AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 108 · 4 months ago

Stevie B. Step 2 at the 12 Step House 3/15/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. Step 2 at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 03/15/2022

... the Golden Text Group of Hollywood flart. It's good to be here with you, guys, and last week during the meeting, if you were in here, I got a call and one of my friends, one of our friends, had drank himself, had a planet earth. We just got had gotten the call right at that moment to find out, and now his family knows. I could tell you that his name is rich see. May God rest his soul. And tonight I had just had on a suit and I just took it all and it's just coming from a funeral about beautiful young lady by the name of Nina C and she also drank herself, had a planet earth, and her two boys were there, beautiful boys, one of them in my tale and just just a precious young man and I had watched him growing up over the last couple years. He had come over to our house and spent the night at our house a couple times and she texted me when I was with these guys this weekend just let me know she was doing good. That was on Sunday and on Monday she passed away, and I want you to know that that's alcoholism. Alcoholism does not tell you that it's about to attack you, does not send you an advanced notice to let you know that today's the last day on plant the earth. It's patient, it's cunning, it's powerful, deceitful, knows what you're Achilles Tendon is, knows how to flatter you, knows how to get into your house and tell you that everything's okay. And today we're going to talk about step too. Came to believe that a power graining than ourselves could restore us to sanity, and a lot of times I thought over the years that the insanity had to do with things I was doing when I was drinking and drugging. That's that's what that's, that's something I'm that's we're going to talk about some of that tonight. There's insanity when we're drinking and drugging, but the insanity for me that I want to talk about tonight is the insanity that can creep back sober, the insanity that can creep back while I'm thinking that everything is fine and I look over on the other side of the bed and my wife is downstairs cooking and there's insanity on the other side of the bed saying good morning and there's nobody else in the room except me and the insanity, and I have to be careful not to invite it over to my side of the bed. So we talk a little bit about that tonight. And I'm thank you for reading tradition three, which is the third month, the month of March, and I wanted to elaborate a little bit on tradition three just for a second. I don't...

...before everybody gets her nervous that I'm going to speak a lot about the traditions, but is this you gave me to use right here? Just fell upon yeah, you can get it. The tradition three D for what's left in it? Right? We alcoholics know we have alcohol. Thank you. Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon is the van of white of alcoholics. Anonymous. I'll turn. You, Ka Cit, and you love that. I just said that cities and loved them. I'll turn. A newcomer appeared at one of our groups, knocked on the door and asked to be let in. This is the this is in tradition three. He talked frankly with the group's oldest member. He soon proved that he was a desperate case and that, above all, he wanted to get well. But he asked, will you let me join your group, since I'm the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism? You may not want me among you, or will you? He's talking about drug addiction. There was a dilemma. What should the group do? The oldest member summoned to others and, in confidence, laid the explosive facts in their laps, said he well, what about it? If we turn this man away, he'll soon die. If we allow him in, allly, God knows what trouble they'll bring with him. What said? The answer be yes or no. At first the elders could only look at the objections. We deal, they say, with alcoholics only. Shouldn't we? Should we sacrifice this one for the sake of the many? Oh, shouldn't we sacrifice this one for the sake of the many? So went the discussion, while the newcomer's fate hang in the balance. Then one of the three spoken of very different voice. The old timer said, what do we really afraid of? He said, is our reputation. We are much more afraid of what people might say than the trouble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we've been talking, five short words have been running through their mind. Something keeps repeating to me. Listen to this. This is in literature, approved literature. What would the master do? Let's fight him in, bring him inside. I'm so grateful that the master brought me in here thirty plus years ago, into this very clubhouse, and I called the into group...

...hotline as I landed in Fort Lauderdale airport. My sponsor told me, as I left Minneapolis to come here, the first thing you're going to do is you are going to call the AA into group hot line when you get down the Fort Lord Hill from the airport, and I did, and a woman by the name of Diane that worked behind the counter here, she was answering the phone that night. Jimmy, and when I got here to the twelve subhouse that night it was a Thursday night, and on that Thursday night I went into the back room and I went who was going to be my future sponsor, Myron, may God rest his soul, Myron a. He died with forty five years of sobriety with the Locksmith of Broward County and I met who was going to be my best friend, Danny, may God rest his soul. Danny died with fourteen years and recovery. died of a stomach operation. Danny, ain't just great people. And then I ran into Wendy and her husband Paul, and they welcome me in like a family member and I knew I had arrived. Not that I had arrived, but I had arrived at a place that I possibly could recover in, and I hope you feel that way tonight. I hope you feel in that you know that Aa is always inclusive, never exclusive, and everybody in here tonight is welcome, regardless of what you use to get in here. Everybody in here's welcome. Let's give God around of applause for that. And so last week I finished the story and I'm going to just do a little bit of running store in the next week. It's all big books, so bring you a big book. Next week is step three. That's gonna be exciting timesy be sided to was the less big book and more insanity, and so I left off video. You would love this. I left off Washington Heights, which I know you love to hang out with. Used to love to hang out Washington heights and so so I went down to Washington heights and and I was like a kid in a candy store and I got very deeply involved in things other than alcohol and my addiction became crazy and they sent me off to Minnesota and I told you that. And I arrived in Minnesota on February seven one thousand nine hundred and ninety and I started my journey. I was twenty one years old and as I arrived in Minnesota, I did not know what I was in for, but I just knew that I wanted to exchange my old life for a New Light. I didn't know what you had to offer, but I just knew that what I had was was killing me. And then I saw the steps on the wall for the first time, even though I had watched the movie clean and sober with Michael Keaton. They didn't really get into the steps so much, except step four and five. They talked about that when they were in the restroom and they talked about milkshakes and step four and five. So I thought I kind of knew the step since I saw the movie. But when I got into treatment that first day in Minnie apples when I was twenty one, years old and I was at went to a place called a pioneer house for kids, and I saw we admitted we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanned. All I knew I was in the...

...wrong program. I'm like, this is not even making sense. I had not even started to drink. I don't even like I mean I drank, I drank. I wouldn't called socially. I drank to get drunk, just like any college kid does. It's not like we sip man dog two thousand and twenty. I drank to get drunk, but it wasn't like something that I did on a consistent basis. Alcohol for me was like, you know, it was like a an accoumpinment to drugs. So when I saw that we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that this was the prerequisite to come to alcoholics anonymous, I thought to myself, this could be a problem and I called the guy over who I to me, was like was like a like a Bellhob, and I said, excuse me, I'm this. I'm not here for the no alcohol program, I'm here for the knowe. You know, I told you why I'm here. And and he said, well, we don't drink here. And Charlie, they took me over to two thous eighteen. They took me to the oldest club house in minneapoliss twenty twenty, one of the oldest club houses in the United States, I think. And I saw some really, really old guys, really, you know, like getting ready to die, S and S and I'm there now, so I'm not pointing any fingers, I'm just saying when you're twenty one and you go to a place where this fifteen sixty year old, you're like, what the Hell is going on? And I did not feel welcome because I did not feel like I fit in, and you may be feeling that today. You may be feeling like, listen, I don't even know what I'm doing here. My parents sent me down here at a treatment. The bus drop me off in the front of here. I came in for the meeting because I was told if I don't come into the meeting, I can't come back to the halfway. I was a recovery program. I'm in. I don't even know how I got in this room. It doesn't matter, you're here. And, as Pauli likes to say, and I think he says at best you're off the hook and I'm off the hook and we never have to drink again, no matter what, even if we want to. And I've been in there's men in this room that I've watched come into this room and their wives died the day before and they came into this room sober and they never picked up and I watched them share about the loss they just experienced and I learned how to stay sober no matter what, even if I wanted to pick up. And I'm down here a couple years and things are going good and Myron's taking me around the meetings and I'm going fishing with Paul and and and life is good and I'm like, you guys are so intelligent and you guys are showing me about the steps and and I saw some value in the steps and and I saw that I think the steps are good. I think that I'm going to get to the steps eventually and I do some of the steps. I do a great first step. I was really strong on the first step and and I think I did a good third step because I really love God. I'm half Jewish, half of time. Sorry, I've got them both sides. I figured I was like kind of like grafted into the...

...family and and I had a car, so I was doing a lot of the twelve step. I like to load my car up with drug adds and alcoholics and bringing me. So I was like doing a really great twelve step. And I'm getting sicker and I'm sicker in than the insanity of alcoholism is returning back to me and I don't see how, because I'm sober years now and I was going to tell I wanted Owen to be here tonight for the story, but he's going to be here next to me, hopefully. But and I'm getting angry and anger and alcoholics and the insanity is richer. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves curry story is to sanity. The only way that that power is going to be able to restore us the sanity if we start doing different things with that power, if we do it at opposite and we don't do the things and we don't believe that a power greater thos ourselves cany stories to sanity, then we're going to start doing some earthly things to try to get some stability, not stantity, stability, and so I'm in the gym a lot and I'm working a lot and I'm dating a lot and I'm talking about me a lot and I'm like focusing on me a lot and I'm I do I'm doing the me, me, me program the my my, my mind. I'll give to sell the seagulls in Fining Nemo, but I'm doing the mind my program and it's all about me and I'm getting really sick. And so I start reaching outside of Myer and my sponsor because I know I need extra help it. Myron was perfect but I didn't want to do the things. I don't know if you've ever a sponsor shop, you know you're not really crazy about what your sponsor says. So you look at for another sponsor either. You could there's a perfect spot. What you're out there. You just know if you find the perfect sponsor's going to pick your perfect problem. So you just do sponsor shopping and I saw John Williams sharing at one of these means that he did big book seminar. He's like the big deal down here twenty five years ago, and so I had to have John Williams as my sponsor to meender. John Williams and so I'm a member of the pomp and I'll be a big book study now because I'm I have to be in a big books and I understand something. Everything's on the outside. I got everything going awesome on the outside. I got a full head of hair and I got hair gel to the Max and I got white teeth in a perfect car and I got the perfect sponsor and I'm going a big book study. I got a big book on one hand, I got another big book. I got love big book belt. I'm excited and I'm not working anything. I got all the external stuff and from the atom, checking the boxes, and I'm spending time with God. I'm giving him thirty two seconds in the morning and thirty two seconds at night. I spent more time flossing my teeth than having a relationship with the creator of the universe. And my sponsors speaking, and Tomer is Thomas strow around, may God rest the soul, and so and so my sponsors talking, John Williams and Thomas Talking. He's talking with another memory, alcohols and IMS, and I'm like my sponsors pot because I'm like the pit of me of like you know, serenity. I and I go over to these guys and I tell him...

...to Shush, and the other guy right is from Brooklyn, right, and I'm from Long Island, which we don't get shushed by other guys, as will let you know something, even if we're right. And I was right because he was talking, but he didn't like that I shush him and he told me, you know, in good alcoholics terms, what I could do with the big book. And before I know it I had butted them in the meeting while my sponsor was speaking and then sharing about the steps as a hundred people in the meeting. We're going over tables now and Owen, who's a met who who is a member of this group, has to break it up with Richard Andrew Kin, just two beautiful men, you know, true work in a program. You know, Owen's Vietnam veteran. He the least thing he needs us a fist fight going on in the middle of the meeting or he's got coming to everybody's doing notes. We're going over tables and insanity of my previous alcoholism, five years sober, had not only returned what was a whole different monster altogether. Because if we do not work this program, our alcoholism will work us and it got stronger and more mighty and and and and Owen came in and Richards you came in and and they said, listen, you can need you go back in that room right now and make amends. And I knew better than to not make amends when those two men told me to make amends. So I went in, I made amends and I really listen. I want you to know something. I really was sorry. I didn't want to act like that, but there was nothing I could do. See where my and when we talk about that in step six and seven, when the defects of character return or even get grosser, the padgils, the pride, the anger, the greed, the Gluttony, the envy, the lust in the sloth, if they're not given over to God. And we're trying to work on those. I don't know about you, but I don't have a lot of success working on things that I had my entire life, and so I got sicker inside of alcoholics anonymous, and I started to reach for some stuff from the outside and then I saw her. I worked at the foreloaded a flop shot and I'm walking around with this gaping God size whole. I mean if you met me like when, in two or three seconds and you saw the gold chains and the way that I walked in, the way that I talked in the f bombs and everything, the way that I acted, I was like a complete my cousin vinny want to be Sopranos right off the boat. I put the accent on. I mean it was just now that I think about it, I'm nauseated. I always had a cigar hanging out of my mind. was just the whole like like, I...

...don't know what I was waiting for, like the like, the like the director of Surprians to walk by and go, you know, we've been looking for you, come with us. And so I'm at the swap shop and and, which is a place down here's a flea market and they had a circus every day of the year. And and then I see you. I see that, I see what's going to fix this problem. And she's she rides in on an elephant and she's gorgeous. I just I fell in love with her right light from first sight. And she played pocahonas in the in the show, and she was dark skinned Latina from Columbia and and a she had feathers for a show girl like Las Vegas, feathers and and she was on a trapeas and I said, man, I can get that girl, I'm probably going to feel a lot better about myself. And, you know, not thinking anything about her, I just want to know how she's going to make me feel, how's she going to she's going to complete if I walk with that girl, that's going to that's going to fix my inside. And and I pursued her, which is really stalking, but I pursued him and and she eventually submitted and just because, out of exhaustion, just just married me and and we had a beautiful big a a wedding down here in Florida and and I didn't know that alcoholism was seeping out of every poor because I'm physically sober. See, I want you to know that insanity, the insanity of the second step, the insanity that that precedes a lot of times for us, the drink, I bless you. The insanity of living without alcohol, which is which is the magic cure for our alcoholism, the insanity of that that can return at any time without an active program. Many times over the years, when I've been blessed to be asked to do the steps here. I spoke about the insanity of the stuff I did when I was running in the streets. That's obvious. But I wanted to talk tonight about the insanity that happens when we're in here but we don't work a program and and everyone in here knows someone that. I mean the founder of the Friday night meeting of this I'm not going to say his name, but it's I'm just say his first name, the founder of the Friday night meeting here at the twelve step house. He's the founder of the narcotics anonymous mainliners meeting. I followed them for years. He forgot that he had the addiction and he died. The founder. We know many people like that that didn't realize that insanity can happen at any time without an active program, without an active relationship with God. And so I marry this beautiful girl from Columbia and and she thinks I'm great and I'm putting on the best that. I don't think I'm put on an act. I mean I am a good guy. There's part of me that that are really good guy in there. And but she's only...

...seen one guy. She's seems sober Steve. She's seeing carings for Steve. I'm generous, I'm a I have a lot of good qualities. And and we go. She says, you know, what are we doing for? She doesn't say that. My parents said, what do you where do you want to go for your honeymoon? And a five years older and I say that I want to go to New Orleans. And my wife is from Columbia. She doesn't know what New Orleans isn't know it's boobies and booze and all that kind of stuff. She thinks it's jazz and what it is. But I had boobies and boos on my mind. And so we go to we go to New Orleans and my beautiful wife, she's trusting, she's loving, she doesn't drink, she loves God and she's just a good person, just a good person. And and I'm trying to get her to drink and she's she won't drink. Now I can say so we're sober. Right, we're sober. I'm at she married Sober Steve. She doesn't drink, but I'm feeling like, man, I might have picked the wrong person. She doesn't want to drink. She can be more fun if she drank and she doesn't want her drink. And and we're on our first date as a married couple. And where it emeral LAGASSI's new restaurant. It's called NOLA's. This is twenty five years ago, fancy, fancy, fancy restaurant. And they got the tables right next to each other, like the next tables, like we're sheldon sitting and I'm supposed to be looking at my beauty and I am looking at my beautiful wife. I'm looking at her, I'm also thinking about me. I'm looking at her, I'm thinking about me. I'm looking at her, I'm thinking about me. I'm thinking about a great catch she got. And and at the table next to us I realize that these people have wine poured in a decanter and they're not drinking the wine. It's like an apparatus that has breathing tooths coming out of it and they're not drinking it. And I had never seen anything like that. So I and I can't just act like I'm looking at the table next to me. I'm five years sober. So I have to like go behind the menu and I have to say to the food server, Hey, what's going on on the table next to us? They have red wine in a decanter that looks like a bomb. What's going on over there? And the Food Server says that those people are drinking fine wine that needs to breathe first. What I'd never heard a fine wine that needs to breathe first. I went right from mad dog two thousand and twenty to crack nothing I ever had even a briefe birth. I was like wow, there's a whole new world out there that I had never even heard about, and at that moment I'd be I I was not powerless over alcohol anymore. And what I want to share with you tonight is if you cannot admit it that you're powerless over alcohol, you will absolutely drink it again.

You even you. If we cannot admit to our innermost selves that were powerless over our ad diction, if we're powerless over alcohol, then I'm telling you, you're setting yourself up to drink again. And at that moment the insanity had completely returned back into my life and I knew that I was going to drink again. And I waited two more years. I even told Wendy. I said to Wendy Wendy I'm gonna drink again, but I had already been taken Zannex. No, no, I hadn't taken us. I'm sorry, that's another story. This is story for a later day. ECOLOG as that little fast forward there don't have a little residue. I told Wendy that I wanted to drink. She said, Steve, I understand, I'm not just SA same thing. I'm not sure if we're classic alcohols, but just don't do it. I mean it's going to be much better if you don't do it. And it was a great explanation. It's because she's sober, like thirty, thirty one, thirty thirty one years. So it worked for her, but I need more than that. We just don't do it. What am I Nancy Reagan? I need some serious stuff here, and I didn't believe I was powerless, and I certainly didn't believe I was powerless over wine that you have to let it breathe first. I mean, how much harm could that happen? And so I picked up my seven year medallion at the beautiful eleven step group in the back room and I thanked all the friends that think Wendy and Paul admiring my God rest of soul, and I left. I left that five, I left that thirty on a Thursday and I was going to go drink some fine wine. I picked up my seven year medallion. I thanked alcoholics anonymous. I would not like. I'm not grateful. I was coming back. I'll be back next week probably. I'm just gonna do some drink in this week. And I went out to try some to try some fine wine and and John Gatton knows where fine wine is. I don't know where. What fine wine and I don't know. You can't find it. And so I stopped at August Moon Chinese food restaurant on Federal Highway and I owned a Japanese rice wine in a box three dollars and it didn't need to breathe at all and never got any better than that. That was as high as it ever got. And the reason I remembered Zannex is because I'm not a pure alcoholic. I'm a real alcoholic, but I'm not a pure alcohol and I will do anything. Once I have a drink in me, I will do anything. I'm telling you, I would do any, I mean any, you know, within using and and then and then other stuff and then other stuff and then out of the now that I think about in all the stuff too. So and I had remembered, I had remembered that back when I had a tragedy in my house, that I had Zanex in the back of my of my medicine cabinet, like behind like four hours old cans, and I had it for over a year and I was like Super Nat there's like it was like I had develop some type of powers. And I remembered it had an orange label that said don't take with alcohol and because I was in recovery, I never had out Gohal to take it with.

But now I wasn't in recovery and so I went right for that bottle I had just drank. I went right for the battle and I just stayed. And now why they say don't take it with alcohol, especially after you haven't had it for seven years, and I was completely plastered and fell on my face the first night out. And what I want to tell you that my beautiful wife, she wasn't prepared for that. She didn't sign up for that. She did not sign up for what I had put her through. She had sign up for a sober man that loved God and was going to go to alcoholics anonymous, and with a year and a half of being married, I had turned into a guy that's completely fell on his face in our house because I thought it was a great idea to try to go out and try some fine wine, which I never got there, and then to mix it with with Knark, with Mitch, with pills that I happen to have in the house. And I want you to know that that's the same brain that gave another kid the gun when I was twelve and said shoot at me because I don't want you to leave. And that's the same brain that can still do stupid things. Right, we did some stupid things this week and I would tell you that I have to make sure, I have to make sure that I'm constantly checking in with the creator of the universe, the master that the tradition three said. What would the master do? What is the master would? What was the what does the Crick does the creator of the universe that gives us this gift of this program that gave me seven years from the time I was twenty four, hundred and thirty one, does he think it's the best my best interest to go out and try some control drinking. Of course not, because I have never come up with a great idea while I'm trying to battle control drinking. I've never been more artistic or more a linguistic or anything with an Istic I've never been any of it. Once I have one drink in me, that drink then tells the next drink what I'm going to be doing for the evening. And I didn't know that. My wife, once she found that that, I know I didn't hold I didn't hide it from our said that I'm going to drink and I'm not going to ever drink alcoholically and if I do, I'll them right back to the program. And she said, well, if you ever get drunk, you're going back to the program and I agreed. The problem with that is then you gotta lie a lot, because she gave me a parameter. You can only drink on Saturdays. There's seven days in the week. That is a lot of lying and sneaking and hiding and building shelves that I don't how to build shells, but I spend a lot of time in the back of the house building shelves which never made it from the back of the House to the front of the House and I had lost my freedom. Alcohol had become my master and during that year and a half of being out there I went from Psychiatric Center to Psychiatric Center, to Psychiatric Center to Treatment Center, upgrade back to...

...psychiatric center, to restraining order, which is not like that. You don't Shit if you just married a year and a half. That's not something the priest when they say till death do you part. Restraining order, that's not something you want in the pre nups of anything. But whether year and a half eye of restraining order against me and I wasn't allowed to live in my house. I've had to go live in a half way house, which I was not happy about. When you own a full house and then you're in a halfway house, that's not a good trade in. And so I'm living right around the corner from here and my wife has to come and pay my rent because I'm a bum. You know what a bum is? A bum is someone that leaves his wife in the airport when she's coming back from the country of Columbia during eleven and doesn't pick her up and leaves her there. A bum tells his father that came out of reach, that came out of retire may God rest is stole. My My, may God rest is soul. My beautiful father stand tells his father that he's in a car accident in Miami so that he could buy some more time, and he sends his father, in a wild goose trase, to south Miami so he could get high in Hollywood. That's a bum, a bomb. Chokes his grandfather by the name of JAC because his grandfather says you're high, and I would say I'm not high and I choke him like this from his shirt. I seventy five years old. I say I'm not high, that's a bump, and see the guy that just wanted to have one little drink so that I could be social turn into a bumb how is God going to rescue that guy? I tell how God's going to rescue that guy, the same way how God rescued you, when we come to believe that only a power greater than ourselves can restore us back to said. I was in a meeting with a guy that's inside this room right now and he had ten years Ober. He was like everybody was following him, but then he realized and he stood up in a meeting and then, and then we found out he was drunk in the meeting because when he stand up, when he stood up to speak, he toppled over in the front of the meeting that he started, in front of hundreds of men, and he toppled over. We all ran just maybe he was out of a seizure. Know he what he is having with alcohol, as if he had fell over in the meeting. How does God to restore that? How does God restore a guy that thought the police were coming into the house because I would get super paranoid when I would use things other than apple. I mean super paranoid. I would call the police on myself. That's not I don't know how. I'm not exaggerame. It's not to be a punch line. I called the police on myself many times because I knew there's different levels of police and I wanted to be the one to make the move first. I'm not going to have you Russian, I'm going to call my own police. How does that guy who, when you knew the police were...

...rushing in, that I had called myself, saw a rug in the middle of my house and rolled myself up in the rug and rolled it to the corner with me in it, thinking this is a fullproof hiding place and no one will be able to find me. How does God restore that person? Well, there's one word, and there's one word I wanted to give it to you, and this is a step to. And most people don't talk about a step to when they use this word because they don't want to talk about it because it's really a step three. But I'm telling you that the whole thing has to do with this word and it's called surrender. and Are we going to talk more about surrendering step three? Of course, but I want to share something with you. My sponsor, Jerry Bear, and then my next sponsor, Russell's fats, both were alignment in this one thing. You're going to start praying on your knees in the morning and you're going to start praying on your knees at night and you're going to beg God for the gift of Sobriety in the morning and you're going to tell him how grateful you are at the end of the night. And if you cannot do this, if you cannot do this simple act, if this is too much for you to beg God for the gift of sobriety in the morning and to thank them at night. Then you're not ready and you're going to need to get yourself another sponsor. And I started doing things that were totally different, and I don't mean like the twenty seven seconds in the morning like I do my teeth. I started saying to the creator of the universe, Creator, God, Father, God, I can't stop smoking crack, I can't stop using ZANEX, I can't stop drinking, and I didn't even like to drink, but now that I relapsed on alcohol, that's all I can think about and all I want is twenty four hours and if you could give me twenty four hours, I will do anything and at the end of the day I would get on my knees and I would say to him thank you, and I started to develop a relationship with a god of my sponsors understanding, until I could get a relationship with the power of God, of my own understanding. And I want to share this with you. If you can't surrender tonight, excuse me. If you haven't been able to surrender before tonight, tonight's to night to do it. Tonight to night when you go home to your house and you know you've been shut in and jibing and falling around and surface your you're full of poop. My sponsor uses much more stronger words, but I'm going to use pool. That's just as strong as I'm going to get. You Go home tonight and you thank the creator of the universe, the master, for giving you another day. I watched a friend of mine this week, a dear friend, lose his baby, nephew, his brother's son, his brother's grandson, drowning in a pool. And he's here tonight and he states sober. The same man, twenty years ago also lost his son in a car accident and states sober. If you don't realize the power that is in sane to the creator, thank you for this day you've given me. You...

...can get through anything, anything, anything, then you haven't really fully understood that the second step when you came to believe that a power grating yourself could restore you to sanity. That the insanity is not doing those things. The Insanity is not saying thank you to a creator. The sanity is not being able to say to another person, Hey, I'm hurting, can you pray for me? Hey, I'm hurting, can you get to me to a meeting. Hey, I'm hurting. Can you hear me out? Hey, I'm hurting, can you listen to me? That's really the insanity and I'm not willing to forfeit the little piece of sanity that I have today with any of that other nonsense. And next week we're going to talk about step three.

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Episodes (122)