AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 117 · 4 months ago

Stevie B. Step 12 at the 12 Step House with Russell S. 5/11/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. Step 12 at the 12 Step House with Russell S., Fort Lauderdale, FL. 05/11/2022

Hi everybody. My name is TV be. I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic member that the Golden Text Group of Hollywood, Florida, and I'm a recovering alcohol I don't know I said that. I'm so excited to be here today. Good to be with you, guys. I have so much in enthusiasm for tonight's meeting. It's going to go so fast. There's so much information I want to I want to bring to you. I want to it's going to like like Russell says, he's going to be like pulp fiction. There is going to be a lot of stuff thrown at you. I'm going to talk about slender threads tonight. I'm going to explain you what slender threads are. I'm going to throw a hundred names at you at the very end. If God takes over at which I'm hoping he's going to do right now, and moves me out of the way, it's all going to come together. This wally really been something where I could have wrote down like a hundred names and went off the names, but instead I'm just going to give it over to him and I just wanted to just save it for a moment. Yesterday, was Paul de Laos memorial and I cannot not mention him because he's such the twelve stuff. He's the embodiment of the twelve step and I want to tell there's a huge difference when you go to a memorial. We've been to. I've been to over a hundred memorials in the last couple years. You know, unfortunately, what what a difference in a memorial to a man that has dedicated his life to a passing on the twelve step. We were all there together yesterday and so I just wanted to just say that there is not only a beautiful blessings in this life that we get to have by passing on the twelve step, we get to have beautiful blessings in the next line, because the entire service yesterday was all about what he did in this life to carry it on into the next life. So I mean, God rest your soul, Paul. I want I pray that you're watching tonight from heaven and I pray that we that God gives his beautiful wife, Krena, the peace that surpasses all understanding. All that being said, is today is the twelve step. It's the last time that I get to be here with you. But there's another speaker coming in last week that's world famous, incredible Paul, that she's going to be talking about all the same things, all the same God, all the same book and hopefully will get to the same conclusion. Of the conclusion is why that there is one that has all power. That one is God. May you find him now. Hey, we got some new comers in here. Maybe they didn't know exactly what we just said, so let's all do it together. There is one that has all power. That one is God. May you find him. That and I hope that in every series, every single twelve step series, you go to every single big book seminar. You go to that. I know the lot of you guys went to the big book seminar this weekend. I hope every time you go to hear Russell or Paul or any speaker that you go to Paul. Let Myself, that what you leave by the end of the meeting is not that that was a great speaker, but that that person represented a great God, that that person understood that it's not by our strength, it's not by what we've done, it's all about by carrying the twelve steps. So that we can carry to the next person and and so that we can pass on this message that God is the one that has the power, that lack of power is our dilemmur. That's that's our problem. The word dilemma. I know we don't use that all the time now. Lack of power, that's our problem. But the solution is that there is one that has all power. So we tell you what the problem is. I don't know when I want to go buy stuff. I didn't say to the God, listen, I want the stuff that's the less. Paul, I want you these powerful stuff. I want to stuff that's been stepped on four weeks at a time. It doesn't even resemble what I came here for. I want the stuff that's not going to do anything setting on my teeth. I didn't ask for that stuff. I want that, the pure powered stuff. And what we have here in the big book of alcoholics anonymous, is a direct guide book, a direct instruction manual to how to find that power of God. I don't know if, Russell, if I told you I meant Jim from Bali the other day that had you come out to speak Indonesia. I met him in a meaning of Holly' said. Do you know Russell? I'm like give Russell's my sponsors. I had him come out to Indonesia to bally, and that made even sound strange that someone would go out to bally and we go wherever...

...it is in the big book of Alcoholics. Anonymous is Henrietta, the Lord has been so wonderful me, cure to me, curing me of this horrible disease that I just want to go tell everyone about it. If you've been said free, you're not going to be able to continue yourself. The reason I look like a person that's on stuff of there every single time I come to speak is because I can't wait to tell you what God has done and I can't wait to paint a picture tonight that, if you stay focused, you'll be able to see some of the slender threads that have happened in my life. I think I got it from and Paul a Baker that's watching tonight. I I think I learned that from him about slender threats. How what is the slender threat? It's a very, very small, entire little piece of fabric, little piece of thread, that God joins together and if you pay attention if you pay attention, you're going to see how we were supposed to meet that person and that person was supposed to be that person, and then I was supposed to meet Vaughan. Then I was supposed to meet her husband, Steve, may God rest his soul. I was supposed to meet Russell, I was supposed to meet Jarry bear and then, if you pay attention in your life, you would only be able to see how God puts together this incredible tapestry right, this mosaic that I don't know if you know about mosaic. Mosaic is a little tiny tiles that are in the wall and each one doesn't make sense, but all together it turns into masterpiece. How God has made this masterpiece in our life. How when I met Sheldon, I didn't let Sheldon the first time I metam I wasn't overly affection when I first met Sheldon. He's like muscle guy in west side men's group, which is my former and he was visiting from east Naples men's cool. I didn't know the East Maple's men's coool. His arms are bigger than my I didn't like them. Who Knew? Who knew that we were going to become like the best of friends. You know who knew he did. He did. But if I'm getting in the way of God's plan, if I'm standing in the way of that, if I'm not being open to the slender things, that I'm not going to meet Russell, if I don't meet Russell, that I don't get prepared for the day we lose our only a baby, if I don't get prepared for that, I'm going to go out over that. But the reason I possibly didn't go out over that as I met a man named Don who happens to being in some meeting tonight. Then I was in a meeting called victory and Don was in that meeting and he had lost his wife the day before to cancer and I thought for sure we may not see down for a while. The very next day I saw him. Something happened to me about for five years of sobriety, six, seven years of sobriety, whenever that was, and I saw that people can stay sober in the worst of times and a slender thread was was woven into my tapesture, into into the rug of my life. I used to be involved with other rugs. I would be involved with rugs. When I used to use drugs in my stuff would fall into rugs. That's been all night and all week looking through the rugs. Somebody you understand what that as? Some of you don't. If you, if you think it has to do with Scotts, that's on you. It's not a big deal. Tonight we're going to talk about the twelve step. I'm so excited. The slender threads you talked about. Later you figure it out. Okay. As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful. We asked for the right thoughter action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, thy will be done, thy will be done, God's will be done. We were talking about you all day, by the way, days it's five years, six five years, sixteen years old, right, clisten, five years, sixteen years, talking about you all day. How you carry the message all day? THY will be done, God's will be done. Not Not, not, not, a power that has no power. They capital thh why thy will be done, asking all during the day your will be done. I don't see how this is going to work out. I can't even possibly imagine how this is going to everything is going in the wrong direction. Remember I told you that story about three...

...or four weeks ago when I saw this guy at a at a retreat, and I went up to me and said hey, how are you doing, and I told them, Um, I told them that financially I'm really it's I'm going through a hard time, but really, really hard. He happens to be here today handy up till I'm going to a really real hard time, and then he didn't really acknowledge it. So I saw him the next time as and an. He goes how you do, and I go I'm been Fonti financially devastating, because he's a he's an accountant. I figured that would really make you know. It would let register firm and he's like, he's like, okay, well'll just you make sure you tell sandy and Josh. I said hello and just went on to the next guy, because he understands that you don't need to see how it's going to turn out. You just need to know that it's your will. It's God's will, not ours, how it's going to turn our job is this stay sober, clean house and help others. And if you think this whole thing is about you, if you think you getting sobers about you, you're missing the very nature of the entire twelve steps. It almost has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the person that you're going to give the message to and what they're going to do. And you know what the most incredible thing is? It's your job to find out who the next person is. My favorite story. I should have wrote a lot of stuff down, I didn't. My favorite story is there's an old man and there's a young man and they're walking on the beach and it was after a storm and there's millions of starfish that have been marooned onto the beach and they're dying. And the little boy is walking with the old man and he picks up a starfish and he throws the starfish into the ocean and the old man goes, what are you doing? There's millions of starfish, you can't make a difference, it doesn't matter. And the little boy picks up the starfish and he throws it back into the ocean and he says it makes a difference to that one. Our entire job is to find the next starfish and to be the light where people are attracted to you and they want to know, hey, what are you doing? What's different about you? You don't you''re not just staying sober. You're not just hanging in there. I mean you're like excited. I love you. See Shell did in Rachel. They like so excited. You know what they did this weekend? They didn't go to Maui. They went to a big book seminar. They like blowing. That's what we do. Like Russell says, when he met the kid, who goes, but what do you guys that he was having dinner with the kid and they were like a denny's and the end there was a newcomer in. The kids say, but what do you do for fun? Fun? This is what we do for fun. We go to Denny's. I mean this is incredible for us because we're out looking for the next diamond that we can throw back in and everybody in here's a diamond and everybody in here has a job. And your job, I know you think it's to get sober, but it's to get sober so that you can go help someone else to get so over. And so this is what it says. It says in working for others, THY will be done. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self, pity or foolst decisions. These are like the subcategories of some of the subcategories of the padgils. You don't want to be going. Who wants that? I used because I was suffering from fear, anger, worried self, pity or foolish decisions. I drank because of those things. I don't want to bring those things back into my sobriety. I don't want that to be my daily thing. Now I have moments and thank God I have my mom and my wife. Sometimes I have to be careful and how much I tell my wine, but like I just dump all my mom every day I'm quitting something with my she goes, how you doing? I go I'm done. So what does that mean? I'm not. I'm done with a A. I'm done. I am done. I am dumb. I'm so done. I'm overdone. I'm not going back to AA. I'm not going back to church. I am dumb. My mom goes, oh, okay, seems like you're tired. They will talk tomorrow. I said. So some of mom calls me in the morning. So you know how you doing? I go, I'm great, but what's the problems? Because, well, last night you were done. I go, I don't, I don't even know. More Ember I said that it doesn't matter how...

...you feel. Action is not a feeling. Excuse me, a service is not a feeling, it's an accent. It matters what you do it. Sometimes you're going to get overwhelmed. Of course you're going to get overwhelm. In the big walk it talks about putting people on your couches and and and all night service calls and lending people money, and then tell you people do that still today. We don't tire so easy, for we're not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to shoot ourselves. You know what everybody said about Paul yesterday? They said he tiresly, tirelessly served the recovery community all hours of the night, all days of the year. He gave of himself till there was finally nothing to give, and then he was called up to the big meeting in the sky. What a great way to go, what a great way to go to hear from God when you arrived. Well done, good and faithful servant. You didn't waste your time when you were there. You totally use your talents. What about? I mean, that's the goal. That's the goal. That's a certain now that to try to conserve your energy here. Well, I don't want to spend too much energy here because that might take a lot of work to help people. So I want to just protect my sobriety. You missed the whole point. It wasn't about your sobriety, it was about the next guy's sobriety. We alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outline. But that's not all. There is action and more action. Faith without works is dead. The next chapter is entirely devoted to step twelve. There's an entire chapter that is going to spell out all the things that we could where we get that faith. Wow, that's really cool. With they get that faith without works is dead. That's like a good saying. That's faith without works is dead. Was that mean? Means if you have faith and you don't do anything with it, then you it's really it's going to die. If you what do we say in alcoholics anonymous. We say we have to give it away to keep it. That came from faith without works is dead. Where does faith without works is dead and he dead? Came from the book of James in the Bible, it would this is this does been going on since the beginning of time. They realize from the beginning of time that if you don't give this away, you're going to wither and die if you as a matter of fact, this goes back pre everything that we need to work together. We need to tell the next person in the next sing this is this is how we do it. Faithful out works is dead. So I'm going to paint some pictures. First Picture, I'm going to pictures on the picture Jimmy. Twenty, twenty eight years ago or thirty years ago, I arrived here at the twelve step house and I came to a Tuesday night meeting and it was this meeting and I saw a guy from New York. I love them immediately because he's got it like a New York stick. Managed thirty years earlier. Okay, he's still got a lot of energy, but thirty years earlier he was up here hawking raffle tickets and there was an energy, in a buzz in the room that I liked, like from clubs and different things, and I was attracted and I came to the meeting and there was a guy named Pauli got was sharing and the first two people that I saw that I really wanted to be and like was Jimmy and I wanted to be a person like Pauli that would that would bring them message and it was like the first person I saw. And then here thirty years later, I get to do a Bible study with Jimmy on Wednesday nights. I get to be here at the twelve. That's why every single time, other than the first time when Wendy and and Jimmy asked me to speak, because I was afraid I was standing in my own way and they called me. Jimmy called me and the twelve step this meeting asked me to speak for the first time when I was just eight year sober and I was a member the I'm west side men's group. Will all my guys and they said would you like to speak at the mean I can't speak at the meeting, that I'm not ready to speaking the meeting. My wife was in the car. She was what just happened? Why did you just freak out? I'm the Jimmy e and whendy just called me from the twelve step and house and they want me to speak and I'm never ready to speak. And my wife goes, you need to pray right now, right there in because you need to pray right now. What I mean? You're not ready to be what do you get? What are you sopping for? What are you what are you waiting for? Let me. You're not ready to speak. You made to tell people what happened to you and what and what God did for you. I call back, Jim Ego. Okay, I'm man, you speak. They haven't been able to shut me up ever since.

So, so that's a slender thread. It's really incredible. How that the whole thing I put together. And and then I want to I want to tell you about how Wendy is from the home group that I used to have, the eleven step group, and how and when I relapsed, she was like an integral part in helping me to try to like find some footing because God had put her in my life, because she did. I'm not shoot. I don't know what she remembers this, but and she also, at the time, she may not admit to us, you remember him, to stand a long time ago. God had also put us together, because she wasn't like a traditional alcoholic like myself either. We were more like drug addants that came in, dilcoholics, anonymous, and God put her in my life to to remind me to get back in as soon as possible. Get back in as soon as possible, get back in as soon as possible. There's these these slender threads. Okay, so here's the big one. Here's the big one. I was always a believer, right, I was always a believer, but I was I was a believer like an AA and a believer in God, but I really didn't have a name on God. And and now I came into and then I relapsed. Okay, and I relapsed and I went to a treatment center and and that's where I met Russell. I didn't meet him in the Treatment Center. He was speaking in the very next meeting at this place called the West did west Dixie clubhouse, and in the West Dixie club house there was this, like I said, Russell was there and I was really, really excited and and I didn't know him. I didn't know him from from from anyone, but I knew that he had something that I wanted and he spoke about he spoke about he probably brought out the Bible. Russell brought out the Bible, and now I'm I'm going to tell you I've seen people bring the Bible out of a meeting and it's scary what they do to that person. I mean, you could bring out some really bad stuff, but if you bring out the Bible, people I like, and Russell said, if you're going to if you're going to work the twelve step, that you need to act the Good Samaritan. Where did you get that? He got that from the in the chapter working with others in the big book of alcoholics and us, and he said in Luke Ten, this is where we got the good Samarian. I mean, you want to know where it comes from, you go to where they where they referenced it from. And if you don't know where they're referenced from, then there's a book called Dr Bob and the good old times, and the Luke ten is the good Samaran. So I'm going to read it to you. It's the parable of the good Samarian and you're not going to drink over it. It's all going to work out. On one occasion the expert in the law stood the test. He said, rabbi, teacher. He asked how must how much, what I must do to inherit eternal life, and Jesus said what is written in the law? He replied, how do you read it? He answered, Love The Lord God would all your heart, mind, body, soul and strength. That's what we do in a we love the Lord God with all your heart, mind, Body Sown Straight and you love our neighbor as ourselves. How many we have guys that just came from a detox. Fifteen minutes ago. I was in a memorial yesterday with a guy that's dedicated his entire life. We wouldn't have had the twelve steps series online if it wasn't for Sheldon and him saying that I'm going to dedicate myself coming and doing this for the last twelve, thirteen weeks. We wouldn't have Russell coming up from Miami three it takes to two to three hours to come up from where he's coming up. At the time he's coming up, we have a guy in the back by the name of mark that's running the back room because a woman named Nancy that's on the board here, and a guy named Jimmy said we don't have enough seats, so we got to run a meeting from the back room. And a guy named mark that only has sixty days, said I can do it and I'll come up from Miami and Pick Russell up at the same time. And then I didn't know how to run this thing, so Shelton said, I got it. So you want to know how to love God with all your my heart, mind, Body Sown Straight and love your neighbor as yourself. You go out of your way for people. It's not going to be convenient, it's going to be effort, it's going to be work. Jesus said, you have answered correctly. So he tells him a story about the Good Samaritan. A man was going down to Jerusalem, to Jericho when he was attacked by robbers. Everybody could follow this. They stripped him up his clothes, beat him, went away and left him for...

...dead. Some of US could relate to that. A priest happened to be going down the same road when he saw the man, he passed by the other side, so he was too busy to stop. So the guy that was his own faith was too busy to stop. He went to the other side of the street. And then another guy came by that was his own faith also, and he was not busy going to temple. So he went to the other side of the street and he didn't help him either. But a guy that it was his enemy, a guy that was his enemy, a Samaritan, which was the total other sect during that time and they Jews in the Samaritans were enemies. He stopped and he took the time, as Russell was taking the time with me for the last twenty one years. He took the time to talk to him and to help him and put him on his donkey and put them and take them to an end and pay for the guy to get well. WHO's paid for you to get well? Many people have paid for me to get well. Those are the good Samaritans. Those are the good Samaritans in our lives. Are we taking the time to ass that on to the next person? And you know, he said to the innkeeper and he said listen, whatever it costs, whatever the cost, I got him. He didn't know him, he was his enemy, but he knew that he needed to love this guy as God had loved him. That's the only way we're going to be able to do this. I got a friend named how he's here tonight and each year he's from Brooklyn and each year he goes back on his dime. As a matter of fact, it's happening next week. He's got the shirt on. I love to use him for the twelve step. You know a picture of it. Every year during this time, he goes back to a team that he didn't get to a finish on because in between the junior year the senior year he went to prison. And every year he goes back and he gives this team the pep talk on his own dime, which means he pays for the air fair, and goes back and he gives this team a pep talk and he says them, listen, guys, don't do what I did. Your champions, you can go all the way. You got to believe yourself. We can do all things. Do God a strengthen you. And he goes back and he gives these guys the pep talk. The Madison Brooklyn Knights, I think that's what they're called. The Golden Knights, the right, the Golden Knights that's what I said, and for the last three years, three years these men, who all are underprivileged, who come from old a lot of different broken homes, who didn't believe in the self, maybe didn't hear it that from their fathers, maybe didn't hear it from their mother's that you could do all things. He is it from that guy because he takes the time to, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, to practice these principles in all our affairs and to carry this message. And he goes back and he tells these kids you can do it, and for the last three years they believed it and they won the championship. And next we can go back on his own dime again and tell him the same thing, because it's not just helping other alcoholics. When you love God will all your heart, my body sown straight, than love your neighbor as yourself. Your neighbor may not be in recovery. Who Cares? It's our job to carry the message. Why? Because we've had a spiritual awaking as the result of these steps, we become new people. We we we and watch and listen. Everybody is watching. Don did not know I was watching when I carried that meeting into that treatment center that day, the same day we lost our baby. I didn't know Janna was watching. I knew that I had a meeting to go to and I had a commitment and it was at Crs, a treatment center she was in, and I didn't want to go that day to the meeting. God had just allowed our baby to die. That's the way I looked at it for that half an afternoon and a guy named Ernie Richardson said to me, you you can't blame God, you have to just pray to him and...

...ask to receive the acceptance of his will in this situation, otherwise it's going to eat you up, and then I stopped blaming him that day. I wasn't happy that we just lost our only baby that we had carried through to late stage, but I went to a meeting that night. And when I went to a meeting that night, that woman, Jannah, was there a slender thread, and she had seen us in the parking lot praying the third step prayer, just like I just did with Sheldon in a couple of the guys and she saw a group of men praying and she said she's never seen that before. She also heard that night when I came in, me crying in my pillow because I was so brokenhearted, but I still carried the message in there that night. It turns out that that's one of the things that Janna remembers during that time when she was in treatment, and she's been sober ever since, not as a result of me going there in my brokenness, as a result of all the incredible things that has happened to her in the last fourteen years. However, one of the incredible things is she started sponsoring that woman, and that woman has to be Nancy, and one of the slender threads in her life is that Nancy now goes in sponsors hundreds of women, which carries on that message. You See, the night when I saw a Russell bringing that message, he didn't know because it wasn't about me and it wasn't about him. He knew that he needed to be bold enough that night to say where Luke ten came from. And at that night there was a kid that was sober an hour or two by the name of Stevie B and he had just relapsed on crack cocaine again and he was there with his beautiful dad and may God rest his soul. And my dad said, why don't you go ask that man to be your sponsor? And I said to my dad, you can't just go up to a guy like that and be your sponsor. It's a process. was what did the process look like? I don't really know, but maybe our just just go and ask him. And I walked into the park lot and I saw him walk into his Cadillac and I said, would you be my sponsor? And that man said Yes, call me tomorrow. And I had never owned a Bible until that day. I had owned all bibles that my mother gave me when I was a kid. I grew up with faith, but I hadn't had faith all those years, even though I was in the AA sober seven years. I didn't really have a faith in the god of the Bible and I realized when Russell spoke about the Bible that night that there was people that had faith in the Bible and go to Aa. It's not a mutually exclusive it's not if you go to Aa you can't go to church. It says you're right here in the previous page. The circumstances warrant. We asked our wives and friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select the memory size of pre prayers. Some of us we turned back to the religion of our youth and we're careful to see where religious people are right. So it wasn't that guy was a religious person, but I wanted what that man had and so I walked into the parking line and I asked them to be my sponsor and the very next day I bought my first Bible, not one that I had stolen from the motel room because my drugs were in it, not one of them my mom gave me that had a gene jacket on it because she was trying to make it relatable for me. I called up Russell and he was with a pastor by the name of Pastor Woodie, and then they mocked me because I was in barns and nobles and I said which Bible to buy and they said probably the one in English, and I thought it would be so incredible, since Russell's the one that carried the message to me and has been relentless and carrying the message to so many others. I thought it would be amazing for the last fifteen minutes for Russell to carry the message of the twelve step here in this meeting right now. So I want to say thank you to you guys for coming for the...

...last twelve weeks. It's been an honor and a play revilege. I feel incredibly blessed. But I like to write Russell to come up, and he doesn't know about it. Just come up. Come on, Russell, come on up and carry the twelve steps. Thank you for one more thing before you going. Sure and as you want to tell you, just saying how one more thing about a slender thread. I just got asked to speak and in Wisconsin, in Milwaukee, at a drug addicts anonymous convention, which I've never heard of. The program it's a program that has to do you can talk about drugs, which you know I sneak in any way, and it has to do with alcoholics. Anonymous the Big Book and they've made a program and they asked me to be one of the speakers. Look at the slender thread. WHAT'RE TOM OF MILWAUKEE? I've never spoken Milwaukee at the same exact weekend. They just asked our sponsor, Russell, to speak in the next hotel at the same time. We're going to be speaking. I'm on a Friday night in Milwaukee, Russell's on a Saturday night in Milwaukee. We're going to be down at the same time together at two different conventions. Obviously he's going to be speaking in alcoholics anonymous. I'll be speaking in the other anonymous, and we've already had a whole bunch of people going at the same time, including Chris Pellen, because it wants to be part of this thing. That's so exciting. That's another slender threat. Is it that incredible? Oh okay, hey, guys, exciting. How do you send a how do people on Zoom? My name is Charleston's spats. I'm an alcoholic and I guess this is payback or something. I don't know. Okay, so here's listen. Obviously I'm I'm not prepared, but then again, whenever I speak I'm never prepared. So what's the point? What's the difference? So in the Bible, here's what happened to me before I come in. It came into Aa. I was your basic world whore prostitute. I prostituted myself for the things of this world. So the man in this room, I assume I could be wrong, our guys that used to go to bars and drink and look to get late. I'm assuming that that's a possibility. I used to think I'm unique and nobody was like me and nobody can understand me. But after come to a one of the great things about feeling like you belong as you realize that we're all twins. So I forge if I have thought, no matter how fucking crazy it is, somebody else there has that thought. So I'm used to getting up here and saying crazy shit and then fifteen people come up and say I was also in love with a giraffe. You know what I mean, and they so. If I was running around town trying to find her, you guys were doing that too. And if I was spending money, I didn't have to buy crap, I didn't need to impress to let you guys are doing the same thing, and then I understood. Then I've come to understand. I don't know this for sure because I've never actually been a woman. As my friend James Hataway says, I was once trapped in the body of a woman and then my mother gave birth. But the bottom line is is that. But the bottom I've that. I understood that. You know, all these thoughts that I thought all that at you know, women were doing the same deal, same deal, send stuff, and so I was basically a whrry myself, moldy myself to the desires...

...of the culture or what I thought you guys would like and everything like that. And now, before I came down box anonymous, I got on my knees. I give a life to Jesus, because things just got that bad. No particularly, except they just got that bad and some slender threats, some guy on the TV set said. At a point of time, at three o'clock in the morning on Christmas Day, on a point of time where my life was over and I thought I was going to die, I turned on TV. Happened to be you. Happen to be speaking the Gospel. The Gospel is good news. The good news you know that if you need to save, you need to be saved. You invite Jesus and July. That's it. That's the deal. Okay, and I was like in a position. I was not a position to argue, so I got on my knees and I did the thing he told me to do. You know, and you know who would even think? Think about how stupid this is? Let me tell you stupid. Stupid. Is your wreck, your life and your life is over and your thirty one years old and some guy you don't know what a TV set gets on your life says get on the knees and give me a life to Jesus and everything's going to work out. That is freaking stupid. You know. He doesn't say go to therapist for fifty years or go to the hospital about it. Says get on your knees to give me line. Everything to work out. But I did it. Okay, I did it, and then I got I want to sleep, but I got it next morning. I continue to drink, you know, but nothing of it. Thought nothing of it. No conversion to rabies in a priest didn't come down with a bunch of donuts saying we got an amy being going on here. You Guy just cant do it. But thirty days later, thirty days I got into a car accent almost killed myself and I looked up lobs in the hospital, I looked at the ceiling, I said, God help me, and something happened. I'm just telling me. This is the facts. You know, you're like Dragon. The facts man, just the facts. And then I spent the next fifteen, ten or fifteen years doing what all ours alcoholics do, negotiating with God. You know, I know it says make God the centerpiece of Your Life. I know it says our old middle of the road solution, I know it says half measures, you know, give us nothing. I know it says God, there is or it is and what your decision got to be. So I started negotiating between God. I was negotiating, you know, understanding, because I'm like a half measures guy, because I didn't want to get crazy about this, and people laugh at people that talk about Jesus and laugh at people. So what I did was I had the Jesus thing over here and I had the God thing over here, and then I had the women, the cars, the romance and everything, and I negotiated. I was like ten percent God and ninety percent world ship, Young Stan would say world stuff, and I negotiated that deal, trying to make them both work. You know, they say can't do God and Mammon. They say that in the bottle of what is the bibble notes and ancient book. So I was negot shating between the Playboy Club and God. I was negotiating with between sex and god, between money and God, between things and God. And let me tell what happened. I stayed sober because I went to a lot of means. I did the tools, but if it wasn't it wasn't fun. You know what it's like to have be five years sober and wake up at three o'clock in the morning scared. You know it's like to be sober ten years and still lonely and still worried. You know it's like to do everything in an egg, everything in a and still feel like you're falling short. You know, and then it gets even worse because you get like about ten years or something like that, and you can't even tell people you're like a banana because you don't even know you're a banana. And how can you tell me you're ban attic is just speaking at that meeting the next day. You know what I mean, because you got that false progng, because you got some sobriety. And then somebody told me to go to Bible study, which is an interesting deal when you think about it. Accepted Jesus in my life ten years Friday. That time, I got down on my knees. I did the third step prayer.

...got that thing over with, because when you what's supposed to happen is what does it say? You can't. I manage your own life. Don't you want the God couldn't go if he was up being and then says being convinced. We're now it's step three. But here's the problem. I wasn't convinced. I honestly wasn't convinced. I I like God, I'll, I'll hold hands at meetings, but between you and me, I mean the a's a good thing. But listen, you know money's not important, but it's right up there with oxygen. We all know that. You know what I mean. You know I mean. Finally, had a million dollars, I would solve a lot of problems. And so I negotiated this thing by doing what alcoholics did. I said I believe in God. I did the guy, I did this running prayer and everything, and then I spend most of my time trying to manage my life and make money and have sex and have romance and how people like me and everything like that, and here's the deal. It didn't work out for me. Now I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do because I've been in a for ten years. I've been doing everything they tell me to do. An AA, by the way, that's a lot. But I think I'm doing everything. That's me doing a because I'm doing a lot of shit and it's not working out for me. So what do you do when you got ten years recovery and you think you're following you says really, I've seen the part of fels, thoroughly followed their path, and you think you're polling the pass and it's not working out. What do you do then, Big Guy? Yeah, what do you do? And what happened was is you get humble again. You'll get to that point where and all of a sudden, people come up to the right people come up to the sling threads. I said you ought to go to Bible study, and I immediately explain to him that I don't go to Bible study. I'm Jewish. I don't go to Bible study because I'm an AA and I think that's Antiaa. I don't know where the hell I got that from, that got that from my brain somewhere and the next thing I started on the Bible study. I'm sitting with forty guys, and fifty guys that are, you know, I'm like in my s and they're like sixty, seventy and eighty years old. They're studying the Bible and all they're doing is talking about God. Now, a, a, a. you're talking about everything we talk about a except God, you know, because the God. One Guy talked about God and they explain to him we don't talk about God in a because you'll scare, you'll kill newcomers, you will murder newcomers. So you pretty much get pretty fast that you can sort of say hp or sort of slipping God, but don't get hung up on that God that you know what I mean. God is important when God is the only thing that's important a. So what I had to do is what all the founders did in Aa and what the founders did, what they the books that found absolutely essential, first pointhians thirteen or summoning that in the book of James. So I'm not a conference approved guy. I'm nothing wrong with the product conference. You know, I appreciate the conference. They got together a committee and they and they deep owned a a and they made sure that they you, wipe out the God thing and make sure every they can create something that everybody would be comfortable with. I think it's a great thing they're all here, but made sure that nobody talked about God or anything like that. So it really took sort of like the too a power out, you know, sort of like weasel down the power because they didn't want to scare people away and talk about good old timers. Bill Wilson says to Henrietta Sidling, he says, I think we shouldn't talk so much about the God thing because because he had gotten wounded, because somebody didn't like him because he talked about God and he got scared because he's an alcoholic. So we shouldn't talk about the God thing. And Henrietta said Bill, he says, if you don't talk about the only thing that got you sober, the one thing that got you sober, then you might as well be the Rotary Club because you got no power. and Bill Wilson said, finally, I agree. So I'm not a conference a route guy, and you could judge me for that. And there's a lot of guys say, well, Russell I'm what's called I'm a founder's approved guy. I'm a founder's approved guy. You know, I read at about the good old time as I approve what the founder said, wheere...

...they said most of us belong to churches and synagogus. It says we encourage church membership. I founders good guy. So if it was good enough for the founders between ninety thirty five and nineteen thirty nine, it's good enough for me. But that really didn't happen to me because they were just focus. Until I start going to Bible study, where I hung out with men, because you will become who young hat with because an AA, what happens? You're trying to figure out the answer, and the answer is God. But like the proverbial bucket or crabs, every time you try to crawl out of the bucket that another crab is dragging you back, saying we don't talk about that Shit. Let's just deal with the problem. What's the problem? Let's deal with the problems. When the soul, in order to get to the solution, you got to do the step six then and become entirely ready to give you a life, turn it all over to God. And, as they say in the in the twelve and twelve, become a man and not stay a boy and not stay a crowd, and that means you're repeatedly trying to grow in the image of likeness of God, your Creator, and you better have some idea what the image of God is and who he is and what he is and what he wants you to do. And so I started doing that stuff and I became the men. The men I hung out with were the men in that Bible study. There were seventy years old and all they did was think about God. All they do was talk about God. Stevie tells the story. I love when he tells the story, Bro'm, when he was with John Glenn and one of my sponsors, who was a godly man, who was an alcoholic who had like sixty years sobriety, and they got into a bad accent on the Pacific Coast highway. I was there, you know, and out there when we're doing it, and he immediately got out of the car and they almost thought and he got stevie down his knees and says, let's pray to the Lord and thank them for saving us and everybody here and then the middle of the day on the pet coast, Hogwa and California, you know, and and that was the first thing John Glend did. That's the real bullshit. That's the real shit, that's the real deal and that's the guy wanted to be like more than anything else. And the more I focused on God, the less I focused on limit and the more I focus on God the less I focused on money. I'm not saying I got all together. Still little bit of the world or private that a little bit of the world, world word still in me. I'm like the Apostle Paul. You know, I haven't attained the whole thing, but I forget what's going on behalf. I reached for the goal. I'm reaching ahead, trying to get that all out of me. And the more I focused on God, an amazing thing happen. You know what happened? I got rocking in the fourth dimension of et existence, or my wife like to say the fourth dementia of existence, because she's convinced that I'm seen, because I don't, apparently, I don't seemingly care about everything. You know, I mean nothing sort of rattles me. So she says there must be sort of something wrong with me. And what's wrong with me is, and you may think this is a terrible thing, it's really not, as I just don't pay attention. You know, some somebody said to me back there, I think. I don't know who it was you're talking. I think it was vinny. He said, you know, it's greatest thing when you can forgive somebody. I said, there's something better than forgiveness? He says nothing better. Since, yeah, when you don't pay attention, when you don't have to forgive because you're not wounded with stuff goes on around you and you know some you don't forgive because you're not hurt in the first place. What would that be like? You know the problem with Alt Boxx that just to get to the but they pay attention. You know, I got guys calling I'll come out home, me up and tell me they have problems with their wives. I start out with the promise as it. I take it you've been paying attention. You've been paying attention. You know what they you know. You know what happens when all you do is pay attention to God. What happens when you do, when you're all you do is think about God, think about pleasing God. Nothing about pleasing anybody and they a meaning, but you think about Peleas and God and you don't measure yourself and who you are by the message you think they want to hear. You measure yourself, if there is a measureing, by the message you believe the Lord wants you to give to them. And so that way, when you get in your car, it doesn't have it. It's not about what they liked you, it's whether a lot you can, you can look at the God and say, I did what you wanted me to do, notwithstanding the fact they didn't...

...like me. Because, like Lord said to me, he said, don't worry, they don't like you, they hated me, they're going to hate you. That's going to happen in AA. And the more they hate you, you know, the more you know you're doing the right job, because sick people, sick people hate the cure, they hate the truth and know that's that's the problem. And when you get to that point, what happens? Since you take out a Bible without being afraid, and they mean you can read from it and not only don't you get attacked, you know they they they're scared of you because you're speaking with authority and you know and they know you're saying something that they need to hear, even if they don't like it. And so seven years later, they come up to you and they say things like I used to hate you, but now I love you, but that's only because you were bold enough to instead of worrying about what other people think about you. And that's why, in the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous, they have to get rid of the booze. If you get rid of the alcohol, which comes quickly. For me, like I was done, you know, I lost the the the obsession, everything, I was done. What happens is then you start working on something called fear people, in economic in security. Fear people, and that cannot be in security, which takes about ten, fifteen to twenty five years to get rid of. You understand, takes a long time. That's what centers in your mind, not your body, not the booze, which is just a symptom disease, but centers in your mind, not your bottom, is your fear of what you think other people think about you. As a matter of fact, when you worried about the money most time, if you worried about losing your car most recent times. You're worried about losing your cars, you're worried of what people think about you if you lose your car. If you worried about losing your house, you worried about basically what people think about you for loose. If you worry about not having any money, being broke, but you're really worried about it. You're worried about what people think about you because you don't have money. It's all about vanity. It's like a book. It's all about vanity. So the bottom line is, what would happen in your life if you can get rid of all that? That's the real that's the rocket ship in the fourth dimension. That's experience to having knowing peace. That is the stuff that nobody talks about. An AA meanings. Well, that's not true. There are some people that talk about it and they means. You know I mean. But the problem is when you actually will ever hear that a a mean. When it happens, it'll sort of sort of flapping glass you because you're saying, I'm hearing something I've never heard before. Right, you're hare in something you've never heard before. It this is like a different deal. This is like a different gospel. This is like a different sobriety. and Ay you hear about, you know, problems and problems and overcoming you. You don't hear about this stuff, right, I know, I understand that. I get that, but this is what my deal is and this is the message I carry. And there's you know, it's like a giant tolbox has arrened for every nothing walks through the door. So in my life now at forty one years sobriety, or my forty second years of sobriety, and it's seventy three years of age. You know, this is the message I care it's not the message I had when I had five years. It's not the message I carried when I had ten years. This is the message I cared today. This is my message. Okay, so, thank you very much. Thanks for me.

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