AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 11 · 1 year ago

George G @ Easy Does It AFG Group 1st Anniversary Boca Raton FL 12-8-2019

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

E everybody, this is Eric from rocketedDadorg. I hope you enjoy today's recording I'm a grateful alcoholic. My name isGeorge. My sobritay gate is January. Theiteenth Ne Thousand Nine hundred and ninety four by the grace of God, couldsponsorship a lot of meanings and a lot of help from a lot of people a lot offellowships so far and I'll say it that way. I have indeem it necessary tochange my sobriety day. This is Alenon, and so I don't have totell you about my drinking history, because if an of you in now or none youguys, have lived through it, so you don't have to hit my insanity ofgetting. I want to talk about the magnificentreality of alcoholics and arms and the solution, because we always talkedabout the problem and I also want to touch on the family because we do the most damage in thefamily and I'll do it. Through my journey, I came in here, inone thousandnine hundred and ninety four I was going to meetings, got a sponsor doingthe deal. AUGUING is everybody trying to prove my terminal uniqueness that Iwas different? You guys didn't understand, and I had a man who carriedthe message to me. I had a Puncherman that carried the message me an a bunchof women and I don't want it to get that this is my fellowship is afellowship at Man and women who share their experience, strength and hopewith each other. I've tawt really on it's, not a fellowship of men withDheman and whowe Wirh to women, but there's a reason for that. I understandit today thank Glod for the women of altolicsanonymous. When I got here, and I can name he few because theyhave gonelittle Phillis and Marian Chay and Tif some people, alound Cati t allthose people when I god here and I was sober for a very short time about six months into my sobriety. Iwalked out of an AA meeting and I served with papers to give my childrenup and I flipped out. I got angry Gat real angry. I got violent and the manwha carried. A message to me was guy by the name of Babla Hes Long Guy theused,con Kmi bod like when he was doing nothing to go to CMA and walk around. Idon't know he was a big brawly man. He was six foot six by six foot, six bysix foot, six and nobody bothered with him. He was just a gentle giant andwhen I first came into a meening and it was down in Browey County, I came inthrough the bottom. The line fly bottom lines ago, six bottom lines now and when I walked into that meeting, itwas on a second floor and he was the first guy that came to me and startedtalking to me about getting mere a little earliau. There's a long tablelike this, and he sat at the head of that table and e said. I want you tosave that seat. Tor Me and you sit at the corner of the table because I can'tget up the stairs very insully and I started saving the seat for him andthen he would say: Listen You'e here at fifteen minutes, earlir to save the sea.For me, once you come five minutes...

...earlier and stand by that door andwelcome everybody into the NAM started doing that, then he said well been youhere that early. Why don't you come here a little earlier than that andstart making coffi? So now, I'm creating making Qaifee Gin a saving, aseech for this guy, and I still don't even know if I wantto be, but I just didn't want to go back to where I came from that muchtray new and then I was asked later on. They said well that being you here, Whydn't You stay after Dhe, meaning clean up an those days. We had cups and wehad Dagh trade. So I came in on the abcs of the program as trades broomsand cheers that's how I learnd and that man became a general giant, do hosus agin when I first woke in here he was the first person that showed me anykind of respect and gave me dignity, which I had know when I got here andthrough him I met a guy by the name of Deniso Dennis stopped. Then a lot ofpeople know that name. I know that Denniso became every morning we sitoutside. I Wa sit pust it to New York Dell in those days and then I movedinto his his halfwayhouse and I would sit outside by the pine and we talkeabout life. We talk about my kids and then bu every Thursday at four o'clockBob would come and pick me up and we go to brisk bruscos and have pizza andtalk about life. I originally didn't do the steps to Iwant to say the conventional way. I did a steps by talking about life. The WayBob got it and I became a pipl person. I was giving a book and somebody toldme to read the book. The answerer in the Bok Blah Blah Blah Blah, and I wasabout six months right: Yesteray, Headan, Capes, Wi Yov, my kids up andI'm fighting with everybody. Still because I came in here, I tou T I comein, my kids would come back, Jrob woul come back, everything will be okay,it's not my experience. It was really rough for me and I struggled for quite a while at thebeginning and and I'm fighting with this thing- whether I want to be hereor not, but we talk about my kids and we've talked about life and the familydamage and I never realized how bad I had it and then I was talking one dayto Bob and I was real angry because I clean every time. I call I would jumpthrough hoofs and I wouldn't be allowed to talk to my children and that'sreally what the lie. I told myself, you know wasn't aliveas portly, true that Icame into Owncollsta ni just go in Ti my kids back the truth is I reallywanted my kids back. I Never Ho beheadd the way I did 'td I wouldn't have lostthem in the first place, O direct result of the way I behaved. I ownedthat today. I could known that when I got here and I'm sitting in I'm talkingand Bob said, I want you to go over and I want you to talk to a guy by the nameof Benti. A lot of people know him too and Benny asked me a question. I'm sixmonths sober I just got pafors to give my kids up and I want to wait. Do Iturned around and they said then I don't know what asked me to talkto you, because I don't think you have anything to tell me he said well,listen! George! I got TA quite one question for you what kind of custodyinwith those kids so I said. Well, I gave her this much money. Aid Int, ask youwhat you gave her I said. Well I send...

...her this. I gave her there so then neswat you did for them. I asked you what kind of Custoni you are and for thefirst time in my life I woke up and I realized I was an absent tea, pairentemotionally not available for my own children thing. I sure I never dobecause that's how I felt I was raised when I before I came intho program. Youknow, that's not true. That's a that's a false perception of what was going on.It's was my truth when I got it, but that wasn't the truth either. So Ilived in a lite, my whole life, so I so I sat down and then I went after that,and I realized that I had to do things differently. So I kind of really mademy really first surrender and very shortly after I was at a meeting. Guywas talking about anger and I'm sitting next to Babos a thos thaut's fivethirty meeting, I guess, and the guy was really angry about soneting. Idon't even remember what it was and I turned around to him and I you know,because I was reading the Big Book and it was right in front of me thefoirstep prayer on Aga and said this was our course, although in liketwaysomebody behaved they like herself was sick too. We show them the sametolerance, kindness. We would cheerfully grant grant a sick friendwhen someone offended. We said this is a sick man, God Sav me from being angry.How can I be helpwit Orhim Amen so that I so I said that to her and he said youlittle snot nose. PUNK I have thirteen years in this program and you'retelling me Adiadi a the ADIA. Well, I let it go watch it Paton back o Kep towhat you're doing so. I started getting in the book more and more and sixmonths later I walke into a meeting and this guy's charing the mediun with oneof my sponsies, and he says- and I says to he says from the Cher I ose somebodyhere in the men. I turned my spices. What did you Dodo said? I don't evenknow- and I didn't remember he says you know I called him- snotnose Ponk BigBook George, but the truth is o wasn't for him and I didn't have theresentment I had at thirteen years. I never would open that book. I neverwould have gotten a sponsor and I never would have done tho steps. So today,when I say big book George, I stay it with love and that's how my name stuckwith me fom that point I'm still trying to getmy children back, I'm fighting with the coach, I'm fighting with myself. I goto meetings and I raise my hand. I said well who had children and how to givethem up and what di they do not to drink, and I hear all kinds of thingsfight for them. Don't fight then do this do that it took me about a year to make adecision to give my children up legally, because it was the right thing for meto do as a parent, because I was not capable emotionally, spiritually orfinancially or in in any other way to take care of them in a manner they dodeserve. So I signe those papers I was was, but I was twitt somethingwhen I got here whatever I was feeling I was to write letturs to them and sendthem to myself to carry care of myself with their names on it. So I startedthat in thousand nine hundred nd. Ninety four is when I started that and in twothousand andsix I got a call on January,...

...the nineteenth, which was myanniversary date from a little git girl named Cashi Marie. She wanted to know what fater was we started through emails. We startedconversating, we started talking, we started writingand she came down. Tond visit me in two thousand and eight. I will tell youthat that journey has been one of the most beautiful and brightest spites onmy whole life Neverthingigo. What could happen when she came down here? I had abox with letters and cars and little gifts, all kinds of statements ofthings that were going on and she took that home with her. I got a phone call very shortly aftershe went home from my ex wife first time I heard from horince ninety four, and she said I didn't know you feltthat way, and rather than getting into the augument of all the Times I colledand all the toops I jumpd through. I guess I had a little bit of an Aniprogram going on there. I said that was then this is now, and how can we workthings out? I will tell you I speak to her hut on occasion. It's usually whenmy son is in trouble or she needs something, but I call regularly doesn'tmatter what she does. I've learned in the PRODAM: That is what I do now. That's the good side of that story.The other side of that story is my son. My son, I've reached out to him been reachingout to him. When my daughter came down she reached out to him I'd been to NewYork. I guess about five times in my recovery now, the first time I went wasfour years ago and I went and I met with him. I went from my high school,my Fiftyet High School Reunion. I met with him for a dinner one night. I metwith my daughter three times in the four days I was there and I wert withmy son. Once we went out to dinner, it was very cordial. It was very nice. Ikeep reaching out to him. He was in trouble at one point. I sent money. Thecommunication is not there. I still call. I still want to know what's goingon and I took last year yeah year ago, in August was his birthday, and I spoke tomy daughter and I spoke to my nex mother in Laur, and I went to go visitthe family again on my own to be there for his birthday and it was very cordial. I took him hissister, whom was my daughter, his step sister, his fiance, my tougtis wife, the grandkidseverybody we all went out and I took him out to dinner. My wifedidn't show up, she was invited as well, and it was very cod ou very nice andI've been trying to reach him ever since I knew he was going to getmarried. I was not invited. I didn't expect to be invited. I told him, youknow it'd be okay, no matter what he...

...decides, I'm okay with, but just let meknow I found out indirectly for my daughter.I will not put her in the middle of all that that his wife is pregnant next week sometime. I think I'll be agrandfather again, but I'm not supposed to know about it because he hasn't toldme yet- and I called my wife, because my toughtras been keeping me in theloop ton about the family dynamics that we go through and no and I've called myex wife and a week later should call me back choice wrong an said. You know itwould have been nice. If you would. Let me know that robirts going to be Yaurfather, she said. Well, your Daughtyr told you I said Yeah, my daughter toldme, but it's not her place to tell me that you know she's a he's ouway sonand regardless of what's going on I'd like to be in he look because hedoesn't acknowledge anything from me and that's his journey, not mine, and Iand O we. We talked for a while. She said what a you don' ECIZE, you I said:Listen, I don't want to put my daughter in the middle of any of that we have arelationship Heran. I and that's our relationship, you and I have arelationship. You know it's the way it is and that's, okay, I can deal withthat and my son and I have a relationship with it, an anrelationship and that's okay too, because it's not my business, that'sGides business, I said, but the bottom line is we are his parent and it wouldbe nice if you let me know that's where I left that I still haven't heard from him. I'vesent him birthday O president. I don't get acknowledgement and that's okay. Iknow I understand where he is. He steeled me. I I'm looking at me as achild, so I get to watch me develop all over again and that's one of the gifts thisprogram has given me. Both programs WHA Getin it so as as time went on and I'mseeing this go on, I'm seeing the behaviors of him and I'm seeing mewhether he sober whether he's not sober. I love him where he's at I just like todo that here, but that is part of the samily dynamics that we all have and ifI really look at all the things that I own in that I was an absente parent. I understandhow he feels I wasn't there when I should have been,but that I can't change that. I can only live for where I am today withthat and those are some of the gifts that I got in here. I can accept himwhere he is. Do I like it? No and I've learned a long time ago. exceptancedoes not mean approval a lot of behavior s that other people have. Idon't like. I can accept it, but I don't have to like it, but I don't haveto feed into it anymore, and that was something I've learned about settingboundaries and that's one of the gifts that this program has given me. I LongTha way to tell you what it was like for mepersonally and- and I have a I had a lot of thingshappen in my recovery. I came in ine thousand nine hundred and ninety fourInin two thousand well. I came down with a moving Blod qlite. Ninety six, Ihad my first surgery and they did a veing stripping and Icouldn't get on my knees. anywone. You...

...know you know we e tied to prey on ourknees, so I got real nervous, real, quick and you know I my so I was toldto make a little spot pray. I've got a bunch of sponsors, I burid three ofthemselve, far to a them from all timers and they've all been a blessing becauseeach one of them has given me something special. I was with Bobin for the threeand a half years. I was with John Ed, which sixteen I mentioned John Edwards,because John Edward is a man who taught me something at six years. When I usedintospoteor me, I didn't want what he had. I asked IV ten hands what Ialready learned- and that was the gift John Edwards gave me. I have a fellowby the name of Dick S. Now whos now has all tims. This is my third sponsor thatI'm dealing with with altimis. I have a support group and I have other men thatI speak to, but I don't believe in letting sponsors go. CUCUSE stheydidn't. Let me go and I will stay with him until the end and I speaking withother people and I have a short list. You know whether they'll take me on andthat I don't know I'm not that important, but I know I don't do thisalone, so you know so th t that's my sponsorship. Part of this, but, like Iwas saying I came yown with a blood clot I had that done and around twothousand and six I was slipping with e young lady at the time and I wasputting up shells and I took his circular sor and I cut my hand almostcomppletey off and they reattached it and I had all kinds of surgeries goingon. At the same time, I had back surgery. I've had sixteen backsurgeries, nine hands surgeries all in the process of four and e hanf years.While that was going on, I came down with Hepotitis Sy in cancer iyes sixand a half a recovery from year six and a half to year. Ten I spent on apsychiatrit couch, that's for sure gave them a whole new. Look, I prospectof what I was going through. I don't know if I got anything from it, but I Igot a lot of relief. It's TNOT, true thettit's important, not to belittlethe good doctor psychiatrist. I needed the help a lot of it that time and thenI got well again and then I got sick again and I had a spinal inplant. So Iwalk around with electricity. I have had two near replacements and not oncedid I ever think of turning my back on the fellowship, but not once did I evertake a medicine, the long way I've taken my medicine. Some people tell youto watch that I'm not going to get into that that whole controversy of shouldyou or shouldn't you. I have a very simple plan on that and I then I wastaught to do this real early on quall. Your sponse talk to another person,listen to your doctor. What is your motive and that's what tosold frim stat this whole fellowship for me is about what is my Motev. If mymotive is to do the wrong thing, I'm going to end up with a bad result. Iknow that old man once told me when I do good. I feel good. You know what Ido good and somedimes. I just don't feel good, but I know I'm okay. I don'tknow why I'm okay or how I'm okay, I...

...just know I'm okay and I'm on the youknow, and- and I just keep moving forward to me- perseverance, awareness,consideration and love ar very impornt and those are all parts of shome of theprinciples and some. If those steps you know we talkd about character, defects.I always like to say all my defects have character and I have plenty of character when itcomes to that, and it took me a long time to work on alot of them. I still have one bad habit that I've been working on since NeThousand Nine hundred, and ninety four is that I don't let people finish. Ijump right in BCAU, one of those bad habits of mine, a lot better than itused to be, and I used to talk like this, I still do my hands are alwaysflame. My mind is always going, but I've learned a lot of things and one ofthe things I learned and Nife get the pleasure when I talked about tomagnifiy the magnificent reality of alcholics anonymous, it's about doingtwelve stepbook, that's sun to me is one of the keys of this whole thing,whether it's Anaa or whether it's Yanal an on. I like the original Allanine,twelve step, which is doesn't say it up. There says having had a spiritualexperience of this course of action. We try to carry this message to others,especially alcoholics, and then to practice these principle in Al offairs.I use that because whether you're an alcoholic on NAT, my job is to beavailable to be of service, and that was very hard for me for her selfishselfscentege self, seeking individual to be a giving considerate and kindloving person. So I had to turn that all around than I learned to turn thataround from the people in the new program and the fellowship you know,the fellowship was very Kti me at the beginning, Kenny came was the name I couldn'tthink of Earlyr who bought me my first Hamburg I'll. Never forget that my first cup of coffee, the people thatlove me when I was unlovable for people that kid for me when I didn't care formyself the people that came and picked me up and took me to meetings. I'velearned to do that. I only learned to do that because I only emulate thepeople that gave that to me. So we're no matter what I've learned. The onething I've learned through this whole thing and I said it early fors somebodyasked me a question last night. They said what did you learn? Monsier? Isaid what I learned what I think I know I don't know d. What I think is goingto happen. Never does that's what I've learned this year, nomatter. What's going on, I'm going through a whole lot of new medicalstuff, now again, not dying athough. That was told that once ready in myrecovery, Fli SOM recovery has geeen less tha than a year. O Live twicesince I've been here not this year. This year I have something new going on.I ended up with Athritis. I couldn't hold the pen, they dont feen. Hefingerters I'm dealing with that. I've had God. I don't want to talk, how manyshots I'm getting in my hands on every weekly basis and I'm dealing with thatthat pain now so physical pain and we're talking before the meeting aboutchronic illness. I live with Chroni cines and back innine and two thousand and...

...three there was a woman named Nancy, awe used to go trough. The West Browat club new, some people and people whoremember bed from the Bronz yea woended up with a disease. We started a meetingup. There call chronic illness in the twelve steps called Yana you're, notalone, because there's a lot of things that we go through each one of us, anindividual fellowships. It doesn't matter that we can' bring into thefellowship because people say you can't talk about that, India, what you shouldbe taking ut, we made a meeting, so people could talk about it and it wasbased on the twelve steps oft of a woman, ine thousand nine hundred andeighty seven who was diganosed wit, it disheas, Dey Didn',know when she went to the mail quin clinic and she wrote a book and she's atherapist today and she's still alive, and because of that were all Wutd help.Other people with all highschronicle misss cancer scoliosis all kinds ofdifferent diseases that people can come in here and talk about what they'rdealing with with your medications in their life, but relating it to thetwelve steps. So there's a solution and the solution is ha. I've learned isabout God, it's my relationship with God. The thing I ask any of the peopleI sponsor when they come to me about something. It's two questions and thestwo questions I ask myself: Whenevet is a problem. Why is it all about me andwhere's God an all this, and if I can do that, then I'm learningto be selfless, because it's not about me an I'm practicing consideration thanI'm practicing one of the greatest ones, O Liein love. I know pece of inConsiderg you. I can't be thinking about me so that I know- and if it'snot about me- and I know Gides in it- and I know it's got it to be comingfrom a loving place. I thank Oua time in Headin Shr.

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