AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 98 · 8 months ago

Russell S. Talk 2 at the 12 Step House 12/21/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Talk 2 at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 12/21/2021

My Name's Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a member of the South Dixie group and I have come that Shagne since January twenty five, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. So I'm grateful to be here. You know I was. I believe this is the longest this group has the oldest step series. Continue with step series, I think. Well, I was. I asked this party. You told me I I think I'm seventy two years old, and seventy two I was until we pick that out. I am seventy two right, because they have you know, really, after a while it's no use county. What's the point? So and and the step, the step series in this group is this group has been having the step series for seventy two years, as you were born, since I was born, you know. And I've been doing a series I've been doing every year for over twenty years. I've come up here and done the series from Lea, so close, from Cuba, wherever I come from. I'm just I'm all the way down'm a couple of hours south of here. So it's always a great pleasure of being here. I see a lot of friends, a lot of people have known over the last twenty, thirty years. And and how we how we I want to give you a how we came up to me. There's always, I always, every once in all this happens and he says, you don't remember me, but you know, Nick, see and I, fifteen years ago had dinner with you at an Italian rest I said, yeah, you borrowed a hundred dollars from me. I remember you like was yeah, es. Today he sort of bud he immediately explained to me that I may have been mistaken. Okay, but I may be mixing them up, but I told my forgiven anyway, don't worry about the money. It's no big deals. So it's always good to be here with you guys. And so I'm going to talk about something. I admire done for trying to anticipate what he thinks I'm going to say. I how would you know what I'm going to say? I don't know what I'm going to say. You know, I mean at these prices, I don't sit down and plant things, although in this night it's like a special night because because I've actually brought a book here. I brought a book and I brought some stuff and everything solvent, because there's something I want to read. So I'm going to just talk about something. No, set now, I may. Every once in a while I upset somebody, alcoholics, or upsetable, my sponsor, once you slips. I used to have a lot of people upset me because they tell me stuff and I don't like people tell them the stuff. You know, I'm our chief characteristic. Yeah, shoot them or something. A chief characteristic is defiance. You know, it's defiance as our chief characteristic, and you know, I don't know what that means to you. That means I don't like people telling me anything. Don't be talking to me. You know, if you talk to me about something, I feel like you're talking down to me, and there's nothing, is nothing that a individual who feels worthless deep down inside hates more than being condescended to. So I don't like people talking down to me, preaching to me and that Shit. You know, even they're trying to help me, and I don't like people telling me what to do. Help better not you don't give me any ultimatum as you better do this, you'd better do that. So I'm one of those. I'm an alcoholic. That's the way I'm at. That's the way I am and luckily for me, when I rank, when I came in here, I found some people that I wanted what they had, and so I allowed them to treat me badly. That's the only way. But they would tell me Shit that I didn't want to hear, like shut the fuck up, or you know, why don't you just go out and drink, or, you know, stop taught. We don't want to hear from you, we're not interested. Would tell me something, I'd say I'm sensitive. He is. No, no great artists as sensitive. You just touchy. You know so. So I'm in my forty feet years. So because, you know, listen my sponsor, you to say when a man with experience meets a...

...man with money, the man with experience will walk away with the money and the man with money will walk away with an experience. You know, I take it for granted that all alcoholics believe that they're smarter than everybody else, they know more than anybody else and they certainly have the attitude that nobody knows to be better than me. And my sponsor had the attitude. Your best thinking gotten in here. So maybe it's better you start listening to people and accepting what they're saying in any man so I know what I'm dealing with when I'm so I know if I'm going to talk about some truths about myself, and that's what I'm going to talk about about myself, that I might possibly, unfortunately, upset somebody. You know, somebody might have a feeling like, who is this guy? So let me assure you that I'm just trying to carry a message. I'm not even in charge whether you accept the message or whether you like the message. I've had plenty of people come up to me and last forty years saying I used to hate you, but now I love you, and you know, stuff like that, and I understand that I carry a message like they understood in the beginning. I carry a message that alcoholics don't want to hear. I mean, I understand the message I'm going to carry about my own life, my own sobriety, as a message alcoholics don't want to hear. In alcoholics. In in the chapter to the Agnostics, which was written to agnostics and atheists, it says if a mere code of morals and a better philosophy of life would have helped us, would be sober. Long time ago, Roland Hazard, after putting himself in treatment in the s with called young, one of the greatest psychiatrists, after graduating from that facility, said that a very intelligent man from a wealthy family said now, knowing the inner workings of my mind, drinking is impossible. And then the next line in the big book is nevertheless, he was drunk in a few weeks. Nevertheless, even he was brilliant and sober and he knew everything about himself, he was drunk in a few weeks. Many's the man in alcoholics anonymous, who has come up to me and said don't worry about me, I ain't never going to drink a yet after sixty days, ninety days, two years, five years and they go out and they drink. I've sponsoring people that are doing great in Aa and then three years, five years, ten years down the road they're going to prison. They're drinking, they're drugging. This disease is far beyond your capacity understand it. This disease doesn't give a shit if you're smart, you know something. He liked. This disease likes smart people. You know, it can work with really smart people. This disease has fun with Smart People, people that say, don't tell me what to do. People would say, well, if they told me about the God thing, I would have walked out the door. They he likes guys like that. They look, he looks. This disease looks for people like that, arrogant, defiant, full of shit at people like me. It says, the big book and says it says if we could have, if we could have figured this thing out, and Dr Young said, he said you have the minds were chronic alcohol. I've never been successful sides, never been successful with that's the state of mind exists. It says you've got to have a complete psychic change, and you don't, and when you're insane. And that's what the second step is all about, being insane, because it's about it's about becoming aware that there's a power greater than you,...

...greater than you, as Maverick. The big book says there is one power, there is a power. What does it say? May you find them now. You know that one is God. There is a power, that one is God. May you find him now. That's what the big book refers to. It there is one that is a power, that one is God. They find him now. It doesn't really give a shit whether you believe in God or not. It doesn't give a shit whether you decide to believe in God or not. It doesn't even give a shit whether you hate God. It doesn't care. The big book says there is one who has all power. Doesn't say this seventeen two thousand and six five thousand. He says there is one who has all power, and that one is God. May you find him now. Half measures avail US nothing. We stood at the turning point. There is no middle of the road solution. God either is or he isn't. What should decision going to be? How's that one for an ultimatum? And I'm going to tell you something. A A comes down in favor of the God is you understand, it comes down and favor that the God. I'm telling you, if you're an AA, you may not like it, but ultimately you're going to learn that a comes you're going to learn need the easy way. It's like the cops used to say when I was a division tie for the WHO used to say, guys, is, we can do this the easy way or we could do it the hard way. You know you're either going to learn this the easy way of the hard way. The ultimatum is this. You're either going to believe in God, are you going to find out about loneliness, as few men do. You're going to be of the jumping off place here in there once in a while and alcohol dry the moment says feel better, look better, having a better time. We laugh at such sally. We know he will find he will try the old game again because he's not happy with his sobriety sooner. No, loneliness. If you do, it will be at the jumping off place. I'm you'll either you'll either learn the lesson and come around willingly, you'll leave us. Some use the words surrender. You'll leave a surrender this program or you're going to fight it or you're going to try to do the half measures thing or the middle of the road thing. Day is not a middle of the road deal, Bill Wilson said. The Lord has been so wonderful to me cure me of this double disease. I'll going to keep talking about and telling other people. Dr Bob said, if you're an atheist and agnostic or have some sort of intellectual pride, now let me tell you what they mean. By intellectual pride, if you're an atheist and agnostic, or if some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from understanding this simple thing we're telling you. I feel sorry for you. Your heavenly father will never let you know. Intellectual Pride means, in your mind, you are so smart that you're not going to do anything that doesn't make sense to you. You're not going to do anything that doesn't make sense to you. Listen to me. Every time in your life that you fucked up, that you screwed up, that you hurt people by your decisions and your actions or your non actions or your irresponsibility was a result of doing shit that made sense to you. That's why you're fucking insane. That's why you said yourself over over guy, I ain't never going to do that again. Then you do it again. I never why did I said? That's why you feel guilty. That's why you save to yourself, even sober. I'm an asshole. I ought to kill yourself, because that's what you really think about yourself. You Can Watch TV, you can run around, you can do all sorts of shit to distract you from what you really think about yourself. But if you want to know what you really think about yourself. The next time you start telling yourself that you ought to kill yourself because you're a loser and you'll not be okay, and nobody's in the room, so it's only coming from you and...

...you're trying to figure out who's saying that to me, that's you telling you what you really think about yourself. And that's why, after you get rid of the booze, which isn't even the disease, it's a symptom of the disease, there's nothing I'm going to say in here deliberately, and if there is and point out to me that doesn't come straight out of the big book or our literature. And that's why in the big boo says the drinking is but a symptom of the disease. I've swown a thousands of thousands of a means nobody's drinking. I don't want to see no, maybe the some guy in the back drink it by tell you something. People I speak to an a about the solution and about the disease. They're not drinking. Drinking is not their problem. Their problem is is they're insane. Their problem centers in their mind, not their body. If they don't figure that out, if they don't somehow surrender so that bind can change and like build, like call young said, there's got to be a psychic change. Ideas, emotions and attitudes that are the guidening force of these men's lives. Another what your entire personality have to be shift to the one side and they have to be dominated by whole new set of ideas and ideas and experiences. And the end, you know, and and you know, we see says it's a God. Then, and you know what big book says, there is one who has all power, that what is God may find him down, it says. Ce do what your relationship with him his right, and great events will come to past you with goutless others. God either is or he isn't. If a mere code of morals, better philocity alive would help, we be sober long. That didn't help us because we lack the power. We lack the power to do the right no, it's not do the right thing. It's a mere code of morals and a better philosophy of life. If you could do the right thing, you wouldn't be in this room right now. If you could do the right thing forever. You might be able to do the right thing for a day or two, or three or four, but one day the Irus is going to seize your bank account, one day the wife is going to leave or say something to you, one day you're going to have a flat tire, one day things are going to not going to go your way and the moon is going to be in the right place and the star is going to be situated a certain way and maybe you'll be hungry or something will happen and you will do precisely the wrong shit you will do the right it's very hard to do the right thing all the time when you're suffering the vagaries of this life, in this world, because in this world you have have problems. You'll have good days, bad days, all sorts in between days. But there is one who has all power, it says. It says above everything, we're selfish. This is not I'm not calling you. This is the big book. You don't have to believe it, you can do it. Most alcoholics say, well, that doesn't apply to me. I'm basically a good guy. That may apply to Russell, but the big book says about alcoholics is they're selfish and self centered. Now I can tell you some great war stories, sober and drunk, but mostly sober. Things I've done to people and how I've heard people. Sober, I don't blame alcohol on the Shit I did to people before I even came in here. Most of the people I heard by irresponsibility, not returning phone calls, not doing what I was supposed to do, walking out of my wife and my child because I wanted to date other women, all the crap I did. I did a cult. I made decisions cold stone sober. You know why? Because I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm driven by hundred forms of fear, selfdolusion. I step on toes of others. They retaliate seemingly without provocation, but usually because I made decisions based upon self which put me in a position to be hurt. Or, as my sponsor so, alcoholics are self forward in riot, though they usually don't think so. Or, as my sponsor, Belo of Selivan used to say. To explain it to me better, he said, Russell, you don't give a shit about anybody except yourself. So that's all I can tell is this. That's the kind...

...of alcoholism I suffer from and I don't need alcohol to hurt people. Believe me, I just don't need I don't blame it on alcohol. And you know something, I was an alcoholic before I started drinking, during the drinking and after I put the plug in the drug over forty years ago. You know, that's the alcoholism I have. That's the alcoholism that senters to my mind, not my body, the lies I tell myself, how I blame other people, I gossip out other people on behind that bad it. But I think about myself, what I think about you, the way I live my life, my personality, my thoughts, bad thoughts, about myself and other people, the things I chase after and I desire and I think about all the time. The women, the cars, the money or lack of money, or why don't I have this? Or why don't I have that? Or they don't know who they're screwing with, or else show them or my life shit, or why is this always happening to me, or a million different other things that go through my mind tenzero times, and I don't have to go to any flipping meetings to have those things happen. That's the way my alcoholic thinking in life seems the only normal one to me, and I can't separate the truth from the false. And so the big book says. Lack of power, the power to change that thinking. Three o'clock in the morning, two years sober, low on money, the wife or boyfriend leaves, whatever the hell it is, I don't care. And your mind, your as awake as you are right now, going a million mouth Brown with tenzero voices telling you all sorts of bad shit about yourself and other people. They're trying to say, well, what's what the Hell is wrong with them? Well, you're an alcoholic. That's alcohol. That's the real alcoholism. That centers in your mind, on your body. How do you how you're going to get rid of that? Hey, you can stop drinking. How you going to stop thinking, big shot, how you going to change that stuff? You've been doing that all your life, automatically, or automatically as a matter of fact. Here's the crazy thing. You actually feel comfortable crazy. Crazy is comfortable to you. I take away crazy from you, I'll tell you what people you can tell when Crazi is taken away from people for the first time, they say things like, I don't know, I feel weird why is this? I'm wrong. Says No, there's nothing wrong. I mean, you're law on my is no, no, there's nothing. I just feel strange. I feel weird. You know, you're worried about something. Says No, I just feel I don't know. It's like I feel really strange. Is that? I was a way. That's serenity. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. You know what I mean. I mean if I don't have something to worry about, I'm worried. I get worried about not worrying because I know I'm missing something, because I'm a learned you know, because I'm defensive, and that's the deal. So it says a chap to agnostic. It says that. So we had to find a power grant as. That's why we wrote a book about God. God. That's why I wrote a book about God. That's why they use them in step three, the full name God. That's why they you know, that's why they say we wrote a book about God. And the next line, the next line is here, is where the problem services and it uses this line. Maybe you guys have read it, maybe you haven't read it. You that, maybe you don't think it applies to you, because you know one of the cons wants to be unless until an alcoholic excepts alcoholism or all its consequences, the sobriety pre cares a true happy and, as will find out, at all and the first step in getting out of jail's doing. You're in Gentilan the first place and you spend the first ten, fifteen, twenty years learning what the consequence is all with alcoholism really is, because you think coming in here, here's what you think. You'd think alcoholism has something to do with drinking. Wrong. Wrong drinking is what happens when you don't deal with alcoholism. Everybody gets sober. Your liver will get your...

...sober, your kidneys will get you sober. Trust me, you could drink all you want, you will eventually get sober. The problem is, as you'll drink again, and the reason you'll drink again after five years, ten years, of fifteen years is because you have done nothing about your alcoholism. or You did something about your alcoholism and it started working and you started feeling good, and then you rest it on your laurels. You know why, because you're an alcoholic and if you're an alcoholic, it's easy to rest on your laurels, but your head old headed for trouble. If you do so, how do you not rest on your laurels? Well, that's a good question. I have a particular answer. I know how. I know how. You Stop Resting on your laurels. You Stop, you stop obsessing about everything in this world and you stop obsessing about people, places and things, and you stopped obsessing about all that stuff. And you do it, Bill Wilson, to you thought obsessing about God. you start believing in God. You start believing that you were saved for a purpose, that your purpose is to me be a maximum service to other people. you start believing what they say in the big book, where it says, above everything, we must get rid of this alcohol, we must our kills us. God makes that possible. you start believing what they're actually telling you. You surrender yourself, you make a decision, to decide to believe in something that makes no sense to you. You take a leap of faith because when you only did things that made sense to you, you wound up drunk. so you decide, because of the people who run in here, that even though you don't understand something, you're going to take a leap of faith and you're going to try to do something and understand something, bits your life on something that makes no sense to you, and as soon as you do that, things start making sense, your life starts getting better, and then you're scared to stop believing because it's been the best thing. It actually happened, because it's actually working. But it says, the book says was as soon as we've mentioned God, the hackles in our neck shot like a cat, you know, come up. We hate it. We hate it. Thus, even in Aa, where God is all over the walls and all over the books, it says, once we make that decision for God, a sincere decision for God, that means non bullshit, sir, is stuff, all sorts of remarkable things that listen, if you don't believe me, if you think this is bullshit, let me explain something to you. That doesn't bother me, because I don't take it personally, because all you're saying is you don't believe the big you don't believe our basic text. All, listen, these are just I have people coming. This is all. I love the way you you shared this, and I'll say you mean the way I read the big book. He said Yeah, I said. Well, that's in the big body says yeah, but it's the way you say it, because you say it in such way that I can't fucking INDE. I can't ignore it. I can't ignore it. I mean I know it's in there, but I never really thought that it was serious. I never really thought that that's stuff was serious, that God stuff, you know, but you make it sound like it's really essential. You know, once we make a sincere decision for God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. By the way, would you like remarkable things happen in your life? Would you like that? Well, unless you make a sinsier decision for God, it ain't gonna Happen. Now you want to hate me for that. Don't hate me. Right New York and tell them the rip that shit out of the book. And this is a step series right on. So stung about a right. Once you make a sincere decision for God, all such a remarkable things happen. Being all powerful, he gives you everything you need, not everything you want, because you want bad shit. You know what I mean. Everything. How would you like to have a life where you get every single thing you need? You'll...

...even get hate. Get this. God is so great he'll even give you bad shit just to straighten your ass up when it's going off track. Trust me, he's great at that. You know, he will take away all the money just so you will get on your knees and come closer to him and call up your sponsor. He will take a yet let me tell you something. Your girlfriend getting in the way of your sobriety. You know what I mean. Your boyfriend get into the way of your sobriety. Hey, he's got to take them away from you. You know, he's going to take all that shit away from you and drive you crazy and you're going to be in a situation where you're either going to drink over it, blow your brains out, or get on your knees or call up your sponsor, and then things are all going to change for you. It's going to get wonder for you, wonderful for you, and you're going to be up here talking about how you know if God had having me lose that job, that crummy job, I wouldn't have the job oft have now if you didn't take that guy out of my life. You know who is treating me like crap. I wouldn't have the husband to have right now. You know he's here. Let me tell you something. He's pretty powerful. God, don't be boxing with God. Your arms are too short. You know what I mean. Things are even bad. Shit is going to start making sense to you. You know this. But this whole thing was built upon the jam the books they found absolutely essential. This isn't in our Dr Bout. Good old timers was for the things they found absolute essential. The book first corinthing is thirteen sermon on them out of the book of James, and it contains a lot of wisdom. Booking James says, rejoice when you have trials of many kinds, because going through trials develops through perseverance, develops maturity, spiritual maturity. You know you want it. You want to grow up and get close to to God. You got to. You better gets get ready for walking through the desert for forty years before you get the promised land. I got people to call me up all the time because they want to know, they want me to have or whatever it is. They want to know how to get that that three years of five years or something like that. I said You'd like me to tell you something right now. So you got it. It's that w you want to want me to give you the answer. So you got it. Is that what you want? Well, buckle up, everything's going to work out great in thirty or forty years for you. You know I mean? You're going to see what you're going to see who makes it and who doesn't. You think an Olympic athlete, you think a pro football player like gets it, gets what they got right now like that, whereas it after ten or twenty years of working hard in the gym every day. Well, you're an alcoholic. You want it like this because that's the way Scotch works, that's way cocaine works, that's why heroin works, that's why Mari Wana works. So word's like that. You know what I mean? Don't work like that in a a, so it says. So here's the deal. The only thing that's going to work for you, according to the book, the only is going to rock and you in the worth dimension of existence, the fourth dimension of existence, experiencing much of heaven and knowing peace. And the great fact is this, and nothing less, that God has to become the central fact of your life and you have to become convinced that he lives in your hard mind the ways, which is remarkable, doing for you things you can't do for yourself. You really think that happens right after you do the third step. Now, now, doing the third step is a good thing. I'm not saying bad. Now don't happen. Then you get up off the floor after doing the third step and it's a good it's a good thing. It's good sort of surrender, and then go chasing after the women anyway, and you go chasing after the men anyway. Then you looking at the romance and the Prestige Anyway. Then you spending money. You don't have to impress people, you don't lie. You know anyway to buy things you don't even need. You do. You're thinking crazy anyway. For a year, or two years, five years, ten years, fifteen years, you're on the road. You're on the way. You know here's what.

So what is a a about? What is a about? What do you think is that? You think it's about not drank, and everybody think it's about now here's what a is about. Further on, clear cut directions are given showing how we recovered. These are followed by forty two personal experiences. I'm giving you my personal experiences here, based on my experience. So what am I supposed to talk about? Does anybody know what I'm supposed to talk about? I think there's a lack of understanding what an a meeting it's about. What what an a mean is about. You know why? Because the fellowship has changed. So people in a a don't even understand what is we're supposed to talk about in here. As a matter of fact, they do not talk about what we are supposed to talk about in here. They talk about problems, the thumbs, something crybabies, they talk about anything except what we're supposed to talk about here. You know, you guys recognize us. They bet ever read this, the big book. This is our basic time. Is What it said written in nine hundred thirty nine. This is what it says. Each individual, like tonight, that would be me, in the personal stories, describes in his own language. This is my language and from his own point of view, this is my point of view, the way he established his relationship with God. Each individual in the personal stories subscribes, as his own language and from his own point of view, the way he established his relationship with God. What was the last time you had went to a mean where they talk about that. You don't. You don't because they tell you an AA in the fellowship. By the way, our fellowship is wonderful, is and ain't. Well, people's anonymous. It's a bunch of people who don't want to talk about God, that want to shun the solution. They say things like you'll scare away the newcomer. Well, the truth is the newcomers that want this thing won't be scared away, and the ones that don't want this thing or leaving anyway. You know what I mean. You can probably scare away a couple guys that have fifteen or twenty years that aren't doing this thing because it makes them feel that maybe they're not doing this thing and makes them feel guilty. You'll scare away those guys that say I'm spiritual, not religious, all the people that are trying to make believe that you don't really have to do this thing, you don't really have to do the God thing you get too serious about it. You know, the people that want to remain cool and look aloof you know, don't like to use the word God because you might think they actually believe in them. You know, you might scare away a lot of people. You know that's true. They're not everybody. Now. So here's the deal. I was told, I was told the other day, you know that this is a that I may be approaching this whole thing wrong, and I accept that that this group is a very high class groups, like you said, it is very high class, and that I am acting in such a way, and may be true, like you're like regular people and things like that, and you're really the aristocracy of alcoholics, anonymous, sort of like the masterpiece theater of alcoholics aroundmous. So I'm going to sort of up the game at this point and apologize for anything I've said in the past, like using the f word or anything like that, and I'm going to read you a poem by Robert Frost which actually I believe has something to do with whether or not is going to stay sober for the next thirty years and I think has something to do with whether or not you're going to be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence for the next thirty years. I think that's what this poemp now, I don't know whether Robert Frost was an alcoholic. He he used his last name. I don't think we're allowed to do that. But I'm going to read you this phone. Maybe some of you have heard it. You know, but you know the good thing about doing this shit. You know I didn't, he says, once I read it to you, it's in there.

You understand. You may walk out here hating me for reading it, but you know some you won't be able to forget it. You know that's the deal. So let me read this called the Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. Two roads the verse diverged in a Yellow Wood and sorry, I could not travel both and be one traveler long. I stood and look down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth. Then took the other, justice fair and having perhaps a better claim because it was grassy and wanted. where, though, as for the passing, there had warned them really about the same and both, that morning equally lay in leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day. Yet, knowing how way leads to way, I doubt if I would ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages. Hence, two roads diverged in a would and I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference. I'll tell you what the deal is going to be. You're going to make decisions in the next year, in the next day, and the next three years, the next five years, in the next ten years, and you're going to come to a point in your life where you're going to start making decisions and the decisions you make they're going to determine what you actually become. You know, if you want, if you want, if you want, but most people will never get in a never get in here. If you want to get to the point where you don't feel like you have to apologize for your faith in God because you're on a new basis, if you want to get to the point where you trust him in your life and you know him, you know and you have faith and you know that all men of faith have courage, they trust their God and you let him demonstrate in your life what what he can do. And you want to change, if you want to have remarkable things happen to you. That's what you want to do. You know what I mean? If that's the deal, you want to get to that point, then somewhere along the way you're going to be making decisions, and I can tell you this. If you want what most people don't have, and most people in Aa make fun of that Shit. Most people in a when somebody talks about God, maybe even here now, they sort of roll their eye is well, they look at their watch. Well, they say I didn't come here to listen to that Shit, or they put it down or they get mad at it, even if they don't show it. You can be one of those people. You get the choice to be one of those people. You want to do, one of those people. Listen, if you want to have what most people don't have, you need to be prepared to do what most people won't do. You understand, you need to be prepared to take the road less travel. And, believe me, that's why they have a step six, which is the real deal. That separates the men from the little boy chaps, you know what I mean. The guys are the in the not drinking club. Well, I haven't had a drink in twenty years. You know, that's what separates from the guys that have fifteenzero divorces, can't get a decent relationship going with a woman or a man doesn't have. You know, that's what separates those people love from the people that have stable relationships with other people. That's what separates people out from the people that are actually helping other people. And people are listening to him because they want what they have from the people that doesn't want anything they have. That's what separates the people out. You understand? And let me tell you something, it's not when they say this is the step that separates men from the boys. You know what a well loved clergyman says? No, clergyman, I'm spiritual, not religious. The religious people, the ones that we think we're better than because they're goody two shoots. Man May says something. There's nothing more self righteous then an alcoholic that thinks he's better than church...

...people. By the way, I don't know you know this, but Bill Wilson went to church and Bob Smith went to church and they encourage church membership in our big book. They said we lose all prejudice, even against organized religion. So when you hear somebody putting down religion and putting down religious people in saying I'm special religious, just understand this. You're not. You're not listening to somebody WHO's actually sober. It was in somebody who has a resentment. It was in somebody who thinks they're better than other people. That's what you're listening to. The bottom line is is that you make a decision. You make a decision. You know what the well, well of clergyman says. This is the definition of the man who is trying to be too, to do the six steps, he says. That's the man who is trying repeatedly, for repeatedly to grow in the image and likeness of his creative he repeats it for a lifetime, repeats it for a lot when your focus is on getting closer to God and trying to do what be of maximum service to him, which means basically being a servant the God, my understand is a servant. He serves people, he loves people, he wants to help people. He wants me to help people. You know, I've been helping people. I've been trying to carry this message and help people, probably in a very bad way, in a stupid way. Who knows how many ways for all. And you want to know something? I remember sitting in what was it? Howard Johnson's or something? I was sitting there and talked to some guy, new guys, and he said to me right after me, and he says well, I said, I said they'll. How'd you like to be? He said it was okay, but what do you do for fun? I didn't know how to tell him I was having a great time. You know, having a great time. So I'm going to do one last thing. I want to point out one thing to you. Aa started in nineteen thirty five. That's when it started. I mean this is these are facts. You're INTIW nineteen thirty five. The big book was published in Nineteen thirty nine. In the big book, this is what they said. Trust me to stay. We read. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Does doesn't say that they had a path that they followed and the big book said, we you do what we did, you'll get what we got. This is what they were doing. This is what they were doing in nineteen thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight and thirty nine. This is on page one hundred of Dr Bob and the good old timers. You're ready, we were taking them upstairs and getting them on their knees to surrender, which I felt was a very important in part the surrender was more than important, it was a must. Bobby, who came into a in February of nineteen thirty seven, recalled that after five or six days in the hospital, when you had indicated you were serious, they told you to get down on your knees by the bed and say a prayer to God, admitting you were palace over alcohol and your life was unmanageable. Furthermore, you had to state that you believed in a higher power who would return you to Saturday. We called that the surrender. They demanded it. You could not go to an AA meeting until you did it. DOROTHY SM recalled the nineteen thirty seven meetings when the men would all disappear upstairs and about half an hour or so down would come the new man, shaking white, serious and grim, and all the people who are already in a a would come trooping down after him. After a while they would tell us...

...they had a real surrender. I don't know, those must have an interesting meetings, I suppose. After you do that, in order to get in, they were in a whole bunch of people saying things like, well, they had told me to do that, I would, I guess. Well, they weren't in the meeting. I guess there wasn't a whole lot of people rolling their eyes at the God thing. That's a real qualifier, isn't it? You I'm going to ai mean no, you can't come. You got to get down on your knees in front of about ten or people of then give your life to God and tell him you actually believe in it. I mean, they had the third step all wrapped up. They went right into the deal. You know what I mean. Everybody knew exactly what this was about. I'm going to tell you a little. I'm going to tell you a little something on that's going to sort of and you know what, something there are some people that think. You know, there's some people that is they go along. They think, well, that would be great, I would do that. I wish, I wish I could find a group like that. Then maybe some people long way to say. Man, I wish I could find a group like that. Everything, man, I wish I could be sponsored by Dr Bob or Bale or somebody like that. Then I could really do something. You know. You know, actually they talk about that on the last page. Did you know that they talk about that? They say still you met this big book stuff. I know with you guys read this and I want to read it's in the big book still, you may say, but I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book. But I want to have the contact with bill and Bobby write this book. We cannot be sure. God will determine that. So you must remember that your real reliance is always upon him. There he is again. He will show you to how to create the fellowship you crave. Now, I'm not saying this is the way I was a three months or six months or nine months or ten months or three years or five years, but I crave the nineteen thirty five to nineteen forty or forty five went on e one. I crave that fellowship. I crave that fellowship. Now I'm going to tell you a little secret. That fellowship exists in a a. That fellowship exists in A. Don't think for one second that fellowship doesn't exist for A. I go to a ton of meetings. I got to five millions a day. I got to tell you something. I do. I got a three to four five minuts a day and the means I go to like in nineteen thirty seven nineteen thirty six, nineteen thirty five fell most of me. If you want this thing, if you want that fellowship, I'm you have your choice. You go to fellowship where people are just talking about their problems and talking about the problems and talk about their white and talking about whatever it's going on and talking about their brain and whatever hects happening. Well, you can go to a fellowship, because I can't tell you the person you'll find lined up in the next five years. Will depend on how people you hang out with and the books you read. And the one lucky thing I had, it's actually a blessed thing, is, for some reason, and maybe because of as a program of attraction, it says, if you want, we having a willing going any like. I wanted that deal and I hung up with people that believed in that type of fellowship. They didn't roll their eyes about the God thing, they didn't Snicker, they didn't laugh, they didn't leave the room when somebody was talking about it. That's what they were interested in hearing about because that's what they wanted, you know, and as a result of that, I made all sorts of decisions to go down the road less traveled along the way. I don't know how many decisions I made regarding the people hang out with, the rooms I went to,...

...which were different than decisions I would have made on my own. Ten Years Sober, I have been doing everything in a a and I was not happy and a guy told me to make a decision do something that I didn't want to do, and I did it anyway. You're going to be it's going to be put in front you're there. Unbelievable. There's nobody in here that isn't going to be given the opportunity to make a decision to go down the road less travel. I'm tell him. Telling you. Nobody in the are you know is it going to be confronted with somebody in their life who you can either call him up and say, will you help me, or say now, I'm not going to bother to do that. I'm me keep on doing the way I'm doing it. This thing ain't hidden, okay, it's pretty as you go along, it's pretty clear what's going on here. You know the men and the boys, and it's going to be up to you what you're going to have. You're either going to be a member the not drinking club or going to be a member of the rocket in the Fourth Dimension Club. Let me tell you something. You can't get into the fourth dimension with third dimension thinking. You can't get into the fourth dimension with third dimension thinking. You can't measure God with the art, with the art stick. You can't understand him mathematically or logically. That's not the way it works. You got to take a leap off. You got it. You got to have fourth dimension thinking, you got to surrender, you got to be doing crazy stuff that you would never even think of doing with the guidance some people that you never even think you'd have hanging around in order to start getting this stuff over, appeared over a long period of time. I mean that's just you know you, if you read the Big Book and not avoid reading some of the things, you'll see. This is the thing, that the way you get a new perspective is by repeated humiliations and the final queshing of your self sufficiency over a period of lifetime, and may mean going through some pain, going through some painful stuff and doing stuff you don't want to do. So that's all I have to say about whatever. Thank you,.

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