AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 137 · 3 months ago

Russell S. Talk 10 (Step 12) Bal Harbour Group 10/26/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Talk 10 - a.k.a Step 12 - Russell S. at the Bal Harbour Group, Boulevard Club, North Miami FL step series started August 2022.

Hi. My name is Russell Stats. I'm an Alcoholic's good to be here. So my brain is like mush. You know, I'm I'm seventy three years old. I think I'm not even sure I'm I'm good. I'm in my seventies and I'm in my forty seven years so Friday, and my brain is like oatmeal now. So I'm just gonna have We're just gonna have some fun. I can't really come up with anything profound. We'll see how that works. It's good to be here. It's good to be here, good to be anywhere. You know, it's good to be seen, better to be seen that view you know, someone's good to be. So I want I want to read you something from the Big Book. I actually noticed that you and I know it. But I'm gonna read it because I'll probably screw it up. Uh So this is on page fifty. Is that the twelve step? You know, there's a lot of stuff I can you can talk about the twelve steps. There's so many ways of looking at it. Uh, But I want to have sort of like a fun deal with it at first and talk about my experience on serving God and help me know this because the experiences are fun. That's the fun part helping other people, you know, you know, after you've been doing this thing for well, in January, if I make it will be forty two years. You know you I can't even remember a recount all the experiences I've had, either being helped or helping other people, or sponsoring people. Somebody asked me, says, how many people have you sponsored? I said, they didn't tell me I was supposed to count, supposing four, you know, I mean hundreds and hundreds, you know, not, that's not I mean, if you're around here a long time, you're gonna sponsor. If you're out there, you're gonna be sponsoring a lot of people. If you sponsor just one person a month, that's twelve. The way it works with me is, you know, I have ten guys asked me to sponsor him, and one guy will call me back for the second time. You know, that kind of thing. You know, it's sort of disappear. You've gotta sponsor, tends to get one good one. You know it's gonna stick around. But but it certainly helped me, and it's given me a reason for living. You want to have a reason for living. You want to have a purpose. That's one of the greatest gifts that you're giving. Is an alcoholic given a purpose. You're given, You're given. I'm just talking about every time I say you're given, I'm talking about me. I'm given a mission. I have a mission. I'm on a mission. I'm gonna you know. In the in the book, there's one line I read, there's a paragraph we're right before the sixth step, the one that separates re member the boys. It says, we examine the foundation, we go to a quiet place. Is the glue holding the foundation together? The glue I mean, for me, the glue is God. It's believing God. It's it's never never apologizing for God. All men of faith have urage. They trust their God. That's the glue that holds it together and keeps you in the room because you're on a mission. It's like Bill Wilson said, the Lord has been so wonderful to me curing me of this terrible disease that I have to keep talking about it and telling other people. And Bill Dotson said, this is an alcoholics anonymous number three. It's not only Founders approved, this is confidence approof You can't stand those guys out of this proof you know what I mean. And they're probably good guys, who knows what the hell is going on with them. But the bottom line, as he said, the Lord has been so wonderful in the cure me of this doubless. I gotta keep talking about it and telling other people. And then what Bill Dobson said, he says, I could see that Bill Wilson was very, very grateful for sobriety and everything got and he gave all credit to God. And because of that, Bill Wilson forget about how he felt. Bill Wilson as crazy and he was crazy. You guys understand he was an alcoholic, and some people miss that God was whacked out. I have to do is read the story. I was whack whacked out. Even after King states stuff, we have no idea. It must have been God that helped him write that book. Look at twenty three years sober, he was going down the tumbes. He wrote an essay about it. He was going down. He was. He was as crazy as you are. He was just saying everything he gave up to God. Even in the Big Book he not and it not only says this in the Big Book of the twelve and twelve and Dr Bob Gold Times even the Big Book in the end of twenty three years as he was going down the tubes the Founders of a A. The only thing that saved him was refocusing on God and even wrote it down and talked about emotional sobriety, you know. And that's what That's what Bob Smith said said. It says, seek you first, the King of God and his righteousness. All things to be added unto you first things first. That was the number one thing. And that's why I have to keep on understanding because the book says my problem when I need is ego deflation and depth. And not only do I need ego deflation and death, I need constant, recurring ego popping my ego because my ego gets resurrected, you know all the time. You know, I was talking at a meeting. I'm completely going off of what I wanted to say, but I was talking to me the other day and I talked about now now I had I've had for sponsors, and uh, I have the fourth one now because the other three died because we're all temporary and they were all incredible in their own way and they were all solid emotionally and everything, totally solid people, and I loved them. But one of the things when I talk about...

...my sponsors, and they loved me, and I know I loved them, but they were tough on me, and they would say tough things to me. You know what I mean, you know, and as you know, the Christian Jesus said tough things to people, you know, you know, and they were tough on me. And and I remember Bob Selvin said, Ross, you know as much about life as a dog knows about his father. I'm sitting there saying, I'm thinking maybe he's complimented me. I'm not sure. He said your best thinking you got you doing this thing because he my problem we all have. I believe this is true one of the consequences of alcoholism. And they say and listen, until an alcohol accept his alcoholism and all that's consequences, his sobriety will be prepares him the true happens still find none at all. And I am absolutely convinced face upon what's happened in my life and what have I've seen looking back now and when I see with other alcoholics is one of the consequences of being an alcohol is you feel deep down inside unworthy. I gotta have that car. I gotta get that girl. I have to I have to have that suit. I have to weigh this much, I have to look this way. People have to like me, constantly grabbed for attention and love. If you're an alcoholic, you're please love me, aholic, Please let me have this. A wholic trying to constantly prove yourself to other people, how fantastic you are in every way possible, grandiose, all sorts of stuff, because deep down inside you know you're a pacy ship, which is why you tell yourself you're an alcohol You ever wonder why you tell yourself you're driving in a car, you're showering, You hear this voice? You're an asshole. You gotta kill yourself. Why do you talk to yourself that way? Why do I talk to myself that way? Five years solf and ten yearself? But why do you tell yourself? Because that's your reputation about you? With you, I don't give a ship. When you put out there deep down inside, in the quiet moments, maybe you have to get into a file with somebody. It's an hour down the road. You ever, you ever understand you ever, you ever wonder why whenever you get into a five with somebody, or get mad at somebody, or you do anything wrong, you ever wonder why, even if you think they're wrong and you're right and that's something that he should have done that, you ever wonder why three hours later you're saying, I wish I was fucking dead. I'm an asshole. You ever wonder why that happens? Yet, you guys are laughing because you don't know where it's like. It's because you know you're not worthy. You know you're not worthy because you can't get worthiness from other people. You can't get worthy inness from a Cadillac. The bigger the car you have, what does it matter how big the car is. Two weeks later it's used and you're used, and it's got a scratch, and what it doesn't matter. The only time you have worthiness is from God's and faith in God. Period. That's where the power comes from. And Bill Wilson knew that, and you know it says there comes to time in every out folks life where he won't have any defense against the first drink. His defense must come from God. This is big book stuff. This is in my opinion and that time where you don't have any defense against the first drink or the first think. May happen when you got forty two years, doesn't say it happens when you have one month? Can happen when you have We got a lot of God in a We probably have more people in a A that are slippers and drink after five, ten or fifteen years. I've been to so many meetings you guys said, well, I have ten years, you know, I'm back again. I've been around how long? Even so oh, I've been around the fulture for twenty years you have, but how long? I got nine yew days? Now. I've seen so many guys with three years, five years, ten years or anything like that that end up drinking and coming back. And of course they say things like well I stopped going to me and said, yeah, but why did they stop doing that? Because the glue wasn't there? There was no glue. So I am like, they said, what does that movie with John Luke Um one of the Glues brothers. I'm on a mission from God? You know. I hope you feel like you're own a mission from God. That's what you have to get and that's what this is all about It's it's not about you. It's about turning you into a tool for God. You don't think so you have you got a new employer. He's the fog you're Yeah, you got a new employer. But we don't know you. We cannot be sure of that. You know, God will determine that you're real, relying times beyond him. Your job now is you have maximum purpose for him. Your job now is to do what Bill Wilson was doing. You know the Lord has been so wontled me, tore me this tumble to this guy you keep talking about and telling other people that's your job. Your job isn't to get laid. Your job is I'm sorry. You had your chance to steer this ship. You steered it into the wall. You would maybe you see. I don't think when you first came in like me, I don't think you really truly understood the implications of making a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God and then you can do anything you want as long as and think anything you want, as long as it fits within His will. In the morning, I don't think you understand the implication. You probably didn't know what you were actually signing up for. You didn't read the fine print because there was no fine print. It was pretty clear. You're my slave. Now. The hossiball called himself an ambassador in...

...chains. Your chain to me. Now, big guy, you know I own you. You be my bitch. Now you know you're my bitch. Now you're going out there to help people. It's about helping people, you know what I mean. That's what this said. Tell Stumps, it ain't about you anymore. It's about you talking to damn about me. That's what it's about. You know, that's your deal. You do that deal, you'll be okay. You start looking at worldly clamors and all the stuff and running around and everything like that because my ego. You know, I had a guy say to me when I was talking about my sponsors how they were tough on me. The truth is, I mean, I guess we're all different than whatever. They love me, but I'm like one of those guys. One of my problems. The way my aposm showed up is a constant resurgeon of the ego. You understand what I'm saying. You got to graduated law school, dement gonest math matters, all that bullshit, you know. So my guy, my deal was when things start going good for me, my ship didn't think I was like number one, you know, stay out of my way. So that truth is, you know, if you're an alcoholic, if you have that attitude where you think you have the power and you're smart and you're curing yourself, what happens as you drinking at you get slam. So thank god I had these sponsors. I'm in my law office with all these plaques on the wall, the testing that I've been educating far beyond my capacity to understand anything. My sponsors sitting there. You don't even graduate. The sixth grade is used car salesman. You know. I got like about five months or whatever it is. He's got like fifteen years. I said, Bob, these are my disdegrees. I told the story all time, and it's true. I said, these are my degrees. You know. I pointed, I'm very prodible because I was so fucking smart. And he listen, he says, you know, Russ Reckel thermometers have degrees. You know what they do with those. Thank God forgot you. You know, whenever you saw him me like lift my head up from the ground, acting like I was really something. It's like, bam, you know what I mean, Right, it's the greatest thing they're happened to me. Yeah, they'd always give me a shot. It's like I'm walking around a giant sign arrogant, alcoholic asshole, triple a arrogant alcohol thumb sucking cry baby asshole. Hit me, punch me, shut me up. You know what I mean? Thank God. Now, listen, don't worry about people that hurt your feelings in here. You understand what I'm saying. Because if you don't get your feelings hurt in here, if you don't get slapped down in the ear, you want to know something, the world has a very different, interesting way of slapping you down. See, here's somebody may hurt your feelings and cause you to double think things. And Michael, list and talk to your sponsor and pray. Out there, they put you in jail. Out there, they put you in jail. They lock you up for twenty years when you screw up. And here they just say something to you that makes you think twice. You know what it means. It's not a it's not a bad you know. Okay, So let's talk a little bit about steps, health and that kind of deal. So I want to read something to you before you get to the fun part. This is a fun part. It's all fun. So this is a Bill's story. I love this part. My wife and I. This is after he gets sober. Okay, my wife and I, the lovely Henrietta abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problem. It was fortunate. That was fortunate. From my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half, during which time I found little work, little work, Sky's broke, It's got a wife. I was not too well at the time, and I was plagued by waves of self pity and resentment. Guilty is charged, guilty as charged, So I'm a self pity all of this Sometimes near he drove me back to drink. But I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone down to my old hospital in despair, in despair, on talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up on my feet and set on my feet. It's a design for living there that works in rough going. You guys read that. If you read that, you know there's something missing there. Have you noticed what's missing there? What happened to the freaking guy? They don't talk about. What happened to the guy. They don't talk about, Like right after that meeting, he went up to the top floor of that building from the hospital, jumped off and was smashed on the concrete because of his conversation with Bill. That didn't happen.

I just made that shot up. I made that up. But it might have. But it didn't matter, because that's not the point of who gets I share. You're worried about what happened to that guy? What happened to Bill? He was amazing, lifted up on his feet. Hey, every Thatcher goes to see Bill Wilson to twelve step him, tell him about the Lord. Simple religious deal. That's what happened to me. He walks in there. Bill says, you want to drink every Thatcher says, no, I'm you know, I found God, I've got religion, all that sort of stuff. Bill Wilson's thinking, he either says this or he's thinking this good more for me. You know Thatcher probably left there and said to himself. Well, that was a failure. That's wall step call was a failure. And we're sober today because of that swave step call that he thought was a failure. You know, you know, you know that's it's it's crazy. It's not the point is it's what happened to Bill Wilson. So I'm I'm sitting there and I'm three months maybe two months sober or something like that, and uh and I wake up one Saturday morning and uh and I and I'm depressed. I'm like, go, Wilson talks about I'm depressed. I'm not even gonna give you a reason because I'm not even sure I had a reason. Because you're a true alcohol you don't really need a reason to be depressed. It's like, I don't know, it was raining outside, it was sunny outside. You know, I didn't like my I was just depressed. I was in despair. I had about two or three months I was in despair. So what happens is I I remembered, I remembered that you guys got something. It's like I get a motel room or something. But it's going on, Oh no, thank you, I'm very good. You have a tasue for my eyes. Where you're gonna cry. Yes, I'm crying. I'm trying to gus crying. I'm crying. I'm crying because I'm hanging up with you guys. He's like speaking to me like, you have no idea what this is important. This is an amating trying to be a professional. This is trying to be professional. There are people here. It's not just us, you know, A mean Cody's laughing. Yeah, well so it's on it. Where was I so in anyway? So this is true? So I'm I'm thinking there and I'm just in despair. I have no idea where this comes from. This is a god thin, I believe. I believe when you have when you're in despair and you're feeling side for yourself and you've got a thought like this, it's got to be a god thing. I mean something having a naming. And I remembered that on Saturday mornings at seven am, I'm up with like five o'clock suicidal. I remember on Saturday mornings at seven am, down in North twos Street in Miami where the Mental Health Drunk Tank is wherever that is, they have a seven am a meeting for the guys that are hospitalized, the drunks, the wet brains, and the drugs. So I get it in my mind that who knows where this crap comes from? When you've got two or three months, then I'm gonna drive down there and go to the A meeting in Detox. And I get in my car at like six o'clock in the morning, I drive down to the A meeting in Detox and and they will let you in. They will let you go. So I will walk in there and I say, I'm here for the meeting, you know, and I'm dressed. I guess like I'm dressed right now, so you bring me to the meeting. I'm sitting down there in the meeting, and about twenty or thirty people, men and women walk in there wearing those those things that they wear. You know, when they putting off, they put your backside is out, you know you know what I what I would hospital gowns. About thirty people showing up with little towns, old and young, male and female. Now I'm the only guy wearing pants. It was obvious I was an old timer. It was obvious I was the old timer in the room. You know, you can always tell the old times in the world room, they're the ones who are fully dressed, if you understandable. And so I was Elizabeth like that, you know what I mean. So in any that, so I walked in there and they, well, I have no idea what I said. Whatever I said, it probably went over their head. Who knows. I said, with my three months sobriety, you know, we had questions and answers and all sorts of stuff. And I walked out of that place and I was like, hi, I was trying to I was like,...

I was like amazing. I was like what I just read it was and I and I remember saying to myself, Holy sh it, this stuff works. It's like a drug. It's like a drug. I don't know what happened to those people. I mean, hopefully some of you. It's like a drug helping people. It's like the greatest drug in the world. So I'm like a couple of years so over and and so now I'm I'm now I'm helping every I'm helping. Listen, I'm gonna help you, whether you like it or not. And that's it. And I'm like three years sober, and I'm sitting to Denny's with some guy that brought to the Arts Creek Group. I'm not even sure the Arts Creek Group is still around. And on a Saturday night, you know, the Saturday night I was a lounge list as I was out there looking for the gown. I take this new guy of media on Saturday night at eight thirty at the Arts Greek Group and it's over night third and then we go over to I think it was called Danny's still there, Danny's Cafe or something like twenty fifth Street, and were sitting there with draining call for this new guy, and I said, it's like ten o'clock in on a Saturday night, you know, And I'm during coffee with him. We're talking about the community, he says, and I say, don't I say so, so, you know, how how did you like the babe? He says, Oh, yeah, I liked it. It was good, he says. And he looks at me. He says, he says, but but can I ask? Sure? He is, what do you guys do for fun? I didn't have the heart to tell him I was having a great time, you know what I mean. I was having a great time, because how could you understand that he was a little bit of dancing girls. I was having the time of my life, you know, I mean the stuff that was. And then I go out and I you start sponsor. Then I went on relay my sponsor because at that time everything any time I did service, I can guarantee you ninety nine percent times I did service. It's because my sponsor told me I needed to do service. These were never like original thoughts. Oh, I think I'll make coffee. I think I'll make coffee for the group. No, no, no, no, no. That's I went up to my sponsor, Bob Sullivan, and I said, I'm broke. I have no money. You know, I don't know how I'm gonna pay the rent. I'm two months beyond the rent and all that sort of stuff. And Bob looks at me and he says, yeah, I understand what the problem is. You know, you know I I understand, he says. He says, well, I got the solution for you. He says, he says, you do. I said absolutely. He says, I think it's about the time you started making coffee for the group. And I'm realizing there's no conversation here. And that's when I started making coffee and I can't tell you how much I didn't want to make coffee for the group, but I made coffee for that group for eighteen bloody months. The next day, idn't want to go back to that group, you know, just I didn't want to go back because I know money had come in, and I was like depressed, but I had to go because I had to make the damn coffee for the group and set up the chairs. Three months later, the money came in and I was Okay. Some guy comes up and he says, not like that, but I got the coffeemaker. Who the hell am I you the coffeemaker? You know I'm making coffee the group. Then my sponsor, my new My next sponsor, Bob was Joe Sniner. He says, you know Rush you ought to go on? Really really Let's realizes, yeah, you don't really, you know. I felt like, in a sense, it was like who was a Clarence to Brue Blue Matt Brewmaster when he said about Bob, when he talked about Bob Smith, the sponsor, he says, he says, I did what I was ordered to do. There were no suggestion I did what I was ordered to do. There were no suggestions. He said, you need to go on relay. I called the vintagra. I don't know what I mean. Lay I says, I want to go on relay. Says, oh yeah, we gotta spot open from eight o'clock Friday night or nine o'clock Friday night untill eight or nine o'clock the next morning. Saw any morning. So I said, okay, I'll do that. So what happens on relay is in Day County is anybody who calls up alcoholics anonymus between like eight or nine o'clock at night on a Friday night and like nine o'clock the next morning, it gets routed to you. So you're you're getting calls at like two o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the morning, twelve o'clock at night. Mrs Spatts was not happy about this ship. You're on the phone. You're on the phone. You want to learn about alcoholism, you want to learn about dealing with alcoholics. You need to do really, let me tell you something. So I got in the phone with these people the stuff that you I'm three hours on the phone with some gal, you know, and she's telling me about, you know, her wife, and what's going on everyone's while you try to interrupt. Well, let me talk about this ring. He says, no, no, no, no, you gotta listen to me. I'm not done blah blah blah the other No, no, no, you got everyone's like says, could you hold on for a second, I'd say yeah, And I hear her go somewhere. I hear clink, clin clean, a couple of them ice cubes dropping into glass, and he says, Okay, I'm back. I'm back, you know, just drinking, you know, because you know, if you're a drunk, it's two o'clock the morning, you want and you want company, you might as well call alcoholics anonymous. And you know, I'm an alcohol when any and whenever anybody is anywhere, and a I gotta be...

...there, sit and listen to this crap, you know what I mean? He goes, what what if I say no? When she dies? What does he come in, Susie? What if she writes, A, Hey, I called up Florida and I got this guy, Russell Smatch and he did not listen to me, And then what's gonna happen? You know? And everybody founds out that I'm a bad twelve stopper. You know it's I'm like that, and you know, and uh, you learn all about well, you learn all about you know, and you know, and I got I got a call from one gal. She says, Uh, I'm a I've got a PhD in nursing, and i have a little child, little daughter. And she sounds so she was a daughter. And he says, and I'm under PRN supervision. So I don't want to lose my nursing uh deal. And the other day I took a drink and I'm worried because if they find out, or if I keep on drinking, I'm gonna lose my license to practice as nurse, may lose my child, you know what I mean in my john And so I need help, he says, But there's only one thing. One thing he says. What he says, I don't want to hear anything about alcoholics, Anonymous. And I said, well, we got two problems. He says, well, what's that? He says, well number one and I'm like whatever, it was three years sober, five years sober, and uh, and I'm sober because of alcoholics, Anonymous. I go to a meetings and I have an a sponsor and I go to meetings. You know, I'm five years ober im And I said, and that's the only thing I do. So I don't know what Plan B is. I only know A, So I don't know bland visas. Okay, I'm just and that is well, what's the other problem is this? You called alcoholics anonymous, miss PhD in nursing. You know what I mean. We're not completely wrapped solidly, you know what I mean, and that kind of stuff. You know, but very often you get these calls. Every once in a while, you would get these calls and this is what would happen. And what I learned is I learned after a year of getting no sleep whatsoever, I learned this. You get on the phone and you let them wine for like three or four or five minutes and say, yeah, okay, listen, I got that. I understand we're but I need to ask you a question. He says, yeah, do you want to stop drinking? And for the answer and yes, then the answer is listen, I'm here to help people want to stop drinking. If you want to stop drinking, you can call me back. Okay, I'm not here just to hang out with people that alonely or stuff like that, UM, do whatever I can. If you want to stop drinking, I'll tell you where you can go and how you can do that. That's it. Wouldn't just spend an hour and after you tell me how screwed up your life is? You know what I mean? And that's the deal. Then you learn how to do That's how you learn about helping people as a palace to enabling people. And that's the deal. And every once in a while this would happen. The guy would call me up on the phone and say this this, This isn't amazing. When this happens, this is like a diamond in the rough. A guy says, yeah, my name is Joe, he says to a yeah, A he says I need help. He says I can't stop drinking, and then he stops talking, doesn't say another word. You know why he's interested in what you're gonna say, because whatever you're gonna tell him, he's gonna do it. Because he called up a a because he wants to stop drinking. And you say, listen, I can help you. I haven't I drink it. So and so you tell a little about a story and says, how about this where you look at it so, and so I'm going to meeting tomorrow at eleven o'clock in the Sunset Room. Why don't you meet me there and let me He says, okay. And then you meet him there and you introduced some box anonymous, and you get that incredible feeling and it makes all the other bullshit worth it. And so I was on Relay for eight years sponsoring people, and also on life for eight years. And so somebody comes up to me, and maybe ten years, twelve years, whatever it is, and they come up to me. You know, you find out a lot about this, a design for living that works. You know what happens when you work this program. It becomes really simple, almost simple to see where the problem is. You don't have to guess you're up against psychology. Guy comes up to you and he says, you know, I've got five years and you know, I'm really not happy and I feel like divorce of my life and blah blah blah whatever it is. And you say, how many people do you sponsor? He says, well, I'm not sponsoring anybody. I spollow. I sponsored two people. I said, oh, you're sponsoring there. You're in touch with him every day. You take him through steps. Well, no, no, I sponsored one guy. He never calls me, and and then there's some...

...other guy and uh, I speak to him maybe once every two months or something like that. And so you don't really sponsor anybody. So you're not doing this. You're not doing this at all. How many nas going to Well, I go to two a week, you know, and I guess I go to three a day. You know, I mean what I mean, this isn't rocket science. You know, there's a great line of the Book of Revelations where you know, God is talking about the seven churches. He's the God whom I understand. It doesn't have to your understand seven churches. In this line is also an alcoholics anonymous because they were studying the books they found absolutely essential. We're first going to be in surteen from a Mountain Book of James. Between nine thirty five and ninety thirty seven, they came out of the hospital. All they were doing was reading the Bible. They weren't reading the big Book that was a nineteen thirty nine, and so all this stuff found its way in to day. You don't know that because if you're not a Bible students, you know what I'm talking about you don't have to be you don't have to do it. I know they say we encourage church membership. Most of us belong to that. Ready, I've seen in prison fails, third ballou path. I know they say they do that. I know the founders say they encourage that. I know they say you should do it. We're encouraging it. We all do it. But Ship, you don't have to do it. Do whatever you want to do. I mean, after all, thoroughly, what does thoroughly mean? I mean, really, what does it mean? My wife told me, you come home drunking? What time I'm leaving you. I left the house and I stopped to concert. What the helps you mean by that? What does it mean? Really? Thoroughly necessarily mean? That night I was drunk. That was the end of my marriage because I couldn't figure out what she was saying. Because it was very complicated. You know, you know, you know, it's very complicated. You know as much about life as a dog knows about it's fun. It's very complicated. Ship, You know what I mean? You come on drumping what time I'm leaving you? You know, we encourage church membership. Most of us do that. You know, it's very complicated. Ship. It gets real complicated when you don't want to do it, you know, when you just want to do what you want to do. Just go into the program, work the program, do the steps and everything. But don't sponsored me because that's a pain in the s Yeah, I know that thing that says, what does it say in the big book? We got to be the good Samaritan. That's out of the Book of the Good Samaritan. Every day a kindly act once in while it ain't enough. Your phone made Janle. Anytime at night, you may be called to do stuff, your might. Your wife may actually be upset with you. What are you doing? It's two o'clock, Moore and you're on the phone. It says most of us have to go through that stuff. Yeah, but that's steroly. But what does that mean anyway? What does it mean anyway? You know? And so people go down Jesus, But I worked the program alcoholics now because no, you didn't yea even startle us ober by my standma. You know what, because you're not drinking does you're not drinking? So you think you're cured? Now You're okay, you got it under control, big shot is that the deal? And so that's you know, and that's and so I'm I'm you know, I'm doing the deal, and I'm you know, it's pretty simple when you work this thing, and if you see the results and it's working for you, it's pretty sick. You don't have to sit around getting the psychology. Oh, I think it's because of the way my mother treated me. All I think it's because of my job. I think it's because how many means you go to a week? How many people do you sponsor? Well, they don't, don't. Nobody asked me. I said, well, do you raise your hand? Do you do? You let me tell you something you talk about to means? I don't like talking to me as well? How would they? Why would they sponsor? You don't even know who the hell you are? This is your life. What do you care whether? What do you care? What they want is you go up to somebody at the end of the meeting, You go up to a newcomer and say, listen, I'll be your sponsor. I'll be They're new, they don't know, they don't know how goofy and stupid at they don't know how any adequate you are? You tell them, you're their sponsor and take over. You know. He says, well, what if I don't know what to do? He says, you've got a sponsor. Yeah, Joey says, say, I don't know, We'll ask my sponsor. You know what I mean? A guy asked me to sponsor him. I don't know what a you do it? But he says, because I don't know, I don't know what I'm ready. I said, listen to me, you're not ready, you're a goof. But he is so stupid and so new. He thinks you have something he wants. So we're gonna run a scam on him, you know what I mean, because we don't really give a crap bat him. You know what I mean? It is a design for living that works, like basically lifted up on his feet. You're gonna tell him yes, and we're gonna go from there. And if you you if he hits you with something like my girlfriends and heroin at it and she wants to get married, what should I do? And you don't know what to tell him? You know, you just call me up. They were gonna called Russell. Let's see what he has to say about that ship. You know, what I mean, and then you get into the fun part of this whole thing. He had to sponsor guys like Kevin. You know, Kevin was a guy I love. He lived with me three months and you know, he was I can't even tell you how much I love Kevin my primary Yeah, I'm not sure what he's first sponsor. Man is like unbelievable. And Kevin would sober up, and he was smart as a whip and was a former marine reconnaissance guy, and he was...

...sharp. He was like a clean Eastwood guy. And as soon as he gets sober, he'd find a gal. It was always the Gallas with Kevin, you know. And he found he found some gallant a and he had like about six months in the gal had like five years, and you know, she was doing her thing, and they moved in together. And Kevin calls me up, and you gotta calling this as Russell. I said, what's going on? Kevin? He says, last night Lucy tried to stab me with scissors while I was sleep sleeping. He said. You know, Kevin, when a woman tries to stab you with scissors while you're sleeping, that's God's way of telling you it's time to move out, so Kevin. And then Kevin says to me, I don't think you understand what about Because he had enough of the program. He starts of me back, what about love? What about tolerance? What about giving people a second chance? I'm aways supposed to give people a second chance? And you know, he starts talking to me. Now then I wasn't as well as I am now, you know what I mean. Then he starts getting all to say bullshit about the tolerance and the love and everything like that, everything like that, and I'm starting he's about he's pushing me in dowlan On. He's why people are an alan On because I'm starting to think maybe I'm crazy, you know what I mean, Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not clearly understanding this. And you know, because he's he's like hitting me with all this stuff, this out the stuff, you know, because you'd be surprised so an alcoholic man come up with when he wants to get laid, you'd be surprised. They become brilliant on the big book, you know what I mean. And I said, yeah, I said okay, whatever and everything like that. Of course, like two days later he was drunk then he goes says stay penitentiary because somebody asked him to leave a bar and he said, I'll call the police. You don't leave the bar, he said, call him Plaze. I don't even share it. Yeah, called the police, but they ended up busting up the Plaze went to Avon Park and he was there for like ninety days, and he met some gal named Annie. This one was Annie, and they kicked him and Andy out Annie out because you're not supposed to frbnize or whatever that is. And so I'm up in Tampa, you know, I know, if you guys know, Burn Steakhouse, Top Gun Try and I'm supposed to meet him for day. He says, Guy, I bring Annie. Who's Annie? Oh? I met her. It's love at first sight. Boy meets a girl in the a campus, you know what I mean. Him and Annie both graduates of abe Avon Park. They probably both have like maybe three or four months of sobriety. They're living together. Uh So he says, I said, Okay, I'll come by and pick you up. No, I've been get the restaurant. I'm at the restaurant, you know what I mean. With my wife. All of a sudden, I got a call, he says. Russell, he says, wouldn't believe what happened. I said, what happened to him? And he says Annie. I said, what's wrong with Annie? Kivin says, when she's screaming at me. She's on the balcony of our of our our apartment. He says, what is she doing? She says, well, she's nude, and she's got she's got a bottle, and she's drunk, and she's got a bottle of scotch in one hand and then the other hand she has a butcher knife and she's screaming at me. I said, what is she screaming? Kevin? She's screaming at me to leave? He said, Kevin, Kevin, you need to listen to me. You need to leave. You don't get ahead of me here, So Kevin says, but Russell, I'm not making this. Shut up? What are you think? I said, let me make up a story. And he says, you don't understand what don't she can get suicide? What about tolerance? What about love? What about giving people a second chance? Aren't I supposed to carry the message and everything like that? I said, what is she doing? Now? She's screaming louder, and she what is she saying? She's saying leave. I said, Kevin, you need to leave. He said, no, you don't understand. Of course he got drunk and got arrested and everything like that. Now you're gonna miss stuff like this. You're not gonna be able to tell these stories. You're not gonna have this kind of excitement in your life. You know this is in and this is this is the great stuff about sponsoring people. Then I'll tell you where it gets really crazy. You know, this is where it gets This is when you know that's over for you. This is where AA has totally ruined my life, ruined my life. I was, as we all know, the I would see you have NOR in Miami. It's true. I was. I was the you know, you know that's the I was the Brad Pitt of Miami if you have NOR Miami. I was a megtioned in my own mind.

And I caught a broad swath in Miami against with all the gals and all the stuff and all the craziness. And this is where you know that A has totally ruined you. When even though I need to go to meetings two because I need to go to meetings because meetings are important to me and I need to go. And trust me, no matter what I say tonight, I know that don't worry about you. Don't have to tell me you need to go to me. And I know that when you start running to meetings because you want to see if there's anybody there you can help, when you're looking to see where there's anybody there to get help because you enjoy helping people, and you start catching that crap that Bill Wilson caught, because it's like a virus. I'm telling you where you want it. Because when you start realizing the Lord has been so wonderful to me, you sharing you of this terrible disease that you've got to keep talking about it and telling other evil when you go to meetings, and what you want to do is treat everybody like to have a broken heart, because they probably do. And you try to say whatever it is you think you're gonna say that may help somebody, and that's your entire reason. And here's where you now here's where it gets really bad, where you really need to check yourself into some sort of clinic. When not only you do that, but you start really enjoying it. When you would rather do that than get late. You would rather do that than get a new car. You would rather do that than anything. You know, that's when you know you're really in big trouble. You're like, now, now you're in glues, brothers. Now you're on a mission for God. Now your whole life becomes trying to carry this message for God. And you start getting into that six steps stuff where you become entirely ready to have, entirely ready to have everything removed so you can be a servant. Be a servant because you want to grow in the image. You you're doing these things repeatedly growing the image and likeness and God, because that's who God was. He was a servant. He was serving us, he's serving us, he wants to help us. And that's when you know you've got real problems and you know something. Then you never leave a knowledge, you never leave a You're out there looking for other people that you can help. Because everything that we got going in here is common to man. There's nothing that's wrong with us. That is the comment to everybody out there. They just don't have the benefit of being alcoholics with the drinking, so they don't have any meetings to go to, They'll go to church. And now I joined the church because they said in the Big Book that they encouraged that and most of us. So I wanted to do that. So I did what they did. I didn't do what I wanted to do, you know. I did what they did, and I on that there were people in church that needed this. I started a ministry called Alive Again. You know which is a ministry is it's like a a but we all agree on the same who God is, the same God that Bill Wilson was talking about it, Bob Smith was talking about, and that guy Saint Francis of the Banana was talking about. I figured out if that I figured if that God was good enough for them at Sandy Beach, you know what I mean, it's good enough for me. You know what I mean? And you know so I didn't. That's been helping me out because then I have like a real image and likeness of God. He's not a fuzzy thing. He's not an imagine everything. Because if God can't imagine everything with me, if I can't understand exactly how he's thinking what he wants me to do, then what happens is it's the God. It's not. It's not the one who has all power that they say, may you find him now by the way, now means now you find him down. It's not the God that that I want him to be. It's the God that he is. And then I don't make him up because if I start making him up, he becomes the God that I would rather have. M h and the guy that I would rather have. We'll let me get away with a lot of ship, you know, and not feel guilty. You know what I mean. I don't want that God that makes me feel guilty about doing stupid ship, you know I want. I don't want that God. That's I don't want to sponsor like I want to sponsor. I don't want a sponsor that takes my inventory. I don't want to sponsor that says that tells me, Like my sponsor said to me, But us, we don't talk. We don't talk about other people behind their back. We don't do that an We love other people. So if you don't have something nice to say about anybody once, you just shut the hell up and not talking. He said that to me in front of five people, and I walked away saying I can't believe that asshole did that. I'm gonna kill him, kill his wife, raid this dog. But you know, I love the guy, know he loved me. And I was sober and I knew it had a lot to do with him, And say, you know what I started doing. I stopped. I stopped talking about other people behind their back. I stopped it. I came like a at least,...

...hey, we don't do that. There's a we don't, you know. And you know when you stop talking about other people behind their back, you know what happens every time you're gonna start talking about something you said. You know that guy joke, You're not gonna say what he says. He's a good guy, you know what I mean? I mean, you're like, stop, you monitor your mouth, and you know, then you stop talking. When you start thinking bad things about other people, you discard those and you you let them be captured by God and you discard them and you start thinking good things about other people. And you know what happens when you start thinking good things about other people instead of bad things about other people, You start feeling better. You start feeling better about yourself, and you don't call yourself an asshole, stupid. Now, my if my sponsor had said to me, you know, Russ, if you don't, if you don't, if you can, if you don't stop talking bad shit about other people behind their back and gossiping and characters have saying about other people back back, what happens If you stop doing that, you're gonna actually feel better because you're not gonna stop thinking that stuff, and you're gonna feel good about myself. I would say, what kind of bullshit is that? That's not in a big book of alcoholics anonymous, you know what I mean. But that's not what he said to me. He said, we don't do that in a so if you can say something nice month, you just shut the funk up. That's the way he did because I was arrogant, and I was an alcoholic, and my chief characteristics in defined. So that's what he was saying to me. Would love because he knew that he didn't. He cared more about me than whether I liked him, So he was willing to take the hit even if I walked away it didn't like him, but he was wanting to tell him the truth, the truth you can't handle with because he loved me, so he didn't water it down and make it lukewarm, you know, you know, like a lukewarm sort of thing. He got serious about and because of that he hit me over the head of the two pipe four and I got serious, just like when I stopped drinking, things got serious. And that's why half measures avail us nothing. That's why we stand on the turning point. That's why we get rid of the old ideas of the result is new. That's it's all in the book. You know, it's all in the book. You do this one tobe a lightly thing, you do one fourth step, and you know you don't sponsor anybody, and you go to a meeting every three days. Everything you get what you get. You don't get the rocket in the fourth dimension thing. You get the not drinking club. You get to say, having a drink in twenty years. But you wanted something in the end. When the cancer comes, when it gets really good, when you deal with the good stuff like you cancer and health stuff and everything, that's when the glue comes apart. That's when it all falls apart. You know it'll it'll fall publicly drinking long before them. But I'll tell you something. You got you got a lot of this, a giant grand canny. At twenty years, there's a million people song. Weer up to twenty years. Between twenty and forty, twenty and thirty not so many. It's like a bunch of people on the board. And then you get to be out twenty one guy at twenty one one one guy at thirty three one bay. Then it's like it's like a giant drop off. That's the truth. That's the way it is. Maybe one half of one percent. And the people that come in stay sober for twenty years. He's been around for eighty years. Ninety years, I'm sorry, ninety years has been around. How come we don't have forty people in here with forty years? You know why? Because they am forty people with forty years. It's like a really fit They count the medallions that go out and around. That's the dude, and that's how it works in here. And you know why because it has to do with the glue. What's the glue that Bill Wills. They asked Bill Wilson, what do you think of a guy that doesn't drink and doesn't go to meetings. Let's say all those guys are not drinking and they're out there, I doubt it. He said, what do you think of guys that don't drink burning meats? What do you think of people that don't drink to drowning boos. Let's say you can beat the drinking thing. Let's say you're come in here and you beat the drinking then and you know what, go, Wilson said. He said, I have no use from because they have no gratitude. You know why they haven't. And then even decent human beings, you know why they're not decent human beings because the decent human being, if you got this same, not this skiff, you'd come back and try to help other people. Because they're not helping other people, you know what. They're going out there and trying to get laid. They're going out there and trying to get a car, you know. So what happens is they get something. They get to say, I haven't had a drink. But that doesn't mean to be in rock and the fourth dimension, you know what I mean? Because the truth in the matter is the people that are doing the twelve step work that are out there, whether they've got twelve years, twenty years, or thirty years, what what what you're really seeing is you're seeing people that are emotionally sober, not just physically so. You're seeing you know, there are two types of people in here. There's the ones that are physically sober, they're not drinking club. And then they're the ones that are emotionally sober that got their act together. And I'll tell you something, you look real hard and you're listen real good, the person you'll you'll you'll be coming the next five years will depend upon the people you hang out with in the books you read. The books you read depend on who you hang out with. If you listen to real lord and you...

...look real hard, you'll see that there's a huge swath of people. You know. It's like he says in the Body, he says, it's a broad road. Stay away from broad road, the large road. He says, maybe you go there. It's the road to death if you find it. And there's a narrow road where if you find it and leads to life. And you know, the power we all latch hold of the power. Everybody gets a chance to have the power that will stop you from drinking for a while for a while, But that's not the power you want. We had to find the power by which we could live, live free, not worried about what other people think about it's not worried about economic insecurity. We had to find that power. There's a power that you can latch onto that will take you to the first stage and you'll not drink, and maybe you'll not drink if you hang around a for at five, ten or fifteen years. And there's another power that will take you to the second stage, which is escape velocity. And now it's zero gravity, and you're gonna keep on going to the andromeda. You know what I mean. You're not gonna stop, You're not gonna leave this thing. But you now on a different thing. You're searching for the power by which we could live. That's six steps stuff. That's the separation of the stages of the rocket. That's the Rockshire, right, which separates the men from the boys. That's what they're talking about. That's the six step. It's not just one prayer to say one pro it's audios Chaco. And if you look real close and you're looking forward, you'll see that there's a little bit of a difference in the different types of people. You know what I mean. So I'm going to I only got a minute left, so I'm gonna share something a minute. I got a minute. Uh. So I'm leaving on Tuesday, and I have no bucket list. You know, this is my bucket list. This is what I do. This is what I like to do. I do this because all the reasons I told you. You know, I don't need to go anywhere to have fun. I don't need anywhere to be excitement. I just want to hang out with alcoholics. I want to go anywhere there's alcoholics or people, even if it's the church, whatever, where I can help somebody or share what God has done for me. What does it say in the Big Book? It says this is what it says. It says we're on a new basis space of trusting, relying upon God. We never apologize for God. All men of faith time coverage. They trust their God. Instead, they let him demonstrate in their lives what He has done for them, and months they start out broke fear. I want to just demonstrate in my life what God can do for you, because you know it's very simple, but God for do it's very simple. What God can do, what it's done for us is he can do for you. And that's what I want to do a demonstration of. So my wife is talking into flying to Frankfurt and then that happens, getting on a ship for fifteen days and go into Turkey, each of Israel, Cyprus, Rome and then flying back here. I can't tell you how much I'd rather not do this. I know these are high class problems, you know. Take it down to the Salvation Army and tell him about it. But you see, to me, to me, this takes me away from in a sense, from my meetings, you know, from doing because I'm already on vacation. You know, I'm already having the time of my life and it ain't costing me fifs, you know, and uh, and I don't have to worry about me and stuck in Frankfort, you know, or something like that. There's the plane is overbooked, there's you know like that. But the one bright spot is this on the boat, there's gonna be a hundred people from A So the one thing I'm looking forward, I don't care about getting it off the ship, you know what I mean. I figured I got a hundred people in a so I'll meet new friends and we can talk about stuff. Maybe it can help somebody. Maybe somebody will help me. And that's that's the bright spot for me. Not because you want to see the pyramid. You want to ride a camel. No, I don't want to ride a camel. I like camel's. I don't want to hurt the camel, you know what I mean. You want to see the pyramids. Now I've seen the pyramids, you know. I saw my son Lawrenson radio, so there. You know, I'm just going to get the baptized in the Jordan, which I think is great. You know. And he says, you want to hear a baptonize And I said, I was baptized. That worked. I don't want if it if it ain't broke, don't fix it. You know, That's what I say. You know, you know, one baptism is good, you know, one baptism as good as the next baptism. I mean that if there was a difference in a baptism in the Jordan versus a baptism down here, I'd be in big trouble because that's not what the Lord says to me. It says, you know, you you baptized, and you can love the Lord and loves God anywhere. You know, he wants to be your friend. Yeah, that's the deal. So that's that's the twelve step. To me, twelve step is serving God, not because you have to, although it may start out that way when your spont says you've got to do this. It serving God because that becomes your life because you're on a mission and you are so excited about the mission. I'll tell you something. I know a lot of people that feel the way I do. We go to a lot of zoom meet together, some on the ear and they are These are people with thirty years, forty years, you know what I mean,...

...twenty five years and they are deep. You listen to them, you think this guy must have just gotten sober because they they're more excited about a a now at thirty years than they ever was the first time they started to stopped drinking because it's a whole new it's a whole new deal for them. It's not not drinking club. It's given service to godd club. That's the deal. So you got to decide what you want. You know, you want what you know, we got decide what you want what we have and or you want what he had You know what I mean, He'd become about my weight. So thank you very much, thank you.

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