group. I haven't found us today. Of Drinks his January twenty five one thousand nine hundred and eighty one and and it's a blessing to be here. Supposedly this is the third talk I'm doing in this step series and which doesn't really mean. You know, if you're trying to well, that must be step three. Just forget about even assumingly what you think I'm going to talk about, because I have no idea what the hell I'm going to talk about. So, first of all, there any veterans in the audience? WHAT THEY STAND UP? Please? Any better? Hey, it so I see Peter America seek Peter Marin Ellie's here, and the reason I want to call I love Peter. I want to call him out because because no matter where I go, wherever I speak, whatever I'm doing, all they want to know is, do I know Peter Marian Elli? You know what I mean. So we don't care about you, but you know Peter Marin Elli. I know you know, but so heasy. I love you. You know he's great and and Marian's not here, but I understand she saw rating thirty eight years is that correct? Right? That's I forgive her for not doing I think she just had a birthday too. I'm not sure. I feel she just had a belly button birthday too. Yeah, yesterday or something, because I said happy birthday on facebook or something like that. So He's thirty two that my shoes are thirty two years old. What are you doing, Million Ellen's? It's all old age it's not for Sissy's so I'm going to tell you. I'm a U listen, I really don't. I'm gonna I know. The third is the I don't. God's could be in there, because that's all I talk about. You know, I mean, I just got me. I'm one trick Pony Ball. I talk about. If it's we're doing to talk about the post off, I'm talking about God, we're going to talk about the tenth St, I'm going to talk about it's. It's all going to be. It's really twelve weeks and we talked about God and my relationship with God. By the way, there's a reason for that. I just want to know this. A reason for that. The reason why I'm in my forty, forty feet year of sobriety and in my whole life...

...is about loving people, treating everybody like they have a broken car heart, because they probably do, and I get grateful filment out of my life, a great purpose out of my life, because I try to do Lord's work and do what I can to help people. The reason why I notwithstand the fact that, you know, I'm I've got a wonderful profession and beautiful wife for forty years and and seven, soon to be eight, grandkids and for three daughters in the son and all that other stuff is like physical stuff. It's all nice stuff. That's sort of seeky for you know, first things first. Was Dr Bob's way of saying seeky first, the Kingdom of God, and all things will be adding on too. You seeky first, the Kingdom of God. I don't care what anybody says. I don't care if they told you don't worry about the God thing. Yeah, you know something. Don't worry about the God thing. You want to some don't worry about the God thing. Just don't worry about it, because it's all going to work out, because one day, if you ever have forty years, you could be talking about the God thing. That's all you can be talking about. You Ain't going to get to forty years unless you're talking about the God you ain't going to get to thirty years unless you're talking you ain't going to get anywhere with any type of happiness in your life and satisfaction. I thought I would rest you know, I was told if you get the age of twenty five and you don't know what the purpose in life is, you're going to be to a certain nic certain extent, neurotic, and I was one of the neurotic, some of the bitch. I thought my purpose was to, you know, have sex with as many women as possible. Or, you know, I just I was a bar flat, hung out of the bar L was a lounge lizard. I wanted what she had. was when we go to any length to get it and and all along with that. You know, I want the car, I want the money, I want the job, you know, I want everything that has to a vanity. The book of Pleassk says Vanity, vanny hall's Vanity. And isn't that true? It's all about what do you think? You know enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think about me? You know, I mean it's all it's all about me. It's all about selfishness and self that. It's all about me being happy as long as I get what I want and you do what I tell you to do. You know, it's all about me and I don't know. It's all about being selfish and self centered, and I do my best selfish, selfcenter when I'm sober, physically sober. You know, it's all about it's all about being selfish and self centered, driven by a hundred forms of fear selfdelusion. So it's all about fear. Even when you're worried about the money, it's all about feel really underneath all that. You know not that money supportant. It's just right up there with oxygen, but even underneath all the money, underneath the money, then I have to tell you the truth. The truth is one of the great things about being around for forty years or forty one years and doing all this stuff is in the in the book and Book Dr Bob, the good old timers, they say the books that we found absolutely essential, our big book says written in one thousand nine hundred and thirty nine. Really, have we seen a person failed who has thoroughly followed our path? And DCR bout the good old time, you said their path was and clearly says as the books we found absolutely essential. You guys know what essential means. Absolutely essential means whatever central means. Absolutely essential is like even more was first commit thean thirteen sermon amount in the book of James. Now listen, yeah, I don't know. I'm happy if you have a different opinion, but you just can't choose your own facts. The facts ares that for the first four years when these guys wrote this book, rarely have seen a person bills thoroughly followed up path. The Path was to read and study the Bible and specifically those four books, and my life changed when I started doing that. My Life's change when I started doing the I know as not alive. That accepted on a nation or whatever the hell they say that deal is, but I found one thing that if you're going to stay sober, you're better get your ass aligned. Ay Ay, not may not be aligned, but you better get...

...yourself aligned because if you ain't aligned, you're on your own. It's three o'clock in the morning. You Got Twenty years, you just found out you had cancer and it's three o'clock and you're staring at the walls because everybody in here has been there and the one thing they know is they're alone and the mind's going five hundred miles pro out with tenzero some thoughts, and it's all about fear. And you know, unless you have some sort of serious, sincere, hardcore relationship with God, you know who he is and what he is, you are alone and you'll remember that. You'll remember this talk by the way, you know this is not this is the big leagues, this is not bullshit. You know this is the real deal. And I know when you're twenty years old you start you know you don't want to hear any of this crap because you don't think you'll ever die. Don't think nothing, any bait, anything bad will happen to you. But this is the deal. When you go to prison for five years and you know something, you better latch onto something other than just some sort of make believe God. Not a god of your understanding of God, of the misunderstanding you know, some sort of fluffy thing that you sort of you give them lift service. You know, like they say in Chapter Seven, the twelve and twelve, you can have. You can say you believe in God, but your belief is baring. It doesn't work for you. It's not a faith that works, because the truth as you believe in them, but he has absolutely nothing to do with your life. It's something you say. It an aim eating, it's something you say when it sudd he says you believe in God, but the truth of the matter is you don't act like you believe in God because you don't pray to him without ceasing. You don't wake up the one say thank you God for This Day. You don't go to sleep and say thank you God for this night. You don't do that all through the day and everything. You don't think about them all the time because you're more thinking about the craft in this world. And so, let they say, will lose fear of people and affecting up in insecurity and you tell yourself you don't give a crap about anybody. All you ever anybody and what they think about you. And all you do is worry about what people think about you. And the truth of the matter is, when you worry about losing your whole life is an if only life. If only I had that girl, if only I had a different life, if only I had a car, if only I had a better job, if only my boss will treat me differently, if only I can lose a hundred pounds. So you know, if only, if only, if only, then I would be okay. You say that. What how many times you say that to you? Sometimes you say to yourself subconsciously. You say that to yourself because that's what you think. That's the bottom line of what you think about your life. If only things were different, I'd be okay, which, by the way, is the same thing as telling yourself over and over and I am not okay, I am not okay. What kind of life is that to look and the great thing about knowing that you're not okay, knowing that you're insufficient, well, I'll tell you it is. There's nothing that an alcoholic personality Carl. That manager wrote a book man against themselves at Alcoholics and men women are out to destroy themselves. They hate themselves. If, every once in a while, you're not watching TV, you're not trying going out on some sort of romantic jog or listening or texting or something like that, and you have to be along with your thoughts, or you're driving a car, you hear this little voice say, I'm an Asshole, I how to kill myself. You try to look around to see who's saying that to you. You notice you're the only one in the car. If that kind of stuff happens to you from time to time, you're telling yourself what a jerk you are and you might as well kill yourself, and you're trying to figure out what that is. That's you telling you what you really think about yourself. That's why you try to spend your entire life trying to prove yourself to other people, try to somehow bolster yourself, spending money you don't have, buying shit you don't need to impress people you don't like. That's like, yeah, that's that's why...

...you try to prove that you're not insufficient, that you're better than that's the personality that says they don't know who they're screwing with. You know, you're trying to tell yourself you're a big shit when you're in nothing, and you know you're in nothing and you've always been in nothing, no matter what you've done. You know, deep downside your and nothing and you're a phony and you're a nothing, and you used to put something in your body and turn you into an almost when you're nothing, almost as stop of the world, and now you can't even use that shit anymore. So now you got to find the Gal, that the guy and a husband of the house, and you got to run around the world looking for that stuff, you know, and worrying about that stuff and what am I going to get that stuff? And how am I going to get that stuff, and why don't I have this stuff, and why is it always working out for me, and why is this happening? And you know that is that's alcoholics. I mean, it's not the drinking, it's not the drink in the drinkings. A symptom of Alcoholis how don't you read the book? It's a symptom of the disease. You know, my disease centers in my mind, not my body. Is the way I think. Sober, sober, you don't my promise. Sobriety. I hate being sober. Being sober to me is not a fun GIG, you know. So I chase after this stuff. You know, let me tell you something. For me, a woman the same thing as Scotch. You know, a new car is the same thing as a woman is the same thing as Scotch. I'll get a new when a new car turns old and it's not doing for me whatever I think it's going to do for me, I'll get another car. If a girlfriend gets old and she's not doing for me what, I'll get another girlfriend. Be First, I'll get a new car and then I'll get a girlfriend, because the car how she got the girl. For I'll get a new job. I'm running around all over the place. And you know what I'm worried about. Once I finally get it, it has a half life of a week or something, or a month ors. But you know, it's great. I'm drunk and I'm drunk with the girl, I'm drunk with the car, I'm drunk with a job, I'm drunk with the money, you know, for a week or two or a mothers something, and it all turns to shit again. Then I need another I need another job, another gut car, another thing like that. That's the disease we have. Just as never okay, never okay, always a problem. And then you worry about losing the deal. And then if you lose if you're a super listen, if you got a new Ferrari and you're a superstar, if you got a hot date on a Saturday night and you're a superstar and you're excited, if you got money in your account, and then you're a superstar. Let me tell you what that means. If that has happened to you and it makes you feel good, you know what that means. That means when you don't have the date and you don't have the car and you don't have the money in your account your piece of Shit. The same mind that's telling you you've got your shit together and you're better than everybody tells you might as well blow your brains out if you don't have the bullshit, because you're really addicted to the shit in this world. And let me tell you something. That addiction happen with Ed. You know this a stuff is kind of Nice, but we all know a million dollars a really solving problem. You know, you really do, don't you? You know it's any stuff is good. You know. We all know. It's all about the money. The whole world is about the money. You know, I want to be able to say that the only time you hear this stuff that I'm talking about right now is an a it. But that would be true because you don't even hear this shit in AA. You here don't drink and go to meetings. Don't hear anything about God and A. Come on, let's get guy. I've been around here over forty years. How many times you to got him come up me since? Man, I never hurry this shit before. They don't talk about this stuff in my group. It's rather they tell me, don't don't talk about God, go scare with the newcomers. That's not the way they talk. Paitless, and I'll tell you what. You know, if you, if you talk about God, will scare away the newcomers. I'll tell you what, they just haven't hit the first step yet. Nothing was going to scare me out of this deal, because the one thing I didn't want to do is I want to drink again. I'm just lucky that the Harry Christians didn't get me.

I'd be down to the airport right now with a tambourine, and I mean that's a this is this thing is. It's all about God. They want to talk about the third step. Talk about the third step? What? Let's talk about the sixth step. Entirely ready. How the storm about the seven and seventh step? Hubly, ask him. Let's about the eleventh step, or some about the twelve step. Let's talk about every step in the let's talk about the second step. I'm insane. God help me, only you. Let's talk about being selfish and self centered and driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, selfseeking. Am I fearful? I can't pay the mortgage on the house. You know, Shit happens. Sometimes it happens as a consequence of your alcoholism. You make stupid mistakes and you do stupid things. So sometimes shit happens just because you're breathing on the planet earth. Because I'll say one thing. Nobody out there, not on TV, not in the movies. Well, the movies ain't talking about it. The TV, the movies. My Wife Right now, God bless her, she's at home watching what's that channel? Lifetime is it might not. The other one. The other one hallmark, hallmark Er. UPS used to watching hallmark. It's the same movie over and all wegain with different goodlooking people, you know what I mean. And finds girl, Girl, get the Prom, they got love, they love it, they kids. They all end the same way. They kiss at the end and happily ever after, until they come to see me for the divorce. He said she's she was a bitch. You know, God, it's all about love and romance and fancy cars and a lot of money and you look good. You look good. You know. It's all about that bullshit. You know, Pleasey. I said vanity, vanity, all is vanity, the twelve and twelve, and it says it, says in the sea, says we don't want to deprecate material achievement all. Thank God for that, because that's all you can think about. The tarrity, he says. But nobody's made a worst case. No, but and then they start to a bat and switch. They said, well, we're not going to say anything at the way, you know, we don't want to deferent people. We don't want say anything about sex. You know, we don't want to say anything with the sex thing. Go on, you know, go ahead make love to a chicken. We don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Just don't drink, you know, and every like that. And you know, and we don't want to say anything about the money or anything like that. We're not going to depregate that. But I just want you to know, just off hand, nobody's made a worst case of fucking up their lives with money. Power, prestige and Romance. The three things that I want to get, because I don't want when you have. I want what I used to have. I want what they have on TV. You know, I want them. The movie starts, have and they don't even know what they have and they don't even want what they have because they're in here, you know, trying to figure out what's going on, and the entire planet is looking at the money, power and Romance, and the only shot you have is maybe hitting an AA meeting where you might read a book or something and you might actually see what they're talking about in there. But most of the time you want because unless it's all outbol concepts alcoholism or all its consequences, sobriety be percariss if true happen, is so farther at all not find none at all. And one of the consequences being about alcoholic is you are blind. You are blind to what's in front of you. There is one who has all power. That one is God. There is one that has all power, that one is God. There is one who has all power. That one is God. If a mere code of morals, a better plossity of life, would have helped us, we'd be something want but doesn't help us, because we like the power to be able to feel good about ourselves and do the right thing. We like the power. We must get rid of this selfishness. We must our kills us. God makes that possible. We have no but that way, we wrote a book where we're going to talk about God. Next line here's where the trouble sets it, because we don't want to hear that Shit. So we have a book where it's all about leading you...

...to God, all about leading you to God. You made it. We may you may not. We may not know you. How we going to know you? That may be true, but your real reliance has to be on him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you create. He'll even show you how to create the God fills you. We encourage church membership because maybe you hear something about God, something tangible about God, so you can see him and feel him and no, he's there, not some sort of fluffy thing, the leaf on the tree shit or whatever that is. You know what I mean. which is it going to help you when you have cancer? You know, we have cancer, and you're dying or something really serious happens or a child has died. You want to know something? The Tree Shit don't work. It really doesn't. You need something you can believe in. You better have you better have faith that's strong, as stronger than iron. You got to have something you can really hang onto, because I had to tell you something. The life is good group ain't going to be with you at three o'clock in the morning when you're stirring at the walls and your house is being foreclosed on or somebody is sick in your family. You understand you're going to stick around here for a long period of time trying to tough it out. It ain't going to work. Let me tell you something. Don't box with God. Your arms are too short. The word all this much tougher than you. You know, it's much tougher than you. And I'm so frightened and I said there and I worry about my you know I'm I always going to be alone and single. If I only had a husband, I'd be okay. Only had a house at Beaut if I only had a wife, I'd be okay. You love me. If I only had if only, if only, I'll and then you get it. And here's the crazy thing. We'd look, we're here, we all want to what do you want to? Want to lose that fear. Gee. What would it be like if you really didn't care what people thought about you? What would be like if, instead of sin, an a room and a and of course we're all blinding it. You undersaid. This is a program all about God. It's all in the book and an a. They don't like it when you talk about God. They'll somehow shut you up. The the one you mentioned the word God, don't even like mentioned the word God because if you talk too much about God, what it means is understand what. Talk too much about God needs an a. It means you're not cool, means your fanatic. And we're so worried about the way we look to other people. We're more worried about we're less worried about our relationship with God. We're more worried about what some guy in the front road doesn't impair a visa build things about us. Our whole life is worried about what people even if our houses being foreclosed on, or even if we're losing our job or losing our car, we may think it's about money. It's not about money, because some of the back linds that. What are people going to think about lose one car? What a people to think if I lose my job? What are good people going to think of my should but out of girlfriend, if I don't have a girl? What are good people that? It's all about what people are think, because when you have a personality that's so completely lacking any decent feeling about themselves and you deep down hate yourself. You know, it's all about putting up the front, so other because the only way you can see yourself is through the d the most important thing to you is what does other people think about you? I'm like a please accept me and love me and look up to me, a Harl like and we're so crazy we don't even realize that's the problem we have that long before we took a first drink, during the drinking and long after we stopped drinking and after, this problem is all about. And there is one will solve your problem. That what is God. May you find him now. And nobody talks about God, and name nobody. Well, I'm going to bring it over to HP, HP, you know, because they give your permission to about it. They may cood permission to put in words, you know, cool words. You know. I got a bring over to HP, you know what I mean, and HB, because that proves that you know, you know what HP is. That's what somebody is really want to talk...

...about God, because people who think they're stupid, like me. You know, you don't be like Russell, but the only reason I can talk about this to a group of a couple hundred people, or whatever it is in here. The only reason I talk about this is because I don't care what you think about me. I only care what he thinks about because you didn't get me sober. He got me sober. You didn't bring it in here, you don't watch after me every day, wherever I am during the day, he's with me, and I know he's with me because, you know why? Because I'm convinced he lives in my heart and mind in a way which is the miraculous and he's doing for me. But I can't do it myself. You know why? Because I believe in the big boat. I won't just mounth the words, I believe it's true. I believe that, above everything, I must get rid of this selfishness and that I'm selfish, and I believe the big book when it says if I make a sincere decision for him, a sincere decision for him, all sorts of remarkable things will happen to me, because they've happened to me. Remarkable things have happened to me, and all I have to is stay close to him, and performers work well in order to stay close to him. I got to know who he is. Can't be some fluffy makeup bullshit. Can't be some imaginary God thing I make up. I gotta know who he is. I got to know what he wants me to do. It's written all over the book. It was written all over the Bible. It says we see through a glass darkly, but soon things will be revealed. And if you do this thing, things will start being revealed about yourself and who you are and what you really are. I got to know exactly who I got to know the exact situation. In my in I am a selfish, evil, bad news son of a bitch. I tell myself I'm good because I'm not a serial killer, I said. Well, having filled ten people, I've Bay of the law and everything, but if you knew my life and knew some things I did to people sober, I am evil and it's important me to understand that. I'm a sinner and I'm evil, and I'll tell you why it's important me to understand. Because if you were just a nice person out there a nice time. I try to help people, a decent person, and now I came here, you stopped her drinking and you're still a decent person. You know what I mean, then I guess there's been no miracles that have happened in your life. But you know what I got to say. I'll tell you what I got to say to you, that that I was in my life, drunk or sober, all I cared about was myself. And I know because I've been through my life and I've seen myself and I see it clearly now. There's problem. prettily, probably not as clearly as I'll see maybe a year from now, if I'm alive, or two years from now or at the end of my life, but I'm pretty clear now what a clown I was and how many people I heard and how I hurt them. And you want on something. You know it says you'll regret the pay you you will not regret the past. Let me tell I'm just done you my life, bullshit, bullshit, you know I've filled those with us. Said, Bill, you don't regret what you did to your wife. Let me tell you something. The longer or sober you will look back in your life because you wanted something. The scars never go, you think. If I can, I'll tell you this. It doesn't preoccupy my mind. I don't sit around feeling guilty about it. I made my immense to my first life when I walked out at her and my child. I made them immense to people. I don't have to drink over them, I don't have to drug over them. I can help other people. I can use my testimony to tell other people and help other people. So I can look at it as a gift. But if I'm never going to save you, I don't regret what I did that my first life. I don't regret how I got heard of the people I regret it. You know what I mean. But I know that the God of my understand has forgiven me. What he wants to do is he wants to use whatever he's given me, what he's done in my life. You See, that's why I'm so grateful. I'm grateful not because he's just maybe a little bit of a better person. I'm grateful because he saved me from the pit of being the most evil person you can imagine to something where I can be a decent human being feel good about myself. It was a big deal. Was it a small deal? It wasn't. It wasn't. Just don't drink and go to meetings. Deal. You...

...know, I mean it's great. I'm not telling you not being grateful for the miracle not drinking. But you know something, the miracle of not drinking will go away in a year, it'll go away. In five years it'll go obey and twenty it goes away all the time in here. James just talked about how it went away for him. It'll wear off. You know, you want to sit around a and figure out how many people actually make twenty or thirty years? One a hand. I'll tell you this. To just guy heard was one half and one percent. It's like this, one and two hundred. They go over twenty years and there are many, many people that are over twenty years, even thirty years, that are not happy with theirs sobriety. Here and there once in a while an alcohol drive the moment says feel better, look better, having better time. We laugh at our selling. You know he'll try the old gate game again because he's not happy with his sobriety soon. Whom the loneliness is few do. There are people that kill themselves at twenty years and twenty, five years and thirty. Most of the people I sponsored today is the truth. You know, we've talked about the wise of the wherefores that. But mostly, and I sponsor pop. They have over twenty, five or thirty years and they ask me to sponsor from you know why? Because they die in because it then it's because it's not working for them. The meetings aren't working for them. You know, it's just not it's just not there. They're they're at a level that happened to me, it will happen to you, where they're going through the motions. They're going through the motions, but you know there's are you smoking more, but enjoying it, but they're enjoying it less because they've been through the whole thing. It's just me that the just missing something. Of course they're missing something. You know what they're missing? The missing the God thing. It was the big book says. It says what that it says. He's got the way we reason. If you're not being rocket in the fourth dimension of existence, if not experiencing much of heaven, if you're not experiencing peace, if you have a gloss, if you if you if you still have fewer people in the economic insecurity, if that's all going on in your life right now. Then there's been there, then it's available to you. I thought a ten years that would never happen to me. I'm working this thing. I'm going to four meets the day before they had zoom. I'm going at seven o'clock meeting in the morning. I'm going to twelve o'clock meet in the afternoon for a new time mean I'm going to thirty be meeting on my way back from the office to guys stopping that I go to five hundred thirty meeting and drink my coffee like I used to doing the bar, and then at night I go out of an hundred and thirty meeting. I'm going to four meetings a day, sober before zoom on the anthy group banquet chairman for two years in the row. I do a real lady. For eight years I'm sponsoring everything in sight. I'm doing this shit, you know, all over this stuff. And at ten years there's something missing. I'm mat there's something missing. I go up to guy and a guy in the bar in the car room, and he's got three days and he's crying. He thinks his life is over. And I can do this because it's true. I can do this. I can go up to him and I can say listen, but I know you're feeling crappy. I know you feeling bad. I know you think the life is over. And I'm going to tell you something. I said I've been there, I've been through that deal. I came in here like this. I said, I promise you, if you don't drink and you go to meetings, it's all going to work out. I have no idea how it's going to work out, but I can say this. I absolutely know it's going to work. You know, the last the last statement in sermon on the Mount, the sermon Jesus gave you know, is math and five since that. The very last statement is the people were amazed because he spoke with authority, not like describes. When you've been there and you've done that and it's your experience and it's not just some opinion, you can speak with authority. Everybody in here can talk a guy, look him in the eye, say listen, I went to a a I couldn't stop drinking. I stopped drinking. You could talk with authority and that's a powerful thing. That's a some doctors saying, you know, you want to stop drinking it, you may kill yourself. That's not your wife...

...saying why do you drink so much? That's a guy saying you don't. I never had anybody say you don't have to drink anymore if you don't want to. They say why do you drink, or why can't you stop drinking, or why are you trying to kill yourself? Nobody ever said you don't have to drink anymore if you don't have to, with authority. And when that guy said that to me in the hospital, he said you don't have to feel this way ever again if you don't want to. I've listened every word he said because nobody had ever said that to me. I thought I had to drink and he brought me into alcoholics anonymous because we can speak and I could talk to that guy with authority because it's true. And I say you don't have to drink anymore and you don't have to feel this way if you don't drink, and you just go to means and he looks at me says, Wow, I'm really saw me. I said absolutely, absolutely, everything will change for you, being incredible. He says thanks a lot, man. I really appreciate and I have your number. So I give my number, whatever is, and I get in the car and I drive away and I'm halfway home and I say, when the fuck is it going to be okay for you? What are you going to be okay? When you going to stop overspending? When you're going to stop treat your wife? When you going to stop doing this? When are you going to stop doing that? You know what I mean. Ten Years Ready, it's still not I'm still not being rot when are you going to be rocking in the fourth dimension existence when you experience Munch of Heaven? What is that gonna Happen to you? You're doing everything in the world like crazy. The one, the great thing about Scotch, I can tell you this. It works fast. Nothing weren't as good and as fast as got. You don't like whack whack, you know, you walk in the Bar, you'll you know, what is the group going to think about me? They're going to like me, and the Girls gonna like me a whack, you know, take a couple of shots and now you feel like you're on the group. there. Go up any girl on the bars. Hey, you want to dance noise, Hey, your lost sweetie. You know what I mean. You think of this stuff is the problem. This say stuff is the solution. If I wasn't drinking by the time I was sixteen years old, I'm going to blow my brains out. You know, this is the only thing worked in my life. Now I got to try without it. So now I'm running after all the other bullshit, you know, and it's all in the books. And Mike My my first wife, says to become on drunk more time. I'm leaving you and I drive away. I get the first time I said, what the Hell do you mean by that? And Cause One of the consequence about being an alcoholic is your brain dad and you don't see shit right in front of you. And so you read the book, which is all about God. There is one who has all power. That one is God, and you never hear about him. And they you're about people wired about their problems and don't drink, go to means and get a sponsor. But nobody talks about God, not the way I'm talking about and I don't want to say nobody because I know Peter Does, because there are other people. But rarely, rarely do you hear that stuff. Somebody focusing on God for entire meeting and talking about in the way I'm talking about them, because it's the it's the main deal, and nobody talks about the main deal, except the founders, who said we encourage church membership. Most of US belong to churches. You can be a bright spot in the church and then you'll hang around people that are, because the person you'll be in the next five years will depend upon who you hang out with, the books you read and the books you read. The books you read would depend upon who you hang out with and the books the founders read. The founders where the Bible, the Holy Bible, and not scripture, I just told you. But then they had this little thing, but of course it's not obligatory. It's like what we do it, but you don't have to do it. Let's call it extra credit. And then you find out a ten years of fifteen years over, when it's not working for you, when you get into all sorts of chance and troubles because of the women, because of the men, because the romance, you find that they say it's extra credit, but the only people to get out of this thing alive and happy are the ones that are willing to do the extra credit. And if you want the things that most people in here will never get, you better be prepared to do the shit that most people will never do. You could be a has been or you could be all in the Olympian, you know, and that's the whole point. It says, if you want what we have and it, will go to any...

...length to get it. If you don't have people in your life, if you want what you used to have, or you want the car, you want the woman, you want the material that, well, good luck. You will never get rid of that therapy. If what you want is then me and the car and the woman and everything. I understand that, because that's part of the DIS ease. That's part, that's part, that's as lusting after the stuff in this world is as much a part of the DIS ease as the drinking. You know why? Because you can't stop. You can't stop thinking about it, can you? You can't stop doing it. You say things in your mind say well, yea, all this stuff sounds good. How the fuck do you do it? Because you can't do it, can you? You may even think that I'm right. You may even say yeah, that would be what would it be like? I didn't worry about what people thought about what would it be like I didn't worry about them? What would it be like? You say, man, that would be wom how'll chill to do it? I I can't. I can't do it because I'm indicted to it. The whole world's addicted to it. I'm always thinking about that stuff. I'll because it's your in Ada. Are An attic. But here's bet. You're an addict to everything in the world and so is everybody else, you know. So you hear something like this, me saying this stuff, you walk out the door. Well, maybe maybe I planted a seat, maybe I didn't, but as soon as you walk out the door your hit. You're hit by the world. Yeah, that's the problem. Believe me, I can get drunk on things. So how do you escape this thing? I don't even know how to tell you that. I don't know. I came in here, you know, it says, well, we only have three minutes, take three, four more minutes. Like you know, they talk about motives and up at some point in time, to the good, they say, most of our motives are mixed. Most topols, you know's. We seem to be virtuous, but we're also selfish. We have like mixed motives. I don't know why. I got down on my knee. I know this. I'll tell you what I do know. There's one thing I absolutely know without question, that I'm December twenty five, one thousand nine hundred and eighty, at three o'clock in the morning, when I was thirty one years old and I thought my life was over and it was getting it never going to be better again and I had no idea what I was going to do and I was lonely and I was alone. It was Christmas morning, three o'clock, and a preacher came on TV and started talking about the Gospel and Jesus and all that stuff. I know this. I got down. He says, want to change your life, do this, get downe you. I got down on my knees and I said the sentence prayer and I buy them in my life. That's I know that happened because I was there when it happened. I was there when it happened, so I know that happened. And and this is not somebody trying to sell you something, because I went to a religious home. Where was this is this is from a Jewish kid from great neck New York, from saddle rock okay, which is like a high class Jewish ghetto. You know what I mean. So let me tell let me tell you something. This is not from somebody's trying to I know that that happened, that this Jewish kid on that that guy. Know happened. Why Now? Two months later, I'm an alcoholics are not. Thirty days later I stopped drinking. I don't know whether anything happen. I don't know where anything happened. I have no I do with anything happened with that meant anything. All I know is I wound up in the hospital. Have to crash my car in to somebody and I'm on the hospital Garnie. About thirty days later. I said God help me, and something happened to me. I can't evexplain to what it was. I've heard it explain them. I've heard some people give testimony the same thing I had. An event happened to me. I don't know how, I don't know how to explain what happens when you're touched by something and you don't even know how long the lasts or where it is, but something changing, something happened and I stopped drinking my last drink January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. I know this. I came down box anonymously. It's a month later, two months later, three months later, I get a sponsor. You know, like everybody else, I didn't get a sponsor. First thing I had an interview. How do you do it? You know, how do you do it? He says you have to. You know, Bob Ceps on taking me out to dinner every night.

He shows up, he takes me to dinny taste for my dinner. He says, well, they see your sponsors is I don't know. How do you? How do you? How do you get a sponsor? Says you got to ask him. And now I got to debate whether I'm going to ask him or not, because I was scared to ask him. The son of a bitch is picking me up every night and buy me dinner and taking me to a meeting. I'm scared to ask him to be my sponsor because he's going to like kick me to the curb, you know what I mean. So finally asked me. My sponsor tells you do some things, I start doing them. Tells you get on my knees, pray to God every morning. I did it every morning. I' with our believe in God or not, but I did it. I've been doing it for you know what, forty one years. It's been working. You know what I mean? Then all of a sudden I'm reading the I'm reading the Big Book and Tal us about the third step, and this is what it says in the big book, and we're going to talk a lot more about this later on, but I'll just go through this II. It says. It says in a big book. It says you get down on your knee. Now I stall done this for about this is the interesting thing. At three o'clock in the morning on December twenty five, Christmas Eve, I'm dying. There I'm dying. I can't stop drinking. My life is over, and some guy says you you get on your knees and ask Jesus to come into your life and everything will change. And I don't even think about it. Like a shot. I do it Jewish. I do it. Three months later, I'm three or four months O and I'm talking people talking about doing the third step and I'm like stalling because I don't want you know what's going to happen if I do that? You know, all sudden on I like think. Now I'm doing what alcoholics love to do. I start thinking about this shit. You know what I mean. Now I'm thinking. You know, it's like Jack Benny. He gets confronted by the robber. Robert says your money or your life, your money or your life. Did give your money? Says Hey. I'm thinking. I'm thinking, thinking, this is serious stuff now, you know. So I'm thinking. And so finally I got down on my knees. Why didn't I get down on my knees? And I think what they said? You said, you know, I said the third step prayer, which I still haven't memorized. Everybody else's memorizing. I said the third step prayer. You know what I mean. Why did I do it? Did I believe? But do it? Did I do it because I believed in God? I don't think so. I think my primary motivation was I didn't want to drink again and they told me to do it. I thought if I did it that would help me not to drink and I wanted to be what my sponsor said. I think I wanted to go in the rooms and I wanted to say, say, I wanted to say to people I did the third step so they would love me more, accept me more and can be more acceptable. And you want us some. I think those I think that's all cool and valid. I know it says in the Big Book of the Fifth Chapter. It says that ABC and sees that we're alcoholic and cannot and cannot manage our own lives. No human power can help us. Only God couldn't. Would sweat, and that right. EF that says being convinced. We are. Now it's step three. I know this. I had to be led you if I said I was convinced, because if I was convinced about God or who God was, I certainly would have been worn't of been worried and going through anxiety from the last next ten years. You know, you know how it is when you're sober. You know you you have a problem with then you you after about three or four or five days, you can't figure it out. In your mind you're going not so you finally turn it over, turn it over, then it's okay and it works at it. Turn it over. You turn it over. You know takes days to turn out. You know that's the way it is. You keep on turning it over. You know, it's great to actually have a God, a relationship with God. The greatest thing about knowing who God is and what God is and having a firm faith and a foundation is that you don't ever have to learn it over again. You just live it. Turns over life. What would be like if you woke up thinking about God? You know what would be like if you want to sleep. What would you be like if it all day you were just thinking about God? They were saying thank you, Lord, thank you. What would what do you think? I would tell you something's pretty cool deal. I think this. I think the founders knew about that stuff. Well, I could actually talk...

...about the god of my understand and who he is and what he's done for me for another two or three hours. And you don't want to hear that because you got more important things to do out there in the real world. You know where everybody's running around. You know living, wives are quiet, desperation, home to work, home to work, home to work. I know. Think of that. It like like like hamsters on a on a treadmill. You got more important things to do. Then hear about this stuff. You just go to another a meeting where they talk about you know, you know, whatever my boyfriend left me, or whatever they're talking about these days in a, I mean over their tongue. I know what thing. Whenever I go to a meeting and somebody says let's talk about relationships, it's always about sex and romance. It's never about God. I can tell you that. It's never about a relationship with God. It's always about sex, romance, boys, girls, all that bullshit, all the shit that got get in trouble in the first place. Can't wait together back into it, can go? You can't wait to die, right into the Horse Shit, can you? You know? It's like he's now that I'm not drinking, back into the fucking grinder. You know. God bless you. Thank you.

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