AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 128 · 2 months ago

Russell S. Talk 3 Bal Harbour Group 9/7/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Talk 3 - Russell S. at the Bal Harbour Group, Boulevard Club, North Miami FL step series started August 2022.

Okay, hi, my name is Russell spats. I'm in alcoholic. It's great to be here. I'm it's good to see all you guys. It's good to see my mentor and use Kelly here. You know, she was so fantastic and he helped me at the last meeting, you know, and I was looking, if I was praying, that you were gonna be here. So it's good, good to see you here. Sweet Alright, God bless you. I mean that he's looking forward to it. I'm good, I'm glad you're here. So I'm gonna, I'M gonna listen. This is just this is my experience, my experience. You understand what I'm saying. Me My experience. I haven't found necessary have a drinking a few. I'm I'm in my forty second year of recovery. I'm seventy three years old and and I'm just this is all my experience. So if I say something to offend you, you whenever you're disturbed, when you're if you're disturbed, man, what cause? There's something wrong with you. So check it out with your father. Me On, put me on your flipping list. You know what I mean? Russell said this. I can't believe that bullshit, you know. And I was, I was on a needing just one of you. And, uh, I go to like three or four meets. I love the meetings. But and I I can't remember exactly how the meeting got there or whatever it is, but somehow we ended up talking about, which I probably do sometime tonight, about growing up in a a and how your sponsors treating and everything like that. And and you know, I know we're all different people and sponsoring people and how you talk to him as an art it's really not a science, it's not cookie cutter. But I seem to somehow good sponsors who I loved, I adored them, but I had I had in tendency to get these sponsors where whenever they would sort of share anything in the ending wisdom, they'll always start off with hitting me over the head with the baseball. But you know what I mean, like, you know, that's just the way they were. You know, it was, you know, like if I said the royal keep I'm not feeling good, he'd say this may be the best you ever feel. You know, and you know something stuff like that. You know as much about life because, as God knows, about his father and why should just shut up, you know. And you know, like when I told my sponsor, I'm doing every thing and it's not working, it is that you're probably one of the rare ones. Really doesn't seem to be to see. If that, it probably is not gonna work with you. You gotta leave, you know. And Yeah, it was like they had no compassion whatsoever. And so I had somebody sort of like to take a little a little cost talk argument. He says, no, you gotta Love Alcoholic, you gotta Love Them, you gotta Love Them. And well, well, first of all, I I knew they loved me. So maybe that's why it worked. I don't know. But but I have this whole idea of and and I believe that I I have actually even said, you know, treat everybody like to have broken heart, because they probably do. And I do try to love on alcoholics, but there's I don't know, I don't know why, why we're you know, they have a thing they called an Alman. I think it's an a, and it's tough love, you know. I mean, I don't know. The guys I was brought up with. They would just slam me all the time. and Uh and, because there's some sort of deal with some sort of understanding we have. I guess everybody has this understand that if you're like nice to alcoholics and treat him kindly with love, they're so to come around. When, when, I don't know how long you guys have been here, when all evidence, all evidence, all evidence, is absolutely to the contrary. You know I mean, the only time I've ever seen anybody move from here to there and that they get comfortable. And the only time they move from here to there is when they get one leg game, you take it well, the wife leaves him, when they go to jail, where something horrendous happens. You know I mean, the only way they get sober is something horrendous has to happen, something painful, the only reason. And once we get in here, we stop drinking and we get to the not drinking point, but we we get this point where we're not drinking, we're feeling okay, but we're nuts. And the only way to move from nuts to maybe a little bit, you know what I mean, is is like you gotta you have to have the rug pulled out from you gotta lose everything. I mean the the evidence is to the contrary. The New Perspective is based on repeated humiliations, the final crushing of our self sufficiency. You know, pain is the touchdow. I mean the evidence with alcoholics is, for whatever reason, the only way we move is if we get crushed. And that's just the way. And that's if you're ten years sober, if you're forty years sober, something's got to happen. The heart attack has got to happen, the wives gotta leave, the husband's gotta leave. Bad ship has got to happen to you. Before you listen, before you listen, and you know, people worry about what you're hurting this guy's feelings. I used to say, what you get out of here? Why don't you go to drink? You worry about hurting these people's feelings. There is absolutely nothing I could say to an alcoholic here designed to hurt their feelings. So maybe they wake the hell up. There's nothing I can do here that's worse than what will happen to them out there if they don't get you know what I mean, because I may say something to you and you may be piste off and maybe you may think about before a week you may want to kill me, you know, on my dog and everything like that. But whatever...

I say you, you ain't going to jail. You know what I mean? You'RE NOT gonna kill somebody. And you try to be Hittel on. I'm decide out there. The way you're learning the lesson is you go to jail for fifteen years, you know, and that's how you learn the lesson. You know, that's how you learn them. So you want to learn the lessons in here. That's what you want to learning. And I'm probably saying this because it's gonna have something to do with the God thing. It's supposed to be on the third step. I'll be all over the place, but I want since since all I do is talk about God, I'm gonna tall step, I'm talking about God. Six step I'm talking about God, the whole things about God. But now, since it's the third step, I'm like allowed to do that and generally and allowed generally and allowed to talk about God, you know, but it's third step, so I'm allowed to talk about God. So this is gonna be even worse. I'M gonna be even worse than I usually am. But if I'm gonna talk about God, I've got to talk about. I've just got to talk about what's gonna move you into the position where you're gonna have to go. That's I'm just gonna talk about that because the chapter agnostics says it says if a mere code of morals, let's say through the next right then, or a better philosophy of life, like good orderly direction, would it helped us. We've been this sober a long time ago. But these things don't really help us in the long run because we lack the power to do the next right thing forever. We lack the power to do good order the direction forever. Somewhere along the line, there's this great line. Well, it's not really a line. I don't want to say I made it up because they got it. One of the things that happens is you study this stuff long enough, you eternal internalize it. You haven't worked in your lives and you sort of like, I don't know how to say it, you you take what's in the big book and you sort of like digest it in your own life. And as a matter that I want to I'm gonna read a couple of things to you, but one thing I'm gonna read. I think I'll do it right now. It's out of order. There's something I just wrote this morning and I'm just gonna say the statement and it actually comes from a couple of paragraphs that I linked together. You know, I've actually what happens is you so like connect the dots and there's a paragraph after the fifth step. Now everybody knows the sixth step right, the sixth steps, says. Says the sixth step is the step that separates the men from the boys. Now let me give you a clue. percent of a a is boys spiritual kindergarten. Rarely going to move from that position. We're going to hang onto their boyhead and their bullshit and they're not gonna be sincere about this thing and and we all sort of started off that way. And they're not drinking club and don't talk so much about the God thing. I don't want to hear it. I didn't come here and all that stuff for you know, a is going to be the boys. That's why most people don't make it after most people don't make it past twenty years. They drink somewhere. Is something. I go out and about five percent make it through that filter and they come to man and they're the ones that maybe hit forty, fifty years, stuff like that kind of stuff, and they don't you know, they get they prospered. I'll put in the big book. It says you want a reason, you want a reason to the God. I'm gonna give a reason to the God thing. It says we're now on the new basis trusting and relying upon God. We're now on a new basis trusting and relying upon God. We never apologize for God, never ashamed about God or talking about God. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God, it says it again. Instead, we let him demonstrate in our lives what he has done for us. Like Bob Wilson said, the Lord has been so wonderful to me, curing me of this terrible disease. You talk about it, you know, talk about and telling other people, and then you know what, the next line after that, the next line is this at once, at once, we outgrow it. So I know I'm talking to a group of alcoholics. So I know you're all scared out of your fucking minds. I know because I know. My old idea used to be that nobody feels the way I do and you know, nobody, nobody could understand me. And I know for the first ten in twenty years of my sobriety, I was scared Shitless, although I wouldn't let let on. Sometimes I wouldn't even tell myself. I was scared about the money. I was scared about what you'd like me. I was scared about when people I was scared about a lot of ship, a lot of ship, and you can't necessarily tell when people are scared in a they may act out with anger, they may act out with depression, they may act out, but it's all a bunch of fear, which is the corrosive friend that runs through our lives. That's not an opinion, that's the disease. Okay, so you need to try to examine what your life would be like right now if you were never afraid. You need to examine what your life would be like now if you...

...were never afraid, not that you were rich, but you were never afraid of not being rich or losing something, never afraid of what people thought about you. If that promise that they say in that fictional book, it never happens to you. You know that promise that says lose fear people and of economical security will leave us. You've got imagine what your life would be like if that became true in your life. Well, that that truth, that thing that happens, and I'm telling you this concrete underneath feels lily bands. It happens. That truth that happens, which is different than not drinking, being rocking in the fourth dimension of existence, experiencing much of heaven and having peace. And the great fact is this and nothing less, that God's the central fact of our lives. That's different than not drinking. Not Drinking is what I've recovered from. I've recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. That's not being it. That's I'm not gonna drink today and then you're drunk. I'm gonna Drink Day and then you're drunk. Not Gonn drink day and then you're drunk. You can't stop drinking. That's all this case from in your body, m not having fear in your life and living a life of joy. It's a whole different animal, which is not even close to prevalent in a very, very very rare I mean it just it's, you know, that's just the way it is. And there's a line in the after you do the fifth step, before the step that separates the member of the boys. Now the sixth step. You know what that's about. That's about God, it's about it's about you know what it's about. It's the third step to the power of ten. The started step is you turn your will you you come to what is it? You make a decision to turn your I mean, what's that? It's like bullshit. I mean, I don't want to say it's bullshit. It's a big deal. You know, everybody will say that's terribly said there. Yeah, you get down on your knees, right, and you say a third step, parate, you know. You know, I give my life. You know, Blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, and uh, I haven't memorized it. You know. I mean you give you I did it. I got on my knees, I got on my knees, I said the prayer, which was a good thing, and I'll go into that, you know, and then I got off my knees and business as usual. Worried about the money. You know, if I if I was, was I convinced that there was a god? Was I convinced? Did I even know God existed? Did I even know what he looked like? Did I know what his image was or what I was wanting? Did I know anything? Nothing. Here's what I did. I knew that I didn't want to drink and they told me how to do this, so I did it, and I said, well, maybe there's God. Maybe there is God, whatever it is, I'll do the step, you know what I mean, and I and I became willing to at least hold hands. I didn't get into arguments about God or anything like that. I sort of went with the flow. You with me, which is what you sort of do, like a rabbit's foot. You know what it says in the seventh step, you can have you can have actually having a nurse believes in God, but they remained barren, barren, because he's not the central factor. You're life. I mean there's a big difference between making a decision and making a sincere decision, which comes later on, to grow in the image and likeness of your Creator and even to know what his image is, because if you don't know what God's images see the sixth step. It separates the men from boys. Is You want to get rid of anything that keeps you from God and knowing God and thirsty for God. It's like the real deal, you know what I mean. And and and most people never make it there because they're worried about whether, you know, if you talk like Russell, they'll laugh at you, or the world in their eyes. They're worried about what other people think about them. And what they don't realize is to the extent that people stay away from God and don't talk about God and don't promote God and don't love God because they're worried about what people think about them, what they don't understand is they will never lose the fear of what other people are thinking about them. You see, that's the problem. You see, to get where most people will never get, you've got to be willing to go where most people will never go. So if God is your image and you have an image of God, you know where you are and he's the most important thing in your life, then you just why would you even worry about what some guy's thinking about your name? Means not even paying your Visa Bill, you know what I mean. And the bottom line is, when your life revolves around people and things in this world you can never lose the fear. So basically you're stuck in the fear and the and the lust for things and the worshiping things and the craving things, because you refuse to crave God. And and and you and and if you, if you think you crave God but you're not talking about him, you're absolutely wrong because what you really do is what you're really saying. I grave God, but I'm more worried about what people think about because you're not only the sacrifice that that part of you that is that is worshiping other people in their thoughts, because you have, because you have that other problem. Alcoholics have the problem of feeling worthless deep down inside. You're worthless because you don't really believe in God. You don't believe God love. You...

...don't believe you're a child of God. You don't believe he's the father and you're the children. You believe. You believe what you are is what other people think about you, what kind of car you're driving and stuff like that. It's a crumby way to live your life, but you don't even know you're living it because that's what you're doing. You with me, so I mean, I could actually stop to talk right there, but I won't. Have some other stuff I want to tell you, but that, but what I'm telling you. Let's let's make believe, just for the hell of it, that what I'm saying is the truth. That would be a problem. You know what I mean. That would be a problem. So you could and you can stay sober, physically sober, for twenty, thirty years. So right after the fifth step, this this line, and I have haven't gotten memorized, but I wrote down something about it, where it says after the fifth step, but before the sixth step, we go into a room, we sit quietly and we ask ourselves these questions. Are we are we building the structure properly? You know what I'm talking about. It says, have we done everything we're supposed to do? Have we? Have we cemented? When what you do? We have the cement so that the foundation is steady. So what do you think they're talking about by the cement, the invisible blue? What do you think is the invisible blue that feaps people sober past forty years doing this? You know what do you think that invisible blue is? And you know the six steps says it says that what they're really six steps is really about? It's about repeatedly doing whatever you have to do to roll in the image and likeness of your creative which will take you a lifetime. That's what your focus is. If you've done that, that's where you know you're a man, because all you do is think about God. All you do is think about God. Driving up here, we're listening to Hims, you know, we're listening to himns all the way up for an hour and a half. Or listen to Hims and, uh, Jim said, we're listening to how bright they are. And because that's what I do, you know, I just listen to Hims and all the time in my house and listen to stuff like that and, uh, hanging around with people that are talking about stuff like that, because those are people are great to hang around with. And and I look to Jim and I said, Jim, don't be telling me you can't think about God all the time. Don't be telling me you can't do that. So I let me read you something just for the hell of it. You know, this is if I have not cemented the foundation of recovery fits after the fifth step, with the invisible glue, the invisible glue, the glue that's gonna hold you steady. Don't drink and go to me and said the invisible glue, if I have not some cemented the foundation of recovery with the invisible glue by making God the central fact of my life. I say that because this isn't my opinion, because the big book says. The great fact for us and I'm gonna conclude doing the US thing, if it's okay, because I think you're us. The great fact for us is this and nothing less, that our creator, God, has become the central fact of our lives. So I'm gonna assume that you're doing this thing. That's the deal, okay, if we have, if I have not, if I I'll make it personal to me, so it doesn't have any to do with you. If I have not cemented the foundation of recovery with the invisible glue I get by making God the central fact of my life. That's the glue that's on page seventy five. After some sobriety, five years, ten years, fifteen years, after some physical sobriety, I start thinking. I subconsciously start thinking, subconsciously start thinking. Other words, you remember. You remember the fact that the sect that you remember. We're insane, right. That means alcoholics are not well. We don't like, you know, put the plug in, jug in all somewhere, saying we've got some sort of something in our mind which is always there. All we get is a daily reprieve and we're in saying, and part of our delusion, in our insanity, is that going to beat this thing? By knowing, by our brain, we'RE gonna SMART way out of this thing. You know, Roland has it now, knowing the inner world. It's of my life. Drinking was impossible, you know, and then nevertheless he was drug in three weeks. You know, we're gonna think it's a brain thing. We're not gonna understand that it's a remember what champiagnostic says. It said from your morals better philosopher with it, with the lack of powers are at the level. We don't have the power to do it, even with a braining down. Therefore, we wrote a book where, of course we're gonna talk about God, he's the power, and then says here's the problem. Alcoholics get mad. They don't want to hear about God. That's the disease. Somebody says to somebody starts saying Shit about God and about people.

Talk about God. What they're saying to you, you don't understand what they're saying. There saying I'm not sober. I'm not sober. I refused to lose my resentment over the Catholic Church. I Hate God because of what my father did to me. I refused. I'm defiant. I am unwilling to go that far. They're saying I'm not having not a drink in twenty years, but I'm gonna fucking nuts stay away from it. I might as well be drunk because I will be soon, or if I'm not drunk, I'll be unhappy ship, I'll be miserable. Let's stay away from those guys. Okay, after some sobriety, physical sobriety, five years, ten years, fifteen years since I'm sober, but I don't believe in God. He's not such a fact of my life. I subconsciously start thinking that I'm doing it, that I'm doing it. You know what it says? That's you can't rest on your ways, because we start thinking, I'm sober twenty years, I'm doing it on my own Paler, that should scare you if you know anything about the first step. And somehow I have the power to stay sober because I'm smart and I go to meetings and whatever it is and live without God. And that, my friend, is the beginning of the slip. That's the beginning of the end. That's where not drink and go to meet, these guys go to die. That's the that's the chasm. Now they're not having for ten years, they're not having for twenty years, but that's where the slip begins. It begins when you put you forget the God thing and you don't do the sixth step and you think you're okay because you've got ten years or fifteen years and you don't need to God and you rest on that. Now I thought I'd just tell you that. Not You don't have to believe that, but I just so I tell you that. So I'd like mind screwed secause. Now it's in there and you can say it's an asshole and I don't believe it, but it's in there. So you can never get it out again. Now you can't stop thinking about it, you say, because if there's anything I want to do, I want to plant these seeds, even with the guy who hates me the most for saying. Okay, so I got a couple of I'm gonna give you some stories, true stories, true stories which has something to do with the third step. Maybe, I don't know. will say I think it does, but this is true stories. So one story, which is a true story, which is not my story, but it is my story because it's a story that I was told many, many years ago in a Bible study by a guy, and I uh, and they hit me and I said, holy crap, that's alcoholics, anonymous. That's the whole deal. And and I started talking, telling this story that I heard in Bible studies and believe that, when I was eleven years sober, because it's so, it's so told me this is my deal, this story, and so ill and it's a true story. You can look it up on Wikipedia, whatever it is. And I'm gonna try to tell fast because we've got a lot to go through and I got a lot of other stuff to tell you. But so this is a story about the miners. Actually, Cindy, if she's on this thing, John, she said, will you tell the story about the miners? And Leo so I'm gonna tell both stories. But so the the story is called. It's about I called the miners. That's like coal miners, like gold miners. So in the in the eighteen sixties, right after the civil war, there was the second largest gold strike in the history of the West. It was up in, uh. Anybody Remember banans? And we got people old enough for banans. And what was that? What was it called? Silver City? What was that? Virginia City? And okay, up there there was the biggest gold strike. And I'm gonna you know, you gotta forgive it because in the age I used to know all the names, Henry Featherweather, I used to know the names of the people, I used to know the place. Uh, I think it was called Bannon Montana or something like that. You can look it up in Wikipedia. And it was they found the hugest gold stripe and silver at a place called Grasshoppers Creek. But any of the way it works is like this. These there was there was gold in the in the Black Hills, which basically the Indians had and and white men were not allowed to go into black hills because it was Indian territory. That's where the gold was. So about three hundred miners went from from the head to the back hills too, and they were about seven guys, uh, you know, there was Henry fairweather and another guy named Edgar. It was like seven guys were trailing behind and they got captured by Pro Indians and they eventually got let go. Six of them got let go, one was a half breathing stayed behind. Six of them got let go and...

...they were going back to Bannock, Montana, and on the way back they camped at a place called Grasshoppers Creek and and so they're camping at this place called Grasshoppers Creek and, uh, they're sitting there and handy fairweather or Edgar was hitting some Rim rock or something. I don't even know what Rim rock is, but they were hitting it. You know, that's this is the story, this is the truth. And they found they found gold, and so they stayed there for a few hours and they hitting this thing. They found that they found like about, I don't know, a thousand dollars with a goal. It's like going your backyard and finding, you know, twenty, thousand, thirty thousand dollars. And they realized that they had hit the mother load. They had hit. Can you imagine these six guys? They had hit the mother load. But the problem was they didn't have any tools. They had to get back to bannock to working claim because if they didn't work the claim, somebody would jump to claim or take over the claim or you know. They had to work. So they made a solemn valve. Now here's the valve. It says now I was holding long time go as a lawyer. Santo's tropic what said the only way to keep a secret amongst three men is to have to die. You know, that's what Santon said. But an event. So they make a solemn valve. They nobody's gonna say anything to anybody. So they go, they go in the Bannock, you know what I mean, Montana, and they buy all the tools and they buy all the stuff and they get it all and they loaded up and they started. They made playing. They're gonna meet it the old old tree outside bannock. So they go to meet the old old tree and there all of a sudden, like three miners are following him. So fairweather knows. He says somebody spilled the beans, you know what I mean. So he goes to the lead guy with the miners and he and the guys are following him and he says, uh, who told you? He says, nobody told us. He says nobody told Jesus. He Says No, we could see it in your eyes, he says, we could see it. We knew you had hit the mother of low in alcoholist miss some the number three. Uh, what's his name? Bill Dotson, says this line. He said, I knew I was sobered and he said, uh, Bill Dotson was the man on the bed. You know, it says, came to believe. You've ever seen that point that he says. He said I knew there was something more, something I hadn't got, something I knew a person ought to have some sort of release, some sort of happiness, happiness that I knew a person want to have. I was trying to find the answer and Bill Wilson was in my house and he said to my wife, Henrietta, said, Henriette, the Lord has been so wonderful to me hearing me of this troubles either. I gotta keep talking about and telling other people. He says, I got the answer. He called the golden text. There's even group down here called the golden text TVB started and he says he gave, he gave all credit to God. He believed in God. It was the focus of his life and he gave all credit for everything had happened to God. And that was a golden text, you know what I mean. He had like with the mind. You could see it in his eyes. He had more than physical sobriety. He had something more than physical sobriety. He was like gone, you know, like Dr Bob was gone. You know, like Saint Francis of a C C was gone. We all read the St Francis you know, he was like in a different deal. He was doing it. It was like me playing golf against Tiger Woods playing golf. We're playing the same game, but we're not playing the same game. There's a different thing, you know what I mean, going on and so and so. The truth is the reason why it's like my life, is the only thing I can think of in my life as to why I'm here. It's not because I did the steps. Everybody's does the steps. Everybody does the steps, you know, God's Sakes, you know, we got people here ten years, fifteen, everybody does the list, you know, and all that sort of stuff. You know, if the steps kept you sober, we'd we'd have fifty people in here right now. Forty years. He's been around for nine years. How come I got forty years? How many other people have forty years? One of the one other guys. So if he has been around for ninety years, how can we only have two guys here for forty years? And you're lucky you got two guys in forty years. And you start doing thirty, then you'll have three or four guys. You know, and everything it goes down and there's like nothing between, you know, twenty and thirty. You know, it's like a vast waste land. I know because I know how many chips and rettalions. I know what's going on. So, so, so, oh, maybe if you don't train out to me, how come people drop off from meetings? What's the glue? That said, you know what's what's going on there, and so what? What? What I realized is one of the reasons I'm still here is because I've always hung out with the miners. I've always wanted what the miners have. I never wanted what you had. I'm not saying you first, I never wanted what you had. I wanted what the miners. I will always able to recognize the miners. So I'm four months sober and my sponsor, Bob Salivan, takes me to the keynote meeting and that keynote me and this guy speaking named Al Kennedy, and he does one hour talk.

He's talking, you know, he's doing his thing. He's it's one hour talk and obviously there I'm like transfixed by this guy because it's like they said about Jesus. He says he talks with authority, not like the strides. He was talking like he knew, you know what I mean. He wasn't like well, I gotta read something a guy. He wasn't. This guy was like talking from the heart, you know, and he was excited and he was happy and he was loving on people and he was man. You know, you couldn't look at this guy and not say I was like, uh, Bill Dotson, you know, I want what they have. I knew there was something wise. I don't want what this guy guys, you know, and man, this guy is Al Kenny had like forty years and he was talking again. Probably my age are a little bit older or something. And so he left. You know, he finished everybody class, you know, when he leaves. Okay, so I say to my sponsor, who never listened to me anyway, I say what group does he belonged to? I'd like to hang out, I'd I'd like to hang out with him, because it says if you want when we have in a room, and go to any length to get it. I wanted what he had. I wanted Al Kennedy, I wanted that. Whatever he had, I wanted that. And so my sponsor says this to me. He turned to me. He says he's dying, he's dying. Well, it was not unusual that my sponsor never listened to me. Now I'm just telling you, it's just the way it is. I had a long talk with him about how it was broke and I had no money and I had nothing and I needed help and I didn't know what to do. And he looked at me he says, yeah, I got the answer for you. I think it's about time you started making coffee for the group. So you gott understand something. And so I and I knew immediately he wasn't listening to me. You know what I mean? We were having like I was having a conversation with him. So it wasn't unusual for my client, my sponsor, he only had fifteen years. He wasn't that bright, you know, he didn't graduate college like me. So it wasn't unusual for my sponsor to say a stupid ship, you know what I mean. And so I said, I want to know what route this guy wants to and he's saying he's dying. And so I said, I said, what do you say? I said no, no, no, no, no, he says, I'm talking about the guy just did the mean that Al Kenny Guy. Says, yeah, he's dying. I said no, the guy who just did the meeting, Al Kennedy, Russell, he's dying. What do you mean? He's dying? He just did the meeting. He says, Russell, he's dying to cancer, has six months to live. I said that guy, I said, he's dying of cancer, has six months to live. I said, but he didn't say anything about dying. I mean I was sitting there telling people that I had to Hang Hil, you know what I mean. I don't hang out. It's killing me. You know, I didn't sign up for this ship. You know, you had laughter. You don't know what's like he said, Russell, he's got six months to live, he's dying. I don't know what to tell you. And six months later he was twenty years after that, his grandson got a vehicular homicide and I represented him for it. Funny how things come around. He's got your sobriety now. But any event, uh, but, but, but, you see, heat Al from that point on, little seats from that point on, although I wouldn't have said it then, I wouldn't even known how to say it then or give this talk then, I can tell you right now. I it. Physical Sobriety had just left me. I wanted Al Kennedy Sobriety. I didn't understand Kennedy Sobriety. I had no idea how you get al Kennedy Sobriety. I wanted whatever that ship is that you get where you could be dying of cancer and be happy in helping people. I wanted that deal. You know, you understand what I'm saying, like like Bill Dotson wanted to Bill Wilson deal. I wanted Al Kennedy Sobriety. I had no I had never seen anything like that. But here's what I knew about Al Kennedy. Sobriety. I know that I knew that it existed. It wasn't just something in the big book. I knew that there were some people in here that it hit. The mother loved had hit. It wasn't put the plug in the age. I knew there were people here that hit the mother loved, and so I chat to chaste after all those people. I chased after those people. My third spot, my my my second sponsor. He's the one who handed me sermon on the Mount. My third sponsor, John Glenn, who was a Baptist preacher, who I might him been a Bible study, because somebody told me to do that and I did that. I know I balked at it, but I ended up doing it because he said you're not you need more, you need you need more. So I was willing to go more and I met my my third sponsor at fifty five years that's the guy that I go to Denny's restaurant and we'd be eating and he'd said, what are you doing? He says I mean, he says Russell, he says Kenny, we've got to give thanks first, and he would bow his head...

...and I would down my head and I'm looking around to see who's looking at him. He actually he's gonna say God, thank you for the food, and then that's it. He said, Lord Jesus, thank you for the food, thank you for having Russell here, thank you for Russell's wife and thank you for for my wife and his wife, and God bless his children and Blah, Blah Blah. And I'm saying, Oh, unbelievable. I'm looking around see who's looking at me and everything like that, and he's he's like said, he couldn't care less. He's just thanking the Lord. And you know, you know what happens when you and him like fifty five years. You know what happens when you hang around with people like that, when those are the people you're looking for, and you start hanging around with this. You know what happened. You start becoming then you you get an image. You know, God's no longer like a fuzzy thing with you. We're like love or the universe or something like that. You know what I mean. You get an image of who he is and what he is. And Right, quite frankly, he's very much described in the big book about Bason. Who God is and what he is is completely described in the big book about Bolics. anymous absolutely described his characteristics, who he is, what he wants, what he wants me to be. He better be described, because it says above everything he wants to get rid of the subistance. We must or kills us. God makes that possible and he says, and we will. He will give us everything once we make a sincere decision for him, which is different than the Thursday sincere. He will give us everything we need if we stay close to him and perform his works well. So you better know who he is and you better know what his work is for you, because he's got work made out. He's got work for you. I'm at work. This is my job now. The good thing is I happen to love my job. You See, I love my job because I love my God and he loves me, and I just thought, I think that I just wanted to do what he wants to be. I don't I don't worry about what what you want me to say, I'm not saying. Go to say. Well, I wonder if they'll like this God thing. I mean, I'm talking a little bit. I think I mentioned Jesus. I don't know what I did I don't think that way. I don't think let me give them what they want, because I know that most of you don't want this or didn't come here to hear this. But I'm not here to entertain you. I'm here to tell you my story and who I am, and I have the courage to do it because my focus is on him and this is a step serious and what I'm supposed to do is tell my experience, strength and hope. So if I don't tell you this because I'm worried about what you're thinking about me, that what I'm doing is I'm working to fraud on you, I'm hurt, I'm deliberately hurting you, and the reason I'm hurting you is so that I can make sure that you don't like you don't hate me. So in order for me too to be accepted, what I'm doing is I'm prostituting myself. I'm not going to prostitute myself. I did that for many, many years. I'm not gonna be what you want me to be. I'm gonna be what I am because personally, quite frankly, I am who I am and I've tried to be who you wanted me to be. But, quite frankly, I do it better me than anybody in the universe. There's only one of me and I'm the only one and I do me better than I do anybody else. And whenever I do somebody else, somebody always said man, and I try to pull them and say no, you don't understand, this doesn't really me. I was trying to be somebody else and you're hating me, but you're not really hating me, you're hating the guy who was trying to be and this way I can just be me. And then what can happen is the people that hate me hate me, but that's okay because at least they hate me. But the people that loved me loved me and they love me. It's not somebody I'm trying to be to impress them. Does that make any sense? Well, it makes sense to me. That's the important thing. You see him, then I don't have to sit around like some sort of Skitze, you know. So so one day, let me say, Oh, so, one day I got some time. So one day I'm driving along in the car and uh so, this is like beyond getting down on your knees. This is like beyond getting down your knees and saying third step and then getting up and saying thank you very much. I think I'll go to a meeting John Seller. This is like this is like the real third step. This is the real deal. Okay, and we'll get into this more and worse. Time goes by and we'll get a six step and seven steps. So one day I'm driving to my car and uh, because what happens is if you don't get this right, if you don't understand this and you don't get this right, nobody gets away with anything here, because the disease is just that strong and it's not the drinking. The drinking is but a symptom of the disease. The disease centers in your mind, not your body. So you can never run away from the disease. You can be somewhere forty years and it will kill you, thirty years, in a twenty years and you'll drink again because you think, you think subconsciously you're safe and you're not. Say you're never...

...safe unless you there's there's only one thing that can keep you safe, and they talk about it in the big book all over the place. We're on a new basis. It says, God is either everything or he's nothing. What is your decision gonna be? There's no middle of the world solution. Half measures have measures avail you nothing. What do you think they're talking about? These guys? I don't know whether you know this, but you know we talked about you read in that book where it says thoroughly followed up, thoroughly followed up. You know it doesn't. The big about ninety three nine. That wrote a book. Hey, we's starting nineteen thirty five. The Big Book was written nineteen thirty nine. So it's really I haven't seen person fail as thoroughly followed our path. Thoroughly do what we did. You do what we did, you'll get what we got. Let me tell you what they weren't doing between thirty five and thirty nine. They weren't reading the Big Book. This is now. Listen, this is advanced ship. You know what I mean, and some of you guys won't get this. You know what I mean. Some of you guys won't get this because it's really advanced. So let me let me tell you what they were doing. Would you like to know what they were doing? On the other hand, we were taking them upstairs and getting them on their knees to surrender, which I felt was very important. Part the surrender was more than important. It was a must. Bobby, who came to a in February, nine seven, we called it, after five or six days in the hospital. I don't talk about God you until the newcomer you know, who came day seven, called it after five or six days in the hospital, when you had indicated that you were serious. You know, they say in the big book nobody has sent this low, so low that they won't be walking with open arms and alcoholics anonymous if they mean business. You're serious, and they had an interesting way to find out what you're serious. They would tell of you to get down on your knees by the bed and say your prayer to God, admitting that your powers over alcohol in your life is imaginable. Or, furthermore, you had to stay that you believed in a higher power who returned your to sanity. There you can see the beginning of the twelve steps, he said. We called that the surrender. They demanded it. You couldn't go to an aiming until you did it. If, by accident, you didn't make it in the hospital, you'd have to make it in the upstairs bedroom of Williamson's house. That's what that's what you had to do if you wanted to go to a meeting. If you want to. Other words, you were you were doing the third step before you went to your first meeting, or you weren't going to. How many guys have ever heard somebody say, well, if they told me to do that, you know, I would have walked out of here. Yes, what they would have picked out? You would have gone to a meeting. That's what you had to do, it says Dorothy. As ever, we called the nineteen thirty seven meetings, when the men would all disappear upstairs and all of us, when we would be serious, nervous, worried about what was going on, about a half an hour or so, down become the new man, shaking white, serious and Graham and all the people who were already in a would come trooping down after him. They were pretty reluctant to talk about what had happened, but after a while they would tell us they had a real surrender. That's what they were doing. There was no doubt when you joined a what you were involved in. This is on page one. Three. Conference improve material talk about good old time. This is uh, Dr Smith's this is how Dr Smith, Bob Smith. How would you like to be sponsored by one of the one of the founders? No, you wouldn't. This is Bob Smith doing a twelve step call on Clarence, the Brewmaster, one of the first guys in a who had probably one of the largest groups in Cleveland. STARTED CLEVELAND. Dr Smith came in later and took over. He sat on the edge of the bed, my bed, and said, well, what do you think of all this? Then he paused and looked at me doubtfully. I don't know if you're ready yet. You're kind of young. I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, no job, no clothes, oh money. I didn't know how much more ready I could be. Recalled Clarence. Still I had to convince them that I was ready. They weren't begging him. He had to convince them they were ready. Then he asked that. He asked first question, Dr First Question. Do you believe in God? What does that have to do with it? Everything, I guess I do. Yes, nothing, either you do or you don't. Yes, I do. That's fine, Dr Bob replied. Now we're getting somewhere. All right, get out of bed and on your knees. We're going to pray. It sounds like my sponsor, John Glenn. I don't know how to pray. I guess you don't, but that's all right. Just follow what I'd say and that will do for now. I did what I was ordered to do. There weren't any suggestions. Dr Bob was always positive about his...

...faith. Clarence said, if somebody asked him a question about the program his usual response was what does it say in the good book, in the Bible? Suppose he was asked, what's all this? First things first, about Dr Bobby Ready, with the appropriate quotation, seeking first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all things will be added onto him. So you tell me what they were doing. What you're doing in a now that's thoroughly according to what they were doing. So I was in a meeting today and some guys said, and I've heard this a million times, so many times, so many times I've heard this, and they said, he said, if they hadn't say anything about the God thing when I walked in, I would have left, and I always have. You know, I'm an attorney, so I always you know, I want to cross exam I'm not gonna have time for Leo, Sir. I want to cross examining by and you know, no cross talk or anything like that, but I would cross some Samins, some people if I can get home. I just want to ask me these questions. I said he said I would have left. I said, how do you know? I mean really, how do you know? I mean I came into a a, I was ready. You could have told me you like like we were, we're a sack of priae that a baby tonight and said, okay, I'm not going anywhere, I don't want to drink. You know, I mean, I I don't even know. How do you really know? You would have left. How do you know that? How do you know what you really would have done ten years ago if they because they probably were talking about God and you didn't you know. They probably you don't. You know what I mean, but how do you really know? But then the second question would be this, because maybe they because fee a lot of people coming in today and they're not ready. He says, if you want we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready. Maybe a lot of you come. They're not ready, you know. They don't want what we have. They want what they had, you know. They want what they used to have, you know, or or they want what they we have, but they're not willing go to any length to get it. They're willing to walk out. They're willing to walk out if you mentioned God. They're not ready, you know. But you know what we do? What we do? We don't do what they did back in the n seven. We say, well, it doesn't matter whether you're ready or not. We were begging you to come in here anyway. You'll figure it out in attend to twenty years or you'll die and drink. You know. It says, we'll just let you figure it out. We're not gonna do with Dr Bob did. We're not gonna do with Bill Wilson, because we're so worried about what you think about us. You understand, we wouldn't want to hurt your feelings. You understand thinking that we're doing the right thing because we're being kind. Of what we're really doing. It's being cruel, but an even so. The next question I want to ask when he says why would have left, I would I say this. This is my question. Great, where would you go? Now? I just kind of where. Where would you go? I mean he came in because you couldn't stop drinking. He had to drink, Bob. Where would you go? And then a'll time. I would have gone back to my house. I would have gone to my mother's house and would have gone back to work. Would have gone back to the bar, it says did. I'd say this. Well, how long do you think would take you to get back here? How? How would that would work for you? You know, Oh, maybe they'll be honest. I'll say well, I probably things weren't going so good, I probably would have come back. I said. Well, when you came back, what if they were still talking about that God thing? What would you have done? So you would have come back with a different attitude. You would have come back willing. Maybe that's why they had a different sort of less attrition back there. You know what I mean? They used to call the low bottom drunks, but they weren't so much lower bottom of drunks, where they were people that really wanted this thing so much that they were willing to do whatever they had to do, whereas now we have nine people that are willing to do some of this stuff just not to drink, but not willing to do everything so they could lose fear. Not Willing to do everything so they could lose fear. So now we have an organism where we used to have an organization where everybody in the organization nobody rolled their eyes about the god thing because everybody understood that's what this thing was all about and that's what the meanings are all about. That's sort of like why I like Bible study or something means I go to that are God focused, because you can talk freely about the stuff. Nobody's rolling their eyes. Are saying stupid stuff, you know, and Uh and UH and so and so so. But nowadays in a the bottom line is is people walk around and they worry about they censor themselves because they don't want to be canceled. So that's so what they do is they don't talk about the most important thing in alcoholics anonymous, the thing that will actually keep you sober. Nobody talks about it because we know. We all know. It's an unruling. It's an unwritten rule in A. don't talk too much about God because you're you're you're fucking murdering newcomers. They're like killing buddy rabbits. Now, if I'm an atheist, if I'm an atheist, I can say I'm an atheist and I'll believe in God. I think it's all bullshit.

I don't believe we got him an atheist. That's okay, even though it says it's in the big book. This sort of thinking has to be abandoned. Nobody will stand up and say we don't want to hear that crap because you're killing people and and that's not a is against atheism. We won't say that because he might get mad at us and we're all chicken ship anyway. You know what I mean, because not, nobody hasn't encouraged so if people say they're atheists agnostic, we don't call him on that. But God, if you mentioned God, you're gonna get the shipping it out of you by some old time or they're gonna take you a bed in the back and say you're talking too much about God, you're a murdering newcomers. I want you to think about that. I want you to think about what I just read. Yet think about what's going on here. Now, here's the good news. The good news is that some people have, some people have figured this out. I just wanted you to know I'm not the only guy. I mean, you may be saying. I know you may be saying, man, I've never heard this crap before. They don't talk about this in my group. Well, they can tell you this. They talk about this stuff in every group I belong to, the groups I hang out this is what we talk. So I want you to know there is a group in a you know, it's not the not drinking group. There are groups of people in am that lived to talk about this stuff and are are are craving in this kind of sting, because God will show you how to create the fellowship you Greve, you know, and that's what the second that's the beginning. The third step is the mere beginning of this deal, you know, but that's where it leads to. Okay, that's all I have to say.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (142)