AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 11 · 1 year ago

George G @ Easy Does It AFG Group 1st Anniversary Boca Raton FL 12-8-2019

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Hey everybody, this is eric fromrocketed dot org. I hope you enjoyed today's recording. I'm a grateful alcoholic. My name is joyge. My sobriety date in January the nineteenth, nineteenninety four. By the grace of God, could sponsorship a lot of meetings anda lot of help from a lot of people, a lot of fellowships. So far, and I'll say it that way, I haven't deemed itnecessary to change my sobriety date. This is Alan on, and so Idon't have to tell you about my drinking history because if and if you areAlan on, you guys have lived through it. So you don't have tohit my insanity of getting him. I want to talk about them, magnificentreality of alcoholics, anonymous and the solution, because we always talk about the problem. And I also want to touch on the family, because we dothe most damage in the family, and I'll do it through my journey.I came in here in nineteen ninety four. I was going to meetings, gota sponsor, doing the deal, argue with everybody, trying to provemy terminal uniqueness, that I was different. You guys didn't understand and I hada man who carried the message to me. I had a bunch ofmen that carried the message me and a bunch of women, and I don'twant it to get that this is my fellowship as a fellowship and men andwomen who share their experience, strength and hope with each each other. Iwas taught really on it's not a fellowship of men, with the men andwhen with the women. But there's a reason for that and I understand ittoday. Thank God for the women of Alcoholics, anonymous. When I gothere, and I can name the few because they've gone, little Phyllis andMary and Shay and there's some people around Cathy Tea, all those people.When I got here and I was sober for a very short time, aboutsix months into my sobriety, I walked out of an AA meeting and Iserved with papers to give my children up and I flipped that. I gotangry, that real angry. I got violent. And the man who carrieda message to me was a guy by the name of Bob Wells. She'sLong God, they used to call him. Came Out, bought he liked whenhe was doing nothing to go to, came out and walk around. Idon't know. He was a big brawling man. He was six footsix by six foot six by six foot six and nobody bothered with him.He was just a gentle giant. And when I first came into a meeting, and it was down in Browie County, I came in through the bottom line, fly bottom lines ago, six bottom lines now. And when Iwalked into that meeting it was on a second floor and he was the firstguy that came to me and started talking to me about getting there a littleearly. There's a long table like this, and he said at the head ofthat table and he said I want you to save that seat for meand you sit at the corner of the table because I can get up tostay it's very easily. And I started saving the seat for him and thenhe would say, listen, you're here fifteen minutes earlier to save the seatsfor me. Once you come five minutes earlier and stand by that door andwelcome everybody into the ten am meeting.

Started doing that and then he said, well, being you here that early, why don't you come here a littleearlier than that and start making coffee? So now I'm greeting, making coffeeand and saving a seat for this guy. And I still don't evenknow if I want to be here, but I just didn't want to goback to where I came from. That much I knew. And then Iwas asked later on. He said, well, that being you here,why don't you stay after the meeting clean up? In those days we hadcups and we had ash tray. So I came in on the ABC's ofthe program has trays, brooms and cheers, and that's how I learned and thatman became a general giant. Do you use the when I first walkedin here, he's the first person that showed me any kind of respect andgave me dignity, which I had then when I got here. And throughhim I met a guy by the name of Dennis Oh, Dennis sopped him. A lot of people know that name. I know that Dennis so became everymorning we sit outside. We sit first at the New York Tilly inthose days, and then I moved into his his halfway house, and Iwould sit outside by the pond and we talked about life, we talked aboutmy kids and and but every Thursday at four o'clock. Bob would come andpick me up and we go to Bruce Bruce goes and have pizza and talkabout life. I originally didn't do the steps the I want to say,the conventional way. I did the steps by talking about life the way Bobgot it, and I became a big book person. I was giving abook and somebody told me to read the book. The answer in the book. Blah, blah, Blah Blah, and I was about six months right. Yes, I had to take as to give my kids up, andI'm fighting with everybody still because I came in here. I thought I comein, my kids would come back, the job would come back, everythingbe okay. It's not my experience. It was really rough for me andI struggled for quite a while at the beginning and I'm fighting with this thingwhether I want to be here or not. But we talked about my kids andwe've talked about life and the family damage and I never realized how badI had it. And then I was talking one day to to Bob andI was real angry because I clean. Every time I call, I wouldjump through hoops and I wouldn't be allowed to talk to my children, andthat's really the lie I told myself. You know, wasn't a lie.It was partly true that I came in to alcoholics and I'm just going tomy kids back. The truth is I really wanted my kids back. Inever to be head the way I did and I wouldn't have lost them inthe first place. It's a direct result the way I behaved. I ownthat today. I could known that when I got here and I'm sitting inI'm talking and Bob said, I want you to go over and I wantyou to talk to a guy by the name of ventee. A lot ofpeople know him too, and Ben asked me a question. I'm six monthssober. I just just got papers to give my kids up. Now whatdo I do? I turned around and they said, Ben, I don'tknow what he asked me to talk to you, because I don't think youhave anything to tell me. He said, well, listen, George, Igot a quiet one question for you. What kind of Custodian with those kids? So I said, well, I gave her this much money.Said, I ask you what you gave her. I said, well,I send you this. I gave you...

...that. Said, I ask whatyou did for them. I asked you what kind of custody you up andfor the first time in my life I woke up and I realized I wasan absolute pair, emotionally not available for my own children. Thing I sawI'd never do because that's how I felt. I was raised when I could beforeI came in there. Probably know that's not true. That's a that'sa false perception of what was going on. It's was my truth when I gothere, but that wasn't a truth either. So I lived in alie in my whole life. So I so I sat down and then Iwent after that and I realized that I had to do things differently. SoI kind of really made my really first surrender. And very shortly after thatI was at a meeting. Guy was talking about anger and I'm sitting nextto bother. It was a it was about five hundred and thirty meeting,I guess, and a guy was really angry about something, I don't evenremember what it was, and I turned around to him and I say,you know, because I was reading the Big Book and it was right infront of me, the fourth step, prayer on anger, and said thiswas our course although we like the way somebody behave, they, like herself, was sick to we show them the same tolerance kindness we would chaffy,grant, grant a sick friend. When someone offender, we said this isa sick man. God saved me from being angry. How can I behelped with them? Amen. So that I so I said that to me. He says, you little snot nosed punk. I have thirteen years inthis program and you'ren't telling me. Yada, Yada, Yadda, Yada, Yada. Well, I let it go. Botch it pass you on the backsto keep to what you're doing. So I started getting in the bookmore and more and six months later I walk into a meeting and this guy'schairing the meeting. I'm with one of my sponseees and he says, andI says to he says from the chair I owe somebody here in amend Iturned my spie is what did you do to them? I said I don'teven know and I didn't remember. He says, you know, I calledhim a snot nose punk, big book George. But the truth is itwasn't for him and I didn't have the resentment I had at thirteen years Inever would open that book, I never would have gotten a sponsor and Inever would have done the steps. So today, when I say big bookGeorge, I say it with love and that's how my name stuck with me. From that point I'm still trying to get my children back. I'm fightingwith the courts, I'm fighting with myself. I go to meetings and I raisedmy hand. I said, well, who had children and how to givethem up, and what did they do? NOT TO DRINK? AndI hear all kinds of things. Flight for them, don't fight for them, do this, do that. It took me about a year to makea decision to give my children up legally, because it was the right thing forme to do as a parent, because I was not capable emotionally,spiritually, or financially or in any other way to take care of them ina manner they did deserve. So I signed those papers. I was itwas I, but I was toys something when I got here. Whatever Iwas feeling, I was to write, let us to them and send themto myself to care care of myself within names on it. So I startedthat in one thousand nine hundred and ninety four is when I started that.And in two thousand and six I got...

...a call on January the nineteen,which was my anniversary day, from a little gig girl named cassie Marie.She wanted to know what faught was. We started through emails, we startedconversating, we started talking, we started writing and she came down to visitme in two thousand and eight. I will tell you that that journey hasbeen one of the most beautiful and brightest spots of my whole life and everythingto go could happen. When she came down here I had a box withletters and cause little gifts, all kinds of statements of things that were goingon, and she took that home with a I got a phone call veryshortly after she went home for my ex wife. First Time I heard fromhusband's ninety four, and she said I didn't know you felt that way.And, rather than getting into the argument of all the Times I called andall the troops I jumped through, I guess I had a little bit ofan hour and our program going on there. I said that was then and thisis now, and how can we work things out? I will tellyou. I speak to her on occasion. It's usually when my son is introuble or she needs something, but I call regularly. It doesn't matterwhat she does. I've learned in the program, matters what I do now. That's the good side of that story. The other side of that story ismy son, my son. I've reached out to him, been reachingout to him. When my daughter came down, she reached out to him. I've been to New York, I guess, about five times in myrecovery now. The first time I went was four years ago and I wentand I met with him. I went from my high school my fifty athigh school reunion. I met with him for dinner one night. I metwith my daughter three times in the four days I was there and I wentwith my son once. We went out to dinner. It was very cordial. It was very nice. I'd keep reaching out to him. He wasin trouble at one point I sent money. The communication is not there. Istill call, I still want to know what's going on and let tolast year. Yeah, a year ago in August was his birthday and Ispoke to my daughter and I spoke to my exmother and Laura and I wentto go visit the family again on my own to be there for his birthdayand it was very cordial. I took him his sister, which is mydaughter, his step sister, is fiance, my daughter's wife, the grandkids,everybody. We all went out and I took him out to dinner.My wife didn't show up. She was invited as well, and who wasour cordial, very nice and I've been trying to reach him ever since Iknew he was going to get married. I was not invited. I didn'texpect to be invited. I told him, you know, they'd be okay nomatter what he decides. I'm okay...

...with you, but just let meknow. I found out indirectly from my daughter, who I will not puther in the middle of all that, that his wife is pregnant. Nextweek sometime, I think I'll be a grandfather again, but I'm not supposedto know about it because he hasn't told me yet. And I called mywife, because my toy has been keeping me in the loop towd about thefamily dynamics that we go through. And No, and I quote my exwife, and a week later should call me back. So what's wrong andsaid, you know, would have been nice if you were to let meknow that Robert's going to be a father. She said, well, your daughtertold you. I said, yeah, my daughter told me, but it'snot her place to tell me that. You know, she's he's our sonand regardless of what's going on, I'd like to be in a loopbecause he doesn't acknowledge anything from me and that's his journey, not mine,and I and we talked for a while. listen, I don't want to putmy daughter in the middle of any of that. We have a relationship,her or not, and that's our relationship. You and I have a relationship,you know, it's the way it is, and that's okay. Ican deal with that. And my son and I have a relationship, whichis and I'm relationship, and that's okay too, because it's not my business. That's God's business, I said, but the bottom line is we arehis parent and it would be nice if you let me know. That's whereI left that. I still haven't heard from him. I sent him birthdaypresident. I don't get acknowledgement and that's okay. I know, I understandwhere he's is. He's the old me. I I'm looking at me as achild. So I get to watch me develop all over it and that'sone of the gifts this program has given me, both programs who give him. And so as as time went on and I'm seeing this go on,I'm seeing the behaviors of him and I'm seeing me, whether he's sober,whether he's not sober, I love him where he's at. I've just liketo do that here, but that is part of the family dynamics that weall have and if I really look at all the things that I own inthat I was an absolutee parent. I understand how he feels. I wasn'tthere when I should have been, but that I can't change that. Ican only live for where I am today with that and those are some ofthe gifts that I got in here. I can accept him where he is. Do I like it? No, and I've learned a long time agoacceptance does not mean approval. A lot of behaviors that other people have Idon't like. I can accept it, but I don't have to like it, but I don't have to feed into it anymore, and that was somethingI've learned about setting boundaries and that's one of the gifts at this program isgiven me along the way. To tell you what it was like for mepersonally and I and I have a I had a lot of things happened inmy recovery. I came in in one thousand nine hundred and ninety four,in in two thousand. Well, I came down with a moving blake.Flight Ninety six. I had my first surgery and they did a vein strippingand I couldn't get on my knees anymore.

You know, you know way wetalked to prey on our knees. So I got real nervous real quickand you know, I and myself, I was told to make a littlespot and pray. I've got a bunch of sponsors. I buried three ofthem so fart to of them from Alzheimers and they've all been a blessing becauseeach wanted them. Has Given me something special. I was with Bob andfor three and a half years I was with John Edwards Sixteen. I mentionedJohn Edwards because John Edwards demand, who taught me something at six years whenI asked him to spots, to me. I didn't want what he had.I asked him to a hands what I already learned and that was thegift John Edwards gave me. I have a fellow by the name of DickS now who's now has all zhims. This is my third sponsor that I'mdealing with with Alzheimers. I have a support group and I have other menthat I speak to you, but I don't believe in letting sponsors go,because they didn't let me go and I will stay with him until the endand I speaking with other people and I have a shortlist. You know whetherthey'll take me on and not, I don't know. I'm not that important, but I know I don't do this alone. So you know so thatthat's my sponsorship pot of this. But, like I saying, I came downwith a blood clot. I had that done and around two thousand andsix I was living with the young lady at the time and I was puttingup shells and I took a circular sore and I cut my hand almost completelyoff and they reattached it and I had all kinds of surgeries going on atthe same time. I had a back surgery I've had sixteen back surgeries,nine hand surgeries, all in the process for a half years. While thatwas going on, I came down with hepatitis, seeing cancer. Year sixand a hit for recovery. From yes six and a half to ye atten, I spent on a psychiatrist couch, that's for sure. Gave them awhole new look. I prospected what I was going through. I don'tknow if I got anything from it, but I got a lot of relief. It's not true. There it's important not to belittle the good doctors likeI interest. I needed to help a lot of it that time. Andthen I got well again and then I got sick again and I had aspinal in plant. So I walk around with electricity. I have had toknee replacements and not once did I ever think of turning my back on thefellowship. But not once did I ever take a medicine the wrong way.I've taken my medicine. Some people tell you to watch that. I'm notgoing to get into that, that whole controversy of should you, we shouldn'tyou? I have a very simple plan on that. And then I wastold to do this real early on. Call Your sponse talk to another person, listen to your doctor. What is your motive? And that's what thisAL comes down to. This whole fellowship for me is about what is mymotive? If my motive is to do the wrong thing, I'm going toend up with a bad result. I know that old man once told mewhen I do good, I feel good. You know what I do good,and some days I just don't feel good, but I know I'm okay. I don't know why I'm okay or how I'm okay, I just knowI'm okay and I'm on the you know,...

...and I'm and I just keep movingforward. To me, perseverance, awareness, consideration and love a veryimportant and those are all pots, as some of the principles and some ofthose steps you know we took about character defects. I always like to sayall my defects have character, and I have plenty of character when it comesto that, and it took me a long time to our find a lotof them. I still have one bad habit that I've been working on sinceone thousand nine hundred and ninety four is that I don't let people finish.I jump right in, because one of those bad habits of mine a lotbetter than it used to be. And I used to talk like this.I still do. My hands are always flaying, my mind is always going, but I've learned a lot of things and one of the things I learned, and I've get the pleasure and when I talked about the magnific the magnificentreality of alcoholics anonymous, it's about doing twelve step work. That's fun tome. Is One of the keys of this whole thing, whether it's anAA or whether it's an awl and on. I like the original Al and ontwelve step, which is doesn't say it up there, says having hada spiritual experience of this course of action, we try to carry this message toothers, especially alcoholics, and then to practice these principle in law ofis. I use that because, whether you're an alcoholic and not, myjob is to be available, to be of service, and that was veryhot for me, for a selfish, selfcentered, selfseeking individual to be giving, considered UN kind, loving person. So I had to turn that allaround and I learned to turn it around from the people in the program andthe fellowship. You know, the fellowship was very key to me at thebeginning. Kenny King was the name I couldn't think of earlier, who boughtme my first Hamburg. I'll never forget that, my first cup of coffee. The people that love me when I was unlovable, the people that caredfor me when I didn't care for myself, the people that came and pick meup and took me to meetings. I've learned to do that. Ionly learned to do that because I only emulate the people that gave that tome. So, no matter what I've learned. The one thing I've learnedthrough this whole thing, and I said it early, because somebody asked mea question last night. They said, what did you learn this year?I said what I learned, what I think I know. I don't knowwhat I think is going to happen. Never does. That's what I've learnedthis year. No matter what's going on, I'm going through a whole lot ofnew medical stuff now again. I'm not dying below. I was toldthat once already in my recovery, twice in my recovery, as going tolasted than a year to live. Twice since I've been here. Not thisyear. This year I have something new going on. I ended up withauthritis. I couldn't hold a pain. I don't feel on my fingertips.I'm dealing with that. I've had, God, I don't want to talk, how many shots I'm getting in my hands on a every weekly basis andI'm dealing with that pain now. So physical pain. And we were talkingbefore the meeting about chronic illness. I live with chronic illness and back innine and two thousand and three there was...

...a woman named Nancy a. Weused to go to the West Browle club and there's some people and people whoremember bed from the Bronx who ended up with a disease. We started ameeting up they called chronic illness in the twelve steps is called Yana. You'renot alone, because there's a lot of things that we go through reaching oneof us in individual fellowships. It doesn't matter that we can't bring into thefellowship because people say you can't talk about that India or you shouldn't be takingthat. We made a meeting so people could talk about it and it wasbased on the twelve steps. Or if of a woman in one thousand,nine hundred and eighty seven who was diagnosed with the disease they didn't know andshe went to the mail clinic and she wrote a book and she's a therapisttoday and she stole alive and because of that we were able to help otherpeople with all kinds of chronic illness. Is Cancer, scoliosis, all kindsof different diseases, that people can come in there and talk about what theydealing was with the medications in their life, but relating it to the twelve steps. So this is a solution and they're dissolution. Is I've learned isabout God. It's my relationship with God. The thing I ask any of thepeople I sponsor when they come to me about something, it's two questions, and the two questions I ask myself whenever there's a problem. Why isit all about me, and where's God and all this? And if Ican do that, then I'm learning to be selfless, because if it's notabout me and I'm practicing consideration, that I'm practicing one of the greatest onesof lie love. I know, because if I'm consider you, I can'tbe thinking about me. So that I know, and if it's not aboutme and I know God's in it, then I know it's got to becoming from a loving place. I think your time in letting issue.

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