AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 114 · 7 months ago

Stevie B. Step 8 & 9 at the 12 Step House 4/19/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. Steps 8 & 9 at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 04/19/2022

Everybody my us, the UN. I'm a breakful, recovering alcoholic and a member of the Golden Text Group of Hollywood. FLAR RNA. Great Energy in here tonight and I had this incredible game plan, which was what we were gone, which we were going to do, and then I came into my sponsor were sitting in the back of the room and everything went to pool. I can tell how very, very nervous in a blessed way, I have to share with you. You know, if you're in here tonight and you've already submitted and you've already surrendered, I want us to remember there's so many people that have not surrendered yet and how very blessed we are for they get very gift of surrender. I'm not going to mention her name, but we we have this young girl just doing wonderful from Brooklyn. She was just here with us a couple weeks ago and went into detox yesterday, begged to go into detox yesterday, and she just jumped the wall just now in a neighborhood that a young girl should not be in and and I remember how that was. I remember how it was not to be surrendered. So when I come here tonight and I just did the third set and I was hugging my friends and and tears were coming down my base because just a short time ago in my life, I remember how it was where I just wanted one more and I didn't care about the consequences, and I said to my mom, and I had no shoes on and I said to my mom, I'm going, I'm running, I'm going, I'm going across the tracks and I'm going to get high. And she said and then want. I said, what do you mean? Is then? Why? It doesn't matter, because all I could think about was that one thing, that one more. There's a beautiful young lady tonight, younger than twenty five years old, and she's just this little precious thing. She's like like five foot, maybe four and eleven or nine. Just a couple weeks ago when Kelly was speaking over at a home group and Nancy was there, she was doing so great and then the very next day she decided to go on a run and tonight she's hasn't surrendered again. So I just want to it. Would you just keep this little girl in our name is Julia and she's precious and she's got a precious mom. She's got people that really care about it. And so when you came in here tonight and you were thinking about all the stuff that you didn't have today, or your job didn't go well or you don't know what you're going to do for your career choice or your roommate didn't do the dishes in the sink, I just want you to remember something. What is Paul always say? We are the fortunate ones. We have made it to the big leaks. We don't we're not out there anymore. We've already done the first step, whether we rolled in here or we were sent in here, whether we were court ordered or parent ordered or job order or friend order or spouse ordered, we have made it and I just want to just feel the immensity of that. That we're in a room and ninety percent of US came here tonight to hear about God. We're in a room where ninety percent of US want to have a great time talking about God. We're in a room the big book said that with ordinarily not mix and we can't wait to see each other. But what's going on tonight? People in the next house, next in a aren't like what's going on over there tonight behind the tracks. Let me tell...

...you what's going on. We're going to talk about God and we're going to hit a step. And you know, my sponsor, Russell's here. And so for you guys that are Jealous Online, like Judy, Russell's actually in the house. We can't make fun of them because he's here. And for all of you guys that thought I came up with all, if Russell was up here right now, he was where Nancy was sitting and every time I use one of his lines he went like this. You'd find out that I'm not that great, because a whole meeting when I whether I be talking about Proton's or talking about this or that, or man with experience meets a man with my you, Russell, would just be like this the whole time, because twenty one years ago I was in a treatment center and I couldn't stop after having seven years, just a couple months arm you and I hadn't worked the steps, and I had not, and really the main one that I didn't work, the main to excuse me that I even work the main too, is step six and seven. I really didn't see that much that was going to be that important and for all the New People in your what is step six and seven? We did last week. It's being ready to have God, removing your defects and character, and I didn't think that was the big of a deal. I'm like, what's my two main defects were cracking alcohol. I gave that up in the first step. I thought the rest of me was phenomenal. And it turns out without an active program and alcoholics anonymous in constantly surrendering the defects, you will get sicker in sobriety. See, I didn't become an alcoholic and a drug addict because I used alcohol. I was an alcoholic before I ever use alcohol. In the moment I took that first drink I was like, bow, that's the suite of Fed for my Mentalona. That actually works. As the big book and Russell says, there's nothing that works quicker. It's like, man, that's exactly what I was looking for at twelve years old. Some of you guys know the story I've if you've been here in the steps, you've heard that I gave another young man of gun and I said that he could shoot at me. And I did that because my self esteem was so low that I would rather put my life in jeopardy than for you to leave me or, like we used to call it, flat lead, and I didn't want to flat leave me. So I said to him wait, wait, don't leave, you can shoot at me. And before I ever took my first drink, this young man shot at me and blew out my right eye. I was an alcoholic before I ever took my first drink. I was doing alcoholic behavior, I was doing self destructive behavior before I ever took a first day. The moment I took that first drink of menashevits Jewish table wine, and I only say that because the room is full of juice and apparently online they all raised the handles, is when I took that MENA chevied Jewish table wine, it was like Bam, my eye could see my self esteem, I could dance, I didn't have to tell lies about who my brother was. I was telling everybody that my brother was a professional football player, which is a problem if you don't have a brother, and so I didn't have to lie anymore about who I was, because alcohol did for me what I was always searching for in friends and in in the fellowship of trying to hang out with other kids. The moment I took a first drink I felt I fit in. And then I'm not a pure alcoholic, I'm a real alcoholic. So that means I did every drug that there was under the sun that was available to me.

And why? Because I have the disease of more, if it makes me feel good, whether it's food, whether it's sex, where there's drugs, where there's alcohol. I'm not a guy that's a one cookie guy. If you only have two cookies, I wouldn't share one with me. That's not that's not recommended. I'm a more guy and I want more and I want better and I want different and I want yours. And so if you'll have that disease of more, you don't exactly what I'm talking about. What I found out is that the steps actually gave us closer to God. And God is what fits in the God's size hole that I always thought that was everything else. I rax he's and girls and cabacijeans and hair jail and pizza and everything I try to stuff in this whole other work. It was never enough until I found God, and I would and I had God my first sobriety when he knows. We were in a God group together. We were in the eleventh step group, which is all about seeking to prayer, meditation, and I thought I had God, and I did. I had a piece of God. And I want you to know something. You could have a peace of God and still be lost. You could believe that you know God and still be lost. You could think you have a relationship with God and still be lost. There's some days I just whatever. I want to know. I'm happily married for for twenty three years and there's some days where I think I'm doing amazing, like I think I'm communicating, I think I've done the love languages, I think I've been attentive, I've made the bed and I said in my wife, in my eyes, I've say to her I've been a real good boy, hope and made I'm going to get a reward. And it's at that moment I realized that I really didn't do the stuff that I thought I did except make the bed. I had one check out of the all the different checks that communication was off, the love languages were off. I really stopped at making the bed. Everything else was like a casual thing and I found and I find out at that moment that what I thought was the relationship for that day, I could do a lot better. And so I had this relationship with a god in my misunderstanding and I didn't do the six and seventh step through and instead of getting better, I got sicker. I got bigger. I was on Stair roids. I was, you know, I got bigger in my mind. I was got my ego and I got my car was always clean and I would park it illegally in front of the twelve step house and of course you know, because that's just the way I roll. And then, before I do it, I had talked myself into having a drink because I'm a drug addict and I'm not really an alcoholic and even though I go to meet for alcoholics anonymous for seven years, I don't really believe that alcohol is going to leave me back to anything. That's really disastrous, because I came in when I was twenty one and now I'm thirty one. So I figured I could probably drink. Not I don't need drink alcoholics. I need have a drink at dinner, and so I tried. I pulled out the big book, says if you don't feel like your alcoholic gone. Try some control drinking. I use that. I got that takes down and I tried some control drinking and in my wife's eye I was controlling the drinking because she gave you the rule. The rule is this. We were brand new married, we were only married a year and I started drinking. She said, if you ever drink other than a Saturday night or ever get drunk, those two things. If you ever drink other than one glass of one and the Saturday, or ever get drunk, you're going back to a and I said absolutely. That's a very, very hard thing to do if you're an alcohol here, very hot. Those are some high expectations. It's not even clothes. So what happened? Immediately, I'm lying. Let the right. I'm building shelves in the back of the...

...house. That never got you know, I'm not a shelf builder. I'm back there hammering and drinking and hammering and smoking and hammering and drinking. Nothing ever got built. And so I'm now a liar. And then I wound up doing drugs anyway. And how I meant Russell, is I went to a treatment center in Miami and I had the blessing. Lookout the slender threads as pulse, as slender for its, because it's amazing things happened. How God does these incredible slender for its, like meeting Anthony. Tonight. I'm in a treatment center in the middle of my, I don't know, Miami, and there happens to be a guy doing the sets next to the treatment center and the Treatment Center starts bringing me and all the people on the druggy Buggy to this place that they see the West Stixie Club, and there's Russell and I's got. I got in fire for the room and I got a fire for the energy and I got a fire for his enthusiasm and I loved everything about it. And while I was in that Treatment Center, I love everything about what he had and wasn't willing to do anything that it took to get because you could be in here tonight in like the way that I speak and leave here and do nothing about it and I will have failed. Last week I asked you to give up one of the did, to take a look at one of the defects of character that you had and to concentrate on it this week and to really give it to God, not to work on it, but to really give it to God. And I don't know how you do it. That you didn't do with it. Great Rage, Handy. You did pretty good with what they what we talked about last week. Three of you. That's fantastic. Well, I had given up a lot for twenty one days before Easter I went on a full fast food, sex, carbohydrates, media. I want on a full fast. Twenty one days before Easter. I gave up a lot of stuff and then we were with Jerry on Easter and we were talking about how we did on the fast and what did you give up and how did you do? And I realized as I was sliding into Easter that my fast was less than amazing. I had snuck in carbohydrates and media and thoughts of lust and more carbohydrates. And on the last day, I came down on Saturday, the day be twenty one days no sugar, I came in to shredded wheat with frosting on its. I mean just one more hour it would have been Easter and I slitting to shredded weak and I realized on Easter resurrection Sunday, as I was beating myself up for being so a week that that's exactly what the Apostle Paul was saying. That is through my weakness that God shows his story. It was through my weakness that I got to hear a man that I had never spoken alcoholics anonymous, that I had been in alcoholics anonymous. Now, at that time I'd been in a for eleven years. I came in at twenty, I was in thirty one and I heard him speak in a way that was not some higher power and mealy mouse type away, but a man that was talking about God's authority and I went up to him that night and I asked him to be my sponsor. He had brought out the Bible in an alcoholics anonymous meeting. I'd never seen anything like it. Was Crazy and I realized that I had been following a god of my misunderstanding that really had no power. And the reason that God had no powers because I had made up a god of my understanding. Somehow I changed the step, made the decision to turn our willing, our lives over to the care of a God as we understand it. And of course my God was a God that was a little g God and I would bring him to strip clubs with me and I would bring into Poker Games and on Sunday nights you couldn't get in touch with me.

Why? POW and Sunday I couldn't get in touch me because that's the night is soprattle, and everything spiritual in nature that I was hoping to attain got all thrown out because my defects had turned into character of that I was, that I was walking around, and so when I finally drank, I needed that journey and I was in that true and center. I got to hear that man and never taste something. The power of his tall was not enough to keep me clean, because the power of someone's talk without you doing the walk is not enough to do anything to change you, except it tillates the excite your ears. He was talking about doing things differently and acting things differently, and I drank anyway and I got down. You're okay, you good, gone. I got into a six felony car crash. Was that? I mean? I've never had any felonies before. Thirty four years old, I was had a clean record and in one day I finished all that in one car accident. I got six felonies at one time and I went back to that meeting and I had heard he was an attorney. Not that that's why I got it as my sponsor, of course not, but I figured they would be some, you know, recipable type of stuff. And my dad brought me down there because obviously I just got six felonies, including one of them was driving will intoxicated, so I couldn't drive. And I went down to that meeting and the man brought out a Bible. He talked about Luke ten acting, the Good Sumaritan, that we had to be the good Sumaritan all the time, and I followed him out of there. I was on fire to follow him out of there and I said to my dad, if I can get a guy like that as my sponsor, my whole life routine. So my dad said, why don't you just ask them? They God rest of my dad. So we just went home to do with the for eight months ago and twenty one years ago, I follow that man to the parking line and I said, my dad goes, go ask him, go ask them. I go, Dad, you can't just there's a whole protocol. There's a protocol, by the way. Now that I say that, I just want to let you know there's a woman in the back room that's brand new. She's never been in this thing before and she's looking first woman sponsor. Just want to let you know that. So if there's a woman that wants to take another woman to the twelve steps, as a woman named rosy, that's going to be coming out to meet you. And I went and I asked them to be my sponsor and then I started following him around and everything that he did I did. Cool thing about this program is we don't have to invent anything. We have this amazing big book that has all the power in it and we have the twelve and twelve that shows us how to work the steps and then we have sponsor that's going to take us through it. How cool is that? And so last week we found out that we have these defects and that we did these things that we all are men's for. And and what is a meenute? We need to go back and apologize to people, we need to make a mends, we need to make rights the stuff that we talked about in the fifth and we need to go back and make it right. But the first thing we have to do is we're going to go back to our fifth step and we're going to have to write down the names of the people we harm or the institutions. I harmed institutions. I harmed companies. I thought that I worked for gimbals in the gimbles was this, was this Schmanta Stowich is clothing store New York and and gimbals. I felt, you know, gimble's right. I felt that gimbals needed me to weed out their extra merchandise. And I want you to know that wasn't my job title to take the merchandise that was on saleable off...

...the floor. But I felt I could help gimbals and one of the ways I would do that is as a stock boy. I would go through and I'd say this, nobody's going to buy this, no one's going to buy this, no one's going to buy this, no one's gonna buy this, and I would put it all in my shopping car and then I would bring that out to the trash and they, after work, had come by the trash container and I take that and I would be like Robin Hood. I would disperse it through the neighborhoods for a feet so it so in as since I was stealing from this company. And I wasn't little stealing, I was like major stealing for over months at a time. And as I was telling my sponsor this, said I was going to you know, I stole from this company, Gimbals, and but thank God, I'd say. Thank God. That's say. Of course it said, but I said unfortunately, I didn't. Didn't say thank God. I was thinking thank God, but I soun unfortunately they're out of business. Not going to be able to make a mention gimbals. They went out of business, not as a result of painting I did. I would imagine it's a multi million dollar company, but I would really love to make a manage to get most ununfortunately, that close. And so he said, we'll put that name down, we'll get to it. And then there was a guy in that bar that I that I knew I could take and then I embarrass him in front of all his friends and and so I wrote that guy's now, but I don't know the guy's name. Write the guy down that you embarrass in front of him friends when you know you could take them and you and you embarrass him in front of everybody. And then go down the list and write now all the people you make amendster, that you have make a minster. And then, because I wasn't a good guy most of the time, there was a bunch of women that I owe a men's to and I definitely don't know their names. So how am I going to make amends all these women that I that I harmed? And I will do you to write down the women's the story about the one's, the woman that was here, the woman that you told that you are always going to love her, the one you said that you're going to call her back, the one that you you know all these things, and I wrote this now and I had this list. I had this list that was made, a list of all the persons you had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. And I know that there's people on our list sometimes that we're not willing to make a Menster, but I was only to make a menster everyone. Now, when I was going to get to it, that was a different story. But I'm like the best f eight step righted that there is, because I'm like totally willing until the night's that. So I'm like, amazing. I'm writing down his two shins. I got gimbles on there. I got all the girls that I've armed, all the fits fights I've had, all the guys that are wrong, the business, the A. I right. I have an amazing eighth that reggiated your amazing eighth stem first, like you wrote it all down, like I really, I'm like thorough eight step God. And I found out that nine is make direct amends to such people, except make men wherever possible, except when to do so it injured them or others. That sound like this going to be like a tall Lorder, like I'm gonna have to go back and contact a lot of you. Matter of fact, it looks like I'm gonna have to go back and contact all these people. Whoo, and here's what I want to share with you. I had a spine, had two sponsors, two amazing man, Jerry Bear and Russell spats. At the same time. Russell I went to meets with every day and followed him out to California and every convention he was ever in and had the blessing of taking his sponsor around Joe Schneider and hearing all the stories and growing up under his direction. And then I have a sponsor that I worked the steps with. Some of the steps when Russell was an available and between these two men they helped raise me in this sobriety. My last sobriety I had another incredible man by the name of Myron has it before I met Russell, or Jerry, and he was a Lotsmanth of Baron Broward County was an incredible man. He died with over forty four years of sobriety. Was a personal friend of Jim. He's incredible guy...

...and he took me to the steps and I didn't listen. I didn't really get it. I think it was a big deal. I thought you guys were like over exaggerating, like what's the big deal? Is stopped drinking, you don't smoke, crack it, everything's going to work out. And as I told you that it worked exactly opposite in my life. So this time around I'm going to be searching and fear of something, to be thorough, I'm going to write the stuff down and then I'm going to get to the night step and then I'm going to pray for the strength to be able to do it. And here's the thing that's tough, the the financial stuff. The financial stuff is tough life because we cheap. We don't want to part with our pocketbook. You want to make a ment to a company that's out of business, we don't want to give the organizations and give extra in the basket and make sure we're tithing at Church or Synagogil, wherever you go. We want to we want to keep our money because we're cheap. And in the ninth step you really find out how much you're willing to do, because there's a place in the middle of the night step that says you'll be amazed before you're halfway through. Yet you want to be a but listen, I want to be amazed, but I don't want to part with my money. I want to be amazed and I don't want to contact women that I heard because I know it's going to harm them. I'm not going to get to give them satisfaction, to be able to make amends to them, just in case they could harm them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I'm going to make any of men, say any of the females, because that could hurt any of them. And I come up with these rules that are going to get me sicker and that's why I need a sponsor. But the first time I went and I'm I wanted to make them end to all the females because I wanted to show them how amazing I'm doing. No, I want to walk in there with my big book and my Bible, a big cross and like muscle t shirt. I wanted to show them what they didn't what they're missing. So I had like all that, that susie cream cheese, I had all these names on there. I go to Russell, I don't. I got susie cream cheese, I got Ganny, Apple Cet, I got all these women on there right and Russell's like this is not, this is not. This is like maschcom's not a men's list. One of the things you're going to do, and you're not going to contact any of them, like what you're gonna you're gonna start paying back women's organizations, you're gonna start being extra generous with everybody that's around you and there's a specific thing that you can contact one of these women about that you know you need to make specific amends and it's not going to harm her or husband or someone she's relationship with. Well, your contact them, but most of the women, the way, you're going to make amends to is never speak to them again. That's a man Joe going to do. I don't even understand why he's coming down so hard on me, such a great guy. And so I start following them around and Russell tells me about the Bible, and I just want to share with you. That's something that I heard from Russell that has changed my life. The people that you hang around with, the books that you read, the group that you're in, the things you watch, I'll help shape the person you're going to be over the next five years. If you want to continue to be a loser, hang out and losers. If you want to continue these spiritually broken, hang out with people that are spiritually broken. You want to continue to do drugs and alcohol, hang out with people that are using if you want, because I hung out with like the fray of alcoholics and others. So people I hung out with like the fray. You remember rich, like the last time, the phray. We hang out with a pray guy. You know, guys are like, you know, smoking cigars and going to strip clubs and punch. You guys in me, I'm not with the Fray Guy. Guys that it was still packing and need for the wrong reasons, so that I became afraid guy. You...

...know what is the fray g person that's on the outside. Russell explain to me that the people that you hang around with, the books that you read, the places you go to, stuff you listen to, it's going to help shape the person you want. So I started to read the books he was reading. You know who else? I found out that that, which is so cool. Turns out that bill and Bob did that. Turns out that father down and on, all these people were pouring into bill and bombs and then bill and Bob didn't have any any type of supervision. They just came up with the whole thing, come up with this whole thing. They were in receiving information and downloading it and hanging out with people. I had this incredible blessing. I'll never forget it. A little. Nobody like me. I was on a cruise ship once. It Russell money and speaking. It might even stead. There were time Russell was speaking. We were on a cruise ship where he was thinking. I'm it's possible, and Dr Bob Sun was there, but I didn't know was Dr Bob Soun and so my wife and I were having breakfast and we happen to be having breakfast with Dr Bob's so, of course, you know, I'm like hey, you do it. I'm CDD. How are you? Do you? And he's like, my name is smitty and who it's good, it's could be big. That's like a big deal right here. Is it sound like this? And he's like and then so I didn't just say are you Dr Bobs? Right, I started put you in two together, that I'm sitting in front bobs, and then and then he started to explain some of the stuff and I said, well, can you just tell me how it was in your house when alcoholics anonymous was be informed, because my sponsor had always told me that it was really Dr Bob's wife that put a lot of the prayer beings together. And I so I want to ask them, how important was your mom to putting this whole thing together in Your House with Bible Studies? And there they said, you know, I it was my mom. We have people come down until a live room. I was just a little kid and they would come down to deliver room. Some of them would drunk to come down and my Mama had bottle studies down there. I said how amazing this is. My sponsors tell me about that, you shee and and Smith was like, well, you know, I got a good sponsor, I had the I had the opportunity with here sobriety, to sit in front of the founder of alcoholics and on the sun and here with my sponsor, had been telling me. Turns out my sponsor was telling me the truth, that alcoholics, anonymous, started with people poured into villain, bought one who was his wife, both their wives, both both men I started from, had amazing wives. One of the wives started I don't know on the other wife Started Bible Studies in the House. And so I grew up in the in the in the eyes and the shadow of these giants right and I started following a rustling and one of the things my sponsor does is my sponsor goes to church. So then I immediately follow that. I started growing to truth it said. Turns out in the big book talks about that. Many of US returned back to the religions of our youth and we need to be see where religious people are. Ride I didn't like religious people. I'll be honest. I wasn't anti with this people. I just thought I was one of these guys that always said Aa's my my church, but that's not enough for a guy like me. I'm spiritually sick. I need extra help, I need some I can't just do it in a, because not all the time in a I'm getting spiritually bed. So I'm going to do it with a a and I'm going to do it with bottle study and I'm going to do it with church. Or I don't do it with Bell Shit, I'm going to do it with service. It turns out that's what they're talking about. The big book turns about. It turns out that if I'm going to be amazed before I'm halfway through, I'm going to have to do things to get all the way to halfway through. And so I started to look at the stats with from me, and the steps starting to be miraculous for me, as you guys know, and these slender threads I needed to have that man of mine and I needed to follow them around, and I don't put them on pedes, so you guys know I don't make fun of them all the time. He...

...curses and from the podium. I can't stand that. And then he had one of the he uses. One of the lines from the Bible. You know, just one verse of the Bible, and he just puts it all out there that he's go out to curse and I don't like that. But he's demand helped change my life and man helped put me on a path for God. And I want to tell you something. I have been amazed before I'm halfway through. I have known a new freedom and a new happens. And so you guys are looking at you right now and you look like you need a little bit new freedom in the new happens. You see me like like your faces sink. The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live in. If we are painstaken about this face of our development, we will be amazed before we're halfway through. One of the things that I think is a terrible disservice to the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous to the Lord's prayer and the serenity prayer, is we don't put our brains into it. When we're reading it. It becomes like a mantra that we're not thinking about the Lord's prayer. At the end of the meeting becomes really was saying the Lord's prayit that like to get through and so that we can get have a cup of coffee and hug someone. We're losing power in these incredible places, because it's moment. I started to read if we're painstaking about this phase of our development, your minds, our minds, already started to do the next line. But can you imagine the people that heard about it for the first time, when it was in a mantra or some stick in a meeting and they heard about it for the first time, and when they got to the big book, it said, if we are painstaking about this phase of our develop development, we will be amazed before we're halfway through. These people were just drinking. Their lives were completely destroyed, they were homeless and Hobos and things had happened bad to them. And even if they were doctors like Dr Bob, their practices were destroyed. And with they get to this place here and it said will be amazed, before we're halfway through, we're going to new, a we're going to know a new for you, a new for you. I don't want this kid that came into her twenty one years old. I don't want that freedom. I wasn't free. I thought I was free I thought drugs and alcohol my problem. They weren't my problem. I was trapped since I was told, maybe since I was six, in a body that I didn't understand, in a mind that wasn't my friend and I was always turning against me. I want a new for you. I don't want to poor old wine, new wine to an old wine skin. I want to have a new freedom. I want to have something different. I want to be passionate about things I was never passionate about before. I want to walk into a meeting and I haven't be the same old, same old. How you doing? Hanging in there, hanging in there. I remember one time I was at a car I was at a conference with John and John and Eric and our friend Andy Kate. Kate went up to me and I'm always going to some type of financial devastation all the time, but I'm not. But I want you guys think. I want you guys to like give me some give me a moment when I tell you right. So my friend and he comes up to me goes how you doing? I I'm really financially on tough time, really tough time. He was, okay, we'll make sure you tell Sandy. I said Hi. I said okay, that's my wife's moved on to the next person. So I said I'm going to really try harder on the next guy that comes up to me. Obviously they're not understanding how pen this is. So the next guy that came here probably was John G. John G goes, he see, hey you, I got, John G. I've been financially devastated and I paused. I said I've been financially devastated. John G goes, that's like. Make sure you tell sandy that. I said how the next person, because it doesn't really matter you financially sober it you're sober. I remember one time I was...

...driving in the forelad ill swap shop where I worked and I had the worst day ever in my sponsor happen to be in the car next to me with Mason and they were going to the west side that's room. He was going to speak there that night and I was in the parking lot and I was driving out and I had my hands straight over my steing with how my sponsor looks over at me. I go I said him through the next cargo. I had the date from Hell at work. My sponsor shouts out you got a job. We will not regret the PASSTO which the shut the door on, and we will listen to this one. How many times do we drink? For this? We will comprehend the words serenity and we will know peace. Right John's. We will know peace. Why? I looking for peace my whole life. I never had a moment's piece, except in between a drink and a joint for a second, like a nano second, if it's a couple of couple of moments, and they would and then it would end. But now we're going to know the word shreenity and Willm Piecis my what a great time I hapen in here tonight. That's the word serenity. No matter how far the scale we have gone down, have gone. We will see how our experience can benefit of this. You know how amazing that is. and O post and I'm we have a built in information castle. I remember what time I said my sponsor in the Auposide, I just poured my car, I poined my car and he was in with all these friends and they all started laughing in the background, but they all had sobriety and I had just relapsed on crack like points of time and I call him up and I go, Jimmy, I just pulled my car and I thinkured he's they would be like, Oh my God, Steve just want his car. They were all laughing and now my experience can benefit others. We're people come to like. You know, I'm gonna believe that. I just pulled my card. That too. And then as soon as you start sponsoring people, you become intelligent, like like like four months ago you were embarking in. Four months later, people like, what should I do with my life? That feeling of uselessness and self people disappear. You become like a Seiu is, the people that aren't sober. We got the big book in one hand and you're giving him financial vice. That feeling of uselessness and self pating disappears and we will lose interest in selfish things and gave interest in our fellows. That's why we're here tonight. We all came here for a show about God. People drove a long distance, Daniel Russell, they came a long distance. You guys came from up North because we can not wait to get around other people that have found the solution are doing it through God in the twelve steps are in alcoholics, anonymous and enjoying ourselves. The world is trying to pull us down. We're not gonna let the world pulls down. This is where we're going to get our energy and we're going to go on and we're going to try to make some disciples and bring them into alcoholics anonymous if they need our help, and feeling of uselessness and selfpityo disappear. We got we have new things. We start doing things like, like I'm following your Meditation Program and Prayer Party that John in the morning and I'm spending more time with the Lord because because I heard it works and I see it works for you. That feeling of uselessness and self people will disappear and we'll lose interested. Will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slippery. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Next time they sew the night step promises in the meeting. Don't just humm them. Think about what they're saying. You came in here say it tonight and you have...

...sobriety and you're only thinking about yourself. Get back to work. You're miserable. If you're bored. Some of some of they are bored. One of the guys in the back room and he that's watching to be bored. Watch I'm looking for some more. Give you a long time home. I'm been afraid of everything my whole life. Fear of people in economic insecurity will leave you now on there. I'm not sure about the fear of economic insecurity. That's like advanced a stuff. I'm still in the Middle Right now. I'm still in the fear of economic in my sponsor says it. I said, Russell, when, when am I going to lose the fear of economic insecurity? He says. He says, well, you're always going to be broken. It gets to a time where you're not going to worry about it. Another going really helped me make you feeling better. I'm like I'm foundancially devastated. If you know that, if you're financially devastated and you have sobriety and you trust God that you will never go to one city, anywhere in the whole entire world and not have something that will open up their house to you and put you on their couch or invite you in. Listen, how slender threads and then I'm going to end in the I just got to tell you something amazing. My sponsor on on. Listen to this incredible story. If you if you have a having any struggle with God, listen to this. I just got asked to speak a drug addicts anonymous. It's a program for drug addicts and they use the big book. It's like this new program and I'm one of the speakers and I'm bringing it all these speakers from all of the United States and I'm going to Milwaukee, Wisconsin on August twelve to be one of those speakers. They're bringing in Chris Raymer and all these speakers. I don't want him specause and I'm less and I called the guy there and I tell them something. Oh, I tell him I'm going to be speaking there in his hometown, and he tells me, your sponsor is speaking there the same weekend. I go my sponsor speaking in Milwaukee on the same weekend? He says, yeah, we're getting your sponsor to speak right next to you in the next hotel for our anniversary dinner. I mean, are you kidding me? What's the chance that we're flying out to the same town which is Milwaukee, in the middle of all the united parts of the United States. He's in the next hotel over. I'm probably going to be able to hear him because I'm sure I'm not the Saturday night speaker. It's probably Christar from Texas. I'm going to be able to do my deal and then sneak over over there out of the drug addas area open to the alcoholics area, listen to my sponsor, come back over there, not going even miss me, and we happen to be in the next in the same town, in the next one show. Is that the believable? If you want to continue to settle for the crutons and hanging in there and all that kind of stuff and pretend that God is not doing anything, that's on you. But I'm excited to have a life beyond my wildest dreams and have God do for me what I couldn't do for myself. God bless you. God.

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