AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 12 · 1 year ago

George G @ 14th Annual Speaker & Food Extravaganza Boca Raton FL 12-25-2019

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Everybody this is Eric from rocketedDodorg. I hope you enjoy today's recording I'm a gratful alcoholic. My name isGeorge. My sobriety date is January, the enthone thousand nine hundrd and ninety four by the grace of God, e great sponsorship and a whole lot ofhelp from a whole lot of people. So far, I haven't had o change that date andthat' jus. So far, I'm looking around at the lihes- and Isaid it last night and I'll say it again when I walked here so all theselights. What it reminded me it was where I was December, the tenth o onethousand nine Hunenand, ninety three and the clodboy box under the fifteenint yetree bridge. That's where my attorntey actually ended but reallystarted. That's when I decided I needed help to stop living the way I wasliving and I've been around for a while, I'm a literature person and I'm goingto have to tell you what it's was like what happened an what it's like now. Sothat's really about what it was like the journey since then, because my alcohol drug log, you don't need tohear you all know it. We all have one and I'm more interested in what hashappened over the list. Twenty five and three quarters actually less ten daysyears. I will be twenty six on January nineteenth and so far I am still hereonly by God's grace, I got idnt her by His mercy. I've been reading a lot of literaturefor a very long time and the first time in many years I've been readingsomething, and this was the twelfth month and we're on the twelfth step andfor all the years I read it, there's a line in there or there's a littleparagraph in there that I never saw before and amazing how the bood keepschanging, no matter which book I pick up and says the magnificy reality ofalcoholics anonymous is recreated by the wonderful energy which is releasedthrough the eager action. While we carry our message in the next sufferingalcoholic through twelve steps and practice the principles in all ouraffairs, I like that line where it says the magnificent reality of alcoholicsanonymous. That's what I want to talk about. I've been speaking here for a long timenow and the one thing I will tell you. This is the first time in many yearsthat I'm doing it standing up. That's that's it! That's! Yes, that's a gift from God.I've done it on with a Cane I've done it in a wheelchair. I've done it in thewake and after many surgeries and a lot ofhealth issues, I am actually able to stand. Ind Walk on my own, which is agift from God, CIS. I didn't know if I'd ever do that could tell you a bunch of stories,because I like stories when I got here, I didn't want to be here. I figured Iwas coming down for three months stay...

...in the halfway house around the cornerand I was going to go back home and I would be able to drink successfullywithout getting in trouble. I met a couple of men along the way and a lotof women. I got to say both because in is a fellowship of men and women whoshare their experience, a strengthen hope with each other that ould that wemay saw wat common problems and Hel others to recop from TATPOLSM. I had toremember when I got in here, I was complete mess. Some of the early people that I met wasa guy by named Bob Welsh one of the first men that I met, and I met him atthe bottom line five bottom lines ago. It's now six actually and I walked intoa room. It was on a second floor in the veritized building and I got thereearly because I would not ask for help when I got here. Imagine us not askingfor help thinking. We could figure it out all by ourselves and what ended uphappening is I got up to that second floor and he was sitting there and hesaid well when you come tomorrow. How did you know it's coming back to marsays when you come tomorrow? I once you get here a little earlier and I wantyou to save this seat for me at the end of the table and you sit right overhere, but get here fifteen minutes earlier, so I got there. Fifteenminutes early. I saved the sea and SAI well now that you here fifteen minutesearlier and saving this seas. For me Y Donce, you get hite five minutesearlier and stand by the door and welcome everybody to Tenaa meeting. SoI did that and then he said to you. Well being you her that early, whatdidn't you get here? Another five minutes, earlyand may Cole. So I camein what I like to say on the ABCs, the Ash, trees, brooms and Chers. I got totrip into alcoholics anamos. He treated me with dignity and respect something Ididn't have when I walked in here. Nor did I feel worthy of, but what he didis he sat down and he spoke with me and he spoke to me in a way nobody spoke tome. He didn't tell me what I needed to do. He told me his story and his storywas pretty much like my story. He had a broken marriage. He real worked in aunion. You actually was in charge of to train you lige in Chicago, so I had alot in common with him because he was a union guy and I would go to that meeting in themorning and it was a lot of people with a out of power and a lot F of time andthe'll say at that way. They were powerful to me. One of them was Marrian chay she's nolonger with this, and I can use her full name and when my mom got sick, Iwas told I needed an AA mom. So Bob said you see that lady over there Isais you mean that Togh New York froid and he said Yeah S. I want you to sitnext er and get to knowher. I said I want t sit next to her she's, like kids off you can't get near her says,sit next to her and go to Lo. You need an Aa mom, your mom's going to pass andyou need an Hay Mok. I sat next to her when I found out she was a very gentlgiant and she was very soft and n no di my water. She was very soft andvery caressing, and...

...she became like one of my best friendsand I sober about six months and her and a woman named Kathy ar I'm notgoing to give her last name because she's still available. Thank you, wips heads she, the two ofthem, was Sitt and talk to me about my children, because when I came in, Iwalked out of a AA meeting and I was Sur with pape is to give mychildren up, and I was not a happto camper when thathappened. So I walked in and I was drew a fit and bob well. She hask me to go over and speak because he didn'thave you know he didn't have the situation and he suggested I go overand speak to the gentleman sitting in there by name Benti, and he has told meCalerin, talke to Ben and then asked me a question and I think I was about sixmonths. Sober and I'll. Tell you that's when our false anonymous came alive andThenhe asked me a very simple question. He said what kind of Cistodi you wer Ouohose children. So I told him about the things I bought and you said I don'task you that, and I said I things like Getti Shat. I don't ask it at. I askedHor what kind of Costodin you ware and I woke up and I realized ire- was anabsente emotionally AFK Onta parent, and I didn't like that feeling and Ihad some some have tough decisions from six months to about a year year and ahalf. Do I give the children up? Don't I giveto Cho? I went every meeting and I got a million and one different answers ofwhat I should do and how I should do it. I should fight for my children. Ishould let him go, but somebody asked me another question along the way andthe question was very simple: What is best for your children? That's a choicethat I did not want to make, because I knew what was best for my children. Iknow Iwas a emotionally, not available financial,able to or in any way take care of those kids. The way they need to betaking care of. So I decided if te one year of fighting with myself andeverybody in the rooms to give thim up I didn't drink. Did I want to drink? Ohyeah, I wanted to dream and I'll tell you. I was struggling with it and itwas some suggestions made to me. I was doing steps. I was six months sober. Ithought I had alcoholics anonymous down already. I was probably on my thirdstep, and somebody said you know, give it to God my favorite line, where's Godand all this you give it a god. How do you give something to guide that you'renot willing to look over and there's a little story, and I think story ofabout the broken toy man who goes to God with a broken toy and doesn't looks at the toy and it's notfixed, and he says God, you didn't fix this. He said: Well, you knever Lik Oland that's what I couldn't do it is. I didn't have to let Gil I didn't knowhow to lit go and let the process of this program show me away to Gode thatI didn't want. When I got here and as I stayed here, you know I signed thosechildren over and Im struggling and then somebody said why don't you get aguidebox? What's a guide box get a box and make it up and whatever you want tosay to your children, write letters and couds and put it in that box and thenIfer? I was doing that for a little...

...while it was suggested that I actuallymail him to myself and that started back. I One thousand nine hundred andninety four and I started writing these letters and clages putting a littleflight ollives in one ten dollars in another. One to my son went to mydaughter, Sontho both, and I did that for a very long time and I kept mailingfom myself and I will tell you that I wasmiserable. We read the nint step, promises all the time and I used to goto meetings and I used to watch people come up here and see their childrengive them a medalion Ol Vice Iversa or a child, giving a parent o Edalian, andthat wasn't happening to be and there's you know the line in the. U Bottom ofthe ninth step. Promises are these extravagant promises and I used to sayOh yeah they're extravagant, and I then everybody kept saying no they're not,and then I went to Bob- and I said Bob everybody's telling me these aren'textravagant promises. A joy when Youare new they're extravagant I do were very extravaant. I believethe promises are extraving, otherwise they wouldn't be promises. So Istruggled with that. So I could not accept the fact that I was watching allthese blessings coming to other people and one was 't my turn. That was thequestion I kept asking. Somebody says it's your turn. When it is, I do know I didn't want to drink. I didwant to do a lot of other things, but I did not want to drink. I did want towant it way. I did want to stuff my feelings and Kake Gof. I want go toanother state, anything not to deal with what was going on, because I didnot know how the Clean House in the big book it talks about this step. He pursued the rest of the a program,but after a while he went out that Drumk, we believe the reason is hedidn't complete his house cleaning and they told me if I kept secrets and Ididn't clean up the mess that I created. I would either drink again or I wouldjust disappear from alhoholts and ams, and there was something in here. Thatwas a magic that I saw. It was people that loved me when I was unlovable theycared for me when I cleadn't care for myself. I tell a story about my friend,Kenny Cay people, who remember Kenny Cang. I was at Denny's I used to code.The TNAM meeting and the whole Tenam meeting would go to Denny's right afterthe meeting and I believe they were drinking and I was going to catch them.They were toway too happy not to be drinking just the way. I saw thingswhen I got here and I would sleak behind Denny's and look in the windowand they'd be sitting around they' be laughing and they kept inviting me in,and I had no money and I would finally get the ten o'clock at night because Igo to the ten am and I go to a bunch of other MES and I go to the ten PM. Istart with a meeting and I didn't Wan O Meeti. I go to a meaning ges, somethingby the day I had built up so much garbage that I need something to dumpit, so I went to the TNPM and then they'd all go out to te Ti Enis againand one day, I'm sitting there and all of a sudden hamburger comes in front ofme, and I said I didn't knorder that he said somebody order that for you all Iever had was water. I didn't even have...

...enough for a coup of coffee in thosedays, and I said I nowte that I can't afoid thatI said you got to eat that somebodhy sent it to you. I said H T I don't havemoney for it, so Kenny got up and says: Listen I bought you that hamburger andyou'R eatit and your Neveallgi we Kenagain that's one thing I learned andwhen I learned from Kenny cane is that we pass things forward and that's whathe taught me. You know each person along the way gave me a gift along theway, been very dad. I meen Cathy's very dearto me. They have given me wonderful gift, Tis, spirtual, guess, camporprice on those Bob carried the message to me.Something never did a formal step with him. Thersday Mi. My way into thisprogram was Thursday night at Briscows, with a piece of pizza and then at sixo'clock. He dropped me off in front of the Bole bottom line. There WOASD be atwelve step meeting, either a tradition or a step series. He dropped me off andthen pick me up after the meeting and wanted to know what I learned. That's how I learned- and I came inheare that way and then, after a while, he says you need somebody to take youthrough the book and I's a guy by the name of Laris who became Mot sponsive amatter of fact come tomorrow. He is coming down tomorrow, Tomorrow'Thursday ye AH Weregot we're having dinner. We do that once a year. His momis very sick, he's on the other side of Florida. He lives in Texas and once hehit we sit down and we eat. We break bread. Today I like this stay and myfirst year he said. Listen. I will take you through the book. I will spinsor,you bob head, moved away and he said, but I'm going to tell you right now,Dad I'm not your banker, I'm not your friend. I am not here to do your legalproblems and I had a lot of thoses when I got here. He said I am here to guideyou Sutebo and get you through these steps and that's exactly what he did.It was one year before I got a cupe coffee from him and I'll never and Ilearn to beomething about being responsible. That's what he taught meresponsible to my assignments responsible to my commitments andresponsible to our folk and Inys, because I wasn't responsible foranything when I got it all I wanted is what can I get and how do I get out ofhere quick and have all the solution without doing any of the work? Itdoesn't work that way. So, as I stayed here, I got more involved in theliterature and there's a line in tradition. Nine, not read that one saysunless eha members follow the best of his ability are suggested. Twelve stepsof recovery, he almost certainly signs his own deathworm, hisdrunkenness and disillusion, OT penalties inflicted by people inauthority. They result from his personal disobedience to spiritualprinciples. I had a lot of disobedience to spiritual principles. I didn'tbelieve in God. I didn't want to believe in TAT. I was, I don't evenknow if I was an ynastic or Natheist, but I knew if your parents went through ut my parents through andyou went through what I went through...

...and you married out of read. I had awhole lot of excuses, but no real reasons. Ther were just excuses and inthe big book and talks about and says, we know how we feel some of us havebeen anti religious to others, to where Gud brought up a certain thing. Thatwas impressed in him with childhood and with that impression he rejected theguid idea. I rejected the Ghad idea for a long time, but I did the work thidn'believe in not worked some steps, Dadd a third step onJuly. Fourth, one thousand nine hundred and ninety four on the third step ofJoan Aba outside the chapel. When it was in the other Supin and what endedup happening is I sat down with I I knailed down with Larryor, I neverknelt with another man to say a prayer in my life and I kept using the excusethat Jews don't get on anes, and I was asked this question George,when you were drunk and hanging on to the toilet poll you on your knees, yeahand when you were going through the copet whe. You want your knees yeah. Sowhy are you just respecting what I'm asking you to do so I got on my Kheesand I said a prit and I got up and he says all right. You want t turn yourroll life over to care. A Guy. I said NOP, you said you want to turn yourwill and Lifefolr to care to steps, and I said yes because I was- and I didthat forstep I got to a blockage and we all have blockidges and something Ibelieve and I'll always tell you when it's my belief and not something out ofAthholics, anonymous or and the literature. I never found that inliterature. But there's a belief that I have today. I believe that every one ofus that are in here something in our early life, this colored our world andour solution became drinking. That's what I believe- and I know what mine is until you findwhat yours is. They told me th Y I wouldn't stay, there was alwayssomething and mine was being molested when I was a young child by two mendressed as women. I was seven years old. I could talk about it now. It took me along time to talk about it, because the tragedy and nightmare that that carriedwith me made me feel dirty in so many ways and not accepted at notbeing able to tell you what really went on. So that was my blockage and I waswriting my four step and we go to Denny's and Larry said: okay. Well, Howr you doing on your foor. Oh I'm doing great Yoah and he said to me: Well Wy:Don't you bring it next week and let's see what it looks like and I said I onforgot it the following a week and then then next week he says. Well, where is it I said well to tell you thetruth? They never done esays. I knew that he says Youell I'll, tell you whateiher you tell me what it is. You go home and write it and burn it or you do something that Ye till next week, Ted Nex and if youdon't do any of that, you might as well find a new sponsor because you're notwilling to do what I asked you to do at the beginning. So I came back the nextweek and I told Thim I didn't do it and he got up and he started to walk awayand I said Larry Wait and I sat down...

...and I told them that deep dock sicsecret, that discolored my world fom my childhood and we sat down and we got through that andthen I went home and I wrote my first inventory, which I call my twenty eightpage moral inventory, because I was living on the streets for a long time.I didn't have much morality ton, my idea, I walked away from children. Iwalked away from my relationship with my wife. I walked away from myrelationship with my family and I want to know why I didn't like any of them.They had nothing to do with it. It's everything I did, and I learned that inhere too. It doesn't matter what others do it matters. What I do so I did allthat work and all of a sudden my life got better. I am now sober a bunch heyers. I will tell you that there's a pot in a big book. I hadfaith, I had a belief in the process, but I didn't believe it was going towork for me because my children, Wen back in my life and I used thestatement when I got in here I'm here to get my kids back and my kids wetakein out. Why do I want to stay, but I kept staying, and I will tell youthat the journey that I went on was a very long journey. I had faith in thepeople in the room when I had to give my children up Kathy and Marian Shaymade a suggestion to me. Another forget to suggestion I was told to take twopillows go down to the pier in Dearfield Beach Rafp, those two pillowsin a blanket Betheve Bing, my two children and Givem to God. I did what Iwas asked. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel anything after my thirdstep. What I did learn Kno after I did those things something about that firststep was coming in. I was learning about. This worry called SURRENDA. Iwas learning toleto. I wasn't letting God, but I was letting go and as Iworked that process, God was taking care of me all along. Ijust didn't know it. God put people in my life long before I got here. Peoplethat are around me had a neet. I work for Union and whileI work for the Union, I'm going to bounce back a little bit while I wasworking for the Union. I started employee system program. Fot people hada problem with trugs and alcohol tin fit me five years later. I used thatprogram to get into her and that and I used that later on, there was alwayspeople and a the person who helped me. The most was a woman named Gen Nam, jmertzs. She 's no longer working in the field, but she was ninety when she quithoping alcoholics. She was a proud member of Alenon. I sister, fellowshipand, and those people were always there. When I came in there were people allaround me that were trying to help me my friend rusty who's sitting in here Iused to go in alcoholics, anonymous beand. I was such a well knowledgedperson and I was working out vots and ins to say I read the third traditionsays I have a design not to drink but boys. Why, on, though, certain drugs-and I would bring it into the meeting and then I would walk into the otherfellowship at night and say Havage, Esi and Ni to use, and then I telleverybody how I would want a drink see.

I really wanted somebody to say: You're,not welcome thiis. To do I leave so I can go. GET DRUNK OL go get high at mycase. Nobody did that they love me. They love me in spite of my behavior,and I learned about the tradition of unity through him, so my program started going on and Ikept doing the things I was told and there's a line on page. Ninety, threethat I like a lot. It says to be vital. Faith must be accompanied byselfsacrifice and on selftconstructive action unselfish, I didn't know how tobe inselfish. Everything I did was to pay of for the man a geft from itwhywhy. Why am I doing this? If I'm not going to get that, why am I sayingsober if my kids are in back in my life and somebody said to me: Well, yourstory really doesn't matter, learn how alcoholics anonymous works. Is it you,kids may need it one day. Well, that day came now, I will tell you that myjourney with my children, its a very long journey. I was sober. Fourteen years on my fourteenthanniversary, I got a phone call from a little girl named Cassi, Marie that'smy daughter, and that phone call was she wanted to know who father was shefound me and that's when the promises weren'textravagan anymore and that journey was started through emails and a couple of phonecalls a month and she finally came down to visit me in two thousand started intwo thousand and six and two thousand Eah came down and visit me. We starteda relationship, that's a very strong relationship. Today, it's a veryhealthy relationship today, as a matter of fact, I'm going to get to that story in aminute. There's a story that I told everybody I'm going to tell because myjourney has changed over the last couple of weeks, and I will tell you that my son not somuch we did not have a good relationship. Our relationship is stillvery strange. What ended up happening along the way is my exwife calle me andmy son was in trouble and because I had some tindtact with people in New York,so I helpe get him into a treatment center and through that treat inte center. Hewas supposed to go to way halfway house through Stevie and he didn't get tothat Haffway house in Riverdale, so he turned around and they wanted to moveinto his mother's house and she called me my ex wife won the time she neededsomething. SOSHA COL and I said well, what's up, she says well, rodert wantsto move in with me. What do you think? I said? I don't think it's a good idea.O had a program, he had a plan and you shouldn't do it so she said: okay,I'm not going to so my grand. My son is very much like his father. He decidedto go downstairs to his grandmother's House and Don' feed her inte teapartment, so he was living with my grandma with his grandmother downstairsbelow my ex wife and that's where he...

...stayed for a while. Never went to theHafway House got into some kind of trouble. Try to help them a couple of times.Send him some money to things that I was thought to doing here with nothingexpected back, and I got exactly that nothing for a very long time, but thatwas okay. I kept doing what I was doing. My daughter came down in two thousandand eight two years after we started our conversation and she got a box thatbox of that guidebox is aske to make with all those letters and cods and she wint home with them, and sheopened up and a couple days later my exwife called me Sai. Oh, I never knewyou felt that way I said. Well, I do, and you know- and I you know what I wasbefore is not who I am today, and that was my conversation with her and I still call her very regularlywhether she hans the phone or not. My job is to reach out and do what I wastoughd to do. I do that to my son. I do that with my daughter, but my daughterases the phone, and we talk a lot well since that relationship my daughter,daughter started. I have two grandchildren they're beautiful kids. I've been upthere. I've actually got to speen two and a half weeks with my daughter a couple of two months ago I was tes toGon, go speaking Pennsylvania and on my way up, I had plans to fly into NewJersey and had right up to Pennsylvania, and I was talking to my daughter andshe said: Well, you all going to stop, buy and see me. I said, of course I am.I had to change my whole plan immediately because that's my priorityand I went an I saw and I saw the grandkids and we went out to dinner andon my way up leaving her, I went up Tho stairs and Ifell and I broke three ribs so, but I got to see my kids, that's what I carabout and my grandkids, and that was very wonderful trip. I found out when I was up there in Julyof last geear yeah. It must be almost two years ago I was up there in July. Iwait nop to with with my daughter I spent time at her house, and I went tosee my son for his birthday. He knew I was coming. I saw my exmother in law, my wife. We had awonderful conversation, her and I we finally supposedly cleaned everythingup whether we did or not. I don't know e my side of street was clear. I got tospeak with my son. I Gat to take them out to all out to Denera Y, took my son, his fiance at the time my daughter, herhusband, the two kids and my sons stedsister my daughters and sons.stepsister out to dinner, my ex wife didn't show up, but that's okay andthen I went home and I found out that my SOM during thattime. I knew my son was getting married in December and I didn't expect to beinvited. I mean she's closer to his step farther than yes to me, and Iunderstood all that. I just told him...

...just to be honest with me and thenafter that there s still no communication. I keep reaching out. Hedoesn't answer. I send him guests for his birthday. I don't getacknowledgment and that's all his journey, not mine, but I still do thethings I was toug to doing here. Now, I'm going to kick you up to thatother story. My daughter had. Let me know that hiswife was pregnant and when I found that out, I reached out him. Of course hedid get back to me and two weeks ago on Sunday yeah. It's two weeks ago, Sunday, the baby was born on December, theTwelvteh and I save the day for a very good reason, because Bob Welsh, myfirst sponsor, died on December. The twelft coincidence got incidence. Idon't get into that. It's just one of those things that I know is divinelyworked out. So when the you know, when the baby was born, I reached out therewas no returning phone call and a week ago, Sunday they're all over the baby, the house,you know my my kids, the grandkids, the uncles, he hands everybody and theyforgot, like ther, theyr grandmother, my mother inlaw at the time and whatended up happening as somebody went together and she walked into the Houseand when she walked into the house, my ex wife was holding the baby and she took two steps in she saw myexwife. She saw my the great hod new grandson, ha greatgrandson, took another step, had a stroke and died on the spot. That night last Sunday night. I got acall for my daughter. We were on the phone for a good twohours. Talking about you know, she just couldn't believe it everybody's thereeverybod watch this tragedy at the. At the same time it was a birth beauty, abeautiful thing involved with it. So I got up the next morning and I textingmy ex wife, a you know, a text to her. I may send atext to my daughter after Taldi her if she needs anything if she's, okay, callme and I reached out Tor my son, of course myson didn't answer, and I did my praer meditation that morning I did all thatfirst and I was praying again and Sockin told me that in a voice that wehear that not our head for a change, so why don't you call your daughterinlaw and I decided to go. Look for hernumber, which I had from four years ago had to go through all my old phonenumbers and I found it N. I called I shetidn't Anser, so I you know it'slike everything else. I was on my way to men on track that Monday meetingthat I hadn't gone to, but I had just losted job, so there we go again. GiveMe Free Time, God does me what I wan't do for myself and I show up and outsideright outside here and Baty Hif, our early in the fhone rings. It's mydaughterinlaw and we have a very long conversation and we talke about my son,and I said I understand that's how he feels about me. But I, like pictures,is a baby. I got a whole lot of...

...pictures for my my daughter in law andshe said you just keep reaching out. You know she always jus been trying tomake him reach back, but he won't and a couple of minutes after the meaning. Ilook down at my phone and there was a text. My son said it's very hard. Thankyou for reaching out and but whenever I look at the baby, I'm okay, so is it aback to a way back Ito hid my life yeah. I believe that I don't know where it'sgoing to go. I don't know where that journey's going to go, but I know onething: If I picked up the drink, none of that would be possible that I dotknow so that part of the journey you know wetalked about that part. You know, and I said the magnificent reality ofaucaholics anonymous. Had I not done the things that I was asked to you andI still do whether I show up in a meening when I'm ask to speak. I showup there if somebody askd me to help them, I'm glad to help them whetherit's stepwork with heir sponsorship, whether somebody needs a ride. I'vebeen doing that for a long time. I never get tired of that, because youknow what when I get outside of me, I get closer to God trod of yunderstandming. I have friends that I go out to eat with all the time we ripit up, Ifr I's drinking. They would be ripping me up in a jail sall somewhere.I haven't had that experience. Yet, although I've been threatened more thanonce Y, U Know E, tell you exactly what happened to me. I'll tell you exactlywhat happeneing says. The book says stressed aspiritual feature freely. I will tell you that I came inhere, not believing that this thing would work and if you're an alcoholiclike I am, and you knew and it's your first Christmas. I want to tell youabout my first Christmas, my first Christmas spotted Christmas Eve sittingin the bottom line, shape rattily and rolling and not I'm afraid, to leavethe building because I was afraid I was going to drink, and then I was takenout of that building by two other people to take me to Guid name, billy,B and Geni B House. To have Christmas dinner, and on that Christmas dinner Iwas around the whole lot of people with recovery and the first opportunity Ihad to do was Wi play with children. Fo these kids and again. Let me know thatthere was something special was going on in this th. This thing here calledaollics anonymous and I will tell you I made a promise that night that if Iever had the opportunity, I would open up whatever I was on Christmas toanybody who needed it. Well, I had the privilege when my mom was not when mymom was going home when she was sick to be at my sister's house, and we openedup the backyard over Christmas for adybody who was new or anybody t wasaround. We started at seven o'clock and nig very similar to this, for it was ina backyard by a pool wor, all kinds of Christmas lights and Christmasdecoration for the New People, because I was a new purple person woce. I knowhow miserable I was my first Christmas and how afraid I was- and you know whatI'm not afraid of Christmas anymore, I'm not afraid of being alone anymore,and I learned that in here, so I opened...

...it up and that we did that for eightyears. That's there's certain things. I just don't talk about very oftenbecause they're really not important, but they really are especially aroundthis time of the year when people are struggling. A lot of New People arestruggling and K Ow I esented meeting last week and I sat by the door in meas and people walked, and I just hailod everybody I didn't know I did not knowthat was the first respond, this group that was sent by a treatment senar theyneeded to get to a meeting, and I talked t every one of them as they camein and now I'm reaching out to somebody. I know who works, which first respondas to try and help these kids, these er people who came back from the war whohave a whole lot of other issues more than I had you know in there's peoplehere that can help them eaus, whatever we're going through. Whatever we thinkis so major that we can't get through. I know one thing about alcoholics:anonymous. Someone in this room has already been there. There is nothingnew in here, so what aver you feeling it thinking and confused about pick.Your hand up and talk about it as somebody in here who's been there, andyou know what God will speak to you through one of the people in this room.Thank you for letting me Shit.

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