AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 101 · 8 months ago

Russell S. Talk 8 at the 12 Step House 02/15/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Talk 8 at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL. 02/15/2022

Group and I'm I'm a recovering, recovered alcoholic, because apparently there's this like a civil warning or something. Is it? I've had fifteen arm I recovered in my recovery and whatever. So I've recovered from a houpelest date of mind, your body. So I'm out. Here's the deal. I'm in my forty second year. He's I have forty one years, but I'm in my forty two year, because you always want to give yourself like a bump up, but it's legitimate. So so what I want to do is, you know, some of you may think, if you really look at this thing, who have been around for a while, some of you may think that every one of my means is sort of like about the same thing. You ever notice that? You know it's sort you would be right. I just say it a different way. But I'm going to tell you something. There's some people here have been here quite a while. Some people been here like five years, ten years, fifteen years, for years, and you'll probably admit to yourself, or maybe you won't, time you are alcoholics. You're entitled to be a defiant that it's time goes on and you experience a lot of things that your your thoughts have changed about a lot of stuff. Like if you have five years, you probably don't see things the way you saw them at like one year. And you have twenty years, you don't see him the way you saw him at ten years. You have thirty years, you don't see him the way you saw him at fifteen years. Even when you read the book, You may read the book, the same book, the same exact book that we read, and you may read this book and read the same line in this book, the same sentence that never meant anything much to you and all of a sudden they need that's the key, I mean. So I've been doing this for what forty one years, and I my perception of what this thing is really about has changed a great deal. Now you don't have to get mad at this. I'm just going to tell you might whether it be my job or whatever it's going to be, I feel more comfortable telling you the truth about who I am, what I am and what I believe when I see my experience, faith, the hope, then just trying to teach it like I'm some sort of stupid professor something. So what I'm going to reveal to you what I want to reveal to you is what I see after forty one years. What I see now is my own personal experience. Don't blame me. I'm not a fault. I'm a product of forty one years of work in the program alcoholics anonymous. So if you hear anything you don't like, you need to write New York and say you screwed up on the sky. You know what I mean. But I'm going to say some stuff to you and I hope it bothers a few people, because then you'll be thinking about me as you walk out of here. I won't be thinking about you, but you'll be thinking about me and it may bother you, you know, or maybe not, but my you know, would be the greatest thing in the world. I think the greatest thing in the world for me is when you walk out of the meeting. Whether you're pissed at the person or you don't like the person, I think the greatest thing in the worlds would walk out of meeting and you can't forget the meeting and you can't forget something somebody said because it's like bothering you, or can you? You're trying to figure it out and then all of a sudden one day could be a week down the road. You say, I don't know how many times somebody would tell me something. I have a story about the crazy priest. Not Going to go in that story. Well, we'll tell you something will just piss you off and then like two hours later and you want to kill the guy. You think he's such an idiot. And then two hours later you soon they're saying only shit, he's right, because Corn Apostle of our alcoholism is like to deny and to think differently, and all of a sudden somebody throws a new thought out to you that you would never even consider. And maybe that's part of the problem. You have a new way of looking things that you didn't even consider and then all of a...

...sudden you really think about and saying he's right, and you see a problem where you never saw a problem before. So I want to try to explain to you what I see in the big book. Now what a lot of people see in the big book, as they see the program of recovery right, because not what you see the program recovery. You see steps. That's not what I said. That's not what I see at all. I just want to throw it out there that way so you can start being pissed off. So I want to listen to this die or maybe a treat I said, what the Hell is he talking about? What if I told you that when I look at the big book I don't see the steps, I don't see the stuff you see in the book. I see something completely different. You know sometimes that what's that line? You can't see the farest for the trees and what? Have I told you that in every page of the big book it says only one thing, only one thing, but alcoholics don't see it. The whole book is about one thing, just one thing. I'll give you a hint. There is one who has all powered. That one's got me. You find him now. The rest of the book is designed so that somehow, maybe after forty years, you'll understand what the hell they were talking about, because our problem is not alcohol. That's just a symptom of disease. The problem I have is the way I think, and I love to think. I'm an obsess of thinking. And guess what, not only do I love to think, I think I'm right and I think you're stupid. I think you're freaking stupid. You know now, if you would come up through when I was fifteen years old, you know, the first time I got laid I was drunk. That is the only way I would have ever gotten laid in my life. You know, that pattern revealed itself for about fifteen years. So you're listening. Yeah, you're laughing because you don't know what it's like. You know what I mean. It's drunk or high. So if you would come up to me when I was fifteen years old, you don't listen, Sheldon. You're too young for too of the fifteen years old and you told me that the way I drag and get drunk is not good for me, I would tell you to go screw yourself, because it was the only thing really worked for me. At thirty one years old, I can't do the math. I don't know how long. What fifteen years and thirty one years old? Sixteen years? If sixteen years, sixteen years later, bus thirty one years old. If you would come up to me and told me I need to stop drinking, I would have listened to anything you would have said and got down on my knees and ask God to help me with the drinking. I would have done is math. I did do that. Now, I didn't get smarter over sixteen years. You know what happened me over sixteen years, and maybe you notice that this happened to you. I went through a whole lot of experiences. I went through a whole lot of experiences. You know, there's a line in the big book. You know, these are lines of people skip over, they don't really think about unless they've been through a lot of experiences. It says. It says you will learn the value of suffering. You don't see this too much at the beginner's meetings, beginner's meaning Sho tell then we got beginners here, so don't listen to this, guys. Beginners just say how you don't drink, you go to means everything's going to be okay, everything's going to be fantastic. Let me read you these promises. Let me tell you what's going to happen. You're going to go on the rocket ship ride. Everything's going to be wonderful, you're gonna get everything. That's what you say. You you don't say, listen, you're going to love this thing because after the first ten, fifteen years you're going to learn the value of suffering. You know, it's not a good selling point in alcoholics. Anonymous, you...

...know what I mean. But those of you who have twenty or thirty years, you know a little bit about suffering. There's a line in the big book that says the way we get a new perspective is unbelievably painful. Not just painful, unbelievably painful. This now people, if you go to meetings, a lot of means say let's talk about the promises, let's talk about let's have meaning on the promises, the promise of the week, the the tradition or something like that. You're going to means way they say let's talk about how unbelievably freaking painful sobriety is, how horrible it is, and we don't tell them. But but if you've been around for twenty, thirty years, you know that it's been very, very painful, and you also know that the only reason, or I would say it this way, you know to say the only reason, that's sitialization. that a huge portion of the reason you're not only the way you are today, but all the lessons you've learned today and all the increases and maturity you have today and the wisdom you had today was not brought about during times when everything went good. Was brought about at times when you were broke, when you were lonely, when you had nothing or something horrible happened to you. As matthick, you might even talk about those times and meetings as something that you want to talk about because you learned a lesson about those times. So just look at me as somebody. You know I'm not perfect or Ankli or any close to that. Look at somebody that's had more experience on horrible Shit, on cancer twice, raising kids, and everyone supported my being brought more experience just horrible shit. And when you have a lot of it, you know this is love. I love this commercial, farmers commercial. We know a lot because we've seen a lot. Never see that commercial. We know a lot because we've seen a lot. Well, I know a lot because I've seen a lot. I've seen a lot of my life. I've seen a lot in here, people going out with twenty years or ten years or fifteen years. I know a lot because I've seen a lot. And so because I because of the way my I've changed. And you know, this is all about having a what does it say? This this profound personality change, where it says ideas, emotions and attitudes, which were the guiding forces of these men's lives, are shifted to one side and they become dominated by a whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes. If and when that happens, and you know what must happen, because I'm going to tell you this, this book is not lying. It doesn't lie. If it says in this book that you we have been rocketed in the fourth dimension of existence, they could have used any turn. They could have said, well, we're doing better, well, we're feeling better, we're having a good time. But when they say we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, let me tell you what they're not saying. They're not saying we don't drink anymore, they're not saying we got sober. They're choosing the words very carefully. We have been rocketed in the fourth to men. So that means that is an absolute possibility in alcoholics. Anonymous. So if you're not being rocketed every day in the fourth dimension of existence and experienced in the joy of living, I wh I was you, I'd be pissed. You put in five years. You know experience that Shit, I'd be pissed. You put in twenty years in your experience that thing, I'd be wondering what the Hell is? This is like Bull Shit. I've been do this for a long time and I don't feel that...

...way. I'm still worried about money. I'm still because I can promise you this. I promise it is the moment you stop drinking. Maybe not the moment, maybe a month too later, you will get to experience high anxiety. Anxiety in your life, fear in your life, loneliness in your life will increase dramatically the moment you stop drinking. No, no, no, you won't be able to drink it away. No, no, you won't be able to feel so out. You won't be able to sit by the photograph and just drink yourself into oblivion. You know, at so at least for at least one night, you're off the freaking planet earth, you know what I mean, and you can listen to music like only the lonely or I missed the blue or many as some money, you can listen that stuff. No, no, no, no. It's three o'clock the morning and you're broke and your wife left you, your girlfriend left you or your boyfriend left you, or something terrible's about to happen to you, or you got kids and know you're going to go through that cold stone sober. You know, and you know something. The call Gables Group of alcoholics, anonymous and going to be there with you, and your sponsor is going to be there with you your biggest colde. You know what I mean. It's your might don't drink and you might make it to a meeting where you might feel a little bit better or call a sponsor, but it's going to be a serious trudge job. You're going to learn the value of suffering. But let me tell you something. As you learned about your something, I'm going to tell you something. The first ten years it ain't going to seem all that valuable. Really. You're going to you're not going to be looking at the way I look at it. Boy, I lost my job. This is freaking great. My girlfriend left me. Fantastic. Love this shit. You know, they're towing away my car. Oh, how could my life be any better? This is wonderful. I said something stupid in a meaning. I know they're all thinking bad things about it. Thank you Jesus. You know what I mean, and this is Great Shit. You know I love the sobriety stuff. You know what I mean. So, but I so so how cold they say things like that? How can they say you're going to learn the value of suffering? How does the how does this tie into the God thing? There is one of us all power? Maybe it's because when people first come to alcoholics in obviously really totally misunderstand what alcoholism is. I think most people to come to alcoholics anonymous. I think most people here today, and I'm I hate to even say this, you're saying you don't know me. I think most of you think alcoholism has something to do with drinking. That's nothing to do with drinking. And the only reason I say nothing to do with drinking because obviously it's an exaggeration and that some of you would read drinking. I mean that's why the word alcoholics is it. You know, I ain't. But it really has nothing to do with reckon, because everybody I've ever spoken to an AA and a group like this, they're all sober, Summers over for twenty, thirty years. So I mean we don't drink, but we all have alcoholism. We've all recovered from that. Hopeless state of mine. We've let me tell you what a hope was. State of mind the body is. You wake up in the morning, you say I'm not going to drink today and you mean it and by five o'clock to drunk and you do it over and over and over again. You can't stop. That's a hopeless state of mind and body. That's a hope. I recovered. I read on January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one, I had my last rade. I recovered. I have recovered from that whole state of mind and body. Why don't I drink today? Really, why don't I drink today? It's not like all the problems are gone. Why don't I drink today? So I'm going to get into a little bit about that. And how why, I believe I don't drink today.

And and what does God have to do with this whole thing? Why is the God thing, Stressfu lies so important? Because we know, according to the Book Alcohol Synopsis, We Know Acquint to chapter to the Agnostics, it said. Now we know all over the book, on every page of the book. I'm I could go through about twenty pages right now by memory, but let's just do this one selfishness, self sending this. That's the root of our problem, driven by a hundred forms of your self delusion, selfseeking. We Stup on tose of others that Italiate, seeming without provocation, but we learned that we made decisions based upon self, which puts us a position. We heard so in alcohol is self over and ride those he usually doesn't think. So that's talking about us. Sober, then, women drank. Drink because they they like the effect produced by alcohol, the R restless, herrible, discontented. We drink because we hate being sober. We don't know we hate being sober. We have no idea. We hate being sober. All we do, all we know is that drunk feels better than sober. You know what I mean, or else we would to do with. Drunk feels better than sober. So we hate being being sober, but the problem is we can't stand being sober. So we drink. But I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind body. But now I'm sober again, and now I'm experience a disease. The drinking is a symptom of the disease. The real disease centers in my mind, not my body. So the first thing I got to figure out over the next ten or fifteen years, and this helps with the experiences, to learn the value, is I got to learn what this dis ease is really all about. Now here's the problem. I love it's I can learn what the disease is all about, but I hate the cure. I'm going to use the word. Sure you know you can put take anyway one. I hate the cure. Now let's say you have a disease that the doctor says I can solve that all you have to is take this bill and say I ain taken the pill. Ain't no way I'm taking that pill. You know I'm not going to do it. You Ain't going to get through to that disease. How do I know that alcoholics hate the cure? How do I know that part of the disease of alcoholism is we run away from the cure? Because the big book says there is one that has all powered, that one's God. It says, above everything, we must get rid of this selfishness because that's the root of the problem. We must where it kills us. God makes that possible. They could have said higher power makes that possible. They see their past that. They said God makes that possible and it seems no other way of doing it. And then it says, once you make that decision for God, and that means utterly abandoning ourselves to God, means turn ourselves over. That means once we abandon ourselves to God, then over the eleven step we try to abandon theselves more and more and more, over the six step we try to get more and more and more close. All everything's about God. And once you abandon ourselves to God, says, all sorts of remarkable things happen. That's when the remarkable things happen. That's when the remarkable things happen. If you're not being rocking in the fourth dimension of existence and experiences much of heaven and I've living, I got news for you. You have an experienced remarkable things you've experienced. It's the stand other words, if you would buying a cadillac or Mercedes, you're getting basically the factor work, the factory options. You know, you und still want to say you're getting what basically goes along with somebody doesn't drink and goes through a lot of meetings and has friends and has a sponsor. You're getting a lot of good stuff. You're relatively okay, but you're still experience and anxiety. You're still experienced. You're dead into the disease. There's certainly not being rocketed in the fourth dimension of existence and experience...

...much of heaven, you see, because you're not in it for the extra credit. HMM. And the reason, and I did it for the extra credit, is because you're doing something called half measures which, by the way of value nothing. You're not you're doing the middle of the road solution. There is don't go to the road solution. They meant what they said. God is either everything or he's nothing. You can't love God and cash. You can't love God in the woman. You can't love God and sex, you can't love I mean, the book is clear, but here's what you need to understand. If you're an alcoholic. One of the consequences of being an alcoholic is, no matter how clear something is, if you don't want to do it, you don't think it means that. You understand. Now this is what you have going stay when by why I use the wine I use is one of the typical alcoholic things. is unless until an alcohol except, as alcoholism alls consequences. Sobriety to be preparison of true hapiness, will find none at all. One of the consequences of being an alcohol is your blind you are freaking blind. You hear what you want to hear, you see what you want to see and if somebody says something that really gets to you and you don't like, you say, well, that guy's pretty much full of Shit and you walk out the door because you don't want to hear anymore, because you know this has nothing to do with you, and so you don't hear. That's the bottom line. And the books have said some very clear things. It says it says if you sincerely give yourself to God, all sorts remarking things happened and he he will give you everything you need if you stay close to him. Performers work well and the book is all about performing his work and how you get close to God. But here's what the book also says. Here's what it also says. It says this. I'm even going to read it to them, I can actually say, but I want to read it to be this. I want you to know it's actually in the book. It's just the here's the problem. It's in the book. But it's possible that you guys don't really know what you're reading. What if I read it to you and I tell you why you read a little bit of a different way? This is in chapter to agnostics. If a mere code of morals or better, philosophy of life, what's a mirror code of let's say, do the next right, then? How about that? Anybody ever heard something I'm just going to how about how about this good order leader direction? The ten commandment? So don't care? How about that good only to do the next rap? What about it? Says, you know, I just do the I believe good only direction. You believe in God, good orderly direction, Geo, do whatever you make that your God. What you think is good. All you know and says. If that would helped us, we wouldn't even need this crap. We'd be sober long time ago. We did. It didn't help us because lack of power. We didn't have the we don't have the power for the rest of our lives. Are they're all circumstances to do good orderly direction. When the cancer comes, when the money gets low, when the wife or husband leaves, when we hit by the bagaries of life, life which is all around us telling us all it. We don't have the power. Therefore, we had to find a power that would work for us. And they say this. Now, this is this, this is this. You can't be clear than this. But alcohol sont says. It's well, if that's exactly what this book is all about, doesn't it's about the steps, it says. That's exactly what this book is all about. Its main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. Yet it that's what the book is all about. It's not about the steps, it's about finding the power. What do you do all the steps that you don't find the power? What do you do all the steps and you're not rocking in the Fourth Dimension Existence? Whatever, you do all the steps and in nineteen years you're depressed or you drink again or you feel like committee suicide. That...

...means we have written a book which we believe to the spiritual as well as moral. You know how people say I'm spiritual, not religious, and says and it means that was this, and it means of horse like like dummies, only dumbies. Then of course we are going to talk about God. How many times have you been to a meeting people say, don't talk about the God thing, don't talk about the God thing. Be Care about the God you'll kill new comers, will chaste. That comes up. And they said, I don't say I say HP, the tree, whatever, anything to avoid the truth, anything to water it down, because if you start saying God, then sounds like Bible, it sounds like religion, it sounds like serious shit. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. Not Having a lot of fun anymore, not getting laid. You know. You know, we know if you if you believe in God, you don't get late. You know, if you believe in God, there ain't no Mercedes, you know, no dance and no going out, no party and nobody. You know. You know what that's all about. You. It's a punishing that's bullshit thing, you know. Okay, so that's what the book says. That means we really put that we believe these spirits as well as more and it means of course, and we're going to talk about God. And then here's what it says. Here the difficult ty arises. So we're going to talk about the solution to alcoholics and we're going to talk about God, and that's a problem, and you know why. It's a problem for the same reason people walk out. Some people you live. It's a problem because alcoholics don't like the cure, because a major part of this disease is to deny the cure. A major part of is this that he's maybe not only see denied a void the cure. Just memorize and just holds your heart appendage to just remember. Memorize that, hold your heart as you understand him, and take that to mean that God is not important. You know I mean. I'm a lawyer, you know I'm a Word Smith. I know what it's like to look for exceptions to the rule and everything. Just decides yourself that everything else they say in the book about God. There is one of us all power. You wrote a book about God. You know. That's the whole point about God. seedy relationship with him is righting great events, your real deals where and wipe all that shit up and replace it with as you understand which puts you as God. So nobody can tell you anything, you don't have to listen to anybody. You're your own God. You met you just make up some of imaginary God that you can sort of like feel good about. And that's the deal, you know. And if anybody talks about God, just walk out the room because it's bothers you. But of course you know, whenever you're you, whenever you're disturbing, matter what the cause or some wrong with you. So then we says, his face falls when we talk about God. We mentioned God. So here's here's the here's the deal. Let me run through this fast because we only have fifteen minutes. Let me talk to you a little bit about what I see in the book and what the what I see the disease is. I'm gonna give you like three, three or four instances of the disease in my life. I want you to think about him with the disease showed up in my life, the real disease that you're dealing with right now that has nothing to do with drinking. So I inherited some money when I was eighteen years old. I don't know how much. Was Ten thousand and fifteen that, whatever the heck it was, and I saw it the new Camaros and I had to have one. I craved that, I had to have I knew,...

...if only I had that Camaro, my life would be okay, another's. I knew if I had to Camarrow I could get late. Okay, look, I'm a man. I don't know what it's like to be a woman. I don't know any of that stuff, but I know other guys that I know guy's my i. Why do you get fast cars? Why do you get the good time? And we all know why. Men Get good cars and drive around the block and say get am I, you know, because that's going to make a more attractive, they think to a the email. And you know that's the deal. You know. You can laugh at it, but it's the truth and you know. And and by the way, that deal doesn't go away until they glower you into the grave. Unless you have some sort of profound personality change. That doesn't no way. Let me tell you what that is. That craving of female attention. Then you may think it's just a natural thing. It isn't. that a but for us it's alcoholism, it's part and parcel, it's it's the same thing. Craving female attention for me, to to d to to craving female attention or sex for me, for me as an alcoholic, is not much different than drinking. The feeling, the craving, the stuff I will do, how I will spend money. I don't have to buy things. Don't even put myself in a destructive situation so I can get laid is no different than drinking scotch. For me, as my spots, you say that girl is like a for you, that's a bottle of Scotch with leaves. Now there are some alcoholics that don't want to hear that. I didn telling here to stop, you know, romance and everything like that. We're going to try this in later onto what they say in the six step security, power and romance, and to what they're saying with the real problem is with alcoholics, because here's the problem. The drinking stops, but what I'm talking about doesn't stop. The disease I'm talking about does not stop. When the drinking stops, it gets stronger and as you look around the planet, everybody's involved in it, even on alcoholics. So that's the first thing. So I buy the car. I get the car. I'm driving around the block. I'm feeling powerful. It's so great to feel like there's something instead of a nothing. Some Guy Rides up next to me with a goodlooking blond. He's driving a brand new Cadillac, and I'm saying to myself, why can't I have a cadillac? I mean the feeling last that, you know, the feeling of being great, lasted three blocks in the pains, last to thirty six months. You know. Now, let me tell you something that has nothing to do with drinking. I wasn't drinking when I bought it. I wasn't drinking when I was driving it. I wasn't. You know what I mean. That has to do with something that is inside of me that will cause me to spend every cent I have to get something so I can feel something. You understand, sure, you understand, because that's your entire freaking life. So I need a girl. I fall in love with a girl, which means we're having a lot of sex, because that's the only thing I know about love here. Has something to do with sex and attraction and things like that, you know, until she doesn't do what I wanted to do, and then I hate her. So that's that's out. You Love, you know, you love her, your love, your lover, and then she says no and you hate her. You know, and you know, because that's nothing that would love. It really has to do with getting what you want. And so what happens is I love this girl and one day she says to me, and some you know this story, I have to on. I'm with her every day for a year and her parents are up in New Jersey and she's down here and she says to me one day, says me one day, while my parents would like me to come home for a week for Christmas, and I looked I said, well, what about me? What am I gonna do? I've been with her every day for what am I gonna do what I like with such hatred? And we have a big argument, she blows into and I gotta go and everything she goes up. So I'm sitting there and I'm drinking and I'm thinking and of course the drinking is coming in, but it wouldn't matter without the drink and I'm still pissed off. I'm thinking and then all of a sudden realize I have a credit card, I have him next out and I'm going to buy a crink it and I'm going to fly up there and surprise her because because I love her, because I love her. This has nothing with craving or doing...

...crazy things or anything like that, because I love her. So I flap it on Christmas Day. I'm not going to do it since I'm here. I'm here. You're stalker. You know what I mean. You know why I reat drove up there. You know why I did that stupid, stupid thing, for the same reason I bought the camera. I don't even know. I didn't even know WHO's wrong. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong. I didn't know it's doing anything. One guymon so. Then I mean another Gal and she's gorgeous, beautiful or Nice, and if I only had this guy, I'd be okay. I feel okay, I'd be something. I marry here and I have a kid and we have a house and everything's going okay, and I about a year or two I start looking around it other one. But I'm not going to cheat because I am a man of integrity. So every night I stay while my wife is home with the baby, watching the girls on the dance floor. They all buy lounge saying look at that redhead, look with that blond, I wish I could do this with should do that, but I'm married and the more I'm saying that, the more I'm saying. I can't believe. You know, I got married too young. This is screwed up. Blah, Blah. I want more. I see that there's something wrong with my marriage, there's some wrong my wife, there's something wrong with all this sort of stuff. And five years married, my wife says to me, come home trunk more time, I'm leaving you. I come on drunk that lot, that that time, I come on trunk that night. She kicks me out of the House. You understand what kicks me out of the House now, I say and when I'm losing everything. I I'm losing everything that's imported to me, that's supported to a man. I'm losing my wife, my child. I'm walking away and the only thing I'm thinking is I'm free. I'm free to go to the Bar, I can date all those women, and that's what I'm thinking. You know, I'm, you know, like twenty nine years old. We go to a marriage counsel. Marriage Council asks her, what's the three things you want to change about Russell? She says three things. I'm not even listening because I got a date that night and I can't believe I'm being dragged back into this thing. You'll turn to me says, what did? What do you want to how do you want to change? You know you wive. I said, I just want to date other women and that's the end of the marriage can of session. And I'm as sober then as I am right now. Because in my mind I wanted to be out there and get laid and work the field and all that sort of stuff. And you know why I did that? For the same reason why I bought the camera, for the same reason I flew up to New York, because I craved whatever it is. I was great that things of this world, the money, the women, the cars, the whatever, to make me feel good. She wasn't making me, he wasn't working. I need a new drug, like the song goes. So now the drinking gets out of control. I go crazy for so many other things, because I'm an alcoholic, because I can't stop drinking, because I'm feeling guilty and don't even know why I'm feeling guilty, because I am guilty of whatever the hell it is feeling sorry for myself. So, whatever it is, I get to the point where my life is over. I think it's never going to be better. Get at thirty one years old, at three o'clock going, I hear somebody preach the Gospel, I get down on my knees, I give my life to Jesus. Okay, I asked please help me, and I'm a Jewish get from York, so you know what I mean. Almost been really desperate. And then one month later I would up an AA and I have my last drink and I have my last thing. Now, lady, second ways, and here's the deal. So I stopped drinking. So I've given the gift of recover. I recovered from a whole state of mind and body. Did you guys, see any pattern in that other shit I told you about just now? Now, on days, I'm told you about three or four things. Right, three or four things, the Camaro, the Gal I chased up to New York and my wife. Right, I came day when I was thirty one years old. I'll bet you, if you follow me, you don't think that's the only three things I did. That a selfish and that was my life. That's my humpy. If you follow me around in the video tape, my life is ten million things. Like everything I did was like that. Every every move I made up to thirty one years old, was selfish, self centered like that, and I didn't have a clue...

...that that was a problem. I did it naturally. So now I stop drinking, I'm giving the dress. I've the the gift of not drinking. It's been removed. I've been recovered from the drinking thing. But I see, you know what I still have? I still have something that we affectionately call alcoholism. And you know what alcoholism is? It's not the drinking. That's a said. Alcoholism is whatever deal that is that caused me to do the three things. I told you that. Whenever that deal is and you want to know something, I don't stop doing that Shit. I don't stop doing that stuff. So then I have this twelve and twelve and by time you get the step six, it says this in talking about the women this, and talking about the money this, and talk about the things of this world that's all around you, the movies that. Ever, this is what the book says about that. It says certainly no alcoholic and surely no member of AA wants to deprecate material achievement. Now, we don't put that down. Believe me, they do, but that's what I say. Nor do we enter into debate with many who stop so still, so passionately cling to the belief that to satisfie our basic natural desires is the main object of life. We're not going to get into whether you should get laid or any of that stuff. But you never have. But you ever deal with somebody to sponsoring them, they say, yeah, I agree, but you know what, but means. But means forget everything I just said. Forget all that. Okay, when it comes to you, alcoholic, we are sure positive that no class of people in the world. By the way, you need to pay attention to this, because he's talking about you. I know he's talking about you because somebody at the beginning and said is there any other alcoholics here? And you all raised your hand. You know what I mean. So don't get mad at me. He's talking about you. He says worst man, but we are sure that all these people in this twelve step house tonight ever made a worst mass of trying to live by this formula than alcoholics. For thousands of years, and I'm looking at you guys, and some of you guys been around for a thousand years, we have been demanding more of our share of security prestige and Romance. When we seem to be succeeding, we drank to dreams, still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in Park, you know, frustrated, you know, filled with anxiety, scared, lonely, self pity, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough what we thought we we wanted. And so here we are in alcoholics anonymous, and the cravings alcohol these but now we've got all these other crazies that are still in place, and we go to the meetings and we complain about her or him or the relationship or the money or the security or the romance. And our whole life for years and years and years is complaining or feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't have the stuff in this world which we are absolutely sure is the answer to our problem. And we have a book called Alcohol Synonymosis says, let me tell you what the answering the problems. God is the answer your problem. And we're in the problem is we may use God every once in a while, we may have here off to the corner, but we're really looking at the GAL and the Camaro and the job and the money, and because of that we go through a lot of suffering in that, because the only solution to our real problem is to take all that stuff and flush it down the fricking toile and make God the centerpiece...

...for our lives. I know that because the big book says the great fact is this and nothing less, that God has to become the central fact of our lives. We have to become convinced that he lives in our hearts and minds and way, which is de Miraculous. He's going to do for us we can't do ourselves. But we cannot do that. We cannot do that. What do we have to do and go through just to give out the alcohol? We can't do we are not going to give up the Roman it's we are not. We're gonna we're going to watch them hall mark a channel. We are not. We are convinced that our problem life is shitty because our husband or wife is not like that or does look like that or we don't look like that. We are not going to stop worrying about the cars and the money and everything in this world. You know, they love. I love what they say in the Bible, and John and I'm going to order day says the lust of this world, the lust, the pride of life, and that's your alcoholism. That's where you're dying today. That's where people miss the mark and that's why they say in the sixth step. This is what separates the member of the boys the man of those who are trying repeatedly for their stuf like to grow in the image likes of their creator. God becomes a most important thing in their lives. They are just going focused on God and all of a sudden what they eat. And then also, you realize that when you focus upon God and do whatever you can and focus on God, also, you're not focusing on the blonds all of a sudden're not talking focusing on the God's all of Sudd you're not focusing on the romance. All of a sudden, you're not focusing on the money. It's not that you never have a bad day. You really have it your rarely have a bad day, because who you are and what you are and what kind of person you are does not depend upon your bank account. You may go through problems, like we all go through problems, but what happens is you're always your focus is upon your relationship or God, who will never leave you. You know. And what happens is all of a sudden all this other stuff that is the cause of the real alcoholism fades into the background and you can caught one of these people that people one of these people that people hate, like a Bible thumber or a big book thumber or a God thumber. You know, hey, and alcoholics anonymous, and you shouldn't be surprised that people hate this, because those are people that aren't really sober by my standards. They don't have emotional stride. They're just drying because, you know what, they're spiritual agnostics. They don't like what I'm saying, even though that's what the book says. So you see, I don't see the stabs or any of that stuff, which is important to see in the supported doing. I've done them all and I quite friently. I think. I sort of do them without thinking these days. What I know, what I see when Ipen this book that says focus on God, focus on God, focus on God, do his word, do God's word, and I trust them and I love them and he's the most important thing to me. He's give me incredible life. So the reason I don't drink, I'll tell you why I don't drink because if I drank, I'd have to walk away from my God. You I have to walk away from him, I'd have to give up my God. You know, a lot of people, believe or not, there are people. There are, and I was one of these people, and there's nothing wrong with this. Where one, sometimes one of the reasons I didn't drink is because I didn't want to leave alcoholics anonymous. I didn't want to leave my friends, I didn't want to leave my sponsor. So I would actually stay sober because, believe it or not, let my own device. If I was a long I drinks, who gives a shit? I'm a piece of crap, I might as well kill myself, I thought. You know. But I'll tell you what. Many times I wouldn't drink because I didn't wanted to disappoint my buddy, all my friends or my sponsees. So the idea of not drinking because you care about somebody else and you don't want to leave that relationship shouldn't be of a surprise to you. What happens if you not only have that, but you also have in the Bodom diviction that you have a God, that he loves you and you love him...

...and you don't ever want to leave him and disappoint him. Then it's more than just not drinking. Man. That's a powerful reason why not to drink. And there's not much that can there's no there's no lack of money, there is no cancer, there's no nothing, and tears you where that thing is strong. somements, they talk about the cementative that puts it all together. Is that everything cemented together. That's the cement, that's the glue in alcoholics anonymous, and that's the glue. And alcoholics anonymous that most of people they don't want to talk about and they don't want to hear about. You know, but unfortunately for you, I talked about it and you heard it. So you have no excuse. You can't walk away and say when nobody ever told me good right? Didn't know that. Yeah, every time you start thinking about the girl, the guy, the car, that there is and sucking your thumb. And sometimes I can kind and think about all that bullshit. You think about, you'll see. You know what. You know what the temrile thing is. You'll think about me. I don't think about you, but you'll think about it. So I'm like insinuating myself as you bring thank you very much.

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