AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 113 · 4 months ago

Stevie B. Step 6 & 7 at the 12 Step House 4/12/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. Steps 6 & 7 at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 04/12/2022

Everybody. My name is TV be. I'm a recovering alcoholic and a member of the Golden Text Group. My name is Tev be. Good to see you here with you guys tonight. I just want to make sure that the back room can hear us. So if you guys are in the back room and just give me the thumbs up if you can hear us here at the twelve step house. Okay, thumbs up. They just gave us the thumbs up. That's great. Well, I am really excited to be here with you guys tonight. I mean the the twelve and twelve. We'll time my step six and seven. Today I got my mom here. Hi, mom, and anytime I have my mom here it's just very, very, very special. I got my friends saying he's watching from Rhode Island. You got to spend time with mom and US last week and she's she's back watching from ohe island. And I got some friends Dean and they're here from from Cincinnati, Ohio, alcoholics, anonymous to say let's welcome our friends from Ohio and were. Our friend is from Scotland. Right, from Scotland, right, James, from Scotland. From what? Why did you say Scottt, that's sitting Australia. Yeah, Sheldon's giving me this information from Australia. Let's welcome Australia. Let's do the third step prayer together. Huh. Let's do the third step prayer together. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou will. Relieve me of the bondage of cell that I may better do. THY will take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and THY way of life. May I do THY will always. Amen. I say Amen because I means to agree with God, and then I just want to just say a prayer with them. Father, God, does hear what we need to hear tonight. Help us to be present for your message tonight. Help us to clear away the things that are not supposed to be in this room. Lord, we ask you that you would just be with us in a mighty way. We thank you for alcoholics anonymous. We thank you for all the anniversary dates. We thank you, Lord, that you've saved us from ourselves. We thank you for the New People that came back tonight, including Chris and though we pray that we would not waste this incredible gift, that we pray this in your name. Amen. I mean, how blessed are we? Like Paul Baker that's picking up thirty side, is it thirty seven Paul in a row? He said we are the blessed ones, we are the fortunate ones. We have so much to be grateful for. And tonight we're going to talk about the six and seven step. We are entirely ready to have God removed all the these defects of character. And what are the when we when we use the word these, what defects of character are we referring to? These defects of character, the defects of character that we came up with, our sponsor helped us come up with in the fifth step that we talked about last week? I don't know about you, but I did when I was doing my fifth step, I didn't think anything about defects of character. I was thinking only about things that I had done, things that people did to me. I was told that to write it a fearless in searching moral inventory. And then during it there's a columns that said where was I at? Wrong? What did I what was my responsibility and over and over again in my fifth step, a word that kept surfacing that I was actually shocked selfishness, ego selfishness, Ego Selfishness,...

Ego edging God out. I had the opportunity of being sober seven years and then relapsing. So a lot of my fifth step had to do with the monstrosities that I had caused in sobriety. A lot of people come in and they do their fifth step from when they were drinking. I had caused more damage. My mother can attest to this. I had caused more damage in sobriety then I had did outside of sobriety. I had never been arrested, other than a fistfight in college, which doesn't count. I had never been arrested until sobriety. I started get arrested sober. I was surrounded by the Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, on firearms, with drawing guns sober. Now that's your tell you that my defects of character were not in check. Matter of fact, I didn't even know that I had defects of character. I thought my only two defects of character were crack it alcohol. So when I came to this depth and they said would tirely ready to have God remove these defects of charact I'm like, what, you know? What defect kept? What are you talking about? In the sixth by the way, right now, as you guys have been bringing your big book with you, I highly recommend to get a second book. I just went and purchased it at the at the front desk, and now I recommend, now that we're into the sixth step, I highly recommend you go pick up the twelve and twelve. You're going to need this book. Why are you going to need this book? Well, first of all you need the book. It's The textbook. It's a second textbook of alcohols that you're in, alcohols anonymous. You need to text book. You go take a class in school and your super really, you still need the textbook. These are the textbooks of alcoholics anonymous. So you want to have that. But this is what happened to me my first time around, and I know that some of you are the same way. Not Paul Baker, but some of you regular people. So I finished the fifth step in my sponsor says go read the go read what it talks about the sixth step. So I go and I see that it talks about the sixth step and it mentions we're going to carefully review the five proposals, making sure that we didn't skimp on them, which is the first five steps, the first five steps that we just did, and as we do that, we're going to carefully review them. And then you're in the sixth step and then, as we am going to read this to you in a second out of the big book, and then before you know it you're in the seventh step. Like a whole step goes by in a paragraph and you're like what, what just happened? There was a whole chapter on the fifth step. We better beared our soul to another human being in to God. People made a big deal out of it. People go out during the fifth step, people go out writing the four step, people actually make a job of relapsing doing the fourth step. It would happened. I was in the middle of the four step and what that? I didn't what. That's the stuff. You did. Write it down, get it out, and then we get to the sixth step and it's a half of it's a paragraph, and then the seventh step. That's a paragraph. Then all of a sudden we're in the eighth step. The whole world is flying by and if you're not careful, you won't even realize that. The defects of character and your shortcomings is the whole program. Who Thank God for the Twelve and twelve? Who Thank God for the twelve? That they wrote some chapters on the six and seven step, and I'm going to share something with you and some of...

...you guys are going to get offended. Some of the big time people are going to get offended. Don't hear what I'm not saying. You See, when I came up here, I don't introduce myself as a recovered alcohol don't everybody get offended. Just hear what I'm trying to take. Okay, when they wrote that we are one hundred men and women that have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, they fully believe that and they were. And then by the time they wrote the twelve and twelve, some of those people that had recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body had died from alcohol use. Right now, I have friends right now that call themselves recovered alcoholics, that are drinking, that have taken people through the steps that have led step workshop classes and they're using right now. So I'm not saying I'm not recovered from a seemingly hopeles state of mind. Of Mind, I am. But I also go to the big book when it says that Ow it's on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. How if I'm not maintaining my spiritual condition, that I have not recovered from a seemingly hope with state of mind and body, no matter how many times I worked this day? Because I can turn into a monster in Alcoholics Anon, and I did. I did. Owen was there. Owen saw it. That's a first round person who saw me head, but another man in alcoholics anon. It was with five years of sobriety, and you were there too. Not One of my prouder moments, but I was telling people I was recovered from a seemingly hope of state amount of pill when I wicked the guy in the head. So now I introduced myself as a recovering alcoholic because I also want to remind myself that it's contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Today and I have a tendency to want to bring God into places that God should not be going. I want to click on places on the Internet that God should not be going into. I want to act sometimes like I did today with a person on the bank on the phone, and God was not on the call. I was short with the purse. I didn't curse, but I was short with the person. It was in me and God and the person on the phone. It was just me. I'm like, man, listen to money came out of my account. It's out. It says it's in your account. It says it. There's a record of it. I have a transaction number. I don't know what to tell you, sir. It's not in archeptally. Listen, I don't know how it works. I'm not bank you're a banker. I'm a payer, you're a banker. Do Your job. That's not spiritual. I didn't bring God into that conversation. My defective character of pride was all over that. She's not Bank of America, she works for Bank of America. I treated her as she was Mr Bank of America. So at that moment I was not representing God in the way I should. Thank God. This a ten step, which I did. She had already hung up on me. But I acted as if she was still there. It's not like I could have just got back in touch with her. You have to go through Singapore and twelve different countries to get back in touch. It the birth step six. This is the step that separates the men from the boys the women from the girls. Why, once you're done...

...with the fifth step, if you're truly ready to have God remove these defects of character, you're in a different league now. You're not okay being a jerk. If alcohol is the only thing that made you a jerk, wonderful. I was a jerk way before alcohol. I was acting out at twelve years old. I never had a drink. I gave a person a gun to shoot me before I ever had a drink. So some of you guys know the story. Some of you guys don't know the story. I'm going to tell you the story. I'm in the fortload of all men's group. It's across town and a good meeting, good meeting. I leave the Fort Fort Load of all men's group and I'm all I'm feeling spiritually filled and as I'm leaving I'm going around the curve over there on Federal Highway and Bank of America and I seen attractive female. I'm in a relationship with a woman, a committed relationship with a woman. My car pulls over. I'm glad you're already enjoying the story. I'm like burying my soul from the room and you're like giggling at me. I pull over, we speak, I get arrested. She's a police officer. It's definitely frowned upon in all circles. I'm not sure in Australia if that's against the law, but here it definitely is. It's not against the law in Australia, hence the name. Down under, however, it's illegal here. So I'm now sober three years inside the Broward County jail and one of the people that I know from the twelve stuff house who's drunk is in there and they know me from a a and it likes cvb. Will you doing here? And now I got to start lying in backpeddaling. I'm like, I'm here with HNI. We're taking meetings inside the jails now. We want to see how you guys are doing. As a result of that, I get a record with a nasty charge on it, and the charges is very brutal. The name is brutal. It looks very bad and I don't share it with my upcoming wife. To be my wife's end. I hope it's just going to go away and it seems like it is. And we tried to have a child and we got pregnant. We lost our only baby. During those times a lot of you guys were there. Wendy was definitely there for me. A lot of you guys were here for me for that. I appreciate that. And we join up to an adoption agency here locally in Hollywood, and everything's going good and I'm at work at the fore loaded e'll swap shop and I get a call in the call says I'd like to speak to Mr Boyarsky. A man like you will never be able to adopt in the state of Florida. And my wife says, what's this all about? And I have to tell that while we were dating, I tried to pick up this woman and I was arrested for it. And she's crying and I'm totally embarrassed because it's not something I made immense for. I never brought it out in the open. My parents didn't know about it. My grandfather didn't know about it. It's a big it's a big terrible thing from our family and now I can't adopt a baby. So we have a baby room built in the house. We lose our only baby...

...naturally, and now we can't adopt. And I'm going to the West Side Men's group and inside the Westst side men's group there's all different people that have all different experiences in one of the guys is a guy named happy Bob that you guys may know from the Broward County institutions, and happy Bob was a very powerful attorney down here at one time before he got caught with a couple kilos, but he still had a lot of information. And so I call up Bob and I say, Bob, do you know anybody in the adoption and he gives me the name of Mindy from Boca, and I some of you heard the story. I just want to just go over real fast with you. Is that Mindy? It from Bolca. That right away. If you're from Boca you know what that means, or if you know about Bolca. So it means she's Jewish and at this time my wife and I are like over the top Christians. You know, what statue. Christians were, Tshirt Christians were giant Jesus Poster Christians in our house. And I say to my wife, has sweetheart, maybe we should take the giant Jesus picture down, which is still there to this day. If you've been over my house, you see it. You have to do a bunch of things to get in the house and and maybe like turn St Francis around the fountains and all the different things. And my wife says we're not going to pretend who we're not. And Mindy comes in the House and she sees the giant painting and she sees the statue, she sees my testimony and she says, do you think that God gave you another chance? Now understand on this it's showed. It says that I was arrested for this, for solicitation. She says, do you think God gave you another chance that? I said I there's plenty of chairs just this, chairs everywhere if you need I said, I know he didn't. She said, so how can I not give you a chance? And so she signs off on the adoption papers and the end of the story is we got to go to almost to Canada on the West Coast, by California, and we got to meet our son, Joshua. We got to adopt them on the first day and I made a pact with God and I said to God, after we got the baby, I said God, I have been a wicked, sinful creature and my number one wickedness is lust, lust of the Flesh, lust of the eyes, left of the drink, lust of the drugs. That's my number one chief character defect. Well, what are the defects of character? Well, the main seven deep mean seven categories, the paddles or the the pagiles, the seven deadly sins. Thank you, Sheldon. Appreciate that. Are The pagiles, pride, anger, greed, Gluttony, Endy, lust and slow. And for me it's always been a battant since I'm twelve. Lust is almost the main one. That is always knocks me out and I know nobody else in this room has that, which is except for me, and that's I'll just have some compassion with me. And so I say to the Lord, I say to God, God, thank you for this incredible baby that looks exactly like my mom. What Amazing Miracle That age you got red hair like my mom has eyes like my mom. U is a cute little button nose like my mom. You gave us this incredible baby. I will never think of lustful thoughts on them. Look at lustful thoughts. You know, when I go to the beach, I'm going to be thinking about you. When I go to the mom they think about you. When I go to the gym, I'm going to be thinking about you. When I go to that that flea market on Sheridan Street, right by ninety five, I'm going to be thinking of you. And and I meant it. I mean I'm serious about my relationship. He just gave me a baby. He took away what the state said I couldn't get a baby. To gave me a baby. I mean I owe him everything. That's good that you said Amen, because I because that's why I was feeling. I came home and there was guys on my lawn with...

...signs welcome back to me and welcome Joshua and and I was really believing that I wouldn't have any plus problems anymore. I really believe that and I wanted that. You know, pretty quickly I realized that my resolve was no match for Yoga Pants. I realized that I live in south Florida and this was going to be a serious problem for me if I ever went to the beach. I realized very quickly that people in south Florida don't wear as much closed as people from New York. We bumped it up during the winter and people south Florida they wear less closed men and women, and I realized I was up against the serious foe. This is going to be a serious challenge and I realized there was many times I had failed. Now, why am I telling the story? It's not a fifth step meeting. Is Not me personally. I'm not supposed to be doing fifth step from other well, I'm I telling you this because at that moment I could get so overwhelmed with my own defects that I could just call it in. I can say, you know what, why even try? But this is where God comes in and meets us in our frailties and meets us in our shortcomings and he says, listen, this step had nothing to do with you, Steve. Does Not about you swear and sin off. There's not about swearing defects of character. You would never able to swear it. You can't swear off of bread and butter. Carbohydrates have beaten you on a better day. You want to swear offs, you want to swear off lost let you start with a stick of butter. And I realized at that moment I was looking at step six all wrong. This wasn't me great gaining enough power to overcome fist fighting and cursing and lusting. This was never going to happen. I've been fist fighting since the day I was five years old. My parents sent me away to karate school so that I would get out all my aggression. You know, that didn't work. Nothing is ever worked for any of my seven defects. I had been working on it. I had been in programs count to ten, count to a hundred. I had been in anger management programs, I'd been in St I had been in lifespring, I'd have been in every anger management thing that I could possibly think of, and I still was heading people in the meetings. It turns out I was looking at the step all wrong. It was God that was going to remove these defects of Kara, not me. I was never going to be a foe. I was never going to have any type of winning on these defects. That I had my whole life, and as I started to take one at a time and raise them up to God, being ready for him to take them and actually calling that my name, one at a time, he would take them if I surrendered them in that day only. You See, I'm only as good as what I'm willing to do on the twelve of April two thousand and twenty two, because I have new defects that are popping up allets. When I came here in two thousand and one, excuse me, when I came here in nineteen ninety three and walked through that room in nineteen ninety four, I was one of those buffed muscle guides. I didn't envy your muscles. I had muscles in nineteen ninety four I was the bomb for me. Now it's two thousand and twenty two, stuff that was here is now here. My pectora muscles are now checking to see if my shoelaces are tied. So the defects of character that I had back then we're different than the ones I have now. I have stuff called envy now that I didn't even have back that I didn't end be...

...you, I wanted to be me. Now I have end we'd I didn't have any de act then I had other stuff back then, and the moment I pushed one of them down and God seems to have some security side, I have some security. And then another one pops up, almost like a beach ball or beach balls being pressed down underneath the water at the beach. One goes down. No, what about? I didn't even know where that come from. Jealousy. Wow, that's a nice car. Jealousy. Why? Oh Man, you got a halfway house. Another guy's got seven, but oh man. And so this process of giving and taking, you know, recovery is about having God remove things that are objectionable to him, and there's nothing more that says that in steps six and seven. So I want to ask you tonight this rhetorical question. Don't need a shoutoutoure. Not all going to get on our knees like we did in the third step, which was so cool. I want to ask are you entirely ready rhetorical you don't have to shout it out. I want you to say it to yourself. Are you entirely ready to have God remove the defects of character? Because most of those defects of character the reason you drank to begin with and after you've been sober a while, if you defects of character are not given to God, they will come back and will make you drink again or kill yourself, because the defects of character are actually the stumbling blox or the ways that we actually block God out. It's no coincidence that the chapter that this is in in the big book of alcoholics, anonymous is called into action, because now we need to get into some serious action. There's not going to be a time. People sometimes, when they get through with the fifth step, they going to coachmode. You see someone they've been working on the four step for like six months and then they go in too coosmode, or they go in too they go into the mode where they just did the six and seventh step like in the hour that it looks like it would only take, and then the next time you see them they're already in the eighth step and you go house the six and seven they're like no, no, I did that yesterday. The six and seventh step is going to be a lifelong work and progress because it changed all the time. Listen with the big books, as if if we can answer to our satisfaction. Then we take a look at step six. For, by the way, the first time in the program I was seven years sober. I never did a step six and seven. Never. I didn't have God, I didn't even. I didn't even. It didn't even register that there needed to be changed. I know, I hear you say you guys told me what he need to change everything and all this kind stuff. And I saw you guys were getting more healthy and I just thought you were more boring. And and I and and if you don't have an active program and alcoholics anonymous, you are going to get sicker. And so if you do what I did, was you just put more stuff in, put more muscles, put more money, put more hair gel, put more girls, then all that's going to you was just make you sicker, sicker and sicker, and then nobody's wants to tell you anything because you're angry and you're going to go off on them. So they just like well, I hope that guy makes a hope that girl makes it, I hope they're able to hit their knees before God breaks the back. So instep six. It says we've emphasized willingness. Done says willing are you willing? We emphasize willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all things that we admitted our objectionable? And I want to ask you, are you ready to have God remove the things that are objection do you want to continue to to operate out of the mode of defective character, or how free do you want to be? I want to be free. My mother was bold last week. She's told me, you know, you really were not a nice person in your first right, and I was really grateful that she said that. So you know you really were not. You could, nobody could tell you anything. She's right. Hence I drank. Hence I had fifth fights. I had many fist fights in sobriety my first seven years...

...and I was arrested for doing criminal activity. What kind of what kind of nonsense is that? Twice I was arrested sober, once for the thing I told you in another thing for making fake ID's. I'm like, everybody in the York makes fake idse. Why would I make fake I do the phenomenal thing. It's like came down here and I opened up a fake ID business on my gear. But will course that's what we doing time square. The judge didn't see it like that. Are we now ready to have God take every one of them, every one of our defects of character? We now ready to have God take them, or are we still clinging to our little precious well, I want God to take everything, but I'm going to just keep this one. I'm still going to date newcomers. I'm still not going to ask him to enter into my my affairs when it comes to relationships. I'm still going to Slye on the phone for my job. I'm still going to commit semi bad stuff on the phone if I want to. I Know Guy, and don't raise your hand. Of you that person, if you here, because this is not it's something that you should feel guilty about. You should just change it. So don't be like that's me. It's not a cool thing. When he goes to Walmart check out, self check out and he's sober. When he goes to Walmart self check out, he considers that like an honor system. And what I mean is he, when he actually pays for stuff, he gives himself a pat on the back. So if he has twenty items in the in the basket, he pays for ten and he gives himself a lot of credit for the ten he actually paid for. You know self. Check out really means you're supposed to check out the stuff and and and he said to me, well, you know, they make a lot of money and all that kind of stuff. We if that's if you're going to be okay with that, you're going to drink. And if you don't want to, if interview and if you don't drink, you're going to act like you want to drink. And we all know people that are dry and that that that, you know, you just don't want to have anything that they have because they're not willing to have God remove some of those things. Are you going to smile tonight or no, not even once. GOING TO BE OKAY? So the six step is going to be an ongoing process. It's not done in a day, although it looks like that in the big book. Don't worry, you have the twelve and twelve and it's going to really illuminate what we're doing in the six and seven. And then, of course we have the book that we that's an adjunct to the program. It's called what drop the rock. You're going to get dropped the rock. It's going to talk more about the six and seventh step. WHO's on the six and seven step in here? I hope all of you. Paul Baker just raised his hand. He's got thirty seven years of Sobriete, I hope all of you. I hope you haven't arrived. I hope all of you are in the six and seventh step, because you never get pat I hope you never get past it. I hope I never get past that every day. That's right, sheldren. And then here we go to the seventh step. This is going to be an exciting are you excited after having had ted? Told God, I'm entirely ready for you now to get involved in my paddles, in my pride, my anger, my green, my Gluttony, my mb lust is lofth now, God, I want to do something amazing and tell you that in the in all humility, I know that I can't do any of it without you. And in all humility and in all sincerity, we're going to go and we're going to beg him to remove our shortcomings. Well, what's the difference? What's the difference between character defects and shortcome? There's so many different theories on it. Who Cares? They both think they're both things you don't want. People have written extensive essays on the difference Gen character defects of joy. Coming to me, they're both things...

I don't want to have. To me, it all is under the one category and it to me it's all sin, separating me from God, putting more dirt back on the windows that I had just cleaned off in the fifth step. Having a personal relationship with him, have feeling the sunlight of the spirit. Now I've blocked off the sunline of the spirit by throwing up defects and throwing up shortcomings, and now I have to go back down there and, with God's help, remove that so that I can feel the sunlight of the spirit again. I know you guys don't seem excited. I get very excited what I talked about this stuff, because there's this awesome prayer that's coming, the seventh step prayer right then, as it's so excited. By the way, if you still have a defective character that you're not willing to let go of, don't worry, the big book has a line for that and says if you still clay cling onto it. Don't worry, just ask God for the willingness to let it go. Don't start freaking out. Nobody in here is white as snow. Nobody hears that attained it. We're all works in progress. The moment you become perfect, book your back up. So don't worry, we're all work in progress. We're going to go right to the seventh then, humbly asking him, him, Kate, I h I am capital hi, am Cape Capital H I am the big hymn to remove our shortcomings. God, I've been trying since I'm thirty four. I've been trying for thirty four years, from twelve to thirty four, I've been struggling with lust. I'm telling about when I when I did the step, not now. Obviously I'm not thirty four. I've been struggling with an anger problem from the time I was for to the time I was thirty four. I had a fist fight every single week of my life, and that doesn't mean that I'm a good fighter, it just means I had a terrible temper. I had put more holes in my house and my grandfather's house and my grandfather's condo than any one person. That doesn't work. In construction ever needed to do, and now it was my time to have gotten into scene in my path so that I didn't have to ruin any more walls in my house, my beautiful mother's house, my house in Long Island. My father spent a lot of hours fixing doors and walls and kick plates and I had none of those. Were drunk. All the holes I had ever put into, every wall, every kick plate, every door, every electronics, I destroyed. That was all sober. You See, I want to tell you something. Alcohol for me is not the problem. It was actually the solution. And then when you take alcoohol away from me, the angry guy, the lustful guy, he's still there. So now what is going to be my solution? My solution, according to the big book, my solution, and quoting my experience, is going to be gone. So when we're ready, it says like this, something like this, my creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad, because it's not that we're only defects of character. It's not like we're only bad. We got some amazing things, but we want to give that to God, to because listen to this. If you have an incredible drive to make money. That doesn't mean you have greed, but it could turn to greed. If you have a wonderful drive to do something, that's actually a character asset. It very easily can turn into a character defect. People think that money is the root of all evil. It's actually the love of money, because people that have a lot of money, and there's people that are in this room that have a lot money, they do a lot of great with that money.

They give to organizations, they keep places open. So it's not the money that that's the evil, it's the love of money. So I have to be careful because a character asset can turn into a character defect. So I want to give everything, good and bad, to God when ready. We say something like this. My Creator, say my creator. What does that mean? Is that a DOORKNOB? Is that? Is that the Almighty nature? It's the creator of the universe, my creator, my create a. How think how powerful that is. When I used to have a higher power, it back and when I was in Triting, when I was twenty one and they said just pick a doorknob, and I used to be like I but I want to smoke cracking the like will go to the DOORKNOB and I'm like, Oh, doorknob, please intercede and turned your will in my life with the special lock that you have. It didn't work. I smoked every single time. My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good in bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defective character that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and to my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out to do your bidy. Give me the strength to be able to carry that out, because in my own power God, I am a wicked, sinful I sinned when I came in here tonight. I had already sinned for time is before the meeting start. You don't know. I'm over there acting like all spiritual. I'm like Hey, and I was sitting. I had different defects of character going on. I had fear, I had lost, I had all different things going on. I'm very complex. You seen my sponsor, Russell, come here, you live. Looks like a you know, he just sits there pro you know you and it all of a sudden spiritual stuff comes out. We're very complex. So I have to be constantly giving and allowing and giving and allowing take that. Take, please don't leave me with this. My Creator, I'm now willing that you should take all of me, good and bad. I don't want to do planet earth anymore alone. I don't listen. I used my first thing was alcohol. MANISCHEVIT's Jewish table wine was my drink of choice. I don't they have that in Australian Jewish table wine? I'm not sure. If you do have that. You have foster's logger, though. That's for sure. Foster's is a big deal. My first drink did that did the trick. I was in my parents house and I went down into their cupboard and they had the manage Chevi it's Jewish table out wine and I took a sip of that and I was or I had a ride and then my then next to it was southern comfort. I don't they you know what that is? And and I took the southern comfort and my friend Brian took the southern comfort and he threw up in the sink and it went down. But stay with me, we still have a meeting going on. And I took the southern comfort and he threw up and I was like wow, I'm having a spiritual experience. I was thirteen years old. I had just went through like my sixth eye surgery in one year and I was like, you know what, this stuff is awesome, this is magical. And then it turned on me and it like it does, it turns on us, and I want you to know that now I get that same feeling from having a relationship with God. And when I came in here tonight, I was like, wow, this is awesome, this is magical. I I look at the big book and I look at the twelve and twelve, I'm like, entirely ready to have God remove all these defects cared this is awesome, this is magical. God, I'm ready for you to now remove every single deal. This is awesome, this is magical. We go from a place where we're trying to pull outside stuff in a God's size hole and...

...it never worked for longer than five hundred and ten fifteen two hours. It never learnt worked, it always we always had to re up, and then we find out that the solution to our problem the lack of power. That was our dilemma. We find out at the end or during the journey, not the end, during the journey, we find out that the solution older in the time. The thing that we went to last is actually the thing that works the best. The thing that we didn't go to till the very end is actually the thing that we could have went to to in the beginning. And it's actually God. It's actually God. It's actually when we put God inside the God's size whole. The way that I felt with a drink is the way that I now feel with God. And I got to tell you for a kid like me, to see my friend Evan here and see Paul that my mom being here, friends around the country, being around the world, to walk into a room and we're all talking about God, we're up here doing a little God things. Underneath the thing, we got God stuff all going over there. I got some God stuff going at the front. We got a back room doing God. I got to tell you from me, I feel like I've been looking for this my whole life and I finally found an and if you're new, hold on. If you're new, I want you to know, just hold on, because if you're not feeling the God stuff yet, don't worry, don't pick up, get a sponsor, work these steps and the God stuff is going to come. My Mom will tell you I wasn't a God guy. I was I was a typical sopranos want to be, with a big Red Lincoln navigator truck and a big fat cigar and gold chains and I would play the Sopranos Soundtrack, sober and drive around looking for fist fights, sober and foreload of down and and Hollywood. And I would have the sound track and I would have the cigar and I'd put the armor out and I'd probably shoot some steroids before I went for a drive and I'd have it out and I'd be just looking for a fight and I would was found wanting listen what listen to this and it never worked, until I found this program and realize what I've been searching for is what you guys offered me for free. It didn't matter the car I drove, it didn't matter what I look like. You said welcome, we're going to love you even when you're unlovable, and if you stay long enough, you're going to start to love yourself. And I want to tell my experiences. Most of the time I love like me. Most the time I like me. I definitely love being around with you guys, so I'll see you next week.

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