AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 129 · 2 months ago

Russell S. Talk 4 Bal Harbour Group 9/14/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Talk 4 - Russell S. at the Bal Harbour Group, Boulevard Club, North Miami FL step series started August 2022.

Thank you, everybody. It's great to be back here again. I really enjoyed this group. I enjoyed the people here. I know I find a lot of them for many years. And Russell spats, I'm an alcohol from the South Day and I'm in my forty second year of sobriety, or whatever the heck this is. I've been doing. I'm doing something and at least I haven't had a drink for a while, since January one, and it's great to be here. So I'm gonna talk a little about some things and uh, and we'll see where this goes. I had I never planned what I'm gonna say. I never do that. I used to many years ago when I was actually good at doing this stuff. I used to uh because I was scared of what people thought about me and stuff like that. So I would I would come with all the books, I'd have a stack of books. They'd all be marked. I'd have bookmarks everything. There were such these are powerful meetings, oh my God, but at any of meant. So I don't do that anymore. But I've been doing these steps for a long long time. And UH. And what happens? And he said, look, this is just my life, my experience. You know, my sponsors to say about a man with experience means a man with money. Man With experience will walk away with the money and the man with the money will walk away within the experience. So this is it's like that Pharma's commercial. I know a lot because I've seen a lot. So I've experienced a lot. I've had repeated humiliations find follow the question of my self sufficiency over the last forty two years. So I've I've changed my attitude on a bunch of things and there's nothing like experiencing life and the vaguaies of life and the problems that you have in life and trying to work these steps at the same time you're going to means at the same time as they're firing live ammunition at you. You know, it's not like doing that to crystallize the entire thing and help you maybe even get to the point where your rocket in the fourth dimension of existence and periencing much of Heavan. So I'm just gonna throw out a few things. Yeah, I was gonna do the meeting now. Presumably I know a lot of you think we've been the step means, since this is the fourth week this is supposed to be on the step four. We'll get around for that, I suppose. We'll see how that works out. You know, my sponsor used to say. My sponsor used to say I complained to him about a speaker in am and he'd say yeah, he says rush. You might have thought you might. You must have thought. You joined wealth peoples in Omens and these people lucky. They show up fully clothed, in the right mind and and I guarantee you I will touch up on the fourth step in the sixth and the third and or ALD sort of much been into a milkshake. You'll get out of this whatever you're supposed to get out of this, and if you're not supposed to get anything out of this, you won't get anything out of it. And I'll get a lot out of this. You know, I can't wait to hear what I have to say. I had, I had, I had. Let me tell you something. I'm seventy three years old. That great four kids over get eight grandkids. Married a long time. Well, I got sober. I got married when I slew on sober so spot said don't make any major moves. I didn't think it was a big deal. I was. I was probably a mistaken but so I'm gonna share a bunch of you know, I I don't really plan the meets, but I was thinking about the meeting and this morning I had this epiphany on this great talk. I was gonna Give One, a particular enlightenment that I got after my seven o'clock meeting in the morning and then, uh, I forgot, because sign got like. I'm like see, not like God, like I forgotten and I'll write it down, but I want to tell you something. If I had done that meeting, it would been it would have been phenomenal. And then around one o'clock today, I had another epiphany about another I can't even tell you what it was because I can't remember, but it was unbelievable, you know. And then what I decided is I said, you know, the Lord's gonna give you whatever you're supposed to do, whatever you supposed to it's not gonna be what you...

...think. Whatever it is, it's you know, you're just doing God for help. I always prayed the foot of meeting, you know, to let him. I pray, please don't let me show up. Why don't you show up and take over? Then I don't have to worry about it. So this is gonna be anybody like riddles? Anybody ever do Jigsaw Puzzles? My meetings are like Jag saw puzzles. I'm gonna throw a whole bunch of ship on the table, a whole bunch of pieces on the table. You'RE gonna have to put the pieces together. It's gonna be like what's that movie, Pulp Fiction? You ever seen pulp like starts in the middle, then it flashes backwards and forwards and sideways and somehow when the whole thing is done, it's a good movie. You sort of put it together, but it's like cutting. It's going all over the place. That's my meetings, pulp fiction. But I promise you, if there's gonna be a connection, that's the whole point. Stains over and working these steps over a period of time, you get to connect the thoughts. You see where the third step has to do with the second step, has to do the first step, has to do with the sixth step has to do the eleventh step, how comes down to the fourth step, how they all sort of fit together and you realize when you're done with all the steps, you realize it has nothing to do with the steps anyway. Steps about tools. It's all about the house she build and the foundation you build it on. It's all about that. But I'M gonna I'M gonna skip all that and I'm just gonna tell you some stories, because our stories, as those you know, a gentleman way, what we used to be lacking, what it's like now. And the stories may seem like they're desper at. I mean that they're separated and they have nothing to do with really what I'm talking about, but hopefully you'll see some sort of connection. That's gonna be up to you. You See, I'm not gonna give this thing to you. So if I'm just gonna show, I'm gonna throw some crap out and you're gonna have to put the Jigsaw Puzzle Agein. You know, I already know how they're connected. I'm not gonna tell you, okay, and I'm just gonna tell you some stories and then towards the end of this maybe we'll talk about something to do with the fourth step and maybe you'll put something together and maybe you won't, and who knows, I will be up to you. That's your deal with. That's a Tino and God, you know, and that's the deal. So Um, I want to tell his story about a guy named Leo Um. Somebody asked me to tell this. I know I told Al Kennedy. You guys are under the Al Kennedy Story and I always wanted I know some people weren't here so you won't know, but that's okay. All these things are on tape. They're all recorded. You can catch up on it. I've always wanted Al Kennedy's sobriety, you know, the kind of sobriety when I first met him, three months when I was doing so, the kind of sobriety where you could be joyous and love life and be helping people and dying of cancer at the same time. At the same time. Can you imagine that, at the same diet of cancer, six months to live, doing a meeting and loving on people and not complaining? You, where do I give that ship? You know, I mean they're not drinking. Thing was good, but how do I get that crap? That's the sobriety. That's the vision, you know, vision for you. My vision of this whole thing was to drinking and drinking and drinking. The drinking, which is pretty much what we do here. They're not drinking club for you years and years, and most people think that's what this is all about them. When I saw Al Kennedy, when I saw a guy was six months, so six months, had six months to live, at a meeting and trying to help other people and nobody knew he had six months to live, because nobody, because he didn't talk about he didn't say, well, you know, it's good to be here, only have six months to live, and I would have tried to get a little juice from that, you know, but he didn't do that. He just was loving on people and helping people. I didn't learn his lafterwards that he was dying of cancer and he had only six months. You couldn't tell by his face he was he was had joined, he had got into that other that other, that other group in the end, you know, the group that separated out the men from the boys. In group six, he had been rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. He was experiencing much of Heaven and he knew peace and UH. That's because he recognized what the great fact was to make God to send piece of his life, and so he wasn't worried about what you thought about him or even whether he...

...was dying or not. He was just focused on on Lord and on God, like Bill Wilson was when he said Lord has been so wonderful to me, hearing me of this trouble disease. Ide. I keep talking about other people, but how do you get there? How do you get to alt Kennedy type of stuff when you're so worried about when your mind is going a million miles prour? You have this whole committee of ten thousand voices and they're all you talking bad shit about yourself and other people. And how do you, how do you get to that point where you can't deal with all the bakers and all the crap that's going on in this world and going on with you and everything you know, and and uh and that that kind of thing? So I I want to talk about a guy named Lee. I'M gonna I'M gonna throw out some real fast stories that are true, stories about sobriety. They're not necessarily about drinking. There about sobriety, because these are all stories. Most of are after kin to egg, because that's what we're dealing with right now. You're dealing with living. So you're not dealing with the drinking problem anymore. By the way, if if you didn't have a drink today, you don't have a drinking problem anymore. Understand that. You don't have a drinking problem. So stop thinking you have a drinking problem. If you're not drinking, okay. You've got a living problem. You've got a problem with alcoholism. The drinking is a symptom. Get that symptom of the disease. You know, I get that from that, from most of the stuff I get, if not all the stuff. I get it from the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous. So if you disagree with me, you're not to scream with me. Disagree with our basic text. The drinking is but a symptom of our disease. Gossiping between behind somebody's back and characters assassinating them, that's a symptom of the disease. Getting up everyone and saying if I only had this or that, is a symptom of our disease. lusting after women, men, money things. It's a symptom of our disease. Hating God and being resentful about God or the Catholic Church or wherever the hell it happened, because you were bounced on your head when you're a kid, or your father's showing sympyb being mad at anybody, including the church or any organization, is a symptom of alcoholism. If you've got that going on, you're not sober. Emotionally, you don't have emotional these are all anything that disturbs your piece is a symptom of alcoholism. That's the spiritual axiom. We don't question it. If you had to start about anything, anything, no matter what the cost, there's something wrong with you and the thing that's wrong with you, it's gonna be alcoholism, because that's what we talked about in here and that's the problem we have. That's the disease and that's how it works. So you know, I mean it's really simple. You know, I follow the miners. I follow the people that have, in a sense, sort of conquered this disease. You know, just because you didn't I drink, it doesn't tell me you're sober. You know, there's a lot of people in here that are are fifteen years, a living yr sober, not drinking. They're gonna drink again. I know that because most people don't make it after twenty or twenty five years. There's a huge gap between twenty years and forty years, you know, and I mean I'm not gonna go into that, but that's the bottom line. So I try to stick with the people that seem to be level headed and, you know, got the right deal going on. So I'm gonna just tell you a couple of stories. So when I was taking you're sober because of because I was doing a lot, I was doing all the steps and everything, but I wasn't happy with my sobriety. Uh So, there may come a point in your life where you're proficient of doing the steps, you're doing everything, you're I was in the Group Bank with Chairman for two years. I was relay for eight years. I was doing everything, was sponsoring everything inside, I was doing steps series. But there may come a point in your life where you're you're you're involved in a lot of activity and you're doing the steps and you're you're you're getting medallions and you're involved in so much activity in and so many meetings that it will keep you sober. You're like treading wood. You're sober, you're life. You're like hanging in there. I'm hanging in there, I'm sober one more day, you know what I mean, and you barely recognize that this world is driving you freaking in saying, you barely recognize that you not only that, you have to go to meetings because if you because your your sobriety is so tender, you're really solid. You know what I mean.

I mean you just have to get involved in a lot of activity in a because the truth is, you're not that well, you know, but when you're ten years sober, were fifteen years over and you're not well most of the time. You're as as they say in the book, were delusional. We don't realize the problem. The first step in getting out of jails. Don't you're in jail in the first place. All of us coming here and we recognize we're in the alcohol jail. We don't recognize that we're in the not worrying about what other people think about it jail. We don't realize we're in the pride jail or for the envy jail or, you know, the coveting jail or the Self Pittag jail. We don't look on all those jails because to us they just feel like the way we normally think. We think that's the way everybody thinks. That's what it's normal to us to feel the way we feel. And so what happens if you're sober for many years, or even just two or three years, and the hand your Medalia and they're patting you on the back and everything, you start thinking, even though you're working all this stuff, this is where you start thinking without even knowing, and you don't even know your thinking that. You're thinking that you're sober and subconsciously you're thinking you're sober because you're you're doing it. You understand you're doing it. The big book talks about God all the time. I'M NOT gonna go through, I could do it by heart almost most of the things they say. I'm not gonna talk about how to say make God the centerpiece of Your Life. Your real reliance has to be on God. He would trying to create the fellowship you crave. You're on a new based spaces of trust to believe with God. We never apologize for God unless we let them demonstrate. I can't tell you all the things that have to do with making God the centerpiece of Your Life, but for most people a god is not the center piece of their life. He's like an add on, he's like a rabbit's foot, he's like something that's there. You say the Lord's prayer, you say the deal, and really it's about the activity. It's going to meetings, it's doing the stats, it's doing that. And it's a matter of fact for many people to day, if somebody talks like God doing talks about God, in their brain they're saying, I didn't come here to hear that ship. So the bottom line and many people's go what's sober five or ten years. They don't want to hear about God, which is the only thing this thing is about, by the way, the only thing that that this deal is about. And and uh, maybe you just have to get to be about seventy three years old, like me, or six. Maybe you have to get to a certain age where you realize you're you're not gonna be around for a long period of time. Maybe you know, when I was twenty years old or thirty years old or forty years old, maybe even fifty, I thought I was gonna be around forever and never's gonna die, you know, and maybe you just have to get to that point in time where you've been around long enough and be enough enough to know that you're you're what it's. You know, if you're lucky, maybe it's a matter of ten years. You're a short time where you start thinking about other things besides pussy. You know what I mean? Maybe you just have to get to the point where you get to the point where all of a sudden, all this other stuff that used to run after, trying to make yourself be a man or people look up to you or something like that, becomes unimportant and you start growing the hell up. You know, maybe maybe it takes a long time. Maybe some people never grow up. I don't know. So let me tell you about Leo. Okay, so, so when I was about ten years sober, I got in this one where I hit to the invisible the invisible ceiling. You know, I was doing everything, I was sober, but I wasn't happy and somehow, some way, I realized that I wasn't happy. Now it's tough when you have a lot of pride and you're and you have ego and you have false pride. You don't like what day, when you're when you're doing this, it's it's not like I'm doing the steps tonight. I don't walk in a room like this doing the steps and say look, I have a problem, I'm not feeling well. I don't talk about that stuff, you know, in a because I'm the guy who's doing the steps. You know what I mean. So it's not like you talk about it. You like stuff and you say it's not that better. You're doing okay, you're sober, you're doing you do. You tell yourself you're okay, but you know deep down inside there's something wrong, there's something missing. It's like Bill Dotson and alcoholics. Anonymous number three says he was sober. He says I knew there was something more, something I hadn't got some sort of release a half and, as these other guys added,...

I didn't know what the secret was. And Denny Bill Wilson says, in front of him and his wife, the Lord has been so wonderful to me cure me of his terrible disease. I get if you talk about it and telling other people. He says I got it, I got the secret. I got it he called the golden text. Bill was very grateful to God for his sobriety and he gave all credit to God for everything. He was like into the God thing, as was Dr Bob, and they asked him what's the first things? First, he says, seek the first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness. All things will be added. Unto you. Or when Dr Bob told Clarence Threw Maaster the first question right off the back. He said you believe in God, Young Fella. He says, what does that have to do with? and Dr Bob said and everything, everything. You know everything. So here we got two guys who have found us and say God is everything. And we got this wonderful organization about Bholics, anonymous, so loving, that hates it when anybody talks about God. Hates him. Hey, it said. You know what I mean. They can't stand him. They want to attack the guy, crucify it. You know who does? He thinks he is. You know you can't talk about that. You know you can talk about hey, you can stand up say you're an atheist. Nobody say anything to you. You just start to say you're an agnostic. You can say things. That's totally against the Program Program says from your codeportels. Better philosophy of life would we've been sober a long time ago. But lack of powers are the LEMBIT. That means of course we're gonna talk about God. Here's Ralph fasts get piste off. This sort of thinking must be abandoned. Some guys stands up and says I'm an atheist, I'll believe in God and I don't think you have to believe in God. Nobody go off to him and say look, you're gonna have to leave this deal because we've got New People here and you're killing New People, because our program is a god program and you want to be an atheist, be an atheist all you want, but don't be spreading that ship around here. You understand what I'm saying because our book says it has to be abandoned. We don't say that to him, we say to the guy who's talking about God, don't be talking about God, you're killing people. That's what we're doing here and the reason we do it here, by the way, you know the reason we don't here? Because alcoholics are fucking crazy, because we're sick, because we end up somehow running away from the only thing that's actually necessary. Now, five to ninety five, they didn't do that. CRAPPER nineteen fifty. They're into that stuff. They make you kneel before you gotta do the meet and they were really into the guy thing, but with all the treatment centers and everything like that. I'm not putting them down. It's a different story. But there may be some people in the United States that are sober that didn't quite get the message and or ultimately carry a different message. I might be one of them. I just wanted them as he's one guy in Miami and I'm probably not the only guy, because one guy in Miami dead isn't going along with group think. Okay, so Leo. So when I realized that I wasn't doing I talked. So I said, I'm happy. Well, be like he says, have you ever gone to a Bible study? And of course the person I said was I said no, no, no, I don't do that and everything I'm thinking my mind if I go to a Bible study and my family is gonna kill me. And and then I said yeah, and I think that's against a A. I don't think I don't think the Bible is approved or something, or I don't think we're supposed to do that. And he said and then somehow this thought came to me. I think it was inspirational thinking, and the thought was this. He said, you know, Russ if the only reason you're not doing something that's suggested to you and you're not doing well and you're doing the same thing over and again, if the only reason you're not doing it is because you're scared, you're in fear, maybe that's not a good reason. So I went to my first Bible study. Was A men's Bible study. You understand what's saying. There were fifty, sixty guys that were twenty three years older than me. They have been studying the Bible, which is the basic text they used. Look, I'm not I'm just gonna tell you this. You can call it an opinion. I've been studying the Bible now for thirty years. It's all in the big book. They got it all. They got it all for the big book. If you don't know anything about the Bible, you wouldn't realize that. You think big book with sudden they...

...just dreamed up. If you ever got into the Bible, you would see the Bible all in the big book. That's the that's the terrible secret. We have an a a that if you're reading the big book, you're really reading the Bible. If you're reading about forgiveness and about the surrender and you're about, you know, surrendering yourself and turning stuff over and and making a manage for wrong and not looking at the SPEC and you're in your in your brother's eyes, were looking at the beam in yours, and you know, if you're looking at all the all the stuff, that it's all straight from the Bible. They even come out and saying sometimes you've gotta be the Good Samaritan, which from Luke. They talk about the Good Samaritan. It's all there. You know what I mean? I don't want to I don't want to burst your bubbles, but you're in. Talk to your own opinion. You're just not in. Talk to your own facts. That's when they were reading. The books they found absolutely essential were first Corinthians, thirteen, sermon on the out of the book of James. It's all in there. And by the way, I didn't say that's in Dr Bob and the good old timers. That's the books they were reading before they read the big book in Nineteen thirty nine. So it's all so Leo. So what happens is it's just to just to go to bobble study. I sat next to Mike, the guy who became my third answer, John Lynn. He had fifty five years recovery. He was a baptist UH minister and I was with him for many you try to sit next to Baptist minister. He's got fifty five years. He's been studying the basic material and everything like that. Let me tell you him. You go wind up like me. I can tell you that you want to don with him over Denny's. You know, he sit down, he says, you know, he says, what are you doing this, and I mean he says we can't eat. He says we gotta do thanks for us and the places GROWDIC. He bows his head and you bow your head and he starts going through this long Baptist prayer and thank him Jesus for everything. And I'm looking around, not that I give a ship what other people think about me, but I'm looking around. What's what people think? You know, and you know they're they're watching that. Some women are not paying attention. Someone were watching us. They're saying, I wish I could do that, I wish I could do that. That's Al Kennedy, sobriety, that's Al Kennedy stuff. I'm not worrying about other people, just learning about your listship with the Lord wearing your vulationship. We've gone. That's a different type of deal. That's a different type sopriet. You know so I mean, and you know he told me. He said there's no secret what God can do. What he's done for us, you can do for you. So Leo, Leo in three minutes. So that's the deal. So I'm driving around in my car and in my car I got the big book, I got the twelve and twelve, I got talked about the good old timers and I got the Holy Bible, all in a dashboard. It's like a mess, you know what I mean. And I'm going from I'm going to three D I'm going to three meetings a day before zool I'm going to a seven am the meeting before I go to work. I'm going to twelve o'clock noon meeting and going up to the lunch with a guys and then I'm going to a five thirty meeting on the way home and then sometimes with my spots, I'm going to an eight thirty meeting. Or if I'm doing this stuff, I could easily go to four meetings a day, no problem. I'm doing that, marriage racing, four kids, you know what I'm talking I'm doing that stuff, you know, and I'm like into it and I'm loving it and doing all that stuff. And I'm going to church now, I end. I'm going to Bible study now, and that's before zoom. Okay, and I'm not thinking anything a lot about it because this is just my life. This is my life and uh, and so the bottom line. So I'm driving around. I drive up to this dry cleaners which is right next to my house. You can see my house from the dry cleaners. You can see my roof. And I drive up and there's his young kid and his name and his young kid and I can't explain it. I drive up to give him my stuff and, uh, he comes out and he's wearing his pants. I can't even explain it. I listened to this day. I don't know how it happens. His belt, his pants are by his knees. The name, I know what I'm talking about here and I don't see it that often now, but I'm telling his pants are like four inches above his knees and uh, he's like sixteen years old or something like that, and he says and he says to me he sees the books, you know, and I said Hey, he says, Hey, man, I got one of those. Do you see what I'm doing with my hands? He doesn't point. He says I got one of those, one of those, and I go one of what? He says, one...

...of those, and he says, uh, you mean the Bible? He says, yeah, I got one of those. I said, you ever read it? And Uh, you know, I believe that if you have the power of God in you and you know you're you're, he says, he demonstrates other people what has God and I believe that if anybody leaves your presence, they're gonna be changed. You ought to be. You ought to not only be an example to alcoholics, but you should be some sort of light to everybody. And they's just noticed something about you. Word. You know, who was that? Who is that mask? Man, you know, he says, I got you guys. Said you mean the body and yeah, I said you ever read it? He says, uh, well, I read it. I don't understand. I said, what's your name? He says Leo, Leo. I said, Hey, Leo, I said, Hey, Leo, listen, you see that house over there, that room? He says, yeah, that's my house. My name is Russell. Listened, every Thursday morning at seven thirty, I go to a men's Bible study and if you're at my house, you know, on Thursday morning. If you're at my house on Thursday morning, I will you can go over the Bible study with me. He says really, he says absolutely, and he said I thank you very much, and I dropped my clothes and eye leave and I forget all about Leo. I forget old about him. The next morning I wake up the next morning and, uh, I get up around seven o'clock, you know, seven o'clock. And what walk out my door? I guess WHO's standing by my car? Leo. Leo Standing by my car and I and I standing there with a Bible in his hand. And I said to him, I said, Hey, buddy, how you doing? I remember, I remember Leo. I said how you doing? He says I doing. You're doing great. I said ready to go to Bible and said Yeah. I said, get in the car. We drive over the Bible study. It's all these guys. I'm the youngest guy there and I'm like forty five years old, you know what I mean, and all the guys are like six, seventy, eighty nine years old. You know, they've been doing this stuff for forty years. He walks in there, he's like sixteen years old, six and seventeen years old. He's like it's like fresh blood, you know what I mean. They can't believe this kid is there. So it goes around the room and this is hardcore, Serious Bible study, which is basically they're talking about everything we talk about in the big book. They're the only difference between a Bible study and anything you do in a is. The bottom line is all they want to talk about is God. There's nobody rolling their eyes saying, well, what they talk about God, but all they want to talk about is God, which is probably why the big book encourages Church membership. You know, if you want to grow up and leave the spiritual kindergard probably why? Because they're not embarrassed. They're not ashamed. They never apologize. You ever seen that thing in the big book? We never apologize for our faith. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. You've got to ask yourself a question. You want to go through life for the courage, or do you want to go through life worrying about what you're gonna say because some guy who's sitting next to you in a name eating but doesn't even pay a visibill might not like you? You gotta worry about how you want to live your life. Do you want to live your life in the bondage of thinking about yourself based upon what other people think about you, or do you want to cut that ship off? You know what I mean, and not to and not to pside, because all alcoholics, one of the time, unless and until an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, and every alcoholic has one clear consequence, they walk around with the whole thinking they're unworthy. That's why they're brandets, that's why they gotta buy stuff, that's why they gotta show stuff, that's why they need because they're unworthy. No matter what they say about themselves, they're always looking to it for approval, and the one thing they can't stand is that you might not like them or you might reject them or, God forbid, they can't join the group. And that's their entire life. And you want to know something, they're delusional. They don't even realize they have a prominence where they'll tell you I don't give a problem with other people think about me. They'll yell at I don't give a problem they think about me, and the louder they yell, the more you realize...

...that are totally addicted to pleasing other people. That's why they're all codependence. Do I don't even use the word codefends, I used to word defendant. So Leo shows up, we drive to the meeting, we go through the whole meeting, the whole body. He doesn't say anything. At the end of the Bible at the end of the Bible study, he raised his hand and said. I say yeah, sure him. He says, I think Jesus was an alien. Well, they're just like hey, it's just like he say hey, yeah, he's an alien. Keep coming back. You know what I mean? That's why they say keep coming back. You know, they don't care, you know, because they love their loving on them. They're just glad he's there. So we're driving back and we're driving back to the my house and the UH he said. So, I said what he says? Yeah, he said, okay. I said, what do you mean? He says. Okay, he says, Oh, they loved your kid, they loved you. Right, the alien thing was a good, good touch and a little but any event. So we're driving back and he says to me, will you watch? Can you drop me off my house? And steady, I'm sure I'll drop you off. He said. How do? He said, we'll go back to your house. I'll try. How together you go back to my house, he says. So make a left there at the light on Maga, left and you go down there. Just make a right, make right. Now you go left and he's directing me and we're driving to make a right, make a left and left. Make all right, and we finally come to a set of townhouses and while we're talking, it's like seven ten minute we're talking east. I'm telling a little bit about him. He says a young kid, he's got a single mother. He's got a little three year old UH sister, half sister the mother had from another guy. She's raising him another guy. He has no father, has never had a farm. He's just a sixteen year old kid, confused, has no idea what's going on in his life. Just trying to figure out whatever sixteen year old trying to figure out, with that marching brain they got, trying to figure out how to live your life and be alive on the planet, you know, with no guidance at all. And and UH. So I get into the house, he says, that's my house and he's like about four miles away, you know. So I said when I said how did you get over my house, and he says I walked. I said You all? He says, yeah, you got up at three thirty in the morning, three thirty in the morning and he walked to my house and he got there actually a half an hour early, because he didn't want to miss me, didn't want to miss the meeting the Bible. And I have guys coming up to me and they say, so, what do I need to do in order to do this thing? You know, I like telling the LEOs story. I go to meetings in Palm Beach or wherever it is, I go to browder county or here, and they say things. Well, will you sponsor me or you know, I want to hear you, that's sure. You know, I drove an hour to get it's on. You just drive on Saturday mornings we have a meeting here because, come on, down there that says, whereas my southwest under the seventh and body, he says. Oh. He said that's pretty fine. I said, yeah, I know, I said, I just drocked, I just drove it up here and I'm gonna be driving by note. As far isn't it? This is yeah, as far you know. What does it take? What does it take if you want what we have and you will go to ANA to get it? I'll tell you one thing I could never do with anybody. I can't put the desire in them. I can instill the desire, I can. I can instill the thirst, the thirst you need to get closer. I can't do that deal. But most people just want to get laid or just want money, or just want a new car or a different job or a house, you know, or want to belong someone. I mean, I can instill that crap in people when most people are still thumbsucking privatebies. You know it will never really get sober or stay sober. Even they get sober, they won't last. They're gonna drink anyway because this world is tough and much tougher than you will ever be. And ship will happen to you. It will happen the very reason will happen. And it used to be a lot of stuff would happen to me...

...because I would cause it happen. It was a consequence, you know, when the I R S seized all my accounts and everything, and all of a sudden I'm floating the money, I'm doing okay, and then one day I go into my bank and they say you have no money because the hotists came in and took it. All that and I had five years sobriety, I had four kids and not all of a sudden I have no money and everything in the eye. And I went to my tax attorney. I said, why they take my money. He Says No, no, he says they took their money. Said, well, that's a funny way of looking at it, you know what I mean, the interesting way of looking at it. But it gave me a new perspective on things, you know. And Uh, I didn't drink though, but but it was, you know, but and you know some that was a consequence of my action and that was a wallop to the stomach and life will do that to you sometimes. It'll just wallop you. And when they were foreclosing on my house, you know, five years later, because everything that happened, the more you just think whatever, it's ten years later, and I had a battle that thing, you know what I mean, because the economy would happen thing, you know what I mean. I had to deal with that, you know, and you know, and I dealt with that and that all worked out and I had, I and I had many times I had to get on my knees and say, God, help me, because God will prove himself to you, and I somehow that all worked out incredibly better and everything and didn't work out because anything I did, I just kept on praying about it. And then one day they told me I had cancer. He said I had skin cancer, and by that time I had like twenty years and I was had been going to bobbles stiff for ten years, and it was like a little bit of a pinch. I felt a pinch, you know what I mean. And then about five years later they told me I had prostate cancer and I didn't even feel it. I said just tell me about it and talk to me about it, and didn't even even it didn't even register on the radar. And since that, you know, there's gonna be things that happened to you, that come out of the blue, that you didn't cause, and you're gonna there's a part of you, a small, small part of you, someone who's gonna say, why does this happen to me? Why does this always happen to me? Where you're gonna drink from that Cup of self pity, you're gonna get depressed, you're gonna get angry, you're gonna have a problem for weeks on end and you may not even drink. You're just gonna be suffering from alcoholism and maybe you will drink ultimately, maybe you'll drink six months after that. You know what I mean and how you react to this stuff, because life is not gonna stop. People are gonna die, beginning to get a car accidents, you're gonna get fired. I mean, the ship is not gonna have stop happening. Life is relayless. It's gonna come at you. So I'm driving in a car with my with my sponsor, my first sponsor, and uh, he says to me, I'm not even gonna do that because it takes too long. I'm just gonna do do one of the things and then I'm gonna Talk. We'll see how that so? I I I'm ten years sober, years sober, twelve years sober, and I tell my sponsors that I'm getting a divorce and then I proceed to tell him everything. My wife did, everything in detail. And I want to tell you something I'm gonnat turn to. I would have sold this thing to jury. I could have come in here, I said, and then she said this and then she did that, and then she did this and then she did that, and I'm gonna tell you something. It was definitely divorceable material. I said, I didn't sign up for this ship, I didn't sign up for this crap. You know what I mean. I didn't say so for eleven years to be treated like this. Have this happened to me? You know? And my sponsor looked at me and he said, I'm telling you're sober. I'm doing the steps. Like the son of a bitch, I know all about it. I'm teaching the steps, you know, I'm sponsoring everybody. And he looks at me and he says, so, why are you upset? Sure, and I say I looked and I said I don't I don't understand what you mean. He says, why are you upset? I said, uh, what do you mean?...

Why am I upset? You know, because you know, you know the old saying. Well, if it appened, you'd be upset too, because I believe every time I reacted, no matter how are reacted, you know everybody who got you know if it there's not only one way to react to stuff like that. You got to burn down the forest or whatever. And you know, he said, no, why you say? He says, I do understand you. I just told you. I just told you in detail what she did. And he said, well, that's that's not why you're set. I said, what are you talking about? I just told you in detail everything she did. They say, he says, that's not why you're upset. I said that he says Russ. That's not why you upset. I said, but he says, that's not why you're upset. I said me, he says Russ, that is not why you're upset. And I just sat there staring at you. Didn't say anything else, and I said, you know why I'm upset. He says, Oh, absolutely, Oh, I know why you're upset. I said, you know why I'm upset. It's all ship. It's easy. Well, you're gonna tell me why I'm upset. He I don't know what you really want to know. I said, of course I want to know. What do you mean? I want to know why am I upset? And then he says this in exactly this way. He says, listen, stupid, you're upset because you're upset. herble. So it was just like zen a a or something. What them? I got these guys. They called me up. Every day I get a guy calls from all of the country, people that have a problem the sky. He talked about something. Said Yeah, and after they talk to me for about five times, I said, listen, I could tell you're upset, aren't you seem to be upset. You seem to be upset. He says, yeah, I'm upset. I said Yeah, I bet you've been thinking about this a lot. You Damn Right, I've been thinking about a lot. I said, so, how do you? How do you? How? How how do you? How do you live a life when you're connecting with God, you're doing the Al Kennedy thing? How do you live a life where things, things that are gonna happen, that are happening around you in this crazy work, where they don't upset you. How can you clear yourself when you're so insane, you're so delusion? So I said to myself one day, if I before, I before I got sober, I said, if I can only marry that Gal, Id okay, if I only have that Gal, I'd be okay. And I did the full court press to marry that Gal, to marry the game. And I got married to her and we had a baby and we lived on a big house in my own beach, on the golf course, Country Club, and I became a division chief of the states attorney's office, trying murder cases and I was a hundred and fifty pounds lighter than I am now. And Uh, I was wearing a I wear a blue suit, pinstriped suit, with a white shirt and a red tie. My name was in the papers, trying murder cases, the WAH homicides, driving a big cadillac or whatever it is. I was and right to this GAL was. Father was a doctor, mother was a lawyer, a big deal on Miami beach and members of Westerview country club and the whole bit. And just that every night and be over the Albi Lounge looking at the GAL and dancing on floor man. If I only had that red head and I only had that blind never cheated on my wife. I was very proud of myself of that. Never physically cheated my wife. I would just sit in the Bar n till eleven and twelve o'clock a night my wife was at home with the baby, thinking about what would be like if I could go out with those girls, but I couldn't do it because I was married. You know. So I think maybe I got married too young. They were only kids. You know what I'm talking about. I wasn't happy anymore, because if you're an alcohol and you think a woman will make you happy, they'll never I got news for you. You think you ne I'll make you happy. Listen, if women...

...made me happy and new cars made me happy, I wouldn't be in this place. You understand what I'm saying? It's got a half life of like a week, you know, and that's it. A month, six months, you know, what do you mean? Until Death to US part? My wife asked, man, I I got married in my second wife. I says, will we'd be together in heaven. I said, honey, and so death to US apart. Don't be looking for me. I'm a lawyer. I read the fine print, you know. So, uh, yeah, so, so here's the deal. And then we go to a guy, a marriage counselor, and the marriage counsel is saying and I got a date, that not with the red head, my wife. He says, well, one of the three things you want to change from Russell. I don't even know what he was saying, and she probably mentioned drinking, you know what I mean. And I'm thinking to myself, man, if I don't get out of this thing, I can't go on my date. You know what I mean, about out of this deal. And UH, he turns to me says, what do you think about? You know? Why do you want your eye cherances? I just want to date other women. And that was the end of that. And I did that cold stone sober, cold stone sober in front of my wife. I just want to date other women. Sabotaged the whole thing, you understand, to my wife. That's what I did to her. You know why? Because I don't need alcohol to be an asshole. I don't need alcohol to be a selfish son of a bit. You understand, I don't blame anything on alcohol. Most people I heard in my life before or after a I did it cold, stone sober, because I am selfish and I wanted what I wanted and I walked away in that marriage and I said I'm free. And if you asked me why I was divorced, I'd say we got married too young. You know, we were just kids. We didn't really get along together. She was trying to change me. I was having the lucky guy looked go to bars. Didn't want me to do that. She was trying to change me and I believed all that bullshit. I believe it. I believed it. It story one. I took my fourth step. I took my fourth step at her on the list, you know, took my foreth step. Somebody asked me why I was divorced. While I got divorce, I said, I'll tell you why. It was divorced. I got divorced because I'm married a lovely gown who was a sweetheart and was a trusting, loving wife, and I was a selfish asshole and I didn't give a shit about anybody except myself. You know, this thing is selfish and self centered from my hundred forms of fear of self delusion, self seeking. You know, we stuff, you know we you know that we, we, we, we, we. Other people heard hurt US seemingly without proplication, but we've made decisions based upon selfish with the certain position of your I did because I'm selfish and I'll give a shit about anybody, said myself. And what happened was I could not, with integrity. I love my wife, I could not, with integrity, like and say I'm married to this woman who thicker through thin, whatever it is, I'm gonna be with her forever, because I I'm a man of integrity and I'm gonna do that because I was a selfish, self centered person. And so what I did is I pushed her and I pushed her and I pushed her because what I wanted was to be a playboy and go out, and so I left my wife and my son and my child and I sacrificed them and I didn't give a crap because all I cared about myself, with myself. The results of that are hurting many, many people, my father in law, my mother in law, my wife, my my former wife, my child, and I put scars on them that will never go away. And it was only because I was I was a selfish pig. I was a bump and that's how bums treat people. That story too. Now who do you want to hang out with? The Guy was telling story one, or the guy was telling story too. Who Do you want? Is Your friend? The Guy was telling story one, or the guy was telling story too. You See, I used to be story one. I didn't do really good at story one. I drank myself almost to death a story one. Now I'm a story too, I believe...

...you know. You know I don't let me this. I used to actually teach people how to do the fourth step. I get up there. You don't have the books that say here's the chart, here's the names and divided into three. But they I resent my Dr Brown. It's the Brown, this is the reason why, this is what it affects. Then, disregarding what they say, you know where was I wrong? And then the was its actually list the thing at all? I used to actually map it out for you. You know, the truth of the matter is, unless you're a total idiot, it's in the book. You can ask this fonsor you don't have to get say it engled in or anything. Somebody wants to do the step forth with me, I'd say we're gonna do it the way it's in the book. We're not gonna do it fancy or anything like that. We're gonna do it just like there's four lists in the book. There's a chart that shows you how and then there's another list and there's there's four list and that's what you know. We're gonna do the book. You know what I mean. It's you know, that's the deal. The fourth step. But the point is so I don't teach how to do the fourth step because if you're a Leo, if you're a Leo, you're gonna figure out how to do it. If you're not Luyo, you're not gonna do it. They're gonna do it. HAP happens. You know what I mean. And I can't turn you into a Leah. I'm power to turn people into the way. I don't even prow to turn me into a Leo. Leo, and you've had power to turn himself into a Leo. You know. That's the deal. That's but I'll tell you what I can do. What I can do do my story is I can tell you. I can tell you the difference in my life now between living a life with the first story and living a life with the second story. There's a big difference in the way I treat people in the first when I lived the life of the first goal, where it was all about me and I blamed everything on others and I thought I was great, and living a life in the second story, when it's all about God and when I can see where I'm wrong and when I can make the medicine I can. I try to be a righteous and a decent human being to other people. Treat everybody like to have a broken heart, because they probably do. So I believe that if you let an alcoholic see, just like I was sold without Kennedy, where the heat, they could go. And what's the difference? What am I because people are saying, you know, you know what I used to say. Why do I have to do this step? Why do I well, how does this work? I understand. Why do I have to do why do I have to do the third step? Why do I have to do you know, I think if there's one thing that's true, a bid alcoholics, when they say something they want, they go for it. You know, man, I'll say I was a lounge listed lizard. I went out every day looking for her. I wonder what she had. I was only on a length together. Let me tell you something, you know, I think alcoholics who see either in a person, you know, like you say you want we have, or somehow see a vision of where they could be versus where they are, they're gonna do whatever they gotta do to get there and they're gonna figure out how to do the fourth step and how to do the fourth step and how to what sponsors to get and things like that. So I don't really talk so much about this is how you do it, this is what you write down. You know, you can do that with your sponsor the big book. Big Book tells you exactly how to do it. What I deal with is maybe something you might call motivation as to why you want to do that, if you want to grow up become the lady you're supposed to be instead of the girl, and become the man you're supposed to be instead of the child, instead of a little boy. So thank you very much.

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