AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 112 · 5 months ago

Stevie B. Step 5 at the 12 Step House 4/5/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. Step 5 at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 04/05/2022

Hey, how you everybody? My name is Stevie. I'm a greatful recovering alcoholic and a member of the Golden Text Group of Hollywood flar. How's everybody do it tonight? Oh Right, who? I am excited and I'm excited to have the back rooms open. Guy. Can you guys hear me back there? All right, good, giving the thumbs up? All right, good, fantastic. Okay, good, thank you. So I want to thank the twelve step house, and Nancy specifically, and the Board for going out of the way and making sure everyone had two chairs and then setting up the Internet in the back. So there's two zoom screens going on right now. It's crystal Claire Checked the two big screens back there and I think that that was, you know, a really a great way to do it. I want to thank Sheldon for figuring out how to do that and so crazy job and a two weeks. I want to make a mends to sheldon. doastly good. Two weeks ago I called them van a white. I diminished what he had to do. I just and and it turns out Russell, as you know, he's without Sheldon. This whole thing doesn't happen it's like a whole Mishi Gosh without him and and then. So I'm just very, very happy. That is you right. Thank you for the kids got very nice something. Whack went back there and he did some Wifi magic and it's incredible. A whole house is in one meeting now. Isn't that great? It'sn't that amazing? The whole house is in one of me. Russell Russell was watching from my m he's in a different meeting because he's speaking right now, but he's still on this meeting. So, Russell, good to see you. And Mrs Brown, okay, we're going to be on page sixty five. Okay, ready to get your big books out. You know what? Do you know? The drill? Get your big books out. This whole section. Obviously you're recovered. None of you have your big book. That's fine. This whole sexy. Not One person, even bunch, not even pretended they had a big book. They just looked at me like like at Church when we passed the basket. Mr Brown, what did he do? He had a tent. He'd paid attention to my wife. He told my wife of my mistress round may get my job at the office. Last week we spoke about writing a fourth step, and part of the fourth step is writing now the things that we're resent before. And it gives a great illustration in the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous on page sixty five on how to do the resentments and and all the columns. Now, because we're in two thousand and twenty two, you can also go to Google and and say to Google a a fourth step and you'll can get something called a PDF, which is like a document, and you print it out and he comes down on a printer and then you still need the big book to figure out why we're doing this, but the sheets are already pretty you. Okay, so...

...we're not going to go through the the the mechanics of how to do a four step. All right, it's all they're two categories that we didn't speak about last week. Our sex going to be saved it for this week. We didn't want to get it smushed in there because it was too hot last week and and it was a lot of stuff going on and we didn't talk about sex. Speaking of which, and and the second thing that I mean you all know we're all thinking the same thing at the same time. Come on, let's be on let's be on that. That all happened for everybody at the same time, only because, let's be on. I know you guys can't see that at home. There was like a supermode. Let's just walk across. We're can I tell you. That's what happens when you're alive. And so we're can talk about sex and we're going to talk about fears. Sex and fears. Last I'm sorry, that's we talked about fears about in a sex and we talked about harms caused other a lot of stuff going on in this room right now. A lot of stuff. Are we going to write down all the people that we've had sex or thought about having sex with on the fourth step? No, of course not. Okay, whether we had sex with them, what we thought about having sexual and that's not what the four step is. That would be silly, right. That's an inventory of our sexual conduct. That's not what's going on. We want to take an inventory of harms cause during our sex con or anything that bothered you that has to do with sex. Time, right, Spike, right, anything that bothers you. Okay, so you're not going to write now all the people that you have thought about having sex with or that you had said to because that's a waste of time. And that's just you bread into your sponsor, the prettiest or the minister. You're like, Oh, this woman and this one, and well, what did you do? Well, no, nothing, we just had good sake. No, that's not what this is. Okay, that's where a different whole, different meaning. That's not for this. Mean what this is stuff that you did wrong. You told the person that you were single and you're married. You told the person you were going to call them and you're a liar. You told the person you're going to pick them up after your your interlude, and you left them hanging there. You told the person you always be there for them. You weren't even there for them for the night. You told the person. Did you lie? You manipulated, you said who you were. Now, I've done that, a lot of that stuff. So what I'm saying it's not like I'm you know, I went to I went to treatment in Minnesota and and I was young and I was twenty one, and when I went to Minnesota I had a different type of like like I played an alias. When I got there. I didn't know I was going to do it. It just kind of came to me. Okay, they hadn't met a lot of talents from New York at the time I went in the Treatment Center I was in, it was like kind of a rarity. They thought I was like a my cousin any type of guy. And one of the girls said, Hey, do you know sylvestor stone and I said Yeah, of course I did.

And then any other guy goes, what do you mean? You don't you know like those guys like Joe Peschi and Selbsti salone and I go yeah, of course I do, and my accent got thicker and I told them, because is how we all you know, we all know each other. And do you know the Guy Chazz Palmentary from the brock? I said, of course I do, and then the next thing you know, I'm with these girls right and and my action gives out. I'm I'm my thick on New York's accent. Wasn't a thick there like wow, you lost your accent. I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about, you know. So I got to write all that down because I lied in all my affairs to get what I want, you know, and that's that's stuff. That's the harmless stuff. I'm just giving you the g raiding stuff is that. If that's all the stuff I did, I probably wouldn't be an alcoholis. But I want to tell you that my grant, my dad, they God rested. So he was a war hero and he fought on pork Chop Hill. A lot of you guys met him. A lot of you guys know how credible my dad was. But my dad, being from Manhattan, being growing up on the lower east side of tough Jewish guy his his dad didn't know how to raise him. And what his dad did was his dad took him to Time Square when he was twelve. And I'm explaining what I mean in Him in and so my dad took me to Time Square when I was twelve. Now, for you young people that don't know what time squares in New York City, you may think, well, what's the big deal? This did Disney, there's Broadway shows, this pizza. But that's not when we grew up, like when don and I were there, rare there. That's not when Time Square was about. Right Jimmy, that's not what time square about. Time Square was all about perverts and peep shows and things on stages and looking in windows. And I was twelve and I didn't know any better and my dad didn't know any better either. My Dad took me to that area and when the kids were looking at the Empire State Building, my dad had me up on a milk box and he said this is what this is what guys do, and I had my little cubs got outfit on and I I went and I looked in the window. I know, I know, it sounds like I'm trying to be funny, but I'm not trying to be fun I want to tell you what happened. And I looked in the window when I was twelve and I saw girls on stage and at from that moment on, I've never had a healthy sex ID in my in my life since I was twelve years old. It wasn't till I sat in front of a sponsor and started telling him all these things that I've done since I'm twelve. I'm not making a joke either, and then my sponsors said to me, I am the same. You see, some of the dirtiest things in my life. It's just because I didn't know any better. You See, I was sober seven years in alcoholics anonymous and I was already behaving like an animal. A lot of people come in to alcoholics anonymous, they get sober and they say, well, this is how I was before I was...

...sober and this is how I was after our sober. That's not my case. I was not a good guy sober. Without God and without the Probram of alcoholics anonymous working in my life, I was a bad guy sober. I was five years sober doing some of the things that I learned when I was twelve. I was five years sober doing some of the things when my dad told me to New York City and I was paying for for stuff on the stage. I was five year so and I didn't know any different. And so when we get to the six and seven step, which is just next week, I can't wait to talk to about the six step next week, which is having God remove these defects, cared to be entirely ready to have God remove these defects character. I didn't even know I had these defects. H I just thought this is just the way that guys did stuff. My Dad took me when I was twelve. I certainly expected everybody's parents took them when they were twelve. There was a strip cup. Now I found now after I realized and I was sitting in front of my sponsor, Jerryver, at the time, and I was like, of course we all go to shrift caubs Inna, but I wasn't able to handle it and my sponsor looked at me. He goes, we don't go to stript club in a A. I go what you go? I go you never been to stript clubs? He goes, no, that's not what guys do. Guys go to meetings, we take people into what we do? Twelve step called we do this. We don't. I was like wow, now, if you don't give your information to another human being, you may just think that you're something's wrong with you. Maybe nobody ever spoken to your life, maybe nobody said, you know what, that's not what we did it. So I had to go out and had to relapse and come back and then find out that's not what we do. Now I sit in front of a guy and like Paul Baker and we don't talk about Strip club. You know, I would don't talk about strike close because we don't close drip where I can trust that that we don't have time to drip. Right of fact, where we fitted in? It would kind of be hard. We're gonna meet you all the time. And plus, what, how would I bring God into that place with me? How would I bring him in there with come on, God, we're going to Tutsi's no, he doesn't go there. So that guess why? Because he doesn't go there, guess where I'm who? I'm going in there with you, me and my defense. I'm leaving God at the front door. And any place that I go into and I don't bring God. Like before we started this meeting, a whole bunch of us went outside, we did the third step, pray, we ask God to speak through us during this meeting. Everybody that came up here to the podium, we asked every spotty that spoke you that we were going to speak with God speaking through us. I don't want to enter into any type of an agreement, I don't want to enter in any type of meeting. I don't want to end here, end there any type of conversation without the third step. And what is the third step? The third step is what we just did two weeks ago on our knees. The entire house together. Guys, remember done. You were there. We had al that had cancer. He was on his knees recovering from cancer. He was in the front row. He got on his knees. We had a whole room, the entire room was on our kneeds and what we were saying to God. We were saying to God, God, we want to I want you to take my life. The whole room was on their knew Gretet of view there that night. Well,...

I wanted to ask you a question and don't shout out. Its rhetorical, which means don't shout out. I want to just say to you I bet your life has been better since that. You I'm not safely perfect. Right. How's your like better? Right, because you realize that what is the third step? Any life run on self will is going to be a disaster. Right, when I run my own life, like Russell says, I was the captain of my ship with thirty four years. I was captain ahead. I had all the players, I had the people rowing, I had the people on the sales, I had the people with the guns, I had everything going on and I ran the entire ship into the ground. I had my chance to run the ship it did go very good. I wound up run it, rolled up in a carpet in the side of the house, calling the police on myself. I don't want that guy run in my life again. So when I start to do some of that stuff and I start to have these thoughts, I go back always to the third step. I always go back to the third it doesn't matter what step I'm on. Usually I need to go back to the third step. It's very rare that I'm thinking about drinking a drugg and, but I'm not saying it can't happen. It can happen. I'm going to talk to you about when I was my fifty birthday. Jerry was there. He had taking our dad out on a parasailing thing. Was Eighty five years old and I had a thought of drinking. That just happened for years ago. So I'm not saying it can happen. But most of my day is not about going around and all the people. Five years, you know, that's incredible. Five years and you're only foundred and twenty five. Now Twenty one like that. Like twenty five. She's sowed up when she was twenty. That's incredible. Twenty one she's twenty nine, Nue, twenty one now, twenty one now. He sobered up when he was sixteen. You guys are going here. There's a person you as twenty one, that's celebrating five years of sobriety this month. That's amazing, right, that's incredibly sobered up when he was sixteen. That's amazing. And and you have six years today, right, six years today. That's incredible. You'd obviously you older than twenty one, would just see that a shout out your age. So we're writing all our stuff down. Then we get to we did we write down our sex conduct, not the stuff. Don't not the people we had sex or imagine you had sex with. That would take me forever. On the imagine part, not the sex part, you imagine part. And then you get to the part that's really uncomfortable. Fears. I think that's UNCOMP I got a lot of feels,...

...real or mad, fears, real or a man. I fear this. I got here, I got some this, I got some Bobius, I got some heights, I got people, success, failure, being alone, not being alone, like the science, felt effort, like a lot of issues, and I write it down. I write it down because, as I've all I we did fears two weeks and last week, remember I told my sponsor that though I was afraid to go back to school and then, and he said, well, what happens if you go back to school? I said I'll be, I'll be, I'll be forty four when I graduate. And and he goes, well, how old would you be in for years if you didn't graduate? I said forty four, is it? Maybe should just go back to school and then when you're forty four you will graduate. I was like, wow, that's as an amazing type of a notion. And I did and I went back to school and I was terrible. I was awful. I'm not saying you should be awful. Some most people that go back to school are amazing straight they do things that are incredible. That has was not my experience. I was still terrible, but that doesn't mean anything. I still went there. I still one of the guys from our home group, from the West Side Men's group, be tuted me in the in the the accounting area and and somehow I sweep through. I mean I'm sure I shoozed the teacher on the I wre the same age you know, I'm the same age, a Brow College. I was talking to the teacher. I'm like Hey, you know I'm minister and I was playing it up, I was saucing it up. I like, if I don't pass this, I won't meet the Pope. You know, I played it up a little bit. So she passed me through. I gave her absolution and I passed. But, but, but the good news is I didn't quit. And you're going to see that a lot of your fears, when shared, they really don't have that much merit. And you know what you're going to find out? There's another big book. There's a big the big book says that all sin and all fear is common to man. You're going to find out who yours font to your rat, by your presha minister or someone that's important to you, that when you say your fears, they're going to be very, very common and you're going to feel not alone. That's the great thing about the fourth and fist step. You're going to feel not alone. You don't do the fourth the fifth step doesn't say we admitted to ourselves and to God the exact nature of our owns. If it did, we'd have a problem. The fifth step is we admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our owns. So what you're going to have during the steps is you're going to have connection. Who's who wants connection? I want connection. I drank for a connection, I use for connection, I gave people drugs for connection, I hung out with people at bars for connection. I did ridiculous things when I was thirty four years old, as should have done, and I bounced up and down in the club for three day straight because I wanted connection and I still want connection. And in the steps we get to have connection and I think connection is one of the things that we're missing, because the big book said that selfishness and self...

...centeredness is what our big problem. And so when I'm listening to your fifth step or you're listening to my fifth step, we're not being selfish in that area. We're spending our time listening, we're spending our time giving. I think it's one of the greatest things. If you have received fifth steps, you think it's one of the greatest things. Verging again, if you receive fifth up and if you haven't done your fifth step and you're sober, more than six I just want you to be honest. This is when no one's gonna Stream at you or make you feel bad. This is for people online to if you're old, if you're sober long in six months and you haven't done your sixth step, your fifth steps, are you fished up if you haven't done your fifth step? Vergie hand, you haven't been fifty sober longer than six months. Raising hand again. Okay, that wasn't for anyone feel bad. Well, I want to tell you is, how long do you want to feel bad? I want to ask you how long do you want to carry that around hell? How well do you want to be? How free do you want to be? I mean, I think one of the greatest things is I don't have any secrets today and if I do, I do Little Mini Fif step. Are you looking for chairs? That was going on. You want to start from it? What's going on? Good, I did. One of the greatest things is I want to be free. When I heard Russell the first time, when I was sober an hour and I heard him at the West Dixie club and I saw this guy sitting there in complete ease of himself and he took out the big book and the Bible in a meeting. I've never seen it done and he was just like Good Samaritan Luke ten and he opened up Louke ten and I was like I was just sober like an hour and I said to my dad, I got dawn this. I don't think he's gonna get away because he's not serious business. He's took the big but I don't know where it is. He just took the Bible. I don't know where it says it, but it's going to be serious business. And he was just like, Oh, you got the Bible, okay, it's one. That's great, that's great. But he was leading the meeting. Right, that's great, you have that's great, that's awesome. When he was leaving the meeting and he took out the Bible and he talked to us at about step twelve where we had to act the Good Samaritan, I was like wow, this is amazing and then I drove all the way down to meet him and he lives far. You know, Russell comes up in here and he does a twelve step series for us here in the twelve step house. He drives up from he's like four miles north of Cuba. It's to take a boat and a car to get here. The trust of that. He leaves at eleven in the morning and I drove...

...all the way down there. I was a couple days sober and I was living with that man right there, Antony from philly. We have the same birthday, and I was living with that other degenerator the back Joey's. I don't he still hears in back. So ch e out these two guys. We live together twenty one years ago in the same halfway, these two guys and I would travel down to see my I would travel down to see Russell and Russell would say, well, how free do you want to be? I would give him a whole bunch of Missi. Guys, I got six fellony car cuss because he's an attorney. I was trying to get something like for you. I wanted to like do a combination package. I was hoping that I could be like get some cont you know, some combos sponsor and some legal advice at the same title. So I would like trying to dope feed him. I'm like, you know, I could really see how this step might help my sixpelony carcase. Whether the king number one, two, six, seventy five, step too and Rolsell's like stop, stop. How free do you want to be? And I have to tell you that I have a lot of things going on in my life today. Raise your hand. You have a lot of things going on your like like, like serious stuff. Yeah, how free do you want to be? The steps in a relationship with God is going to give you the freedom from all that nonsense, all that bondage, all the stuff that really doesn't mean anything. There's people in here with a ton of money. They got problems. There's people in here and no money, they got problem. I know the people to know money. Say I want to have those problems. But people that are too thin want to be heavier. People that are have anyone to be too thin. People that got straight here when I have curly hair, people are currently hair want to have straight here. People with no hair won't have any hair. It's all about your stuff. We all have different things. You're never going to get to the place in life. Besides Eric, who's right at a good place right now, because he's getting any thinner and then he's gone. You're never going to get to a place in your life where everything is good. For a long time because the planet Earth wasn't designed that way. If Planet Earth was designed that way and you would be good for a long time, that would be called heaven and you would have already ascended planet earth. is going to be problems and the big book is letting us know that when you have those problems, that's when we're going to turn it over and get to give it to God. But you can't give it the God if you carry twenty two bags of poppy with you hit to the meeting and you got all the stuff and stuff and you haven't dumped it because you refused to a fist. That because you're not listening. Of course you got to do a fist step. Who wants to sit around you? You're I don't want to. I know what's sitting there, because you staying because, no matter what anybody says to you, you're filtering in through your mental illness that has that's totally curable. You have a totally curable mental illness. You haven't...

...worth the steps, and don't worry, I know exactly how that feels. I didn't do the fifth step the first time around either, and I'm so from six years I did other steps, other steps that felt better. This step didn't look like to me that I was going to be comfortable. I didn't see the payoff. Let what do I tell another guy my stuff? I'm taking that stuff with me. Tello, the guy on myself. I didn't seem like that's the right thing to do. You're not a priest, you know. I start taking into and I got sicker and sicker and sick. And this is what's going to happen if you don't do this step and you don't have some good people around you that tell you that you stink, you're going to get it only and you're going to start saying like this, this kind of stuff. Yeah, I feel so lonely. Then he said I feel so bored. You feel bored and you feel lonely because you're not getting close to the Lord, you're not getting close to God, you're not getting close to your phones. Sometimes everything okay, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes a cold to God. Sometimes you pick up the phone, you call God and it's a long distance call. You don't feel like he answers, but you rue your roommate, you next door neighbor, the person I think a meeting. You say to that person, I I feel lonely in the person says, what does that mean? Talk to me. Like the guys outside when you came in. They were smoking cigars out there and you thought, well, what those guys doing smoking scars out there? They didn't feel lonely. They were talking. They're all from the same home group, the West Side Men's group. They're all talking and talking about stuff. and said how you feel feeling this way? What? How do you get that way? While I'm doing this, my friend John Incorporated in this part. This time. He relapsed to he was like he was like the founder of like like ten meets. We had a meeting at called after his name as John Season, and he had he fell and we were all like happy, John Fail. That's that's impossible. How could he relaxed? He relaxed because at that moment he wasn't working that step. Now gets what he incorporated this time around. He does a set time in the morning. I don't know how long. For how long is it John, do you do your prayer meditation? Half an hour straight? I half an out straight in the morning and he's walking around like simpy dude. He's walking around like sid but he do that because he's given it all to God. He's actually doing thirty minutes of prayer and meditation. They let a step which you're going to talk about in a couple weeks from now. I just spent the weekend with how we went to a retreat. We tried to do thirty minutes together. We did get thirty minutes. We got about six minutes. We're from the York and but it was good with better than what we usually do. Right, we were about six minutes and we got into like Tim Che. But any of that, any of that is better than what we used to do, because what do we used to do? We just rush into the day. Then we step on other people's toes. They retaliate and we're like, what are they retaliating for? Don't they understand what's going on? I'm so busy, but the taste. Everybody's busy, everybody's be homeless, people have been. Everybody's busy and you're not busy than anyone's. Every rag you hit if you feel like a busy and so you guys don't even have John's and you feel like it is yeah, I know, I'm not making fun. Holdo wait, I...

...wasn't making fun I'm saying, everybody feels like they're business. Everybody. That's a that's a human condition, right. So we're not too busy to spend time with God. But you're going to have to give this over. You'RE gonna have to write sex, sex, immatory harms caused others. WHO's gotten to do a ton of fifth fights? A lot of us. We hit people all the time. You're not going to remember everybody you hit, especially if you John Finn, but if you remember some of them, and what you're going to do is you're going to write down the guy in the bar, this guy, this cow, the person that yelled at me. I almost hit anything. When we're in a halfway house together twenty years ago, I picked up a chair, he picked up a chair. We almost hit each other. We don't have to write it included hit each other and you're going to write it down and you're going to give it your sponsor. And guess what's going to happen? When you're done with your fifth step, you just leap to boom. Everybody that tells you that the fifth step is hard to do, it's silly. It's not hard to do. Matter of fact, we almost just did it in the last two weeks. You have to just put pen to paper. You know what? A lot of things we don't like to do. We don't you know what alcohol is doing a lot of us. We don't like to do work. We wanted to come to put Mostes we sit down. That comes up to our but we that's literally want we wanted to be like I feel better. It doesn't work like that. Okay, you did the amount of drugs and alcohol that most of us did. Just going to take some work to get out of that woods right. So you have to get a pen and you have the paper. Don't easy that. Write it, okay. Don't email it, okay, just write it down. You did some stuff. Write it down and they get the right person and it says you'll know where the right person is. Now, I know back in the day, back in when Paul came in, sometimes they did it with taxi drivers and all this kind of stuff. That's some what you know. That's some that's an advanced a a stuff. You know. I I don't think you could do that with an uber driver today, probably arrested, and I don't think can do that. I did. It was a sponsor, okay, I think it's really important and I have a bunch of guys in here that did with me and I think we had great experiences and and and and you want to have a sponsor. By the way, if you feel you can't do a fifth step with your sponsor because you feel like your sponsor talks too much and and chatties to other people, that's where you have to get a new sponsor. I'm sorry, if your sponsor, if your sponsors are Gossiper, doesn't mean it's a bad person, but that defective character. That's not going to make you feel safe in alcoholics anonymous. You have to be able to feel like your sponsor. What you tell them? Would you tell that person that's going to day are great, right, Nancy? That you you gotta. You gotta believe in that and I believe in that. My my sponsor, Russell, I told him all my stuff. I know he's not telling you about you know why? He's slept in most of it, so he didn't tell you. I didn't even know what I said. You don't remember. Okay, he's slept, so he's not worried about it because he didn't even here when I was finished. I said, please don't tell anybody, he said. Now you could be getting he didn't even know what was done. So what sixth step? You...

...give it to the sponsor. You when you to do the six step? Well, so, down, so down. Hold on a second, hold on a second. You gotta go back home. You got every right. Now the big book gets serious, okay. It gives you it. Give you exact instructions. You have the book out right, exact instructions. Go home. Yeah, with the Lord. Get with God. They get with God. Talk to God. How did I do on the first five steps? How did I do on the first prict? Talk to the creator of the universe? How did I do on the first five steps? You'll know. You'll know if you did. Like how did I do in the last class I took for my bachelor's degree in accounting? Turret, that was serious. I still I don't even know what the happened from a credit if I met him both and I fluff that. Yeah, went there and here jail, a good Cologne and I passed. Okay. So, if I was doing an inventory of my accounting class, I fluffed it. Okay. So you go back with God and you say, God, how did I do? On the first five proposal. Howd I do in the first step, the second step, the third step? Did I that I take the time to memorize the third step? Let me tell you some cold. You pay attention, there's nothing more powerful then when you get together with a group of your people and you do the third step together. That's powerful. Well, that powerful out there when we just did that and you were just driving by. The drive by a third right as a powerful but it's not as powerful if you haven't memorized it. I know that seems like a lot, right. The third step when we did a couple weeks ago, to seem like a lot. God of myself, to need to build with me and do with me as I will seem like a lot. Let me tell you something. One time I was coming out of my house and my friend Nick said that they had good ecstasy in Orlando and and I had a pointment. I had an appointment with my wife. I told that I was going to be home in thirty minutes, but I didn't know where to get extacy. So the Guy said this good ecstasy in Orlando. Well, I got in the car and I drove to Orlando. There was not. That was not at tall order. I didn't, don't, I didn't think about it. How many hours is it got to Orlando. I had a mission in mind. I call my wife. She said, hunger are you? Said, I'm at Universal Studio. Yeah, I told you were coming home. I said something came up. So when Russell said in my sponsor, Jerry bear in Myron said you need to memorize the third step prayer, I didn't get a whole bunch of stuff on how it was too, too stressful for me. Okay, being out there taking my life in my hands, driving around in a blackout, getting felony charges, calling the police on myself, that is stressful. A third step prayer. Write it on a card and book at...

...it while you're at work and memorize line by Maar. That's all I have said. Now. Does it say you're have to know? I says, but the words are optional. But a lot of things are optional, like when they get on the plane and they say I'm going to give you some you know, optional things you want to do if you want to stay alive. I think it's very, very important that we should do the third step and have a third step for it. Raise a hand if you agree? Okay, and no shure. You know what I mean. I think so. I think it's very important and I put the Amen on the end. You know, I put the Amen, even though it's in the big book, because they men needs. You agree with God. So I think third staid and I do amen. Okay, you like that? Good, what you do together. Took the book down. It says, what do you think about the first five steps had to do? I gave myself a critique. I felt I did good, and then it says like this, we now spoke to God and God rady to have him the entirely ready with us, to have God take away our defense and care. I know about you. I'm so sick of myself at this point. I just spewed all this kind of stuff that I've been doing since I'm twelve. I'm spewing it all over the place, thinking that one and I said in one of my partment this time, I said I told him my sponsor did DIS thing since I was twelve years old, and he says that's illegal. I go what he goes, that is not that's illegal. I said, well, this isn't doesn't anybody to do that. He goes no, man, everybody does that on criminals do that. So wow and don't get like Oh, start to freak out, like what did he do? is nothing big? It's not. You know, Jaywalker's illegal, and so we pocket our pride. Oh by the way, if you go to your fifth step with your pride to you you feel like you're not going to tell your spots to something, you'll drink, then't let you know. That's it. You know, we get ready to drink, may not be there to be seven and a half year to me, six ahead years to drink, seven years of drink, but I drank. I want them to tell my sponsor something I did when I was young man. No, I don't want to. I was going to take it to my grave what it said. I start telling people at the bar about it. After I drank, I'll take it to the grave. Tell him some guy that I just met, one eyed Tony Walk. I'M gonna take it to the grave. Unless you want to hear we emphasize willingness is being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which have we have admitted our objectionable when I came in I didn't even know I had defects of character. I thought my only two defective character was cocaine and alcohol. After the fifth step, my spot said, what do you think about some of these things, and I went to the fifth column, vthclomn v Calm is one of the columns, is one of the confident, and said where were you wrong? And every single one of the things other than molestation or rate that may have happened to you, you usually...

...wrong, and a lot of stuff. Why did my dad pick me up on my neck and throw me on the car great adventure and choked me? Because I was a nasty child? Not Saying that's the right thing to do, but it's not like I was just going Hey, dad, thanks so much for bringing me the great eventure. He said, you know what, I want to pick you up and beat you. I was poking the bear the whole way, three and a half hours to great events. I was poking the bear. By the time we get there he just exploded to beat me. Last thing, JOE's here tonight, way way before you clap, hold on, hold on, Joe, and for brain surgery on Monday, or I'm not sure when was it? Joe Doctors gave him a fifty chance to live. Joe Said, I'M gonna I give myself a ninety ten. I went in to visit them the next day in the hospital. He had already asked for a chiefstay. He don't clop yet, but right. Oh, Philip Cheese, I didn't know what you I do here clapping for the brain serd you were clopping for a chiefs day. That's fine, understand. He walks out of the surgery's telling everybody in there. He's telling all the nurses, he's tolding all the doctors. You know, I'm just saying, with JOE said, don't start throwing stuff at me and saying what I'm getting religious. I'm telling what Joseph Joe said. It's because of Jesus. Joe Said, God healed me. God said, I came out of here. What totally healed? Bring me a GE said, I'm totally healed. I believed it because I got God with me. Now you can clamp.

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